The inner room was warm and cozy, with the whole family gathered inside. Qiao Lilong, Qiao Haisheng, and Qiao Lusheng sat by the fire stove. Qiao Jinyu lounged on a sofa away from the stove watching TV, while Qiao Jinrui stood to one side texting. Liu Yanfen and Grandmother Fang Zhaodi sat around a cardboard box near the tea table, their hands busy at work.
As Qiao Qingyu approached, she could see they were folding candy boxes for the wedding. Li Fanghao joined them as soon as she entered. There was an empty spot next to Qiao Jinyu that seemed reserved for Qiao Qingyu, but she didn’t go over—that position faced the tea table directly, which meant she’d have to help with the work. Seeing her standing there, Qiao Lilong waved, “Qingqing, come warm yourself by the fire.”
“Come join us folding in a bit,” Li Fanghao turned back, giving Qiao Qingyu a meaningful look.
The room was stuffy. Sitting down by the fire stove, Qiao Qingyu picked up the fire tongs and gently covered the glowing charcoal with ash. Beside her, Qiao Lilong spoke up: “Qingqing, you’ve been home for two or three days now, but you never come downstairs except for meals. This won’t do.”
“People will find it strange if you stay indoors all day. Those who don’t know might think our family is too strict, not letting girls go out…” Qiao Haisheng added.
Liu Yanfen turned around: “These days, outgoing girls are popular. Girls who stay inside all day without seeing anyone get talked about! Qingqing looks proper and well-behaved, but if people start saying she has a strange personality, wouldn’t that be terrible?”
“That’s right,” Grandmother Fang Zhaodi said, “We’ve had many guests lately, and they all ask about Qingqing.”
“I have a lot of homework,” Qiao Qingyu mumbled, head down, aimlessly poking at the ashes, “Besides, I hardly know these guests.”
Though her voice was soft, it still reached Grandfather Qiao Lilong’s ears. He coughed twice to show his disapproval, then criticized loudly: “When others ask about you, they mean well. Being cheerful, greeting them, and serving them tea—that’s what being sensible means! School doesn’t start tomorrow, you’ll have plenty of time to finish your homework!”
“That’s right, for a girl, doing reasonably well in school is enough. After all, you’ll get married eventually. Making a good impression on others and leaving a good reputation is what’s most important,” Fang Zhaodi immediately agreed. “I also need to say something about Lusheng and Fanghao—this isn’t how you raise a daughter. Character is more important than grades! It was fine letting Xiaoyu go to sports school by himself, he came home every week anyway. Qingqing was doing well at Xunyun First High, so why transfer schools? The whole family moving to Huanzhou, having to rent a place, isn’t that troublesome? Huanzhou has all sorts of questionable people. It’s fine for Xiaoyu as a boy to experience the world there, but Qingqing is a girl, she could easily be led astray…”
“Mom,” Li Fanghao interrupted Fang Zhaodi, “We took Qingqing to Huanzhou so she could get into a good university. Competition is fierce these days… Besides, she’s very well-behaved, only thinks about studying and nothing else, so don’t worry.”
“How could you know what’s really in her mind?” Liu Yanfen smiled meaningfully. “Girls have complicated thoughts. Some mature early and go down the wrong path at eleven or twelve. Qingqing developed late, but you still need to be careful now.”
A brief silence fell over the room. Qiao Qingyu buried her face in her knees, using the fire tongs to forcefully break a piece of hot charcoal. Just as she was about to poke at a second piece, a large hand reached over and roughly snatched the tongs away.
“Grandfather, Grandmother, Uncle, and Aunt have given you so much advice, did you take any of it to heart?” Qiao Lusheng threw the tongs to the ground and demanded angrily.
Everyone looked at her, including the texting Qiao Jinrui. Strange—Qiao Qingyu had intended to nod perfunctorily, but now her head felt frozen, unable to move.
“Qingqing might be a bit introverted and timid, but she’s been well-behaved since she was little,” Li Fanghao quickly smiled to ease the tension. “Besides, she’s kind and intelligent, knows what’s important. She definitely won’t go down the wrong path.”
The word “kind” pierced Qiao Qingyu’s heart for the second time, making it ache.
“Qingqing, ah,” Qiao Lilong sighed, “Listen to grandfather. After the New Year, let your parents take you and Jinyu to the police station to change your name. This character ‘Yu,’ it’s not auspicious.”
Fang Zhaodi spoke as if comforting Qiao Qingyu: “Once you change your name, you’ll be happier. There’s something… well, the children are grown now, we might as well tell them.” She furrowed her brow, and seeing no objection, continued: “The Taoist priestess from Dongliyuan said Xiaobai left too suddenly, couldn’t let go, so her soul needed to find a host, so…”
“So I’m possessed by my sister’s soul, right?” Qiao Qingyu raised her head coldly.
“Change your name and she won’t be able to find you anymore,” Fang Zhaodi nodded earnestly at Qiao Qingyu. “Qingqing, you’ve changed so much since coming home this time… Don’t be afraid, Xiaobai definitely won’t harm you, it’s just that her bad habits have transferred to you, like how she used to always lock herself in her room and not come out…”
“Until she went crazy,” Qiao Haisheng nodded in agreement.
Another silence. Qiao Qingyu opened her mouth, but ultimately swallowed back the words “You’re the crazy ones.”
“Qingqing…” Fang Zhaodi’s voice was old and kind, “Look, you’re the only girl in the family now, you’re our treasure…”
“What kind of crazy was my sister?” Qiao Qingyu looked around at everyone, surprisingly calm.
“Here,” Qiao Lilong said, staring seriously at Qiao Qingyu while raising his right hand to tap his skull, “Your sister, she was crazy here.”
“Not clear-headed,” Qiao Qingyu’s nose stung and her lips trembled slightly, “No self-respect.”
“Since we’re talking about Xiaobai today, I have to say more,” Liu Yanfen’s expression hardened. “Look, Lusheng, Fanghao, Dad, Mom, you’re all here… How well we treated Xiaobai before, everyone in the village saw it! We truly gave her our hearts, and raised her like our own daughter! When we had good food, Xiaobai always got it before Jinrui! Wasn’t Jinrui good to Xiaobai? That was sincere! Worried she’d be taken advantage of by men, Jinrui went everywhere with her! Wasn’t he a good brother? It was only in Jinrui’s senior year when he was busy with studies and couldn’t watch over Xiaobai that she started making questionable friends at school and went down the wrong path…”
“And led Brother Jinrui down the wrong path too, right?”
Qiao Qingyu’s sudden loud question was like a thunderclap, interrupting Liu Yanfen’s endless chatter. No one spoke for a moment, making the room feel even stuffier. Despite sitting by the fire stove for so long, Qiao Qingyu felt her hands and feet were still ice cold, though sweat had broken out on her forehead.
“How did Jinrui go wrong?” Qiao Haisheng looked at Qiao Qingyu, his eyes full of rebuke. “Jinrui has been obedient and filial since childhood, got into a key university, and became a civil servant, which leader at his workplace doesn’t praise him? He’s always been proper, when has he ever done anything bad?”
Qiao Qingyu’s gaze passed over Qiao Haisheng, fixing steadily on Qiao Jinrui’s face: “Really, Brother Jinrui?”
“What’s wrong with you, child?” Qiao Lilong couldn’t help but start scolding, “Why are you turning against your family? Has the family mistreated you, do we owe you something? Your Brother Jinrui’s character—go outside and ask anyone! Do you know Jinrui is getting married? This is completely improper!”
“If Jinrui had any problems, Xiaoyun’s parents wouldn’t be willing to marry such a good girl to our family,” Fang Zhaodi also got excited, “Qingqing, think about it, if our family had any issues, would her parents, who are all officials, be willing to let Xiaoyun marry into our family? We’re just country folk! It’s because Jinrui is capable and reliable! Who knows what you’re thinking!”
Li Fanghao remained motionless, her face ashen. Qiao Lusheng just kept poking at the charcoal with the fire tongs. Qiao Jinyu still lounged on the sofa, maintaining his lazy demeanor. Suddenly Qiao Qingyu felt helplessly like crying.
At this moment, Qiao Jinrui walked over and patted Qiao Qingyu’s shoulder kindly: “Qingqing, you and Xiaobai were sisters, close to each other. She left so suddenly, you’ve been feeling unwell inside, we all understand…”
“Speaking it out helps, it helps,” Qiao Lusheng mumbled, reaching over to pat Qiao Qingyu’s arm. “Qingqing, don’t think about it anymore, let your sister rest in peace.”
“My sister used to be so well-behaved, why did she suddenly lose her self-respect?” Qiao Qingyu looked around with tears in her eyes.
Qiao Lilong sighed: “This is fate, everyone has their fate.”
“I think Dayong’s crazy wife led Xiaobai astray before,” Liu Yanfen declared emphatically. “He should have locked that crazy woman in her room long ago! He was just lazy, didn’t want to cook for the crazy woman, always letting her out to do things…”
Fang Zhaodi nodded approvingly, then shook her head: “Ah, Xiaobai had such a bitter fate.”
“Qingqing is at a sensitive age now, having some strange thoughts is normal,” Li Fanghao turned her head, her voice calm but expression somewhat distant. “Fortunately, she’s been a kind girl since she was little, always understanding of her elders’ hardships and good intentions. Now that things are cleared up, it’ll be fine.”
“Just remember that family would never harm family,” Qiao Lusheng added earnestly to Qiao Qingyu, “It’s New Year’s, try to be happier, don’t always make your grandparents worry.”
From the side, Qiao Jinyu suddenly sat up straight: “Actually, I also think that now that Big Sister is gone, she’d surely want everyone to remember her good side. Even if she were alive, she wouldn’t want to bring up the unfortunate past.”
Everyone murmured sounds of approval.
“No matter what, Xiaobai was a kind child. Everyone in our family is kind-hearted,” Liu Yanfen remarked thoughtfully. “We all just want everyone to live well, right?”
Her words received unanimous agreement from everyone.
Qiao Qingyu stood up: “I’m going to the bathroom.”
In the cold bathroom mirror, she saw her pale face, her lifeless pupils etched with the word “despair.”
“First we must be kind, then honest, and finally we must never forget each other.”
Dostoevsky’s words echoed in her mind. If only it were that easy, she thought.
“Sister,” Qiao Qingyu whispered, breathing white wing-shaped clouds onto the mirror, watching as invisible cold air devoured them bit by bit until they vanished completely.
The next day was New Year’s Eve. Early in the morning, Qiao Qingyu satisfied her family’s expectations by not retreating to her room after breakfast. Under the thin sunlight, she sat in a corner of the courtyard with an old, thick English notebook, flipping through it rapidly.
With both New Year and a wedding coinciding, everyone in the family was busy running around. Liu Yanfen called Qiao Qingyu twice to help fold candy boxes in the inner room, but Qiao Qingyu refused both times. The third time, Liu Yanfen brought Li Fanghao from the kitchen to pressure Qiao Qingyu together, and only then did she close the final page of the notebook and reluctantly stand up.
Seeing her obvious resistance, Li Fanghao quickly spoke: “Qingqing, rest your eyes a bit. Those candy boxes are tricky and we’re short on time. You’re good with your hands, come help, be good.”
“I will help,” Qiao Qingyu nodded, raising the notebook in her hand, “but I need to return this to Uncle Dayong first.”
“What? You brought that crazy woman’s things home yesterday?” Liu Yanfen was horrified.
“Uncle Dayong said he’s going to burn it when he visits the graves this afternoon, so I rushed to finish reading it,” Qiao Qingyu said casually. “I’ll return it first, then come back to fold candy boxes.”
After leaving the courtyard, she spotted Qiao Jinrui making a phone call by the road and walked over to gently tap his shoulder with the notebook.
“My sister’s here, hold on, hold on,” Qiao Jinrui said, covering the phone’s microphone, quickly hiding his smile. “What is it?”
“These are Aunt Qin’s records, in English,” Qiao Qingyu said directly. “She wrote down what you did to my sister.”
Like seeing a ghost in broad daylight, Qiao Jinrui’s face instantly contorted.
“Qingqing,” his hand first gripped the phone tightly, then without hesitation pressed the end call button, his eyes turning cold: “I don’t know what to say to you…”
“Xiaobai and her brother fell in love, the love was wrong, but Xiaobai gave her first time to her brother.” Reading this, Qiao Qingyu paused, ignoring Qiao Jinrui’s extremely shocked face, and continued: “She had a baby, so her family discovered and stopped their love. She went to the hospital and took away the baby. Her brother went to university. She cried, cried, and cried at night.”
“Brother Jinrui,” Qiao Qingyu snapped the notebook shut, looking straight into Qiao Jinrui’s eyes, “Did you assault your twelve-year-old sister?”
The contempt on Qiao Jinrui’s face masked his panic: “You believe the random writings of a crazy woman?”
“I believe she was lucid when writing in English,” Qiao Qingyu said. “Do you dare answer my question?”
“What question?”
“You heard, I’ll ask one last time,” Qiao Qingyu said, enunciating each word, “In your college entrance exam year, did you assault your twelve-year-old sister, causing her to become pregnant?”
Qiao Jinrui scoffed, was silent for two seconds, then said: “You really dare to say such things.”
“I want you to answer with your conscience.”
“Qingqing, there’s a proper order between young and old. I’m twelve years older than you, I’m your brother, by rights you have no place to speak to me like this,” Qiao Jinrui looked into the distance. “However,” he suddenly turned back, his tone icy, “I’ll still answer you.”
Qiao Qingyu held her breath.
“I did not.”
As if afraid Qiao Qingyu wouldn’t believe him, he quickly added: “If you don’t believe me, ask anyone else in the family.”
“No need,” Qiao Qingyu responded coldly. “Brother Jinrui, lies have consequences.”
“Quickly return the notebook, let Uncle Dayong burn it,” Qiao Jinrui turned his head. “Brother kindly advises you, to stop speaking nonsense like a crazy person.”
Slowly approaching the unrecognizable old house, Qiao Qingyu inexplicably couldn’t raise her head. From far away, she could see the room where Qiao Baiyu once lived was dark and hollow, like a house whose heart had been forcibly carved out.
Desolate, and frightening.
Qiao Dayong, who was organizing offerings for the grave visit, immediately put the notebook into the plastic bag with spirit money as soon as he received it, turning to ask Qiao Qingyu: “Did that woman write in a foreign language to curse me, afraid I’d beat her if she wrote in Chinese?”
Qiao Qingyu slowly shook her head.
“She didn’t curse me?” Qiao Dayong closed the bamboo lid of the offering basket. “Then what did she write?”
After pondering for a while, Qiao Qingyu answered: “Aunt Qin wrote a story.”
“She could write stories?”
“The life story of a woman trampled by society.”
“What?” Qiao Dayong clearly didn’t understand.
“It’s her own story,” Qiao Qingyu smiled slightly, though her voice was full of sorrow. “Uncle Dayong, does this notebook have to be burned?”
“Of course, it has to be burned, why keep it at home when the person is gone… Is that woman cursing me in the notebook? Cursing me to have no descendants!”
“No,” Qiao Qingyu shook her head firmly. “Aunt Qin Wenqiu was a kind-hearted good person.”
But what did that matter? She was still toyed with by fate, kidnapped by human traffickers on her way home from work, imprisoned in this ignorant southern village, lost the unexpectedly received but precious child, lost her sanity as a human being and finally left this world tragically.
Once again, Qiao Qingyu felt an unprecedented disgust for the empty words “kindness.”