Thinking about it carefully now, everything became clear.
Yesterday afternoon, Xian Xue must have already entered the palace and been discovered.
Xiao Huan acted decisively, summoning me to his side to keep me detained. First, to prevent any coordination between Xian Xue and me, and second, even if Xian Xue made it to Yangxin Hall, he would have a hostage in hand.
As for Little Ma, who had been seeking opportunities all afternoon to pass me a message, he likely wanted to inform me of Xian Xue’s presence in the palace before his capture, but was one step too late.
Then came the scene that night. After half a day of maneuvering, Xian Xue was overwhelmed and captured but requested to see me one last time.
Xiao Huan granted this small favor, bringing me to see Xian Xue before knocking him unconscious and imprisoning him.
Last night, I thought Xiao Huan would kill Xian Xue with one strike – I was truly worried over nothing. How could he let such an important witness die before extracting any confession?
Now the only puzzling point is: why did Father send Xian Xue to assassinate Xiao Huan? He knew well that even though Xian Xue was one of the top assassins in the jianghu, the chances of a successful palace assassination were minimal. Even if he could complete the mission by luck, he likely wouldn’t make it out alive. This was practically sending Xian Xue to his death in the palace!
What was so important that Father needed Xian Xue to die?
A slight pain pierced my heart as I vaguely understood Father’s intentions.
Having figured out everything, I got out of bed and called for the palace maids to help me wash up.
After freshening up, it was still early.
There was no grand court session today, but before noon, Xiao Huan would be in the front hall, listening to cabinet ministers’ reports. The entire Yangxin Hall was quiet, with few palace maids and eunuchs moving about.
I walked out and went around to the front hall, lifted my skirts, and knelt on the steps.
The palace maids following me were startled, but none dared to come forward to persuade me, all kneeling at a distance.
Though quiet, there were still many palace servants coming and going through Yangxin Hall. Several message-carrying eunuchs who saw me kneeling before the hall were terrified, fearing they might invite trouble, and none dared to go in to report to Xiao Huan.
Without realizing it, I had been kneeling for over half an hour.
At this time, an elderly man in court robes walked out from the hall. This was Qi Xiangfei, the Minister of War who had served three emperors. Seeing the scene before him, Old Qi paused briefly, then walked to me: “Empress, what’s the matter?”
I looked up at him with a smile but didn’t answer.
Old Qi hesitated, then stamped his foot and returned to Yangxin Hall.
Soon, there was movement inside, with many footsteps quickly approaching, led by a pair of black court boots.
Standing before me, Xiao Huan’s voice carried a chill: “Get up.”
Not even calling me “Empress,” just directly saying “you” – it seems my deliberate act of kneeling before Yangxin Hall for all officials to see had angered him considerably.
“This consort unintentionally defied Your Majesty last night and comes to beg forgiveness,” I responded without raising my head, using my prepared words.
I wasn’t sure if the killing intent I showed last night had already angered Xiao Huan, but now that Xian Xue was in his hands if I wanted Xian Xue to live, the last person I could afford to offend was Xiao Huan. Whether he was angry or not, this kneeling at least expressed my determination to make peace.
After a moment of silence, he coughed once and spoke again, his voice now carrying the usual faint politeness: “Empress, please rise.”
Now I could finally get up. I secretly sighed in relief, holding my skirts as I stood. My legs were truly stiff from kneeling, and I stumbled slightly as I rose.
Feng Wufu, who stood beside Xiao Huan, quickly stepped forward to support me: “Careful, Your Highness.”
Xiao Huan watched coldly, coughed once more, and without paying me any further attention, turned to smile at the important ministers behind him: “Ministers, let us return.”
The crowd before me dispersed, but Feng Wufu remained, bowing as he said: “Empress, please wait for His Majesty in the side chamber.”
I nodded and followed him, inadvertently hearing what seemed to be a very faint sigh as he turned.
This wait lasted over two hours. After noon, Feng Wufu came to invite me to dine with Xiao Huan.
I had expected to see an enraged emperor, but Xiao Huan, already seated at the table, wore a faint smile, without a trace of anger on his face. Indeed, Xiao Huan’s self-control had always been exemplary – forget about seeing him angry, I had rarely even heard him raise his voice.
He smiled at me: “Has the Empress grown anxious from waiting?”
“Your Majesty jests. This consort has committed a wrong; even kneeling outside for half a day would be appropriate,” I replied sincerely.
His smile was unchanged: “Is that so? Then what brings the Empress to apologize so earnestly?”
Since he spoke so directly, I didn’t hide it either: “Your Majesty knows that the person captured last night is an old acquaintance of mine. This consort wishes to ask Your Majesty for a favor.”
He smiled but didn’t answer, just continued looking at me with that slight smile.
His gaze made me somewhat restless, and I couldn’t help but frown: “Does Your Majesty refuse to grant this consort a favor?”
“If I don’t grant it, what does the Empress plan to do?” he smiled, “Continue kneeling before the hall?”
I was startled, but before I could speak, he was already smiling, his tone somewhat gentle: “You haven’t eaten breakfast, have you? Better eat something first.”
Looking down, I finally noticed the dishes on the table, and closest to me was the osmanthus congee with rice wine – my favorite soup. The servant beside me was very observant; seeing me look at that bowl of soup, he immediately ladled half a bowl into a fine blue-and-white porcelain bowl and placed it before me.
A light cough came from across the table. I looked up to see Xiao Huan, now changed into light blue casual clothes, head lowered, turning a honey-colored wine cup in his hand, his eyelids half-lowered as if deep in thought about something.
Taking a large spoonful of osmanthus congee to my mouth, I too lowered my head, no longer looking at him.
For the rest of the meal, I ate while he slowly drank his wine, and until the meal was finished, neither of us raised our heads again.
The favor Xiao Huan granted was letting me see Xian Xue once.
Xian Xue wasn’t imprisoned in the Embroidered Uniform Guard’s secret dungeon but in a secluded chamber within the palace.
When I was brought there by the square-faced Shi Yan, Xian Xue’s wounds had been treated, wrapped in thick bandages, and he was awake, lying on the bed staring at the canopy above, lost in thought.
I slowly approached, and only then did Xian Xue turn to look at me, giving a slight smile: “Young Miss.”
Xian Xue’s face was very pale, his voice soft. Speaking with such a smile, if I hadn’t listened carefully, I wouldn’t have heard him at all.
My eyes began to sting. In my memories, Xian Xue was always full of vigor, famous throughout the land for his swordsmanship, and, spending thousands in gold on wine without a care. Even those seemingly lazy amber eyes, with just a casual glance, always shot forth proud and clear rays of light.
“Xian Xue, I’m sorry.” I don’t know why these were the first words from my mouth, but I didn’t know what else to say, so I repeated, “I’m sorry.”
Xian Xue looked at me, his calm eyes gradually showing a smile: “Silly girl, you don’t need to apologize to me.”
My eyes stung even more. I crouched by the bed, holding his ice-cold hand: “Xian Xue, I must save you, no matter what method it takes, I will save you!”
I had long said I wouldn’t cry again, yet at this moment, my eyes hurt terribly. I pressed my head hard against the edge of the bed, afraid that with the slightest movement, tears would slide down my cheeks.
Why would Father send Xian Xue to assassinate in the palace? Simple – because my father, the Empire’s First Minister Ling Xuefeng, wanted him dead. Such a peerless sword being buried in dust was naturally unwilling, so he was sent to assassinate the emperor – an impossible mission, merely meant to be the sword’s final glory. Unable to shake heaven and earth, at least leave behind a trail of brilliant fireworks.
Then why did Xian Xue have to die? The answer was also clear – because his daughter, the Empire’s Empress, had grown too close to this sword… close to a dangerous degree.
It was I who pulled Xian Xue in, using him as a shield against Xiao Huan. It was I who risked discovery to secretly leave the palace to meet him. It was I who made Father realize he was a dangerous tool, leading to the decision to discard this tool… If I couldn’t save Xian Xue, then he would die because of me.
I raised my head, looking at Xian Xue, forcing a smile: “How are your injuries? Are you in much pain?”
“The internal injuries aren’t serious anymore,” he smiled, his voice weak but already joking, “Don’t worry, your master has walked on knife edges before, these small wounds don’t matter.” Then he asked me, “But how is he?”
I was stunned, completely unclear about whom he meant: “Who? Which ‘he’?”
A flash of confusion crossed Xian Xue’s face, then he smiled again: “Nothing, I was just asking.”
Shi Yan, waiting at the door for me to leave, didn’t hurry me, so I stayed a while longer, chatting with Xian Xue until he seemed tired, and then I left.
Walking along the palace’s narrow, long corridors after leaving, I carefully considered ways to save Xian Xue, but my mind was so chaotic I couldn’t find any thread to follow.
At this point, I could only take it one step at a time.
After returning from seeing Xian Xue, I went to Cining Palace to see the Empress Dowager, reporting that I missed my family and hoped to see my father.
The Empress Dowager was very accommodating in this regard, immediately sending someone to notify my family. Fortunately, my father wasn’t on duty at the cabinet today, so in the afternoon, I met him at Chuxiu Palace.
Though it hadn’t been long since we last met at the Empress Dowager’s birthday banquet, I couldn’t remember how long it had been since my father and I had sat down to talk like this, just the two of us.
I was four when Father brought me from the countryside to the capital. Before that, I lived with my Grandmother in the countryside. Though Grandmother was very old and illiterate, she always kept our small home spotlessly clean, and I was always the cleanest, neatest child in the entire village.
When I was four, Grandmother had someone deliver a letter to the capital. Shortly after, one early morning, I met my father at our doorstep, weather-beaten from rushing to pick me up. Until that day, I didn’t know that my mother, while pregnant with me, had left Father and my brother, given birth to me alone in this small village, left me with the midwife who helped deliver me, and then disappeared without a trace. The grandmother who had raised me had no blood relation to me at all.
After bringing me back to the capital, whenever Father wasn’t at court, he took me everywhere, holding me on his knee, letting me watch as he wrote those difficult-to-understand memorials. For a time, I always felt I was the most beloved child, having a father who doted on and indulged me, and a brother who would play wildly with me and fight for me.
Until the year before I entered the palace, Father would still often open a jar of wine on beautiful moonlit nights, drinking and chatting idly with my brother and me. My ability to drink a thousand cups without getting drunk was entirely the result of Father’s influence.
Back then, Father was like a legend in my heart.
Father passed the provincial examinations at seventeen, at twenty-four became the palace examination’s top scholar personally selected by the Late Emperor and entered the Hanlin Academy, at twenty-six became the Right Vice Minister of Rites, at twenty-seven impeached high officials and offended the powerful, was imprisoned for fabricated crimes at twenty-eight, was reinstated, and at twenty-nine single-handedly defeated the then-powerful Prime Minister Gao, forcing this minister who had served two emperors to retire to his hometown. At thirty, recommended by all officials, the Late Emperor personally issued an edict approving his entry into the cabinet, becoming the youngest cabinet minister in recent dynasties. A few years later, when then-Prime Minister Li Yi suddenly fell ill and passed away, Father smoothly succeeded as Prime Minister, becoming the youngest Prime Minister in imperial history at just thirty-five years old.
After more than twenty years navigating official waters and ten years as the Empire’s First Minister, one could hardly find a trace of worldly compromise or cunning in Father. “Clean-handed and upright, strictly principled” – countless times I heard such evaluations from others, and all court officials spoke of Father with genuine admiration.
Such a father would make his children so proud that they wouldn’t even think of surpassing him, feeling that if they could just get infinitely close to that figure in this life, it would be enough.
That’s why when I discovered Father’s other side that I had never understood before, it felt so shocking and horrifying.
Secretly stored vast amounts of wealth, assassins and disciples sworn to death, an all-penetrating intelligence network… these were also under Father’s complete control.
That day, when I saw what methods Father used to consolidate his power, something shattered piece by piece. That world where black and white, good and evil were once clearly defined would never return.
Looking closely now, the white hair at Father’s temples seemed to have increased since a few months ago, though his face maintained its usual lean and peaceful expression.
After entering, we both sat down, and I gestured for Little Shan to take everyone out.
While slowly stroking the multicolored tea cup beside him, Father didn’t wait for me to speak before saying, “Are things well in the palace?”
“Whether well or not, it’s all the same now.” Not in the mood for small talk, I spoke directly, “Please spare Luo Xian Xue. This was my fault.”
Father seemed startled for a moment, then frowned: “What nonsense are you talking about?”
I gave a cold laugh: “Wasn’t it you who feared I was getting too close to Xian Xue, so you sent him into the palace to die? This was all my fault. I was the one who led him on. I’ll clean up my mess, so you don’t need to interfere anymore!”
Father’s hand trembled slightly as he stared at me intently.
I raised my head, meeting his eyes.
“Is this how you speak to your father?” Father suddenly gave a cold laugh.
I had never seen Father laugh coldly before. Under the accumulated authority of his decades in office, I couldn’t help but look away, though I still held my head high: “Do I have another father to speak to?”
Father was truly angry now, laughing coldly again and again: “Very good, very good… Your wit hasn’t improved much, but your skill at arguing and provoking has certainly reached new heights!”
I bit my lip: “Can’t help it, I’m older now, and have to develop some skills so I won’t be such a fool!”
Father’s chest heaved as he narrowed his eyes at me, finally speaking with barely contained anger: “Whether you believe it or not, I didn’t send Luo Xian Xue into the palace. You’re right, this is your matter, your mess to clean up. I won’t ruin your plans, but don’t expect me to help you either!” After saying this, Father suddenly stood up, not even glancing at the tea cup that had been knocked over, and walked out.
I lowered my head, staring at the tea cup that had fallen to the ground, watching the tea spread across the crimson carpet. After who knows how long, I suddenly relaxed, letting out a breath.
It was always like this – ever since those things happened, whenever I met with Father, we seemed to always end up arguing.
At first, there were heartbroken questions, then we began saying things to hurt each other. Though we had argued many times since I was young, it had never been like this – growing colder with each argument, each quarrel making reconciliation seem more impossible.
“Young Miss…” Little Shan hesitantly walked in, probably having heard some of the noise, “The Master rarely visits, why couldn’t you speak nicely…”
“This isn’t the time for nice conversation.” I took a breath and raised my head, only to see a paper package fall on the ground by the door.
Little Shan saw it too, picked it up, and brought it to me. Opening it, it turned out to be a package of sesame candy.
When Father first brought me to the capital, I would cry every day and refuse to eat. After court sessions, he would carry me to the Cha Building at Front Gate Street to watch opera. The sesame candy sold at a confectionery shop next to the opera house was delicious. I had loved their sesame candy since I was little, and before entering the palace, I would often run there to buy a couple of packages myself.
The long, twisted rope-shaped sesame candies were all broken, probably having fallen from Father’s sleeve when he rushed out, causing them to shatter so completely.
Little Shan remained silent. I smiled slightly, took the package, and handed it to the palace maid Jiao Yan who had come in to clean up the tea cups and stains: “This is yours to keep.”
Jiao Yan was somewhat surprised but still smiled, accepting the package with both hands: “Thank you, Your Highness.”
I smiled, took another deep breath, and then exhaled: Whatever the case, at least I knew Xian Xue wasn’t sent into the palace by Father. Since Father didn’t want him dead, things might be a bit easier to handle – at least there was some hope.
Then I thought: if Father didn’t send him, who was behind Xian Xue’s entry into the palace, and for what purpose?
My mind was somewhat chaotic, feeling that the more I thought about it, the more confused I became, so I stopped thinking about it.
Due to these worries, I barely touched my evening meal.
After dinner, I decided to still go see Xiao Huan at Yangxin Hall to test his attitude.
Having made up my mind, I put on a hooded cape, told Little Shan to stay in the palace, and had just quietly left through the Chuxiu Gate alone.
Perhaps because I was walking too quickly and it was dark at night, I nearly bumped into someone. That person steadied my shoulders with a laugh: “Which little lady is this, rushing about?”
I recognized Li Hongqing’s voice. This Deputy Commander of the Imperial Guards was usually casual and liked to joke with palace maids. Being young and handsome, he was quite popular among the palace maids.
I smiled slightly: “And what is Deputy Commander Li rushing to do?”
Hearing it was me, Li Hongqing immediately let go and stepped back, maintaining proper etiquette though his tone remained casual, still smiling: “Is the Empress well? I’m certainly not in as much of a hurry as Your Highness.” He smiled and touched his head, suggesting I check mine as well, “Your Highness’s hood.”
I touched it and realized I had put it on too hastily – half of it was hanging below my hair bun. I adjusted the hood and smiled: “Thank you, Deputy Commander Li.”
He smiled, bowed to me again, then took his leave.
I walked along the corridor to Yangxin Hall, and just as I was about to have the servant announce me, I saw Feng Wufu hurrying out from inside. Seeing me, he paused: “Empress, why have you come?”
He seemed somewhat flustered, which I found strange: “I’ve come to request an audience with His Majesty. Is this not a convenient time?”
“Convenient… yet not convenient…” he then sighed, “It’s been two hours and he won’t let anyone in, won’t even have dinner. It’s truly worrying.”
“His Majesty?” I asked.
“Yes.” Feng Wufu started sighing again, “His Majesty usually doesn’t let people attend to him inside, only entering when called, but since the afternoon watch, he hasn’t called for anyone… yet we can’t just go in…”
“Perhaps he’s absorbed in reading memorials and forgot,” I had to suggest, casually saying, “Why not go in and check? Others might fear displeasing His Majesty, but he surely won’t blame Master Feng.”
As if moved by my words, Feng Wufu slowly nodded, suddenly looking at me intently: “Right, if it’s the Empress, His Majesty certainly won’t be angry.” As he spoke, he beckoned a young palace maid over, took my hand, “Then I’ll trouble the Empress to go in. Didn’t the Empress also have matters to discuss with His Majesty? Perfect timing, perfect timing.” Before he finished speaking, a tray with a teacup had already been placed in my hands.
Feng Wufu pulled me toward the hall, still talking: “Please replace this ginseng tea for His Majesty, and remember to urge him to drink it quickly, it won’t be good if it gets cold.”
Dazed and confused, I was pushed to the warm chamber’s door before realizing: I had been used by Feng Wufu as both a palace maid and a shield…
There was no time to settle accounts with that old fox, and since I was already at the door, standing there wouldn’t solve anything. Holding the tray, I cleared my throat: “Your Majesty, this consort requests an audience.” After waiting a while with no response, I called again, “Your Majesty, this consort requests an audience!”
Still no sound from inside, so I had to hold the tray with one hand and push open the door with the other, carefully walking in: “Your Majesty? This consort…”
No wonder Feng Wufu was worried. Though night had fallen completely, the warm chamber only had one palace lamp lit. If not for the moonlight filtering through the large glass windows, one could barely see even shadows here – the dark shapes made the room feel even more cold and empty.
Getting closer, I finally saw Xiao Huan sitting against the wall, head propped up but hanging slightly low, unclear whether his eyes were closed. Given how dark it was, he couldn’t possibly have been reading memorials.
While everyone outside was nearly worried sick, could he be taking a nap in here?
I cleared my throat loudly: “Your Majesty, this consort is here!”
He finally moved slightly, and after a moment, as if just waking up, gave a light cough. The hand supporting his head moved to his forehead, his voice somewhat hoarse: “Empress?”
I smiled in response: “Yes, it’s this consort. This consort had some matters to discuss with Your Majesty. Only upon arriving did I learn Your Majesty hasn’t allowed anyone in for two hours. Master Feng took the initiative to let this consort in to wake Your Majesty. Does Your Majesty mind?”
He made a sound of acknowledgment, then asked strangely: “It’s been two hours already? What time is it now?”
“The first quarter of the Dog Hour, the first watch has already been struck.” I found him somewhat odd while walking closer to the couch.
He hadn’t expected me to suddenly approach, lowered his supporting hand, and laughed slightly while coughing: “I must thank the Empress. If I had continued sleeping, I probably wouldn’t have finished reading these memorials tonight.”
Only up close could I see that his face appeared somewhat pale even in the dim yellow lamplight, with a layer of fine sweat on his forehead. Under the arm that had been supporting his head was an opened memorial, with faint spots of cinnabar ink visible. The vermillion brush that should have been on the desk had fallen onto the couch, staining the imperial yellow brocade.
He wasn’t simply being lazy and napping just now, was he?
Since he wanted to hide it, why should I point it out? I smiled and placed the teacup on the table edge.
I decided to be direct: “Your Majesty is wise, you must know why this consort has come?”
He made another sound of acknowledgment, head lowered as he coughed lightly several times.
I waited for him to finish coughing, but unexpectedly he continued coughing intermittently for quite a while, bending his head over his arm, and showing no signs of stopping.
Already somewhat irritated, my tone wasn’t pleasant either: “Does Your Majesty wish to hear what this consort has to say?”
Hearing me speak, he raised his head with a smile, still coughing: “My apologies, this cup of tea… trouble the Empress… to pass it over…”
I was stunned for a moment, only then realizing I had placed the teacup too far out – if he wanted to reach it, he would have to bend and lean forward to get it.
Putting my hand on the teacup, I gathered my courage, too anxious and afraid there wouldn’t be another chance to make requests of him: “Your Majesty, this consort can bring this cup of tea to Your Majesty’s hand, but please first promise this consort not to pursue Luo Xian Xue’s crimes and to release him from the palace.” Having said it all in one breath, I looked at him, quietly waiting for his answer.
He didn’t speak, those deep black pupils completely still. Though the lamplight was very dim, his gaze made me unable to continue meeting his eyes.
After who knows how long, he finally spoke while coughing lightly, a very faint smile at the corner of his lips: “I promise…”
Secretly relieved, I quickly removed my hand from the tea cup cover but trembled slightly. The already unsteady cup instantly tilted, passing through my reaching hand and falling to the ground.
The warm chamber floor was covered with a navy carpet; the teacup didn’t break, but all the tea had spilled out, soaking a patch of the carpet.
This was the second cup of tea spilled before me today.
I raised my head, looking at him somewhat blankly, hurriedly saying: “This consort will go right away to pour you…”
He smiled slightly, closing his eyes: “It’s alright… don’t bother…”
I didn’t know what to say, just nodded: “This consort will go now.”
After taking two steps away, I heard him say very softly behind me: “Three days later…”
I immediately understood he was talking about when he would release Xian Xue, quickly turning back: “Why three days later?”
He paused, and looked at me with a smile: “In three days, his external injuries should be healed…”
I froze, then after a while, forced a smile at him and turned to leave.
Xiao Huan was right, he didn’t need me to pour him more tea.
Leaving the warm chamber door, I only said “The teacup spilled” to Feng Wufu who was standing guard at the door, and he had already run-in with a young eunuch, slamming the door in my face with a “bang.”
Standing at the bottom of the steps, slightly dazed, some of the spilled tea remained on my hand. When it first spilled it was hot, but now cooled by the night breeze, it had a hint of chill.
Clasping my palm, I was momentarily lost in thought – had I become someone detestable? Suspicious of everything, distrustful, calculating… Always thinking of owing no one anything, yet somehow ending up seeming to owe everyone.