Opening my eyes, white daylight merged into a single sheet above me. The old tent’s ceiling seemed distant, while my nose gradually filled with the scent of herbs, the sour smell of various leathers, and the lingering smoke of long-burned charcoal.

Full circle, back again – I was still in the Jurchen great camp.

Min Jia’s face suddenly peered into view, those bright eyes slowly welling up with tears. “Cang Cang, you’re finally awake. I was so worried…” She threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around my neck and sobbing, “I thought you’d never wake up. You were talking nonsense the whole time. You scared me to death.”

I chuckled softly, still somewhat dazed, feeling as if everything before me was from another lifetime.

“Alright now, Cang Cang just woke up. Let her rest quietly.” Ku Mo’er’s smiling voice rang out. He too had come to the bedside, smiling as he looked down at me. “Does the wound still hurt?”

I smiled at him: “Thank you, Great Khan. It’s fine.”

Indeed, the wound didn’t hurt much. I didn’t know what medicine Ku Mo’er had applied, but it felt somewhat cool and tingly.

I studied Ku Mo’er’s face – how many days had I been unconscious? Ku Mo’er already looked somewhat haggard, with stubble even showing on his chin.

Remembering he had been dueling with Xiao Huan before I passed out, I smiled again: “Did you win the duel?”

“No,” Ku Mo’er denied frankly, unexpected as it was, and smiled. “He won.”

Xiao Huan won? Did this mean Ku Mo’er was forced to negotiate peace with him?

This time, at least he couldn’t be said to have returned empty-handed.

As for me… surely he would no longer pine for a woman who had openly thrown herself into another’s embrace.

I smiled. “Regardless, from now on I am the Great Khan’s person. I will share in your joys and sorrows.”

“Of course,” Ku Mo’er smiled too. “Little Bai repeatedly instructed me to take care of you after his death. How could I refuse?”

“After his death?” I propped myself up on my shoulder, feeling a headache coming on. “What did you say?”

“I said after his death.” Ku Mo’er casually pointed to a corner of the tent where there stood a tiger-skin chaise lounge. I could vaguely make out someone lying there. “There’s no pulse anymore. I can’t tell if he’s dead or alive.”

I pushed aside the fur blanket covering me. Was that Xiao Huan? How could this be?

Sitting up in bed, I stared straight at Ku Mo’er. “How did this happen? What happened?”

Min Jia said from the side: “Oh no, Cang Cang, don’t move! You’ll tear open your wound.”

Ku Mo’er looked at me steadily. “He watched over you for days and nights. I think he probably exhausted all his strength.”

Watched over me for days and nights? My voice felt hoarse as I asked through the haze: “What did you just say? What’s gone?”

“His pulse is gone.” Ku Mo’er’s voice came steadily. “A day ago when we thought you were waking up, he collapsed from exhaustion. At first, he still had breathing and a pulse, but later the pulse became too weak to detect.”

I got out of bed and walked to the tiger-skin chair. It was Xiao Huan lying there. His expression was peaceful – I hadn’t seen him sleep with such a tranquil expression for a long time. That night when I served in the Imperial Palace, waking in the middle of the night, I had secretly studied his face by moonlight. Even in sleep, those elegant brows had been slightly furrowed.

It had been so long since I’d seen him this relaxed. Was it because he had nothing left to worry about?

Ku Mo’er followed me over, persisting: “He probably knew he couldn’t hold on much longer. He wrote down all the prescriptions you’d need after waking up. While he was still conscious, he told me that if he died, I should take care of you. Cang Cang, you don’t like this?”

This was indeed Xiao Huan’s way of doing things, arranging everything so thoroughly even after his death.

I pressed my fingers to his face – the touch was bone-chillingly cold. This level of coldness meant his body had been cooling for quite some time, right? Not a trace of life could be detected.

Did I like it? Why was everyone asking if I liked it? What did I like? Something ached deep in my heart, and Min Jia’s casual words echoed clearly in my ears: “I often think, if a person, when you’re in danger, only thinks about saving you, only wants you to be well, never thinking about whether they might die in the process – then they must love you very much, far more than they love themselves.”

I had always been a fool, swaggering about thinking I was so free and easy, presumptuous enough to believe I could see through everyone’s hearts, shameless and self-satisfied, thinking I could live independently this way, thinking others wouldn’t notice my timidity. How pitiful – this person was so hesitant in front of what they loved. I kept telling myself, don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t tell Xiao Huan I love him again. Once I said it, he would run away like that time before.

Better not to say it. This way I could still watch him from afar. Even watching from afar was good. But this time it wouldn’t work – I was about to lose him forever. Never again would a young man be living in my heart with that gentle smile. Just thinking about it made it hard to breathe.

What had I done?

When Gui Wuchang held me hostage, those things he said – it was to save me, wasn’t it?

He had just been ill then, already too weak to rescue me from Gui Wuchang whose martial arts were equally formidable. So he spoke coldly, making Gui Wuchang think that capturing me would be useless.

And I had stopped believing in him just because of those few brief words in that critical moment.

Before I returned to Shanhaiguan, he told me he had come to the Jurchen camp to save me. I hadn’t believed him. Even after I doubted him, he still fought Gui Wuchang to the death – that was also to prevent Gui Wuchang from having another chance to harm me, wasn’t it?

What more did I need him to prove? Did he have to lie here with his body cold as death before I would believe?

What was the last thing I said to him while he was still conscious? “We’ve long since owed each other nothing.”

This might become the last thing I ever said to him while he was alive. How could I have been so heartless? We’ve long since owed each other nothing.

I bent down and took his body in my arms. Though it was so cold, it was still soft, not rigid. Hadn’t Ku Mo’er also said he didn’t know if he was dead or alive?

He must still be alive. How could someone like Xiao Huan die in a place like this? Even if Li Mingshang had said his life would not be long, even if he seemed to know beforehand and arranged everything for after his death, he wouldn’t die. Right – Li Mingshang was there. Wasn’t he called the number-one physician in the world? How could he fail to save even one person?

I held Xiao Huan’s body tightly, wanting to stand up and walk out.

If we could just return inside the Great Wall and find Li Mingshang, he would certainly be able to save Xiao Huan. Or maybe he wouldn’t even need saving – Xiao Huan would wake up on his own, like before, struggling back from the brink of death, then stroking my cheek saying: “Cang Cang, I’m sorry for worrying you.” It must be like that.

Min Jia’s voice seemed to come from very far away: “Cang Cang, your wound has opened!”

Ku Mo’er extended his arm to block my way: “Cang Cang, your wound has opened.”

His gaze was so full of pity, that it nearly drove me mad. I smiled at him: “I’m sorry… Ku Mo’er…”

I had still failed him. When he said he wanted me to be his Fujin, his eyes held such moving brilliance, but I would still fail him.

I had wondered before what I would do when Xiao Huan was gone.

I would probably become Empress Dowager, probably live on with the loneliness of the Forbidden Palace. Or if I were more free-spirited, I might walk out of that cold palace and return to the jianghu I loved, become a hermit, watch flowers bloom and fall each day, and drink wine in the gentle breeze until totally drunk.

But now I knew what I would do if Xiao Huan was gone… If he was gone, I didn’t want any of those things anymore.

Even though there were so many beautiful things I hadn’t had the chance to do, if there would be no him in all the days to come, then rather than that – better to end it right here.

“Cang Cang…” Something indefinable appeared in Ku Mo’er’s eagle-like eyes. His sword-edge thin lips moved slightly. “He’s not dead yet… I can send someone inside the Great Wall to notify Qi Chengliang. There might be someone there who can save him.”

“You can send someone?” I was stunned. Wasn’t Xiao Huan an enemy he desperately wanted dead?

Ku Mo’er smiled somewhat bitterly. “I don’t want to fight Qi Chengliang to the death, and besides, Little Bai strongly advocated for peace. I don’t want to deal with another emperor who would fight me to the bitter end.”

“There’s an imperial physician with the army inside the Great Wall called Li Mingshang. He can save Brother Xiao.” I didn’t fully understand his meaning, but quickly grabbed onto this thread of hope.

“I’ll have Chi Ku go immediately,” Ku Mo’er nodded.

I sighed in relief, only then realizing how incredibly heavy Xiao Huan’s body was in my arms. My legs weakened, and I nearly collapsed to the ground.

Ku Mo’er reached out to steady me. “Don’t worry, you should rest too. He risked his life to save you, so you need to take care of yourself as well.”

I nodded, letting Ku Mo’er take Xiao Huan while Min Jia helped me back to the bed.

At this point, Min Jia called He Du in to change my wound dressings. Ku Mo’er glared at the old army doctor with intense hatred and suddenly burst out: “I’ll kill this old man sooner or later.”

Still dazed, I couldn’t help asking: “He hasn’t done anything wrong, why kill him?”

Ku Mo’er continued resentfully: “I finally understand why Little Bai insisted on changing your bandages himself even when he had no strength left. To let old He Du’s dirty hands touch around your chest – I haven’t even touched there!”

“Brother, you’re being too petty. He Du is a doctor. You’ve been complaining about this for days,” Min Jia said dismissively from the side. “I love Cang Cang too, and I haven’t said anything.”

“What do you know, little girl? Don’t make trouble.” Ku Mo’er huffily found a stool to sit on.

Min Jia stuck her tongue out at him: “You’re only five years older than me, yet you dare lecture me.” She brought over a bowl of steaming medicine. “Cang Cang, drink your medicine quickly. Brother ordered it kept warm in hot water, so it’s still hot.”

I hadn’t expected someone as rough as Ku Mo’er could be so attentive. I smiled at him: “Thank you.”

Ku Mo’er coughed dryly, seeming embarrassed as he turned his face away. After a long while, he mumbled: “You’re welcome.”

I didn’t know what to say. In the current situation, it seemed I was using his genuine feelings for me to gain temporary peace, yet I was being fickle and indecisive.

After I drank the medicine, not long after, there was a commotion at the tent entrance as someone entered.

I quickly opened my eyes to see Li Mingshang striding in carrying a medicine box. He must have come so quickly because he set out immediately upon receiving Chi Ku’s message.

Unprecedented for him, he didn’t saunter in leisurely but rushed like a gust of wind to the chaise lounge, feeling Xiao Huan’s pulse before extending a hand to greet me: “Young lady.”

I pressed my wound as I got up and walked to his side.

After taking Xiao Huan’s pulse, he stroked his beard and said “Too reckless!” three times while shaking his head.

Seeing his grave expression, I drew in a breath and asked: “Master Li, how is he?”

Li Mingshang glanced at me: “He can still be saved, but it requires a piece of flesh from your heart as medicine. Are you willing?”

Though Li Mingshang liked to joke, he said this with complete seriousness. I hesitated: “Really?”

He raised an eyebrow: “When have I ever lied? It’s a life for a life between you two, there’s no way for both to survive. Are you willing?”

“Then take it…” I blurted out, immediately regretting my words.

Sure enough, Li Mingshang stroked his beard and shook his head: “I was just joking. How could there be such an absurd medicine?”

Toyed with again by this old man! My vision darkened – even at this critical moment he still had the mood for jokes!

But Li Mingshang turned serious again, shaking his head with a sigh: “This time is truly dangerous. I’m not completely confident.”

He shook his head: “His external injuries aren’t serious, but the problem is poison qi stagnating in the five viscera, blocking the meridians so they can’t flow freely. This fellow has been forcibly suppressing the cold poison – truly reckless. He dares to call himself my disciple yet nearly lost his own life.” He pondered for a moment. “No, given the condition of his heart meridians, he definitely couldn’t have lasted so many days. Did someone help clear his meridians?”

“Probably me,” Ku Mo’er interjected. “When he collapsed and stopped breathing, I struck his back a few times. He coughed up a mouthful of black blood, and his breathing returned.”

“That explains it. This fellow owes at least sixty percent of his life to you.” Li Mingshang said, then contemplated briefly: “There is a way, though it will take some effort. Ku Mo’er, do you have large pots that soldiers use for cooking in your camp?”

“Yes,” Ku Mo’er replied casually, not yet noticing that Li Mingshang was addressing him directly by name.

“Bring one here, set it up in the tent with water, and heat it. I’ll give you a prescription – gather these herbs and boil them thoroughly.” Li Mingshang stroked his beard. “We need to use the medicine’s power to clear this fellow’s blood vessels first, otherwise even if we save him, he’ll be useless.”

For some reason, Ku Mo’er suddenly stroked his chin and asked: “Does he wear clothes when being steamed?”

“If there’s even a thread of fabric blocking the steam’s dispersal, that fellow will be in danger.” Li Mingshang gave him a bland glance. “You’ll help me remove his clothes and carry him in later.”

Following these instructions, Ku Mo’er smiled: “Happy to help.”

After a moment’s confusion, I finally understood what he was thinking and quickly spoke up: “Master Li! He has cut-sleeve tendencies! He wants to take advantage of Xiao Huan!”

“Should I carry him instead?” Li Mingshang glared at me. “So what if he has cut-sleeve tendencies? Stop wasting time with this nonsense! Do you want to save him or not? Little Ku, hurry and prepare!”

The large pot and herbs were quickly prepared. Li Mingshang had someone hang a curtain in the tent to separate Min Jia and me from the others.

This old uncle was guarding against me like a thief!

I crouched angrily on the bed, biting the corner of the blanket: What logic was this? Xiao Huan was my husband, and Ku Mo’er was the one taking advantage! Hmph, how the world has declined, how people have changed!

Min Jia sat on the edge of the bed, repeatedly running to peek through gaps in the curtain before coming back to add fuel to the fire: “Cang Cang, Little Bai is so handsome, he must look good unclothed too.”

I responded sullenly: “Mm, didn’t you see when he was your male companion?”

Min Jia blinked: “You’re his wife, shouldn’t you have seen too?”

“It was dark at night, how could I see clearly? Besides, I was nervous, how could I dare look carefully.” Saying this made me even angrier: What an unfair advantage for Ku Mo’er!

“I was nervous seeing Little Bai too. He’s so handsome, I only dared remove his outer clothes and feel his muscles through his clothes,” Min Jia said, her face flushing.

“Oh? So you didn’t share a bed?” I was somewhat confused.

“We did share a bed?” Min Jia was even more confused. “Is there something else that should happen when sharing a bed?”

So this young lady didn’t understand matters between men and women. Xiao Huan’s stay in her tent had been completely innocent.

Thinking it best not to corrupt the young lady, I didn’t explain further.

“Cang Cang,” Min Jia stared fixedly at the curtain, her thoughts clearly beyond it, “I kind of want to see what Little Bai looks like being treated.”

“I want to see,” I said, my anger making me dizzy.

Min Jia turned to look at me: “Cang Cang, do you think we’ll get nosebleeds?”

I thought about it: “I’m injured and have already lost a lot of blood, so I probably won’t. Besides, I’ve seen it before.”

“I don’t know if I’ll get a nosebleed…” Min Jia was quite troubled, “but I still want to look.”

I nodded: “Then let’s look.”

Min Jia and I exchanged a knowing glance. We jumped off the bed and went to the curtain to peek through the gaps.

Behind the curtain, white mist swirled, creating shadowy silhouettes… Well, shadowy but clear enough for us to see the figures.