HomeLegend of the Female GeneralChapter 199: My Heart Yearns for You

Chapter 199: My Heart Yearns for You

The night enveloped the wilderness.

In a thatched cottage, someone huddled in a corner, lips moving, muttering incomprehensibly.

“Young Master, we’ve found them. Xu Jingfu’s men were pursuing them. These brothers are now somewhat delirious. We may need to take them back to the city for Young Master Lin to examine,” Luan Ying spoke softly beside Xiao Jue.

These were the survivors of the Battle of Mingshui.

In that battle, almost all of Xiao Zhongwu’s troops were annihilated. Among his deputy commanders and confidants, except for Chai Anxi, none survived. The surviving soldiers had gradually died over the years. How they died and whether there was anything suspicious about their deaths, no one cared anymore. Five years had passed since the Battle of Mingshui. Perhaps in this world, except for General Xiao Zhongwu’s son, no one would care about the deceased Guangwu General and the sinister conspiracy hidden in that infamous defeat.

“Is there no other way?” Xiao Jue frowned. “In this state, they might not make it back to the city.”

“We left in a hurry and only brought wound medicine, nothing for clearing the mind and calming the spirit,” Luan Ying shook her head. “Xu Jingfu’s men chased them for seven days and nights. They haven’t slept, which is why they couldn’t hold on.”

Relay pursuit tactics were naturally exhausting, especially such relentless pursuit. Xiao Jue thought for a moment and untied a sachet from his waist – the one He Yan had passed to him, made by Bai Rongwei. He pinched the bag and pulled open the string, finding a tiny safety charm and some herbs inside. According to He Yan, these were for focusing the mind.

Xiao Jue poured out the herbs and handed them to Luan Ying. “Let them smell these. We won’t travel tonight. Find another place and let them rest for the night.”

Luan Ying agreed.

After investigating Xu Jingfu and the Mingshui case for so long, finally finding two living witnesses was no small feat. But this also showed that Xiao Jue’s abilities had gradually grown to match Xu Jingfu’s, as evidenced by his success in this rescue operation.

They couldn’t stay here long and needed to find another location. They found a household outside the city where everyone, including the delirious brothers, could finally settle down.

Chi Wu and Fei Nu stood guard at the brothers’ door to prevent any nighttime incidents. Luan Ying went out to gather information. The suburban night was particularly quiet. Especially in autumn, with human habitation rare for dozens of miles around. Only the moon was white and bright, shining on the empty wilderness like flowing silver, creating an inexplicable desolation.

He disliked the Mid-Autumn Festival. For him, it always brought back unpleasant memories. The fuller the moon, the lonelier people seemed. Every year around this time, he found it difficult to sleep. In previous years at the military camp, he could at least read official documents until late at night, but now back in Shuojing, there was nothing he could do.

Xiao Jue lowered his head to look at the sachet in his hand. The herbs inside had been emptied, leaving only a flat layer with a small safety charm. After some thought, he opened the sachet, intending to put the charm back inside.

Though sewn by the Xiao family’s maids, the silk and patterns were personally chosen by Bai Rongwei. Bai Rongwei was particularly particular about this matter, making the sachet exceptionally delicate. His fingers brushed over it, the silk as cool as moonlight.

Xiao Jue’s gaze paused slightly, and in the next moment, his fingertips traced over the inside of the sachet, feeling a rough protrusion. This bump felt distinctly different on the smooth satin surface. He lowered his eyes and turned the sachet inside out.

The inner side appeared before Xiao Jue.

The sachet had two layers of embroidery, with the inner layer being plain black without patterns. However, on this inner fabric was a crooked, bent, golden-yellow corner, stitched so clumsily that one couldn’t tell what it was supposed to be. The craftsmanship was remarkably poor, with untrimmed threads left hanging.

How to put it? The black python on the outside of the sachet and this yellow corner on the inside didn’t seem like they belonged to the same piece of work.

What was this supposed to be? Xiao Jue raised an eyebrow. Bai Rongwei’s needlework was much better than this, and if the Xiao family’s maids produced such work, it would be rather embarrassing to mention. This sachet was given to him by He Yan, and in the entire Xiao household, besides Young Lady He, there probably wasn’t anyone else who could embroider so poorly.

He turned the sachet over and over, trying to find traces of anything else He Yan might have embroidered, but there was nothing else – just that yellow corner, she hadn’t embroidered anything more.

Xiao Jue’s lips twitched.

Was she practicing her embroidery on his sachet? And so secretively too – if he hadn’t needed to take out the herbs and open the sachet, he might never have discovered this secret. But what was the purpose of doing this? If she wanted to practice, she could have embroidered endlessly on a white handkerchief. Hiding it like this seemed to have some deeper meaning that he couldn’t understand.

Just then, footsteps echoed through the wilderness. A twelve or thirteen-year-old youth walked up to him, grinning, “Young Master!”

This child was Luan Ying’s son, called Bai Xian. His features were handsome, looking very similar to Luan Ying, but due to his young age, his cheeks still carried some baby fat, making him appear somewhat innocent and lovable. Unlike Luan Ying’s ice-cold temperament, Bai Xian was like any boy his age – innocent and pure, and somewhat of a chatterbox.

He liked Xiao Jue, and no matter how many times Luan Ying warned him about maintaining proper respect and not being too casual, Bai Xian couldn’t remember. Xiao Jue didn’t mind these things, so whenever Luan Ying wasn’t around, Bai Xian would try every possible way to stick close to Xiao Jue whenever he saw him.

Bai Xian immediately noticed the sachet in Xiao Jue’s hand. His eyes were sharp, and even in the night, he could see the embroidery on the inner fabric clearly, blurting out, “Oh! The moon is embroidered so beautifully!”

“…Moon?” Xiao Jue was stunned.

Bai Xian answered confidently, “Young Master, look, it’s yellow and curved – it must be the moon!” He leaned in closer, standing on tiptoes to observe the embroidery in Xiao Jue’s hand, clicking his tongue in admiration, “This black backing fabric represents the night, and this moon embroidered on it is the moon in the night, representing you, Young Master – you’re like the moon in the darkness, dazzling and brilliant!” The child got more excited as he spoke, and asked mysteriously in a low voice, “Young Master, was this given to you by a young lady?”

Xiao Jue: “…”

He felt somewhat uncomfortable and withdrew the sachet. “No.”

“How could it not be?” Bai Xian was very puzzled. “If it wasn’t a young lady, how could a man embroider such exquisitely beautiful needlework?”

Xiao Jue seriously doubted whether Bai Xian might be He Yan’s biological brother – their appreciation for “beauty” was remarkably similar.

Bai Xian was about to ask more questions when suddenly a voice exploded from behind, “Bai Xian!”

Bai Xian was so frightened he ducked behind Xiao Jue in a flash. “Mother… I just came out to relieve myself and happened to see Young Master.”

Luan Ying grabbed his ear and pulled him out from behind Xiao Jue. “How many times have I told you not to disturb Young Master? Why won’t this child learn? Young Master, I apologize, I’ll take this boy back right away!”

Luan Ying dragged Bai Xian away, leaving Xiao Jue alone again in the wilderness.

The moonlight shone on the black wilderness, the soil coated with white frost, like snow by the river in Liangzhou, bringing a sudden chill.

The heartless moon, the yearning dreams – he curved his lips in a smile and turned to leave, but suddenly his steps halted as if remembering something, and he abruptly looked up.

In his memory, amidst the bustling, laughing crowd, on the high platform, there was a girl’s face hidden behind a mask, chatting idly about trivial matters.

“The last secret,” she had stood on tiptoes, leaning close to his chin, her voice soft, “I love the moon.”

“The moon doesn’t know.”

The day to enter the palace arrived quickly.

Xiao Jing and Bai Rongwei were also going to enter the palace together. When they learned that He Yan wouldn’t be going with them but would instead go with Lin Shuanghe, they were somewhat surprised. However, being very considerate of others’ feelings, they didn’t ask much. When Lin Shuanghe’s carriage arrived, they helped He Yan board it, telling her they would meet again in the palace.

Lin Shuanghe sat in the carriage, fanning himself as he said, “Huaijin probably worried you wouldn’t get along well with Rubei and the others. We’re all old friends, so it’s more comfortable for us to be together.” He looked He Yan over again and sighed, “It’s Huaijin’s loss that he couldn’t make it back today. Our Sister He wearing such magnificent men’s clothing is truly striking. If you enter the palace with me today, among all the civil and military officials, no one could outshine the two of us.”

He Yan was thinking about other matters and responded perfunctorily. Seeing this, Lin Shuanghe thought she was nervous about entering the palace for the first time and comforted her, “Don’t be afraid, Sister He, your big brother is here. I’m very familiar with the palace, you can walk anywhere you like. As long as you don’t commit murder or arson, my grandfather can smooth everything over.”

He seemed quite accustomed to causing trouble for his father and grandfather and now included He Yan in his schemes.

The carriage moved swiftly, and after an unknown amount of time, they finally arrived at the palace gates. The palace guards were already very familiar with Lin Shuanghe’s carriage. Lin Shuanghe and He Yan alighted from the carriage and followed the palace attendant inside.

This was He Yan’s first time entering the palace.

If it had been in her previous life at this time, she probably would have been nervous, because she could meet the emperor and receive rewards and honors. But after dying once, she knew that prospects and wealth were like floating clouds. Her entry into the palace now wasn’t for the future, but to settle an account from her previous life.

After winding through the palace corridors and gardens, and passing through the front hall, this palace banquet was clearly for the celebration of achievements. Those who came were all important figures in the court. Even someone like Lin Shuanghe could mix in because of his connections to Lin Qingtan and Lin Mu.

In the front hall, quite a few people had already arrived. He Yan looked around but didn’t see Xiao Jing and his wife. Lin Shuanghe said softly, “We took the shortcut, Brother Rubei probably took the main road, so they might arrive a bit later. Don’t worry, Brother He, I’ll stay with you. When people come to greet us later, I’ll introduce your name, so you can get to know some people.”

Just as he finished speaking, someone called out, “Lin Shuanghe!”

However, this person wasn’t coming to meet He Yan, because it was Yan He. Yan He was wearing his official robes, and the woman standing beside him was gracefully beautiful. Though her appearance couldn’t be called stunning, she was pleasant to look at. She curtsied to Lin Shuanghe, “Young Master Lin.”

This was Yan He’s wife, Xia Chengxiu.

Yan He was someone who acted as he pleased. In full view of everyone, he put his arm around Xia Chengxiu’s shoulder and nodded toward He Yan, saying, “Chengxiu, this is the kindred spirit I told you about, who hates He Rufei just as much as I do. Though now he’s with Xiao Huaijin.” He looked at He Yan, “Would you like to work with me instead?”

Before He Yan could speak, Lin Shuanghe righteously waved his hand, “Impossible! In such matters, one must remain loyal from beginning to end. How could anyone switch allegiances midway?”

Yan He was puzzled: “Even this requires such loyalty?”

“Could it be that in your heart, you’re the type to switch loyalties so easily?” Lin Shuanghe looked at Xia Chengxiu, “Sister-in-law, I worry for you.”

Xia Chengxiu: “…”

Yan He exploded in anger: “Lin Shuanghe shut up! How dare you try to sow discord?”

Lin Shuanghe: “Good that you understand.”

Cursing under his breath, Yan He left with his arm around Xia Chengxiu. Only then did Lin Shuanghe breathe a sigh of relief. He turned to ask He Yan something but saw her staring fixedly in one direction. Following her gaze, Lin Shuanghe saw people talking in the distance, with a young man in long robes standing in the center. He looked refined and handsome, and wasn’t unfamiliar – it was Hanlin Scholar Xu Zhiheng.

Lin Shuanghe was puzzled by He Yan’s intense staring – anyone who didn’t know better might think she had taken a fancy to Xu Zhiheng. But Xu Zhiheng was already married, and speaking of refined handsomeness, Chu Zhao was just as good – compared to Chu Zhao, Xu Zhiheng fell far short.

Could it be that unable to have Chu Zhao, she was looking for a substitute? Lin Shuanghe’s thoughts were a jumbled mess.

Meanwhile, Xu Zhiheng seemed to notice someone watching him and looked in their direction. He Yan was an unfamiliar face here – Xu Zhiheng hadn’t seen her before, but he knew Lin Shuanghe. Lin Shuanghe held no official position, but Lin Qingtan and Lin Mu were well-respected in court, and most officials maintained good relations with the Lin family, or at least avoided antagonizing them. Seeing Lin Shuanghe also looking his way, Xu Zhiheng was first surprised, then excused himself from his colleagues and walked over.

“Brother Lin,” he stopped before Lin Shuanghe and said warmly, “It’s been a long time.”

Lin Shuanghe knew Xu Zhiheng, but only casually – they weren’t close. However, being shrewd, he responded smoothly, “Indeed, I spent some time in Liangzhou, but our Shuojing is still the best. Oh right, this is a brother I met in Liangzhou.”

He Yan raised her eyes to look at Xu Zhiheng.

It had been over two, almost three years since she last “saw” Xu Zhiheng. In her memory, he had been gentle and considerate – at least his facade was handsome enough to deceive people. Looking at him now, whether due to one’s appearance reflecting one’s heart or not, Xu Zhiheng’s features had grown considerably more severe.

He had lost a lot of weight, and his official robes, already loose, made him appear somewhat hunched. His excessive thinness had aged his face, and even his forced smile looked particularly stiff.

Xu Zhiheng was also studying the person before him.

This was a delicate-looking youth with spirited features, wearing a red round-collared robe that accentuated his fair complexion. A black belt at his waist outlined an elegant figure. Most striking were his eyes – though naturally gentle in shape, their gaze was sharp. This youth had been staring at him from afar earlier, and though it was their first meeting, that gaze seemed filled with various emotions – cold, gloomy, as if seeing through all his pretenses, making one’s heart tremble involuntarily.

Uncomfortable under such a gaze, Xu Zhiheng turned to Lin Shuanghe and asked, “This is…?”

“Master Xu, don’t be fooled by this young brother’s age. He’s already been appointed by His Majesty as Wu’an Lang, called He Yan. He’ll be our colleague from now on.”

Xu Zhiheng had been smiling as he listened to Lin Shuanghe, but upon hearing the latter part, his smile instantly vanished. He asked, “What did you say… his name is?”

“Master Xu,” He Yan smiled brightly at him, “My name is He Yan – ‘He’ as in grain, ‘Yan’ as in peace and tranquility.”

Xu Zhiheng’s expression changed dramatically.

The youth before him had slightly curved lips, appearing friendly and innocent, but looking carefully at her eyes, there was not a trace of mirth. Like a cold pool of water, they transported one to that afternoon when a young woman struggled as she sank into a bottomless abyss, bringing a suffocating pressure to one’s throat.

His throat went dry, and he couldn’t form a complete sentence.

Fortunately, someone else called Lin Shuanghe’s name – it was Lin Qingtan. Lin Shuanghe pulled He Yan away, saying, “Brother He, that’s my grandfather. Let me introduce you.”

The people before him left.

Xu Zhiheng almost thought the name he’d heard was a dream, caused by his recent unease, but when he looked up and saw the youth standing beside Lin Shuanghe in the distance, talking with Lin Qingtan… it confirmed this was reality.

There was someone called “He Yan” who had appeared before him.

Xu Zhiheng broke into a cold sweat. A colleague noticed his distress and asked with concern, “What’s wrong, Master Xu? You look terrible. Are you feeling unwell?”

Xu Zhiheng forced a smile and waved his hand, “It’s nothing.” He turned and walked to a deserted corner, not daring to let others see his shock.

He curled his fingers, desperately trying to convince himself. So what if someone was called He Yan? There were many people with the same name in the world. “Madam Xu” was dead – he had personally watched her being sealed in her coffin. This He Yan was male, and looking at his age, it couldn’t be the same person.

But…

But…

But the way that He Yan youth had looked at him still sent chills down Xu Zhiheng’s spine even now.

Cold, hateful, mocking, and in an instant, turning into a knowing smile that seemed to see through everything.

And then there was what he had said.

When he first met He Yan, or rather, when he first met He Yan using her real name, that girl had worn a dress and somewhat uncomfortably said, “My surname is He, given name Yan – ‘He’ as in grain, ‘Yan’ as in peace and tranquility.”

Xu Zhiheng closed his eyes.

How could there be such a coincidence?

How could such a coincidence happen right in front of him? This was truly…

His unease was fully observed by He Yan from a distance, who inwardly smiled coldly.

Wang Ba always said that those who walk dark paths will meet ghosts – originally thinking him too timid, now it seemed there was some truth to it. Just like the Sun Ling father and son in Liangzhou city, whose evil deeds were too numerous to count, with countless women dying at their hands, they too feared vengeful ghosts and filled their courtyard with Buddhist statues and divine talismans.

Lin Shuanghe was well-liked, and wherever he went, he inevitably exchanged pleasantries with people. He Yan stayed by his side, matching faces to positions.

Knowing where people were and what they did – when the battlefield changed to the court, a general never fought unprepared.

At this moment, someone called out loudly: “Flying Swan General is here, Flying Swan General is here!”

The officials present grew somewhat quiet, looking toward the outer door. Speaking of Great Wei’s two famous generals, Flying Swan and Feng Yun, they were eye-catching at any time. Since Xiao Jue couldn’t come today, He Rufei alone became the center of attention.

Standing to the side, Yan He snorted derisively, speaking with disdain, “He’s not the emperor, why put on such airs?”

Xia Chengxiu tugged at his sleeve, and only then did Yan He stop speaking.

He Yan also turned with everyone else to look toward the outer door.

They saw someone enter, led by palace servants. This man wore a military official’s robes and was quite handsome, possessing the unique bearing and ruggedness of a military man. When people greeted him, he would nod in response, appearing friendly and kind while maintaining just the right amount of distance.

This distance made him, this “Flying Swan General,” appear somewhat more mysterious.

“Tsk,” He Yan heard Lin Shuanghe speak beside her, “This kid was quite adorable when young, how did he become so unlikeable as he grew up? Looking like this, how is he any different from those old fellows who’ve been in officialdom for years?” He added in a low voice, “The official world is truly a great dye vat… good thing I don’t hold office.”

This was He Yan’s first time seeing how He Rufei behaved before his colleagues at court, wearing the name of Flying Swan General, living comfortably and without any burden as if from beginning to end, he truly was the Flying Swan General himself.

He Yan felt sick.

Perhaps because her gaze was too intense, He Rufei seemed to sense something and looked her way. The moment their eyes met, He Yan quickly turned her head aside, speaking to Lin Shuanghe. So He Rufei only saw an unfamiliar youth standing beside Lin Shuanghe. Perhaps it was his imagination? He Rufei didn’t dwell on it and went to sit with his close colleagues.

His close colleagues were, of course, all those he had met after removing his mask. They had no past connections, and with Xu Zhiheng, they weren’t close in public. Everyone knew that He Rufei and He Xinying shared a deep sibling bond, but with this brother-in-law, they maintained only a gentlemanly relationship. After all, one was a civil official and one military – even if they wanted to be close, there wasn’t much they could talk about.

But He Yan knew otherwise.

It was just guilty people afraid of being caught, deliberately maintaining distance. It seemed they were very afraid of that matter being discovered. The more afraid they were, the more confident He Yan became.

Lin Shuanghe said, “Let’s sit down too.”

Male and female attendees had to sit separately, though, at such palace banquets, there were very few female attendees besides the few favored ladies of the Empress Dowager and their daughters.

After some time passed, a palace servant came to announce that Emperor Wenzuan had arrived.

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