“Some people say that when you like someone, you should become better for them. Sometimes I think — becoming a little worse might not be so bad either.”

— Sherry Lab, The Ninth Year Through the Dream

By evening the wind had picked up further. The orange, translucent light of the sunset carried nothing but a sharp, desolate chill when it fell across the skin.

Worried about rain later in the night, all the equipment had to be moved back into the broadcast station for safekeeping.

Xia Li, with her backpack on, picked up one end of the mixing console alongside the only male announcer. The other station members each took something — microphones, monitoring headphones, sound cards, the rest of the gear.

The mixing console wasn’t heavy, but it couldn’t be knocked. The steps were narrow, and they made their way down carefully, one in front, one behind.

At the front of the passageway, they happened to run into Xiao Yulong, walking back toward the classrooms with his arm slung around the labor committee representative’s shoulder.

Xiao Yulong came over cheerfully. “What are you carrying? Need any help?”

“No, no, I feel better doing it myself.” Xia Li smiled.

“Then let me take your bag — looks pretty heavy.”

Before Xia Li could refuse, Xiao Yulong had already grabbed hold of her shoulder strap.

Afraid that pulling back might cause her to drop the equipment, Xia Li could only free her hand and slip the bag off. “Thank you.”

Xiao Yulong took it. “Wow, what did you pack in here, it’s so heavy — want me to bring it back to the classroom?”

“Could you take it to the broadcast station? I need to swing by somewhere first.”

The labor committee representative bumped Xiao Yulong with his elbow and made a face: “What about the dining hall?”

“You’re hungry, go ahead without me. It’s not that long.”

Despite saying that, the labor committee representative didn’t leave Xiao Yulong behind.

The two of them walked alongside Xia Li, and Xiao Yulong chatted as they went: “Have you been keeping up with Class Seven’s results today?”

Xiao Yulong raised his eyebrows. “I threw the shot put and got second place.”

“…You’re saying that in a way I have no idea how to respond to.” Xiao Yulong scratched his head.

The broadcast station was on the third floor of the clock tower in the northeastern corner of the campus.

Once the equipment had been put away, Xia Li took her backpack back and thanked Xiao Yulong.

Xiao Yulong looked around. “Is this where you all normally work?”

“Then next time we want to request a song, we can just come find you here? You’ll let us in through the back door?”

The school radio station aired five programs across five days each week: news broadcasts, literary appreciation segments, entertainment updates, film and book recommendations, and a segment called Youth Musings. Between programs, they would play songs and read dedications submitted by students. There was a mailbox on the first floor of the clock tower specifically for song requests.

This particular segment was universally beloved. All the quietly aching feelings that could never be spoken aloud in ordinary life found expression through song.

After Xiao Yulong left, Xia Li did a quick check of the equipment, locked up, and left the broadcast station.

With the sports meet happening, evening study hall had been changed to free study time. The homeroom teachers barely came around to check, which was practically a tacit allowance for everyone to relax a little.

Xia Li stopped by her dormitory first to change her sanitary pad and drop off the hot water bottle, which had become unbearably heavy.

On the way back to school, she passed Class Twenty and glanced inside.

She had been mulling over how to call Yan Sishi out — whether returning the jacket in front of everyone would draw a crowd around them.

As it turned out, Yan Sishi wasn’t in the classroom.

She hesitated for a moment, just about to leave, when she saw “black-framed glasses” Wang Chen walk out. She went over and asked: “Excuse me, is Yan Sishi around?”

Wang Chen pushed his glasses up, looked at her, and a look of genuine puzzlement crossed his face. “…Haven’t we met before?”

“…We had dinner together at Jufu Restaurant.”

“Oh, right.” Wang Chen nodded, as if it was coming back to him. “He’s not here. He’s already gone back.”

Xia Li said instinctively: “Gone back? To Beicheng?”

“Back to Beicheng for what?” Wang Chen looked even more baffled than she was. “Did he tell you he was going back to Beicheng?”

“No, no — I was just saying something random…” Xia Li always found conversations with Wang Chen somehow difficult to navigate — like some wire between them never quite connected. “…Thank you.”

After the unusual luxury of a relaxed evening study period, Xia Li returned to the dormitory. After a long deliberation, she decided to wash the jacket before returning it to Yan Sishi.

She checked the care label — machine washable.

Before putting it in the wash, she checked the pockets. She pulled out two things.

One was a pair of earphones. The other was a silver lighter.

A lighter — somehow it seemed like something that shouldn’t belong to Yan Sishi.

She flipped it open and slid the striker wheel. A small blue flame sprang up.

This was indeed a lighter, not a USB drive or anything else.

Before going to sleep, Xia Li fished the dehydrated white athletic jacket out of the washing machine and hung it out to dry on the balcony.

The night wind was strong. It should be dry by morning.

The next day, the final results of all the events came in one after another.

In the final relay race, each class seemed to be competing to see who could shout the loudest — the roar of “go, go!” nearly drowned out the hoarse voices of the announcers reading their scripts.

In an atmosphere that felt almost like a carnival, this autumn sports meet came to a close.

Class Seven placed third on the medal table and took home a trophy.

Xia Li had no time to join in the class celebrations — she was busy moving equipment and clearing up the field.

By the time she made it back to the broadcast room, waited for the faculty advisor to inspect the equipment, and then headed back to the academic building, it was fully dark.

The corridors were full of students filing out, carrying their chairs.

Xia Li went against the flow to head upstairs, and only when she got back to the classroom did she learn that Year Two was going to the small sports field to watch a patriotic education film.

She had no choice but to rush back to her seat, pick up her chair, and follow the crowd.

The outdoor space was already packed wall to wall when they arrived.

Before the film started, Xia Li overheard a few girls from the neighboring class discussing the day’s sports results. At the end of it all, the conversation circled back to one name — Yan Sishi.

One girl said: “Four events, two gold and two silver. Honestly kind of ridiculous.”

“The relay can’t be counted as his alone, though.”

“But his third leg turned the whole thing around.”

“Did you guys see the high jump?”

“I did, I did! He made it look so effortless. If I tried a Fosbury Flop, I’d come down like a shot put.”

“…But you don’t have to put it quite like that.”

“He’s genuinely incredible — is there anything he’s not good at?”

“Having babies?”

“…I’m going to kill you!”

They dissolved into laughter and playful swatting.

Xia Li couldn’t help but smile to herself listening to them.

About ten minutes later, the film began.

The homeroom teachers had been present at first, but most left before long, leaving the class presidents to maintain order.

People began drifting away in twos and threes — to the snack counter, or to visit friends in other classes.

At that point, Lin Qingxiao poked Xia Li on the arm.

Lin Qingxiao lowered her voice: “I’m going to Class Eighteen for a bit.”

Xia Li had already guessed she’d want to find Nie Chuhang. She nodded. “Go on.”

After Lin Qingxiao left, Xia Li found herself growing restless too.

She turned and waved in front of Xu Ning, who pulled out her earphones.

Xia Li said: “I’m stepping back to the classroom for a moment.”

Xu Ning wasn’t watching the film anyway — she had her school jacket pulled over her like a blanket and was watching anime on her MP3 player. She nodded.

Xia Li picked up her backpack, bent low, and slipped through the gap between the two classes, slipping away without a sound.

She looped around to the back to check Class Twenty’s seating area — several seats were empty, and Yan Sishi wasn’t there either.

Xia Li decided to go check Class Twenty’s classroom.

She had barely stepped into the academic building and glanced toward Class Twenty when she saw three people walk out of the doorway.

Xia Li spotted Yan Sishi immediately and, without any reason she could name, panicked — she quickly took two steps and headed up the nearest staircase.

When she reached the landing between the first and second floors, she glanced down below.

The three of them had stopped just at the building exit.

She pulled back a little and peered over.

Yan Sishi. Tao Shiyue. And a middle-aged woman with a refined, gentle bearing who looked younger than she probably was — her features bore a noticeable resemblance to Tao Shiyue’s.

Xia Li had seen this woman before, at the parent meeting held when students were divided into new classes in the second semester of their first year. It was Tao Shiyue’s mother. Her good looks had made her unforgettable.

They were in conversation.

Tao Shiyue’s mother smiled and said: “I just got back from an overseas training trip last week — there’s been an endless pile of things to deal with, and once I’m busy it never seems to stop. Otherwise I would’ve invited your grandparents out for a meal long ago — Xiao Yan, has Dr. Dai been in good health lately?”

“She has. Very kind of you to ask.”

The way Yan Sishi spoke was exactly the same as Xia Li had observed when she first saw him responding to Luo Weiguo — the kind of politeness so impeccable it gave no one anything to fault.

“Tao Shiyue mentioned it — last time she and her father had dinner with all of you, Dr. Dai was in such wonderful spirits, looking no older than fifty or so. Not at all what you’d expect from someone of grandmother’s generation.”

Yan Sishi said nothing to that.

“It’s been well over half a year since I last saw Dr. Dai. Next Saturday for dinner — Xiao Yan, will you be joining us? I’ll bring Tao Shiyue along as well. You two are classmates, so you’ll have someone to talk to and it won’t be dull.”

Yan Sishi’s tone was even: “I’ll follow whatever arrangements my grandparents make.”

Tao Shiyue’s mother smiled. “Then it’s settled.”

Xia Li recalled something she’d heard before — that Tao Shiyue’s mother was a surgeon, and that Yan Sishi’s grandmother had worked in the same department before retirement.

The “Dr. Dai” she kept addressing must be Yan Sishi’s grandmother.

Tao Shiyue spoke up: “Mom, where did you book for dinner?”

“The International Grand Hotel.”

“Their food is so old-fashioned. Yan Sishi definitely won’t enjoy it. Book Jinggang City instead — that new place that opened in the last six months. Dad and I went, the menu is really fresh, and the seafood is all air-shipped in.”

Tao Shiyue’s mother reached over and pulled Tao Shiyue close with a smile. “Alright, we’ll do it your way. You young people always know what’s good — you keep up with the times.”

Yan Sishi still hadn’t said anything.

Tao Shiyue’s mother looked at Yan Sishi again. “Oh, by the way, Xiao Yan… I heard your mother is also back in Chucheng?”

Xia Li saw Yan Sishi nod after a two-beat pause.

“She wasn’t at dinner the last time Tao Shiyue’s father dined with all of you?”

“…Yes.”

“The last time I saw her was during your middle school summer holiday, when she brought you back here to visit. It would be lovely if she could come to this dinner too — we could catch up properly. You probably don’t know this, but your mother and I were primary school classmates.”

“I’m afraid not. She’s not been well. The doctors have advised rest.”

For once, Xia Li caught something in Yan Sishi’s voice — a faint, veiled reluctance, as though he found this topic somewhat unwelcome.

Tao Shiyue’s mother seemed on the verge of saying more, when her phone rang.

She answered with a quick “I’ll be right there,” then turned to Yan Sishi: “Tao Shiyue’s father is waiting. I’ll take her out now. See you at the next dinner!”

Yan Sishi gave a nod.

Tao Shiyue and her mother left.

Yan Sishi stood at the exit for a moment. Rather than going back to the classroom, he stepped out through the exit and turned right.

That direction led to the dining hall, the old abandoned classroom building, and the Year Three campus.

Xia Li hesitated for only half a second before following.

She had already listened to so much — she couldn’t bring herself to care about crossing one more line.

She had a vague, intuitive sense that the last few things Tao Shiyue’s mother had said about Yan Sishi’s mother had put him in a bad mood.

Xia Li moved through the shadows, keeping a certain distance behind him — not too close, not too far.

He walked quickly, as if carried forward by a gust of wind. Along the way, the few dimly glowing lampposts stretched his shadow long, then short again.

That figure passed the dining hall, gradually slowing. When it reached the old classroom building, it stopped, then turned right.

A stone staircase extended upward, and at the top stood a statue of Mingzhong’s first principal.

Yan Sishi climbed the stairs one step at a time, then sat down.

In the darkness, the silhouette appeared to reach into the pocket of his trousers, and then went still.

He must be in a bad mood.

Xia Li hid in the shadow cast by the academic building wall and watched him from a distance.

She envied his shadow — at least it got to stay beside him.

Yan Sishi sat there for a long time, showing no sign of leaving.

The muffled sounds of the film playing on the distant sports field drifted over, which somehow made this spot feel even quieter.

Xia Li’s skin had been chilled through by the wind.

It was precisely in that moment that she made up her mind: if she did nothing, she would surely look back on this someday and feel regret.

After thinking for a moment, Xia Li pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed Jiang Hong.

Jiang Hong was clearly surprised to receive her call at that hour. “What’s the matter, Lili? No evening study hall?”

“It’s sports meet day today. Tonight there’s a film.”

While talking, Xia Li stepped out from the edge of the wall, head lowered, walking toward the stone staircase ahead.

“Oh? How was it? What events did you participate in?” Jiang Hong asked.

“I didn’t participate — I was helping out.”

“Oh…”

Xia Li kept her head down as she walked, the way she always did when chatting on the phone with Jiang Hong, not once looking up.

The acting she could manage was far from flawless. Pretending not to notice the figure sitting on the steps was already the full extent of her dramatic ability.

Mother and daughter talked the way they always did — the conversation sparse and directionless.

As if at a loss for what else to say, Jiang Hong asked from the other end: “Do you need any money?”

“No, I’ve got enough.”

“It’s getting cold. Take care of yourself out there — dress warmly.”

“Okay.”

At that moment, Xia Li pretended to suddenly notice someone ahead of her. She looked up with a start, then said into the phone: “Mom, you and Dad take care of yourselves too… I’ll call you back tonight, I have to go.”

“Don’t forget to get enough rest.”

“Okay.”

Xia Li hung up and looked toward Yan Sishi, who had now lifted his head. “…Sorry — I didn’t notice anyone was here. Am I disturbing you?”

Yan Sishi looked at her with a particularly detached expression. “No.”

Xia Li felt a stab of alarm. Had her acting been too clumsy — had he already seen through her and realized she was a deranged stalker?

There was no time to overthink. She pressed on: “Oh… As it happens — your jacket.”

She slipped off her backpack and took out the white athletic jacket she had washed, dried, and folded neatly.

She walked over and held it out, then paused—

The young man had both arms resting across his knees, and in his hands was a pack of cigarettes.

“…Thank you for the jacket.”

Yan Sishi reached out and took it. “Don’t mention it.”

“And these…” Xia Li pulled the earphones and lighter from the side pocket of her backpack and explained: “I washed the jacket — I took these out beforehand…”

Yan Sishi reached out and picked up the earphones and lighter from her palm.

His fingers were even colder than that silver lighter. In that brief instant of contact with her palm, it was as if something had lightly pecked her.

“Thank you,” Yan Sishi said.

Xia Li fell momentarily speechless. Her hand dropped to her side. She quietly closed her fingers — not knowing whether she wanted to erase that touch or preserve it for as long as possible.

Yan Sishi casually tucked the earphones into his jacket pocket and held the lighter in his hand. He drew a cigarette from the pack, bent his head, and placed it between his lips.

A click — the lighter sparked a small flame.

He cupped one hand around it. In that fleeting warmth of firelight, the flame illuminated his cold, pale face. As he glanced downward, it was as if a slice of the night had been cut open, his long, fine lashes casting a clear shadow.

Xia Li’s father’s friends were all rough sorts — she had seen plenty of heavy smokers blowing clouds. So she could tell at a glance that Yan Sishi’s movements for lighting and smoking were still quite unpracticed, the unmistakable awkwardness of someone who had only learned recently and hadn’t done it many times.

So he really was, through and through, a top student.

Even when he did something “bad” — to use a precious, overwrought phrase — there was a kind of shattered, fallen quality to it.

Yan Sishi’s slender fingers held the cigarette between them. He glanced up and looked at her with a cool, level gaze. “Are you going to tell the teachers?”

It seemed like a question tossed out without much thought.

Whether she told or not — he didn’t particularly care. With his grades, and being practically a financial benefactor to the school, what could a teacher do even if they found out?

The words struck her like a full breath of cold night air, and her throat caught involuntarily.

She wouldn’t tell. She would become an accomplice.

“This area is popular with couples, and teachers come through to patrol it now and then.” She said, her voice sounding distant even to herself. “I know a place… the fourth floor of the clock tower — there’s an empty classroom being used for storage, basically no one ever goes up there. Good for when you need somewhere quiet, to be alone.”

As station head, she came and went from the clock tower often.

That was her private discovery, a secret hideaway.

If he needed it, she was glad to share.

Yan Sishi looked at her. A faint, subtle surprise flickered across his face, and after a moment he said: “Thank you.”

Xia Li fell quiet for a beat, unsure what else there was to say. “…The sports field is showing a film. Aren’t you going to watch?”

“No.”

“…Then I’ll head back to the field.”

Yan Sishi gave a nod.

Xia Li didn’t disturb him further. She turned and left.

Just as she was about to turn the corner, she looked back once.

In the darkness, she could just make out a faint point of red, like something floating.

Back in the class seating area, Lin Qingxiao had already returned too.

“Where did you go? Old Zhuang just did an inspection — I told him you went to the bathroom.” Lin Qingxiao leaned over and asked quietly.

“I just went for a wander.”

“Listen, I was just terrified,” Lin Qingxiao muttered under her breath. “The dean of discipline just came around with a few members of the discipline committee doing a full campus sweep. I almost got caught…”

Xia Li propped her arm against the back of the classmate’s seat in front of her and rested her forehead on her arm.

Lin Qingxiao’s voice trailed off. She leaned in with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“…Nothing. My stomach hurts a little. Probably just hungry.” She said softly.

What had just happened felt as though it had drained every last drop of courage and energy she had.