HomeLove Story in the 1970sThe Pragmatist’s Love - Chapter 2

The Pragmatist’s Love – Chapter 2

When Fei Ni visited Fang Muyang again, she locked the door as soon as she entered the ward and recited Shakespeare’s sonnets to him. Afraid of being overheard, she bent down, putting her mouth close to his ear, transmitting each line through his ear into his brain. After finishing one sonnet, she immediately opened the door and continued reading him progressive books and newspapers, going through each page, absorbing the latest political spirit.

Fei Ni had two nail clippers—one for his toenails, and another for his fingernails. She cut his hair weekly, maintaining the same length since longer hair used too much shampoo. While she used soap to wash her hair, she used Seagull brand shampoo for him. When she bent down to recite poems to him, she could smell his shampoo. Though he lay there constantly, never needing socks, she still bought him a new pair and put them on after trimming his toenails.

When Fei Ni looked at Fang Muyang, there was a tenderness she didn’t even notice herself. She had placed all her hopes for the future on this man before her.

If he woke up, she could make the newspapers as an advanced worker and attend university.

Fei Ni’s tireless hospital visits aroused her parents’ curiosity. Parents know their children best—though their youngest daughter had never sabotaged others or taken advantage of anyone, she had never been this kindhearted either. Fei Ni told her family she helped him out of admiration for Fang Muyang.

Her parents didn’t understand how suffocating it was for her to make hats at the factory, nor did they know how desperately she wanted to attend university—she had never mentioned it. This opportunity had been earned by her brother going to the countryside; what right did she have to complain? Among three children, she was the youngest. If her elder brother had taken either parent’s position, she would have been the one sent down. When her brother volunteered to go to the countryside, though he said it was for both sisters, it was really for her.

Fei Ni’s good deeds continued from winter into late spring of the following year.

She secretly recited poetry to him:

“From you have I been absent in the spring,

When proud-pied April dressed in all his trim

Hath put a spirit of youth in everything,

That heavy Saturn laughed and leaped with him.

Yet neither the lays of birds nor the sweet smell

Of different flowers in odor and hue

Could make me any summer’s story tell…”

It was while reciting this poem that Fang Muyang’s eyes flickered.

Fei Ni excitedly touched Fang Muyang’s eyes, her movement gentle, as if afraid the slightest pressure would stop the movement.

She continued reciting:

“Nor did I wonder at the lily’s white,

Nor praise the deep vermilion in the rose;

They were but sweet, but figures of delight,

Drawn after you, you pattern of all those.

Yet seemed it winter still, and, you away,

As with your shadow I with these did play.”

Fei Ni’s long efforts finally bore fruit—Fang Muyang woke up.

She thought this was the beginning of happiness, only to later discover it was an illusion of happiness.

Fang Muyang woke up, but the awakened man didn’t even know who he was. He had forgotten his background, his heroic deeds, his age, his parents, and even his name.

The doctors weren’t sure if he could understand language, as he couldn’t speak a complete sentence. His first words after waking were to Fei Ni, spat out one character at a time: “Who are you?”

The doctor beside him told Fang Muyang: “This is Fei Ni. She’s been taking care of you before you woke up.”

A normal person would say thank you, but he only repeated Fei Ni’s name.

When the Sent-down Youth Office learned of Fang Muyang’s awakening, they sent people to visit. The doctor said Fang Muyang’s condition wasn’t optimistic—he had lost his memory, not just of who he was and what he had done, but even his previously learned life skills and knowledge.

Of course, Fei Ni couldn’t give up halfway. She continued visiting the hospital daily to do good deeds. She started from scratch, first teaching him his name, repeating it over and over, then teaching him how to write it, trying to awaken his memory. She took out the newspaper articles about his rescue efforts and read them to him repeatedly. The more she read, the more heart-wrenching it became—he had already saved three people; if only he hadn’t tried to save a fourth, he wouldn’t have been lying in the hospital for so long. Saving three people was heroic enough.

Fei Ni no longer cut Fang Muyang’s nails. Though he now had the consciousness of a six or seven-year-old child, he was physically an adult man—an awake one was different from a sleeping one. She taught him to cut his nails by demonstrating on her own, then asked if he understood. When he nodded, she gave him the nail clippers, but he grabbed her hand, trying to cut her nails instead. Fei Ni quickly pulled her hand back, saying, “I meant for you to cut your own, not mine.” But he seemed not to understand, continuing to try to cut her nails.

Fang Muyang’s grip left Fei Ni’s hand red, and her ears turned red too. She had never held hands with another man before, though she had watched movies and walked down streets with several men—each time leading nowhere. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to change her fate through marriage, but when opportunities came her way, she let them pass easily. She always felt there were other paths to university.

She let Fang Muyang wash his hair, but when water accidentally got in his eyes, she scolded, “So clumsy, let me do it.”

The Sent-down Youth Office paid for Fang Muyang’s meals. Usually, nurses helped him get food, but on weekends, Fei Ni would cook meat, make soup, and bring it in lunch boxes as extra meals for him.

Fang Muyang picked up a spare rib and held it to Fei Ni’s mouth, saying, “You eat too.”

The spare ribs were side ribs, which didn’t require meat rations to buy—she had used up all her meat rations.

She dodged away, smiling, “I won’t eat it, it’s for you.” These days, she couldn’t afford to eat any meat, not even an egg. With limited money and rations, if she ate, he would have less.

In their back and forth, the spare rib fell to the floor.

Fei Ni became angry: “I said I wouldn’t eat it, why are you being so annoying!”

She rinsed the fallen rib and put it back in his lunch box, saying in a tone used for children: “Eat up now.”

“You’ve gotten thinner.”

Fei Ni was pleased—Fang Muyang’s comprehension had improved; he now understood that eating meat could make one gain weight.

She said, “Being thin is good, being thin is healthy. If you get better, we’ll all be better.”

Summer came, and Fang Muyang said he wanted ice cream.

Fei Ni had never taught Fang Muyang what ice cream was; she hadn’t eaten any herself in years. These three words made her optimistic—perhaps his memory was returning. She couldn’t afford to buy him ice cream, so she bought him a red bean popsicle instead.

However, apart from ice cream, Fang Muyang remembered nothing else. If not for Fei Ni’s reminders, he wouldn’t even know he had a sister and brother.

Fang Muyang had mastered basic life skills and didn’t want to stay in the hospital anymore. He asked Fei Ni where his home was.

His family’s house had long been redistributed to others, now housing more than ten families. His parents were still under investigation, and he had no home in this city.

To help Fang Muyang recover his memory, she began telling him about the past. Her knowledge of him was too superficial—if his grandparents and parents hadn’t been so famous, she wouldn’t even know their names. She summoned all her memories, but the content barely lasted ten minutes.

Fei Ni decided to find Fang Muyang’s girlfriend. They were typical childhood sweethearts who had known each other since they were young, attended school together, and went to the countryside together—surely they had many stories. If his girlfriend came to tell these stories, maybe Fang Muyang would remember.

Fei Ni specifically waited outside his girlfriend’s dormitory building, watching the passing students with resentment. She wasn’t inferior to any of them—if they took exams together, she would surely be more qualified for university. But now they attended university while she made hats at the factory.

If only Fang Muyang recovered his memory, she would be recognized as an advanced worker, and with that recognition might come a recommendation spot.

After waiting three hours, she finally met Fang Muyang’s girlfriend, Ling Yi.

Fei Ni could tell Ling Yi still had feelings for Fang Muyang—her joy at hearing of his awakening wasn’t fake.

When Fang Muyang saw Ling Yi, he smiled before Fei Ni could introduce them.

This smile made Fei Ni somewhat uncomfortable. She automatically withdrew—she had cared for him for so many days without seeing such a smile, yet he smiled immediately upon seeing his girlfriend who had barely visited him. But perhaps this was good; maybe after talking with his girlfriend more, he would recover his memory. If Fang Muyang recovered his memory with her help, she would surely be recognized as an advanced worker. And after that recognition, she could attend university.

Tired of waiting outside the ward, Fei Ni went to buy them sodas.

She was thirsty too, but she only bought two bottles.

Just as Fei Ni entered the corridor, she saw Ling Yi leaving the ward, her eyes red from crying.

Fei Ni offered her a bottle of soda and asked when she would visit Fang Muyang again.

Ling Yi didn’t take it, saying sadly, “He doesn’t recognize me anymore.”

“But he smiled when he saw you! He’s recovering quickly—if you talk with him more, maybe he’ll recover his memory. Come again next week?”

Neither the next week nor the week after that did Ling Yi return.

The Sent-down Youth Office sent people to check on Fang Muyang again. The hospital said he could manage daily life, but memory recovery was a long-term process—it might return tomorrow or never return at all. He was no longer suitable to stay in the hospital.

The Sent-down Youth Office leaders spoke with Fei Ni, first affirming her kindness, then bringing up the matter of Fang Muyang’s placement. Since Fei Ni had such deep feelings for the hero and they were of similar age, why not marry and allow her to legitimately care for him?

“If you two marry, the organization can make special arrangements, simplifying all procedures.”

Fei Ni hadn’t expected her more than half a year of effort would lead to this result. The current Fang Muyang was a burden to all parties, and after considering all options, they decided to dump him on her.

Not only would she fail to be recognized as an advanced worker, but she would have to marry someone with the intellect of a child—fate was truly playing a joke on her.

Suppressing the surprise and indignation on her face, she said as calmly as possible, “I’m not worthy of Fang Muyang.”

“Comrade Fei Ni, your thinking is very wrong. You’re both revolutionary youth—what’s this talk of being worthy or unworthy?”

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