The Celestial Court. Lucun Xingjun’s estate.

Six stars of the Northern Dipper had already arrived. All were anxious and restless.

Tanlang Xingjun was already beginning to wonder: “By the hour, Third Brother should have returned to his position long ago. How is it that he’s still not here?”

Tianxuan Xingjun was calmer: “Perhaps the underworld procedures are complex and some time was lost — why not send someone to check?”

Wenqu Xingjun had always been straightforward: “Oh, please — let’s stop pretending! Third Brother, no matter how oblivious he might be, must know by now that we sold him out. He’s surely furious right now! The way things look — if we don’t go and apologize, he probably won’t take his position.”

At this, Lianzhen Xingjun immediately shrank back: “If you want to go, go yourselves — you all know Third Brother’s temperament. Whoever goes right now gets beaten up!”

At the mention of being beaten up, all eyes turned to Kaiyang Xingjun — he was Wuqu Xingjun, after all!

“Why should it be me?!” Kaiyang Xingjun protested loudly. “The one who tricked him into going down to face his tribulation was Tanlang, the eldest brother!”

Tanlang Xingjun’s mild expression shifted in an instant to something twisted and fierce — more exaggerated than a performer at a face-changing show: “Because I’m the oldest brother!”

Kaiyang Xingjun was unconvinced: “What about Pojun? It’s not as though I’m the youngest!”

Pojun looked up with an expression of perfect, heavenly innocence: “Sixth Brother — of course you’re not the youngest. You’re the sixth. I’m the youngest.”

Kaiyang Xingjun’s face fell to an expression of utter despair: “If Third Brother sees… what will he do?”

Six star lords raised their gaze in unison toward the plaque reading “Lucun Xingjun’s Estate” above the entrance.

Sixty years ago, the Western Buddha Rulai had suddenly decreed that a demon had undergone tribulation and required a divine being to descend and guide its transcendence.

The seven stars of the Northern Dipper had been so bored they could practically feel moss growing on them. Every one of them sharpened their elbows and clamored to descend into the mortal world for the tribulation. The only one who showed no interest was the customarily cool and detached Lucun Xingjun. While the six stars were in a frenzy, he had essentially taken on all the work in the stellar office by himself.

The six stars fought tooth and claw for the chance — to the point of nearly having a falling-out among themselves. Then suddenly, one day, Wenqu Xingjun — who had the best of relationships — quietly withdrew from the competition, and promptly and decisively gave the wonderful assignment of descending to face tribulation — essentially a fully sponsored working holiday — to five of his brothers.

The Northern Dipper Seven — being who they were — immediately smelled a trap! And so the interrogation began. Unfortunately, Wenqu Xingjun was skilled at talking but not so capable in a fight — he could run his mouth, while the other brothers used their hands. In the end the torture was simply too much to endure.

They had tickled the soles of his feet!

Wenqu Xingjun cracked.

It emerged that the content of this tribulation was indeed the guiding of a demon to transcendence — but the demon being guided was no ordinary benevolent soul. This demon reportedly had a patron — it was the sole surviving disciple of Rulai’s abandoned favorite student.

Rulai had once had a beloved student named Wenhua, whose intelligence and gifts were extraordinary. In the end, however, this student strayed into the path of demons. Rulai had no choice but to send Guanyin Bodhisattva to clean house — yet unable to abandon the old bond of friendship, he spared the lives of Wenhua’s three disciples.

As it happened, two of those three disciples later died under unfortunate circumstances. Only one remained — a lazy river clam spirit who continued wandering through the world on her own.

Thousands of years later, with this river clam spirit having at last cultivated some Dao, and Rulai’s longing for his old student stirring in his heart, he set about seeking to guide her to transcendence.

If matters were merely as described, it would be one thing — after all, having a few connections was essentially building a good relationship. But this particular tribulation was a love tribulation — meaning that a lofty celestial being was to go and fall in love with a demon!

The Northern Dipper Seven were all heaven-born true deities — how could any of them accept a setup like this? Not to mention that it was a river clam — seriously too much, absolutely no moral standards, a complete affront to divine dignity!

And so Wenqu Xingjun was unwilling. And so the remaining five were also unwilling.

With six of the Northern Dipper Seven unwilling, there was nothing for it but for all eyes to settle on the seventh — the most dependable among them, and the one with the worst luck with women: Lucun Xingjun.

“Ah — Third Brother has always done so much for us, burying himself in work — it’s truly right that we should have found him this pleasant assignment, a proper long holiday to relax. You should go and… enjoy it!” Tanlang Xingjun said, with a truly unashamed face.

“Ah — all these years of comfort and ease, Third Brother’s contributions have been essential. A wonderful opportunity like this — keeping it all to ourselves would be too wrong.” Tianxuan Xingjun, his face projecting deep remorse.

“Among us seven brothers, Third Brother is the most… the most reserved…” Kaiyang Xingjun stopped himself. “The most composed — having him face the love tribulation is certainly the safest choice. He will absolutely return safe and sound!” Kaiyang Xingjun burst into applause.

“But…” Wenqu Xingjun did still have a touch of conscience: “…this time it’s a love tribulation with a female river clam demon. If Third Brother falls in love with a river clam…”

The remaining five pairs of eyes turned toward him: “Either him or you.”

Wenqu Xingjun straightened up with an air of righteous sacrifice: “Third Brother is without a doubt the most outstanding, most composed, and most dependable of us brothers!”

The six star lords consulted for a quarter-hour. The matter was settled.

At the time, Lucun Xingjun was processing business for the Northern Dipper Seven in the stellar office, when he suddenly sneezed. He looked up to see his six brothers coming to find him.

Tanlang Xingjun was the eldest, and quickly laid out the situation: “Third Brother — all these years you have been handling the affairs for all seven of us by yourself, and it has truly been too much of a burden on you. All the brothers have seen it. So this time, we have at last managed to secure this assignment — a publicly funded long holiday, a free journey — just for you.”

Lucun Xingjun was of course no fool, and was somewhat skeptical: “What exactly is the matter?”

Tanlang Xingjun coughed, and instantly became solemn: “Rulai Buddha has a disciple’s disciple who has drifted into the world facing tribulation. He has specifically commanded the stellar office to send one true deity down to respond to the tribulation and guide their transcendence.”

Lucun Xingjun thought it over: “Guiding a fellow immortal in transcendence is within one’s generational duties — ordinarily that would be nothing at all. But wait…”

Before he could finish, Tianxuan Xingjun immediately jumped in: “Third Brother — after all these years of difficult service, you truly should go take a holiday and relax properly. Go with peace of mind and… go!”

Lucun Xingjun still hesitated: “…For some reason this feels like something is off…”

Before he could say more, the six star lords swept him forward — as the moon is escorted by all the stars — all the way to the ministry of fate, where they watched him complete all the paperwork, then accompanied him all the way to the underworld, escorting him onto the Bridge of Helplessness, watching him drink Meng Po’s broth.

Lucun Xingjun was moved by the depth of brotherhood he felt, and patted each of them on the shoulder one by one: “After I leave, you must all work diligently. No more acting up the way you used to.”

These words, somehow, made all six star lords’ eyes go red. Kaiyang Xingjun was the most moved, and flung himself forward to embrace him: “Third Brother… we will miss you terribly. Truly, we feel so reluctant…”

Lucun Xingjun’s heart warmed — until he heard the next words: “From now on, who will write the weekly reports, monthly reports, and annual reports? Who will review the documents, who will handle all the official duties? Wuuu…”

He cried. The other five star lords were also moved.

“From now on, when the Lunar Fairy holds a dance, who will cover the shift…”

“From now on, when we make mistakes, who will cover for us…”

Six star lords cried in a heap on the Bridge of Helplessness. Lucun Xingjun looked at the Meng Po broth in his hands: “If you keep saying things like this, I actually will want to go…”

==

Then he suddenly remembered an important matter. Lucun Xingjun’s expression became grave: “What exactly is the content of this tribulation?”

Six star lords went instantly silent. Tanlang Xingjun waved his great hand with decisive finality: “After Third Brother descends, before long a keel-serpent will create chaos. After Third Brother and one with an immortal affinity eliminate the keel-serpent…”

He paused here. Lucun Xingjun immediately understood: “A slaughter tribulation — I have understood. You may all return.”

He strode toward the crossing point. Once his figure could no longer be seen at all, Tanlang Xingjun continued: “After Third Brother eliminates the keel-serpent, he is then to entangle himself with that demon woman for a while — whether by seduction, trickery, abduction, or deception, any means is acceptable — as long as he coaxes her into becoming an immortal, the tribulation is complete.”

The six star lords pressed their palms together in unison: “Eldest Brother — you are truly shameless, contemptible, and low…”

Tanlang Xingjun’s expression did not change, and he replied with great modesty: “Not at all, not at all — this star lord is by nature loyal and sincere, never given to acts of deception. The whole of the celestial court knows as much…”

From the Bridge of Helplessness came a retching sound — Meng Po had vomited…

Lucun Xingjun’s estate. Kaiyang Xingjun had just returned from Qingxu Temple, running until he was gasping for breath.

Tanlang Xingjun was quite composed: “How is it?”

“N-n-n-not good…” Kaiyang Xingjun looked terrible: “Third Brother…”

The other five star lords understood in their hearts at once — Lucun Xingjun was coming back for revenge!!

Just as they were considering making a run for it, footsteps suddenly sounded from outside. Tanlang Xingjun immediately struck a pose of ecstatic excitement: “Music — begin!”

The immortal attendants struck up strings and pipes, celestial music drifting softly. Immortal maids scattered pink flower petals all around. Several star lords gathered in celebration of Lucun Xingjun’s return to his position.

Through a shower of falling flowers, the gates of Lucun Xingjun’s estate slowly opened. The six star lords held their collective breath, waiting for the moment that was on the surface perfectly harmonious, yet beneath it as fraught as thin ice.

First, they saw a foot. And what a foot it was — small enough to hold in one hand, wearing shoes fashioned from condensed seawater. Beside it swam a tiny fish. Five toes like jade carved from ice, the skin delicate, the lines precise, without a single flaw.

Then a long, straight leg — and then, looking higher — heaven, what did they see?

A woman in white garments with a garland of brilliant flowers on her head, pearl earrings at her ears, and a white rabbit-fur collar at her neck — at once exquisitely adorable and spotlessly pure.

Immortal ladies who dared to wear white in the celestial court could be found here and there at random, but if she stood beside the Lunar Fairy she would lose nothing in comparison. Truly in a class of her own — a beauty to overthrow cities and states.

The six star lords truly held their breath — what celestial lady was this? No, no — that wasn’t the point. The real question was: who had she come to find?!

The immortal lady was quiet for not even a moment, and immediately discovered something: “Oh, oh! Petal rain — I love petal rain!!”

Tanlang Xingjun’s eyes had gone fixed: “More — if there isn’t enough, go strip all the flowers in the rear garden and scatter them!”

Wenqu Xingjun was comparatively clear-headed: “His rear garden won’t be enough — go to my garden and pick everything! Hurry!”

Kaiyang Xingjun was the most resigned: “Eldest Brother, Fifth Brother — I think the characters in front of your names, ‘Greedy’ and ‘Scholarly,’ are somewhat inaccurate. How about we change them both to ‘Lecherous’?”

“Get lost!!”

Rong Chen Zi finished giving the immortal attendant instructions about He Bang’s diet and daily needs, and set one foot through the gate — and saw his six brothers in the process of swallowing their own drool. Then he looked again, and He Bang was holding a whole armful of flower petals, playing wildly!

He stepped forward at once, first scooping He Bang up, and then clearing his throat: “I’m back! Does none of you have anything to say for yourselves?!”

Tanlang Xingjun was the first to come back to his senses, immediately extending a hand: “I am Tanlang Xingjun, Chief of the Northern Dipper Seven — you must be a newly ascended immortal lady? May I ask your honored name, your lineage and sect, and the name of your celestial home?”

The other five star lords crowded forward, each introducing themselves in competition.

Rong Chen Zi blocked the path in front of He Bang. The six star lords at last saw him — this obstacle. They shoved him out through the estate gates, and promptly slammed the gates shut.

Too many wolves, the meat was scared.

He Bang wailed out loud: “Zhiguan!!”

Rong Chen Zi kicked the gates open in three moves, and drove the assembled star lords out. As the estate gates slammed shut again with a resonant bang, Tanlang Xingjun suddenly jolted awake: “Wait — this isn’t that river clam spirit, is it?”

“What?!” The other six star lords felt a devastating blow: “Please no…”