It was as though she’d been walking a road with no clear direction for all these years, and only today had she finally reached the end.

That letter she had never sent — it had finally, in this moment, received its answer.

Xia Li had never passed through such a contradictory feeling, at once so heavy and so weightless. She couldn’t find any words. She only wanted to cry.

After a long while, she finally found her voice. “There’s something I haven’t told you yet…”

Before the words were finished, laughter and chatter suddenly sounded around them.

Both she and Yan Sishi turned at the same moment. Four or five people — men and women — were walking past. From what they were saying, it sounded like they were heading out to buy some skewers.

They were people from tonight’s gathering, all from Class 18.

The group reached the bridge and naturally glanced over. One of them recognized who was standing there and said in surprise: “Aren’t you that Yan Sishi from the international stream?”

Yan Sishi didn’t speak. He didn’t know them. He gave a slight nod as a greeting.

Then he shifted his position slightly, shielding Xia Li more fully behind him. He didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.

Once the person recognized him, the others all followed with greetings of their own. They naturally noticed there was someone in his arms, but rather than making things awkward, they just laughed and said, “Sorry to interrupt — we’re leaving right now.”

When the sound of their laughter had faded into the distance, Yan Sishi looked down at Xia Li. “What were you about to say just now?”

Xia Li shook her head. “I’ll tell you later. Shall we go back in first?”

Yan Sishi had no objections. He let go of his arms, and the moment she stepped back, it was as if his heart emptied along with the space she’d left behind.

The earlier conversation had wound down; people were no longer gathered around the sofas but had dispersed into small clusters, chatting separately.

They’d intended to slip back in quietly without drawing attention — but things didn’t go as planned. The instant they walked into the living room, Nie Chuhang immediately waved and called out in a loud voice: “Hey!”

Nie Chuhang was standing by the staircase leading to the second floor, flanked by Lin Qingxiao and a few classmates from Class 18. At once, everyone in that area turned to look.

Then Ouyang Jing, Xiao Yulong, Zhu Xuan, and the others all crowded over.

The inevitable round of greetings followed. Xia Li saw that Yan Sishi had been surrounded like a rare exhibit and couldn’t easily extract himself, so she decided to step to the side and wait for him.

Yan Sishi, however, discreetly extended his hand and gave her wrist a light squeeze, then released it just as quickly.

In a tone that was warm without being excessive, Yan Sishi turned to the people gathered around him and said, “Forgive me — may I continue in a moment? I’d like to go say hello to the couple-to-be first.”

Xia Li and Yan Sishi made their way over to the staircase.

Nie Chuhang smiled. “Thank you for lending us this place.”

Yan Sishi said, “Of course.”

Lin Qingxiao was visibly surprised. “This is your home?”

Yan Sishi nodded. “I sometimes stayed here during high school.”

Xia Li felt a flicker of curiosity — didn’t he usually live with his grandparents?

Lin Qingxiao said, “Nie Chuhang told me you had other things on.”

Yan Sishi said, “I wrapped things up and made it back at the last moment.”

Lin Qingxiao smiled. “Thank you for gracing us with your presence — you’re really giving us too much face.”

Yan Sishi said, “Not at all.”

Lin Qingxiao added, “Did you just arrive?”

“This afternoon. I was resting in the room just now.”

Lin Qingxiao smiled warmly and winked at Xia Li. “As maid of honour, Xia Xia, it’s your duty to make sure our honoured guest is well taken care of.”

A moment later, Xiao Yulong and the others came over as well, and the round of catching up resumed.

Yan Sishi had few memories of them, but they were people who had crossed paths with him in some way during high school — and they were Xia Li’s classmates — so he extended them a bit more patience than he might have otherwise.

After a round of friendly conversation, Xia Li and Yan Sishi went to the refreshments table to get drinks.

She had lost track of her earlier can of 7UP somewhere, so she opened a fresh one.

Yan Sishi reached for a can too.

Xia Li laughed. “…Why are you copying me? You used to do this too.”

She was referring to high school, when at the bubble tea shop Yan Sishi had followed her lead and ordered an iced lemon 7UP.

Yan Sishi’s long, slender fingers rested against the pull tab. He tugged it with a soft hiss, and in the brief sound, said: “Something you like is unlikely to be bad.”

…She felt rather flattered by that.

The speaker was playing a light, upbeat song.

Xia Li asked, “Does all this noise bother you?”

“Not particularly.”

“I didn’t expect you to be willing to lend your place to Nie Chuhang.”

Yan Sishi’s tone stayed even and unhurried. “After all, it’s your closest friend’s wedding.”

Xia Li laughed softly. “Is that so.”

She stole a sidelong glance at him and took a sip of 7UP. The gentle sweetness fizzed through her throat.

The gathering didn’t run too late. The wedding was the day after tomorrow, and Lin Qingxiao and Nie Chuhang still had many things to sort out tomorrow — they needed to head back at a reasonable hour.

Once the others had left, Lin Qingxiao and her group were the last to go.

Lin Qingxiao turned to Xia Li and Xu Ning. “Come stay at mine tonight? I bought two reception outfits and still can’t decide which looks better. Help me figure it out.”

Xu Ning said, “Of course — no problem at all.”

Nearby, Nie Chuhang said his goodbyes to Yan Sishi. “Sorry for taking over your place tonight.”

Yan Sishi said, “It’s nothing — did you drive here?”

Nie Chuhang said, “We took a taxi.”

“Then wait a moment. I’ll drive you.”

They waited another ten minutes or so before someone knocked to let Yan Sishi know the car had been brought around.

Yan Sishi took the keys from him and said to everyone, “Let’s go.”

Outside, a black Mercedes sat waiting — just enough seats for five.

Everyone very sensibly climbed into the back, leaving the passenger seat for Xia Li.

In practice, though, the two people in the front didn’t exchange a single word for the entire ten-minute drive.

The car dropped Nie Chuhang off first, then pulled up outside the residential complex where Lin Qingxiao lived.

Xia Li had her hand on the door handle but didn’t immediately open it. She turned to ask Lin Qingxiao, who was in the back: “Xiǎo Xiǎo, do you have a spare toothbrush at home?”

“Not sure — might need to check around.”

“Then head on up. I’ll run to a convenience store quickly.”

Lin Qingxiao smiled. “Of course.” She gave Xia Li a knowing look.

Once those two had gotten out of the car, Xia Li turned to Yan Sishi with a small smile. “Would you mind keeping me company while I buy a few things?”

Chucheng was a small city, but its nightlife was far from dull. Under the colorful plastic awnings lining the streets, tables and stools were set out, and grills filled the air with drifting white smoke and the fragrance of cumin and chili.

They walked less than two hundred meters before a convenience store came into view.

Inside, the kind of clean, contained quiet distinctive to that hour of night.

Xia Li moved through the aisles, picking up two toothbrushes, two small towels, and two packs of disposable underwear.

Yan Sishi followed half a step behind her, his footsteps nearly soundless.

Rounding the corner of the aisle, Xia Li stopped, glanced back at him, and said softly, “…Let’s have dinner together tomorrow night.”

She didn’t know why her voice had come out so low, as though confiding a secret.

What she was saying was perfectly ordinary. She intended to use tomorrow to properly discuss the Bincheng job offer with him.

But the moment she looked at Yan Sishi’s clear, elegant features, something soft and indistinct stirred in her chest, and even the most ordinary words took on an undercurrent of something more.

Yan Sishi looked down at her. The clean fluorescent light made his complexion appear even paler, without a single flaw at this proximity. The two small points of light in his eyes were beautiful enough to make you lose your train of thought.

He often had the impulse to hold her. He often held it back.

“…Alright.” His clear voice carried the faintest hint of hoarseness.

They left the convenience store and walked back the way they’d come.

At the entrance of the residential complex, Yan Sishi said, “Get some rest.”

“You too. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

“Good night.”

Xia Li turned and walked toward the building entrance, then stopped, and looked back.

Sure enough — Yan Sishi was still standing there.

She smiled. “Go on home.”

Yan Sishi said, “I’ll wait until you’re inside.”

The three of them talked until past midnight, their conversation ranging freely in every direction — whatever topic came up, they could all pick it up and carry it forward. Lin Qingxiao’s mother knocked on the door several times, urging them to sleep, reminding Lin Qingxiao that staying up late would leave her looking drawn, and that all those expensive face masks would have been wasted.

They eventually concluded their late-night symposium somewhat reluctantly — if the bride hadn’t genuinely needed her rest, they could have easily talked through the night.

Xia Li and Xu Ning shared the guest room. They chatted a while longer on their own, and fell asleep around two in the morning.

Before sleeping, Xia Li checked her WeChat and saw the “good night” she and Yan Sishi had exchanged two hours earlier.

The next morning, Xia Li woke and checked the time to find it was already ten o’clock. Only then did she remember she’d forgotten to set an alarm before bed.

The curtains were half-drawn; the light coming through was dim and overcast, as if the sky hadn’t truly brightened at all. She looked outside and saw that rain had begun to fall.

Xu Ning was still asleep. Xia Li didn’t want to disturb her and got up quietly.

The apartment outside was still. Lin Qingxiao’s parents had already left.

Xia Li felt rather embarrassed and asked Lin Qingxiao why she hadn’t woken them.

“You don’t have anything going on — might as well get a bit more sleep.”

Xia Li went to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and Lin Qingxiao came in to wash her hands. She seemed to remember something and mentioned, “Oh — there’s a letter for you on the dining table.”

Xia Li looked puzzled. “A letter?”

“Yan Sishi dropped it off this morning. Around eight, I think.”

Xia Li stood there for a moment, then quickly finished rinsing and ran out.

Sure enough, there was an envelope on the table.

A plain white envelope with a red border — sealed at the flap with a dab of glue. On the front, four characters had been written: For Xia Li to open.

Xia Li carefully tore open the flap, drew out the letter inside, and walked out to the balcony.

Wind and rain pressed in together. A cool, damp gust met her at the threshold, carrying the soft blur of water vapor.

Xia Li unfolded the letter.

Li Li,

I heard the wind pick up outside. It seems it wants to rain.

I’ve been wandering through this empty apartment, unable to sleep.

I wanted to write you a letter, because I’ve forgotten something important.

It’s too late now, and no stationery shops are still open. I had to dig through the whole apartment.

I found a pad of letter paper — the kind Mingzhong used to hand out, left in a study drawer at some point. It’s been so long that the pages have yellowed, and they still bear the school crest. I hope, when you receive this, you won’t find it too shabby.

There are things that perhaps should be said in person. But I’m afraid of forgetting.

When we’re together, the moment I see your eyes, I keep losing track of what I meant to say.

I hadn’t planned to return to Chucheng for the wedding — you know why. But once you were gone, the thought that you were no longer in Beicheng made this vast city feel as if it had no reason to keep me.

Coming back is painful. But not seeing you is worse.

I hope this doesn’t frighten you — I didn’t know, until now, that I had become so dependent on you.

When did that begin?

The things you said to me today brought me joy and brought me pain.

You called those long-ago feelings meaningless — but to me, they are not.

Last night, while driving back, I somehow ended up at Shangzhi Bookshop. So many bookshops have closed — fewer and fewer people read; I had expected this one would be the same. But it was still there, the sign unchanged after all these years, more worn and unassuming than ever.

It was too late; it had already closed. I sat in the car, with an almost overwhelming urge to wait for it to open.

After that I drove around to Mingzhong.

The students were on break, and the school gate was locked. I waited outside until the clock tower rang midnight. I imagined you were there too.

You see — everything I can recall from back then, it all has you in it. So none of it is meaningless.

You gave me a place to stand — a place from which I could look back at those years and find something other than restlessness, and confusion, and pain.

I forgot to tell you: back then, you were someone special to me. Utterly singular.

When I was with you, I felt the world slow down.

And all the things pressing at my back — always hurrying me forward — they would slow down too.

For a long stretch of time, my connection to this world could only be described as “hanging by a thread.” I had no particular feeling about being a speck of dust in it, or a passing stranger.

But since we met again, I’ve found myself growing strangely attached to it — because you are in it.

The owner of A-Cui’s Grocery mistook my intentions and thought I meant to end my life. But I wouldn’t. Because no farewell is truly a farewell — except one made to you.

Forgive me for saying I would wait for you, and then, in the same breath, laying bare my heart like this. It must seem as though I’m trying to win your sympathy. Please believe me — that is not my intention.

I also forgot to tell you: I like you.

And if love is bound up with suffering, then I need to correct myself. What I feel is not simply “like.”

Knowing that I won’t see you until tonight — I find myself wishing I could fall asleep immediately. Sleep through the hours that would otherwise feel impossible to endure…

I can’t wait until tonight. I find myself desperate to see you now. Perhaps because it’s raining.

The rain and I — we’re both keeping you company.

May you sleep well.

I wanted to give you a letter to wake up to.

If it’s possible — I would like to see you the moment you open your eyes.

Yan

In the early hours of October 3rd

It felt less like a letter and more like someone sending her last night’s wind and rain.

Xia Li read through it quickly, then went back to the beginning and re-read it slowly, sentence by sentence. When she reached the end a second time, she folded the letter along its original crease, slipped it back into the envelope, and half-ran back to the room to find her phone.

She called him directly. The line connected after a single ring.

“Hello…” She could barely steady her voice. It was shaking. “Where are you — are you home?”

“Nearby,” said the voice on the other end. It was very hoarse.

“I’m sorry, I just woke up. Send me your location — I’ll change and come to you…”

“Don’t rush. I’ll drive to the building entrance.”

“Alright… wait for me.”

Xia Li hung up, pulled off the nightgown Lin Qingxiao had lent her, and changed back into her clothes from yesterday.

She opened the bedroom door. Lin Qingxiao must have seen the urgency on her face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing — I’m going to see Yan Sishi.”

“Did he say something in the letter?”

Xia Li shook her head. “Xiǎo Xiǎo, I’ll tell you everything when I’m back.”

She shoved her feet into her shoes, opened the front door, and all but ran downstairs. Lin Qingxiao called after her, “Take an umbrella!”

There was no time to go back.

She stepped outside and jogged down the road. The light drizzle quickly dampened her hair.

At the building gate, she looked across the street — a black Mercedes was parked by the curb. She couldn’t be certain it was his, since she’d forgotten to note the plate number the night before.

Then the car’s hazard lights flashed twice.

She crossed the road at a run.

The moment she pulled open the car door, Yan Sishi was already holding out his suit jacket to wrap around her. He pressed it gently against her hair. “Why didn’t you bring an umbrella…”

“Just listen to me…” Xia Li grabbed his hand. Still a little breathless, an urgency in her voice: “Listen to me — there’s something I was going to talk to you about tonight, but I need to tell you now.”

“Go on.” Yan Sishi stilled his hands.

“There’s a drone company in Bincheng. They sent me an offer, want me to start after the new year. Something like a team-lead role, and the package they’re offering is very good. At my current company, I could grind away for another two years and still not get a promotion like this. I told them I’d consider it, but honestly I’ve already been leaning toward accepting… What should I do, Yan Sishi? Tell me what to do.”

“You should accept, of course.”

Xia Li answered without missing a beat: “But I don’t want a long-distance relationship.”

Yan Sishi went still. He’d understood the implication of those words.

He thought for no more than three seconds.

“Accept their offer. I’ll handle the rest.”

Xia Li didn’t even register the difference between “handle” and “get through it” — two words that meant entirely different things.

She looked up and held his gaze. “You promise?”

Since the day they met again, she had demanded of herself that she stay calm and clearheaded — because she understood all too well that the moment she allowed herself to fall, she would tumble into a vulnerability she could not afford.

At twenty-five, there were still chances to try things and get them wrong. But the one thing she refused to risk getting wrong was Yan Sishi.

In this moment, she decided to let her grown-up twenty-five-year-old self step aside for a while.

She would let the sixteen-year-old Xia Li make this decision for her.

She would trust that girl. Do whatever she said.

And how could a sixteen-year-old Xia Li bear to make Yan Sishi wait any longer.

She would always run toward him without a second thought.

“I promise,” Yan Sishi said.

He had said he would handle it. She believed him.

“Alright…” Xia Li let out a long, slow breath.

Neither of them spoke. She didn’t know what else there was to say.

She looked at Yan Sishi, hoping he would be the one to start.

She was still thinking of the letter. The feelings it had stirred were too much — they pressed against her chest and made her throat tighten.

—If love is bound up with suffering, then I need to correct myself. What I feel is not simply “like.”

Xia Li’s hand was warm. She still held tightly to his.

The rain-mist had settled into her hair, leaving it faintly damp, a soft haze around her head. Her eyes, glistening with a water-light sheen, watched him in quiet silence, and made him forget every word he’d been about to say.

The air around them seemed to thicken and grow thin all at once.

Breathing grew shallow.

Xia Li felt as though her heart was running out of air — like a scattering of sparks, exploding inward, contracting and flickering with a faint, dull ache.

She watched the darkness deepen in Yan Sishi’s eyes.

Those eyes that were always so clear and cool — in this moment, something dim and warm had begun to smolder within them.

All other sounds disappeared. Only their breathing remained.

Rising and falling together, like mist echoing through an empty valley.

Her throat tightened. Her heart had stopped.

In the instant before she suffocated, he reached out, pressed his hand to the back of her neck, and asked in a low, almost soundless voice: “May I…”

She didn’t answer. The hand holding his reached forward and lightly caught the collar of his shirt; she tipped her face up slowly, lashes trembling, and closed her eyes.

The jacket slid from her shoulders.

The hand at the back of her neck pressed closer, carrying with it the weight of years of wind and snow, and he leaned in.

And swallowed her next breath whole.

The windshield blurred. Outside, the wind was breaking and the rain was scattering.

The world was turning over in the rain.

Everything was on fire.