The Crown Princess hadn’t met Song Chuyi many times and couldn’t say whether her impression of her was good or bad. Her deepest impression of her was from when she became famous throughout the capital because of her Heavenly Calamity Lone Star destiny. The remaining impressions were all gathered bit by bit from her son’s words. Perhaps her son hadn’t noticed, but aside from this Sixth Miss Song, he had never mentioned any young lady so frequently before her.
Back when she first came of age, she too had endless things to say with her mother, always thinking others couldn’t see through her little thoughts, wishing she could mention that person’s name hundreds or thousands of times a day. Things heard from others’ mouths could be twisted around several bends to think of him. Unfortunately, she ultimately didn’t have the fortune to be with the person she loved most.
The Crown Princess looked at her son gently, genuine smile in her eyes. What she couldn’t obtain, she hoped her son would obtain completely. She didn’t want her son to live like she did—even with fine clothes and precious food, even with power overwhelming the realm, if there wasn’t someone suitable by one’s side, when she died, she wouldn’t dare close her eyes with peace of mind.
She straightened her son’s clothes and stood up: “Just now, Xie Siyi came by and said that in a few days, young ladies from several families will be invited into the palace to have a look. If all goes smoothly, it will be settled then.”
Since Her Majesty the Empress had made up her mind to fulfill Zhou Weizhao’s wishes, there was no reason for things not to go smoothly—the affection between Her Majesty the Empress and Emperor Jianzhang meant there wouldn’t be too great a disagreement on these children’s marriage matters.
Zhou Weizhao nodded, spoke with his mother a while longer, asked Xiangling about the Crown Princess’s recent health, diet, and daily life, instructing them to serve her well, before heading outside.
The room gradually quieted down. Nanny Lu tiptoed in carrying a box and reported softly to the Crown Princess: “Your Highness, the Lu family sent Mid-Autumn Festival gifts. The ones who came were the eldest master and eldest young master. They just arrived today and first sent Nanny Gui to present the gift list. You were at Qingning Palace this afternoon, so the Palace Attendants Office received the token and brought Nanny Gui in.”
The Crown Princess’s expression suddenly turned cold, the smile in her eyes instantly vanishing. After a long while, she finally recovered and softly repeated Nanny Lu’s words: “Elder Brother came in person?” She paused, her voice carrying a chill in the night air. She nodded slightly: “Please have Nanny Gui come in.” These were all names she hadn’t heard in a long while. Hearing these old acquaintances’ names now felt like being in another world.
Nanny Gui looked to be around fifty years old. Her temples were already frosted white, but she seemed fairly spirited, her eyes not murky. She respectfully kowtowed to the Crown Princess and called out “Third Miss.”
Lu Shi was the legitimate eldest daughter, but the Lu family’s rankings didn’t separate male and female—they ranked straight down. Everyone in the family called her Third Miss. She hadn’t heard anyone address her this way in a long time. She was stunned for a moment before reacting, straightening up and having Peiyin help her rise.
Meeting an old acquaintance, many memories from those years instantly flooded her heart. The Crown Princess felt bitter and acrid inside, feeling the knife in her heart plunge several more inches, the pain making it almost impossible to breathe. After a good while, she forced out a smile: “Nanny looks fairly healthy. How are Mother and Father’s health at home? When did Elder Brother and Yunji arrive in the capital? Why didn’t you send word first to let us know?”
Nanny Gui was impeccably dressed, her face lined with wrinkles that piled together when she smiled. She replied very methodically: “We set out in the seventh month. At the post station, we saw the gazette and learned His Highness was injured, so we hurried our pace somewhat. Thinking Your Highness must be very busy, the eldest master didn’t have anyone come report first, to avoid disturbing Your Highness. Two households remained at the old residence at home and had already cleaned it properly. After arranging things briefly, we moved in. The eldest master and eldest madam specially sent me in first to pay respects to the Crown Princess. Fortunately, the token was submitted early yesterday, so we received the summons today—”
Lu Shi detected something amiss and asked with a frown: “Sister-in-law also came?”
Nanny Gui’s words were cut off by the Crown Princess. Her face showed some awkwardness momentarily, but she recovered quickly, immediately putting on a smiling face: “Indeed! The eldest master and eldest madam brought the eldest young master and eldest young miss together. Haven’t seen each other in so many years—eldest madam misses you terribly. This time, she happened to encounter the incident of His Highness being assassinated. Eldest madam was extremely worried and couldn’t be held back—she came through wind and dust.”
Lu Shi didn’t speak for a long time. Looking at Nanny Gui in silence for a while, she finally sighed: “I understand. When I’m free tomorrow, please have elder sister-in-law come in to chat with me.”
With these words, the smile on Nanny Gui’s face became even more uncontainable. She nodded repeatedly, then rambled on with the Crown Princess about Old Master Lu and Old Madam Lu’s health, becoming somewhat sentimental again: “Madam’s health isn’t good. She constantly thinks of you.”
Lu Shi’s expression changed slightly. After listening for a while, she sent Nanny Gui down to rest and fell into increasingly prolonged silence.
Outside, a crescent moon hung like a hook in the night sky. A cool breeze blew, raising dense goosebumps on her arms, making her entire body shiver.
She remembered how her elder brother and sister-in-law had knelt before her back then, begging her to accept the bestowed marriage for the Lu family’s sake. She also remembered her mother’s tear-blurred eyes at that time. Those memories that brought heart-wrenching pain when recalled—though they didn’t hurt as much as they did then when brought up now, the stone pressing on her heart had grown even heavier.
She didn’t blame her mother and brother. Mother had been left with no choice. She’d begged her aunt, but her aunt had hardened her heart, saying her Crown Prince cousin admired her, that it must be her.
Must be her—these four words had made her life worse than death all these years.
She also remembered the things sent to her every year like flowing water, and the words from Master Zhang Tianshi that her father and mother had sought for her when she was at her wit’s end. Those were life-saving words.
Lu Shi held her face in both hands, tears seeping bit by bit from between her fingers. She curled up on the noble consort’s couch, suddenly feeling that life was truly difficult.
She never spoke of her own difficulties because she knew everyone had their hardships. Her aunt, noble as the mother of a nation, had to exercise forbearance toward Consort Xian, Consort Liang, and those other consorts who had suffered hardships together in the past, all because of Emperor Jianzhang’s sentimental nature. She had to grant every request to the Crown Prince she felt guilty toward. Prince Gong, as Her Majesty the Empress’s only other son, also couldn’t act as he pleased—whatever his brother took a fancy to, he had to retreat three steps. Who in this world didn’t have difficulties? She often consoled herself this way, but at this moment, she suddenly felt that life was truly too difficult.
But no matter how difficult, life had to continue. No matter how difficult the days, they wouldn’t be more difficult than sending her son to Dragon-Tiger Mountain for years without being able to see him. She wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, spread open her palms to look at her own hands, and slowly closed her eyes.