The most brilliant fireworks in her memory bloomed on a summer night ten years ago, the day Qiao Jinrui received his acceptance letter from Huanzhou University. Qiao Qingyu remembered her own excitement, remembered the large round table laden with sumptuous food and adults toasting each other, and remembered Baiyu that night—in the chaos of the crowded courtyard, she glowed in her white dress, ethereal as if not of this world.
She also remembered how, when the fireworks exploded freely in the sky and their petals fell like rain, Qiao Jinrui bent down to cover Baiyu’s ears with gentle hands.
These past few days, though she rarely confined herself to the third-floor guest room anymore, her thoughts remained imprisoned, circling endlessly between those few fragments of memory. Yes, people used to say Baiyu and Jinrui’s relationship was enviably close, closer than real siblings.
Whatever food Baiyu couldn’t finish, Jinrui would wordlessly transfer to his bowl; when Baiyu’s hands were cold in winter, Jinrui would open his collar and let her warm them against his neck. Like the adults, Qiao Qingyu once thought Jinrui gentle and attentive, but now she saw that Jinrui had been too meticulous with Baiyu—his care had crossed a line. If caring for younger siblings was in his nature, he should have treated Qiao Qingyu and Qiao Jinyu equally, but he didn’t.
Qiao Jinrui’s protection was reserved for Baiyu alone.
“Perhaps,” Qiao Qingyu thought, “he was sincere then.”
It was hard to imagine why the extremely gentle Qiao Jinrui would do such a thing to twelve-year-old Baiyu. And now Baiyu was gone, Qiao Jinrui firmly denied everything, so this would remain an eternal mystery. Only she, Qiao Qingyu, cared about this mystery.
After carefully covering the last section of the brown wooden wardrobe with thick white stickers, Qiao Qingyu stood up and walked around it several times, satisfied with her handiwork.
Qiao Jinrui appeared in the doorway.
“Qingqing is so skilled,” he praised while walking closer to examine, “Perfectly even, perfect!”
“As you wished,” Qiao Qingyu said, “Covered naturally and completely, leaving no trace.”
Qiao Jinrui gave a meaningful bitter smile, then quickly switched to a cheerful expression: “If you’re tired, go downstairs for a snack, or play on the computer, as long as you want!”
“I should go down and help pack the wedding candy instead.”
The freedom to surf the internet was indeed tempting, but Qiao Qingyu refused to accept Qiao Jinrui’s kindness as if it were a bribe. The inner room downstairs was empty. She opened the various-sized cardboard boxes piled against the wall and began voluntarily filling the folded candy boxes with wedding candy. Soon after, Liu Yanfen came in carrying charcoal, and seeing Qiao Qingyu busy at work, happily called out: “Qingqing’s here!”
“Yes, Aunt.”
“My, how sensible,” Liu Yanfen said cheerfully while using the tongs to put charcoal in the stove, “Is Jinrui’s wedding room ready? I’ll add some charcoal, it’ll be warm here soon… Be careful, those wedding candies and boxes are barely enough as it is, don’t let any fall into the stove…”
“Don’t worry, Aunt.”
Two of the new charcoal pieces were still burning. Liu Yanfen poked them a few times with the tongs, and the dancing flames were quickly smothered by ash. After Liu Yanfen left, Qiao Qingyu looked around at the boxes, candy boxes, and lanterns piled in the room, and felt a powerful urge: stack them all on the stove and burn them.
Let the house catch fire too, yes, including that spotlessly white wedding room upstairs.
The courtyard wouldn’t escape either. The gleaming dark red wooden tables and chairs borrowed from town, neatly stacked against the wall, would make the flames even more dazzling, surpassing the summer night fireworks from ten years ago.
Burn it all to nothing. Let this wedding full of concealment and deception turn to ashes, let these so-called family members who aided evil and destroyed Baiyu lose all face, lose everything.
South Qiao Village’s most splendid new house, on a peaceful winter night, becomes a blaze illuminating the whole village—this image gave Qiao Qingyu a sense of satisfaction.
You all love burning things so much, she thought, might as well fulfill your wishes, give you a carnival of fire, burn away this foolish heart of the village.
The door creaked, and Qiao Jinrui’s voice came through: “Qingqing, you’re here? Feihai, come in and warm up first…”
After folding the gold and silver ribbon into a beautiful bow, Qiao Qingyu put the finished candy box aside and turned to return He Feihai’s greeting with a smile.
“Feihai’s here to use the internet, sending materials to the American side?” Qiao Jinrui sat down by the stove.
“Yes,” He Feihai nodded, looking around at the items in the room, “Wow, Brother Jinrui, do you need to buy so many things for a wedding?”
“You’ll understand someday,” Qiao Jinrui smiled, “You can’t stay hung up on your past unrequited love forever, you have to get married and have children eventually!”
“Brother, stop bringing that up…” He Feihai was extremely embarrassed.
“I miss Xiaobai too,” Qiao Jinrui pulled He Feihai to sit by the stove, suddenly becoming deliberately sentimental, “Before, I always treated her like my own sister! I still remember those boys in your class, how could sixth-grade boys be so bad? Cornering Xiaobai in the hallway every day! Tell me, you had a crush on Xiaobai, why didn’t you protect her?”
“I,” He Feihai scratched his head, “Brother, we were all young then, didn’t know better… Besides, they wouldn’t dare really hurt Qiao Baiyu, everyone knew Qiao Baiyu had a brother, and no boy dared to really bully her.”
“I still wasn’t good enough as a brother,” Qiao Jinrui patted his thigh, shaking his head in deep remorse, “Ah, as soon as I left for university, she was led astray.”
“Brother, I think as a brother, you couldn’t have been more responsible to Qiao Baiyu,” He Feihai hurried to say, “You really shouldn’t blame yourself so much. Having you as a brother was Qiao Baiyu’s blessing.”
Qiao Jinrui glanced at Qiao Qingyu: “No, there were many things I didn’t do well…”
“People are all like this when they miss departed loved ones, they blame themselves,” He Feihai consoled, “Besides, you’re getting married in a few days, and Qiao Baiyu can’t be there, you must feel even more…”
Qiao Qingyu stood up abruptly, so quickly that He Feihai was startled.
“I believe she definitely wouldn’t blame you, but would instead feel bad seeing you blame yourself so much.”
As she opened the door, Qiao Qingyu heard He Feihai’s words of comfort to Qiao Jinrui behind her.
She controlled her urge to turn back and tell He Feihai to shut up. In the courtyard, the air was dry and cold, the biting wind carrying the smell of gunpowder from exploded firecrackers. The courtyard wall facing the house was very high, especially topped with small green tiles in the traditional horse-head wall style, and beneath the green tiles on the white wall was a large, bold character for “Li” (礼, propriety).
On the other side of the courtyard wall facing the street, Qiao Qingyu knew, was written “De” (德, virtue).
The antique bronze clock in the hall struck four times, and a light gold rural bus passed the courtyard gate, stopping about ten meters away. Qiao Haisheng led a group of men, women, old and young off the bus—all Liu Yanfen’s family members, coming two days early to help with wedding preparations.
After forcing a few smiles at the arrivals, Qiao Qingyu quickly retreated to the third-floor guest room, hastily packing the books and homework spread on the desk into her school bag. About fifteen minutes later, as she expected, Liu Yanfen came upstairs carrying bedding: “Qingqing, the house will be lively these few days, we’ll have to squeeze in.”
Qiao Qingyu nodded, silently helping her spread the quilts on the floor beside the desk.
“Finished your homework?” Liu Yanfen asked while patting the corners of the bedding.
“Finished long ago.”
“Still so sensible, never making your parents worry,” Liu Yanfen smiled, “Xiaorui’s aunt and her daughter, Lingling, about your age, will sleep here tonight.”
“Mm.”
“Go downstairs and play with Lingling! She’s a first-year at the town high school, heard you’re from Huan Second Middle School, specially came to play with you.”
“Oh.”
Walking down the stairs, Qiao Jinrui’s door was open, with an unfamiliar young girl sitting at the computer. Seeing she was engrossed in the computer, completely unaware of her presence, Qiao Qingyu hurriedly turned around and quickly went downstairs quietly.
Everyone was busy. Busy with the feast three days away, busy with current social obligations. Li Fanghao was busy in the kitchen, Qiao Jinyu and Qiao Lusheng had gone somewhere unknown. Qiao Qingyu zipped her down jacket up to the top, turned up the collar to cover her nose and mouth, pulled up the hood in the back to cover her forehead, and walked out the courtyard gate.
South Qiao Village wasn’t large; a leisurely walk around its outermost path brought her back home by just five-thirty. He Feihai stepped out of the courtyard gate, his gaze unconsciously drawn away by the departing last rural bus, coincidentally catching sight of Qiao Qingyu passing by the bus.
He smiled and nodded a simple greeting.
“Brother He,” Qiao Qingyu called out as he lifted his foot to leave, running forward, “Will you come to Brother Jinrui’s wedding?”
He Feihai made an affirming sound: “Got the invitation today, I’ll come.”
“I can’t feel happy at all,” Qiao Qingyu turned her head aside, using her eyes to indicate the bustling courtyard, “They don’t respect my sister.”
“Oh,” He Feihai pondered thoughtfully, his expression cautious, “Don’t respect meaning?”
Qiao Qingyu took a deep breath: “It hasn’t been three years yet.”
“Well, actually,” He Feihai smiled helplessly, “It has.”
“What?”
“Your sister had already… before that Spring Festival,” He Feihai carefully glanced at Qiao Qingyu, “Your parents handled the aftermath in Huanzhou by themselves to let the elders have a peaceful New Year, only telling the family after the Lantern Festival.”
“Why do you know more than me, her sister?”
“Brother Jinrui told me. Your family probably didn’t tell you because you were young…”
“Brother Jinrui shows the least respect for my sister,” Qiao Qingyu said directly. “I stopped you because I wanted to persuade you—there’s no need to come to this insincere wedding.”
“Why?” He Feihai frowned.
“For my sister’s sake,” Qiao Qingyu said seriously and firmly. “She hates this wedding. If you liked her, respect her, okay?”
“I… don’t quite understand your logic.”
“Brother Jinrui doesn’t deserve it.”
“Doesn’t deserve what?”
“Doesn’t deserve blessings,” Qiao Qingyu said. “If you truly liked my sister, why is it so hard to respect her wishes? Besides, the courtyard is already overcrowded, you’re not even related to Brother Jinrui, no need to join the celebration!”
“I really don’t understand your logic,” He Feihai was both puzzled and sincere. “I’ve known Brother Jinrui for many years, he’s definitely a trustworthy friend to me. As for Qiao Baiyu, I was just a stranger to her…”
“Sister wrote your name in her diary.”
He Feihai let out a soft “ah,” and opened his mouth several times before finally speaking again: “Then, what did she write about me?”
“I just want you to know you weren’t a stranger to her,” Qiao Qingyu said flatly. “You said it yourself, her emotional walls were high, and she wasn’t good at expressing herself.”
Like the falling night curtain, He Feihai’s eyes instantly lost their luster.
When the day’s clamor finally settled into silence and the house fell into slumber like an exhausted beast, Qiao Qingyu, lying awake in bed, thought: I need a room completely my own.
Dark blue walls, simple yet dignified. Light white curtains, block out the darkness at night, welcoming the brilliant sunlight at dawn. A soft, warm bed with magical powers, where lying down could shed all burdens and dissolve sorrows. Clear air, sweet dreams.
Li Fanghao’s snoring persisted in her ears, and from the quilts piled on the floor, that girl called Lingling turned over. Qiao Qingyu closed her eyes, trying to sleep, but her mind grew increasingly excited. After struggling ineffectively, she simply got up, put on her down jacket, and quietly left the room.
She went into the inner room downstairs—the only room without people.
Cold. Using the fire tongs to dig out several glowing charcoal pieces buried deep in the ash, soon after, Qiao Qingyu covered them with ash again, restoring the stove to its original state. Can’t let them notice anything unusual, she thought.
After the past few days’ battle, the inner room was much neater than before. The prepared wedding candy, cigarettes, and wine were all packed into large cardboard boxes, stacked in rows under the windows away from the stove. Qiao Qingyu opened a box, took out a candy box, her fingertips gently stroking the gold and silver ribbon bow on top, then skillfully opened the box and pulled out the small card inside.
On the front of the card, Qiao Jinrui and Xiaoyun sat formally in traditional red Chinese wedding attire, happiness overflowing in their smiles; the back simply printed their names with a bright red heart between them.
After returning the candy box to its original state, Qiao Qingyu walked to the stove and used the fire tongs to grip the card, pushing it deep into the ash until she was sure the card was surrounded by hard, scorching charcoal.
She didn’t release the pressure on her hands until the handle of the fire tongs began to heat up. When she pulled out the tongs, not a trace of the card remained in their flat grip.
The next day was the fifth day of the New Year. Qiao Qingyu, who had barely fallen asleep at dawn, was woken early by Li Fanghao.
“Lingling’s already gone down to help, you should be diligent too,” Li Fanghao said while making the bed. “Especially these two days, they’re the busiest, you’re family, be sensible.”
Downstairs, Lingling, wearing a long red down jacket, was bringing dishes to the dining table. Seeing Qiao Qingyu, she happily called out “Sister Qingqing.”
Qiao Qingyu returned a gentle smile. She joined Lingling, setting out bowls and chopsticks, and deliberately sat beside Lingling during breakfast. They quickly became familiar with each other.
“A lion is dancing at Qiaotou Town this morning,” while clearing the table, Qiao Qingyu said to Lingling, “Shall we go watch together?”
Lingling agreed readily, holding onto Qiao Qingyu’s arm, turned to report to her mother, and after getting permission, the two went to the kitchen where Qiao Qingyu asked Li Fanghao but was rejected.
“The house is so busy with things to do, and you want to go out to play,” Li Fanghao frowned. “How inconsiderate!”
“But Lingling’s mom already agreed…” Qiao Qingyu said softly.
“Two girls going out together is fine, just be careful,” Liu Yanfen smiled. “Lingling, if you want to play, go ahead, you came to your aunt’s house to have fun anyway… Xiaofang, aren’t you at ease with Qingyu and Lingling together? Lingling studies in Qiaotou Town and goes home every week, she knows it well!”
“Alright then,” Li Fanghao relented, “Come back early, be back for lunch.”
This meant they had four hours of freedom. Looking out the courtyard gate, the rural bus had just appeared around the corner. Qiao Qingyu ran upstairs like a whirlwind to get her schoolbag, then followed Lingling, panting as they boarded the bus.
The bus stopped and started along the narrow mountain road, and after about half an hour, shut off its engine at Qiaotou Town’s bus station. The square with the lion dance was right across from the bus station, and after getting off, Qiao Qingyu and Lingling merged into the crowd. Amidst the clamor of gongs and drums, Qiao Qingyu stood on tiptoe, carefully surveying the surrounding shops, then left Lingling under the pretense of using the station’s bathroom.
The copy shop diagonal from the bus station wasn’t open yet, which deeply disappointed Qiao Qingyu.
When Lingling found Qiao Qingyu, she was at the station’s waiting hall asking the window staff about bus schedules. Turning to see Lingling’s puzzled face, Qiao Qingyu smiled awkwardly: “Just asking randomly.”
“Where did you go just now? I even called for you in the bathroom!”
She pulled Qiao Qingyu back to continue watching the lion dance. Halfway there, Qiao Qingyu stopped.
“Lingling, are there other print shops in Qiaotou Town?”
“Print shops? There’s one by our school entrance, why?”
“Just,” Qiao Qingyu felt hope ignite inside, though her words remained vague, “Something to do.”
But the print shop by the school entrance wasn’t open either. Of course not, it was only the fifth day of the New Year. Seeing Qiao Qingyu’s ashen face, Lingling carefully asked: “Sister Qingqing, did you arrange to meet someone?”
“Huh?” Qiao Qingyu was momentarily confused, then quickly understood, giving a miserable smile without confirming or denying.
“Meeting a boy?” Lingling covered her mouth, but her eyes sparkled, “A boyfriend?”
“No.”
“You can tell me, I’ll keep your secret! You didn’t come to Qiaotou for the lion dance at all, right?”
Qiao Qingyu sighed: “Ah, never mind.”
But Lingling persisted. Finally annoyed by her questions, Qiao Qingyu simply agreed: “Fine, say I was waiting for someone. Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry,” Lingling grew more excited, “Why didn’t they come?”
“Maybe they were delayed.”
“Oh, what a shame,” Lingling sighed, “If they were sincere about meeting, they should have overcome any obstacles to keep their promise! Just like you did, Sister Qingqing!”
What nonsense, Qiao Qingyu thought with a bitter smile.
They boarded the rural bus back to South Qiao Village. A troublemaker was smoking inside, and under the driver’s threats, pulled open the window with a screech, throwing the cigarette butt outside. The sudden gust of cold wind carrying cigarette smoke made Qiao Qingyu sneeze several times. When closing the window, she began coughing uncontrollably, each cough more violent than the last, making her feel sick to her stomach, her face pale.
When it finally stopped, for some reason, tears filled her eyes.
“Filthy and vicious hometown,” she thought resolutely, counting down in her heart, “farewell forever.”