Even after returning to Yanshuang Pavilion, Song Chuyi still hadn’t recovered. Holding the tea bowl that Qing Ying brought up, she sat dazedly by the south window for a long while, feeling her mind in complete chaos.
She had indeed felt that Zhou Weizhao saving her was an enormous debt of gratitude. To be honest, his life was far more precious than hers. That he could risk his life for her—this favor had always seemed impossibly difficult to repay. In order to repay this debt, she had already begun thinking about how to scheme against Han Zhi, to cause some trouble for the Fan family, hoping to reduce the pressure on him as much as possible.
But she truly hadn’t thought deeply about it. In her previous life, she had indeed married and loved Shen Qingrang, but that kind of affection had contained too many calculations. By the end, she had worn away all her passion and love until nothing remained in her heart but resentment. She was truly far too slow when it came to matters of liking or not liking someone. When Second Young Master Ye laid his whole heart bare before her, she could still make it out. But with someone like Zhou Weizhao… She touched her face, feeling it burning as hot as the cup in her hands.
After sitting for a while, Nanny Xu came in. Seeing her like this, her heart ached. She sat down across from her gently and asked, “Miss, are you thinking about what your aunt said just now?”
Song Chuyi nodded blankly, looking at Nanny Xu with both confusion and a touch of fear. “Mama, what Aunt said…”
She had already noticed her own abnormality. When facing Second Young Master Ye’s sincere feelings, she only felt weighed down, felt it was a burden she couldn’t bear. But hearing that Zhou Weizhao might be fond of her, she felt her heart pounding as if it would leap out of her throat.
This feeling was truly terrible. Since her rebirth, she had never been this panicked. She gripped Nanny Xu’s hand, so frightened she nearly cried. How could she like someone again? She had said she would never like anyone again. That she could live a second life was already heaven’s grace. That she could firmly protect her younger brother under her wing as he grew strong, could watch the Shen family fall step by step, watch the Song family stand firm—these were already fortunate gifts from heaven.
She couldn’t walk the same path as her previous life. Emotions were something that, once touched, easily made one lose reason. She had never intended to touch them again. She sat up somewhat agitatedly. “What she said doesn’t count! His Highness and I have known each other for a long time. His Highness is a good person…” And could only be a good person. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, she had already returned to her usual calm and composed appearance.
This young lady was truly too worrying. She was clever about everything else, but young ladies always had to marry. How could it be good that every time marriage was mentioned, she bristled all over as if she were about to suffer hardship? Nanny Xu worriedly held her hand and sighed. “You mustn’t be influenced by your mother and Lianyi.” She looked at Song Chuyi’s eyes opening, misty and faintly moist, and couldn’t help choking up a little. “What in this world is certain? That your mother and Lianyi married the wrong men—that wasn’t their fault, and it certainly wasn’t because they weren’t good enough. Everyone’s life to live is different. You’re not your mother, and you’re not Lianyi either. If you don’t try, are you really going to be alone for your whole life?”
She looked at Song Chuyi, looked at this young lady she had watched grow up from childhood, her slightly aged face showing a comforting smile. “Moreover, there are countless people in this world—the same rice feeds a hundred different kinds of people. Each person is different. Look at Lianyi’s previous husband—wasn’t he worse than a pig or dog? But in our Jinzhong… after she returned, she learned that her cousin had been waiting for her. For her sake, he hadn’t married anyone in over twenty years—not a single one—just waiting for her. He spent silver searching for her…”
Song Chuyi had only vaguely heard Luyi mention this matter—that Lianyi had a childhood sweetheart cousin. Back then, Madam Cui had planned to betroth Lianyi to him, but later Madam Cui sent her cousin back to Jinzhong on business. By the time he returned to the capital from Jinzhong, Madam Cui’s household had already met with disaster, and Lianyi had vanished without a trace. He hadn’t given up—all these years, apart from his duties, he had been searching everywhere for Lianyi.
“You see, it’s true that there are many heartless men in this world, but there are just as many devoted ones.” Nanny Xu earnestly pulled her into her arms. “You can’t be bitten by a snake once and never dare to go out again, can you? Rather than being so afraid, you might as well pull yourself together and find someone you like. If you don’t try, how will you know what the future days will be like? With your abilities, finding someone you like who also likes you, showing mutual respect and love, living a good life together—what’s impossible about that?”
“When your mother was alive, she often said something. She said that in this life, people have ups and downs, gains and losses. Whether it’s success or failure, one must learn to accept it. But there’s one kind of failure she couldn’t bear most.” She looked at Song Chuyi and squeezed her hand. “That was defeat without fighting. Miss, you’ve never been defeated without fighting. In this matter that concerns your lifetime of happiness, you should even less give up.”
Song Chuyi leaned in her embrace with closed eyes, not speaking for a long while.
Outside, Qing Ying cheerfully called out “Cousin Miss.” Nanny Xu stopped talking, patted Song Chuyi’s hand, and went out to greet her. Seeing it was Cui Huayi, she smiled. “No wonder I heard magpies calling early this morning—so Cousin Miss has come. Since arriving in Jinzhong, you haven’t yet crossed our threshold.”
Nanny Xu and Cui Huayi could be considered familiar with each other. Cui Huayi was amused by her words, and supporting herself on Yuxin’s hand, climbed the steps. While Qing Ying lifted the curtain, she couldn’t help responding to Nanny Xu. “Listen to what Mama is saying—as if I’d forgotten Xiaoyi. This is truly wronging me to death. You know how busy I’ve been lately.”
Recently she had been accompanying Cui Huaying every day to receive the young ladies and madams who came to present additional dowry gifts, and still had to learn to manage household affairs. She was truly quite busy. That she could come today was only because she took advantage of Huaying being taken away by Fifth Madam.
As soon as she entered, she walked straight to Song Chuyi, carefully examining her before letting out a breath of relief. “Thank goodness you weren’t injured on your face—otherwise if such a beautiful little face had been scarred, what a pity that would be!”
She took the tea that Qing Ying handed her and smiled. “I’ve come on my sister’s behalf to invite you. She’s terribly frightened. The night before the wedding, she wants several sisters to sleep with her. One of them is naturally me, and she wants you to be the other.”
Song Chuyi was very grateful for this thoughtfulness from Cui Huaying and Cui Huayi. Since returning this time, she had more or less detected Cui Hualuan’s hostility—perhaps dissatisfied that she had said in one breath that she didn’t know and to let things take their natural course, then in the next breath departed ahead of schedule together with Zhou Weizhao. Since returning to Jinzhong, she had basically never crossed paths with her at all.