The Grand Dowager Lady said: “They are playing coy with me, so I shall be equally happy to play along in ignorance. In any case, mid-third-month is not far off. As for Eleventh Young Lady — I will not go to her myself, to spare her having to rise and perform the morning greeting. This is her first pregnancy, after all, and it would not do if she disturbed the fetus. Besides,” she added, “we should say nothing to Yizhen and Danyang for the time being. Wait until the matter is confirmed before telling them.”
“The Madam has thought of everything.” Nanny Du smiled and helped the Grand Dowager Lady up onto the bed to rest.
Hupo smiled warmly and said, with gentle indirection: “Madam, the Imperial Physician said your pulse is deep, steady, and strong — your constitution is perfectly sound. These past few days you have likely been overtaxed. He has prescribed two courses of a restorative preparation, and asks that you take them in the meantime. He will come again to take your pulse in mid-third-month. There will be good news by then.”
Eleventh Young Lady was astonished: “Why must we wait until mid-third-month?”
Hupo replied: “The Imperial Physician said that by mid-third-month, the pulse will be more distinct.”
“And right now?” Eleventh Young Lady pressed urgently.
“The pulse is not yet pronounced at present, but there is five or six chances in ten that it is a joyful pulse.”
Hearing this, Eleventh Young Lady felt a surge of mixed emotions — joy mingled with anxiety.
Joy, because she had lived two lives, and was now on the verge of becoming a mother. She must be a good mother from this day forward, love this child tenderly, and see to it that the child never felt lonely or forsaken. And anxiety, because her body was still quite fragile, and the child had only just taken hold — the morning sickness was already this severe. She did not know whether she would be able to carry the pregnancy through to term without difficulty.
For a time, her heart was in complete turmoil.
She thought it would be best to have a son, who would be spared the misery of living in a household of wives and concubines. Then again, she thought, even if the child were a daughter — what is poison to one is honey to another. What kind of society one lives in shapes what kind of education one receives; what kind of education one receives shapes what kind of person one becomes. A woman like herself, who had known a life of equality, freedom, and mutual respect in marriage, would not be able to bear watching her daughter bow and make herself small in another’s household — she would surely find it impossible to accept, and would likely breed resentment and bitterness in the child. Yet a daughter raised within the norms of this feudal society might not see it as a problem at all, and might even think she herself was making too much of nothing. Then she thought: if the daughter could one day have the skill and acumen of the wife of General Li, that would not be so bad either — though she had earned herself a fearsome name, she had at least remained at her husband’s side in their old age. But then it was the next generation that had suffered for it: General Li’s daughter was now sixteen and had still not been matched in marriage, for every prospective family feared that the wife of General Li was too formidable a woman and worried that the daughter-in-law might take after her…
She was drifting through these wandering, unanchored thoughts when Xu Lingyi settled down beside her, without her having noticed.
“What is it?” He looked at his wife, whose expression had taken on a distant, abstracted quality, and reached out to take her hand gently in his.
Eleventh Young Lady came back to herself. She thought of how Hupo and the others — none of them yet married women — had arranged everything just now with such careful order. That kind of direction could only have come from someone who had seen to it beforehand. And the physician had been summoned by Xu Lingyi. Apart from him, who else could have given the instruction?
Her cheeks flushed faintly. A bashful uncertainty settled across her expression.
From all appearances, he knew.
Xu Lingyi looked at Eleventh Young Lady — her face composed and soft in the lamplight — and thought of this small, slight person carrying within her his own child. A deep warmth spread through him. Unable to help himself, he drew her into his arms and said gently: “It is all right. I am here.”
Eleventh Young Lady saw that none of the servants remained in the room. Feeling weary as well, she followed his lead and curled herself against him.
“Imperial Physician Liu said the child has likely only just been conceived. You must rest properly.” Xu Lingyi pressed his chin against the top of her head. “Do not overtax yourself these coming days. As for managing the household, I think we should ask Mother to help oversee things for the time being. If necessary, Second Sister-in-Law could assist as well. Once you are feeling better in a little while, we can reconsider.”
Most women in early pregnancy would experience physical discomfort, and this usually persisted through the third month.
Eleventh Young Lady had only heard this spoken of before — now, living through it herself, she truly understood what “discomfort” meant. If she could rest, it would of course be the best possible thing.
At that thought, she sat up.
“Marquis — have you spoken to Mother?” The matter was still not fully confirmed. “What if it should turn out otherwise — would we not be giving her false hope?” At that, she hesitated and her voice faltered. “I think it would be better to wait a few more days before telling her.”
“I know.” Xu Lingyi found the person cradled in his arms warm and soft, impossibly appealing. He could not resist pressing another kiss to her cheek. “But in your present condition, we cannot afford to wait. As for Mother — I said a few vague words to her. With Mother’s sharpness and capability, she has most likely already guessed a fair portion of it.”
Eleventh Young Lady felt only a swell of dismay. “Is that not an Imperial Physician from the Imperial Medical Bureau? How can something like this be beyond his certainty? I always heard they could diagnose through silk thread — that they could detect a pulse through a length of string?”
Xu Lingyi burst out laughing.
It was the first time he had ever heard Eleventh Young Lady complain about anything — and it had come at a moment like this.
“Well, if it is confirmed — all is well.” He pressed his lips near her ear and teased her with an intimate murmur. “If it is not — then there is no need to worry… we can… try again… a few more times… and something is sure to come of it…”
Eleventh Young Lady was mortified beyond bearing.
“You — how can you say such a thing…” and yet she had no idea what to do with herself.
Then Hupo’s voice came from the other side of the curtain, smiling: “Marquis, Madam — Nanny Du requests an audience.”
At this hour, it must be a message from the Grand Dowager Lady.
Eleventh Young Lady quickly drew herself upright from Xu Lingyi’s arms, smoothed her hair, cleared her throat, and called for the little maidservant to invite Nanny Du in.
Nanny Du smiled and curtseyed in greeting, then said: “The Grand Dowager Lady has heard that Fourth Madam is not well, and wishes you to rest quietly at home and attend to your recovery. The morning greetings are suspended for now, and may resume once your health improves.”
Eleventh Young Lady was somewhat taken aback. She thought of what Xu Lingyi had just said and could not help casting a glance at him, then smiled and thanked Nanny Du, and had Hupo see her to the door.
“You see?” Xu Lingyi smiled. “Did I not say Mother would be able to guess a fair portion of it?”
Eleventh Young Lady could only pray inwardly: please let the old lady not be disappointed.
Xu Lingyi then asked her: “You have been eating and bringing it all up again — that will not do at all. Would it help if I had the kitchen prepare a bowl of noodles? You really ought to eat something.”
Eleventh Young Lady nodded and said: “I do not want noodles — I only want an apple.”
Xu Lingyi called for Hupo to go and peel an apple.
Eleventh Young Lady had only a few bites before she could eat no more.
Xu Lingyi did not press her, and had the little maidservant take it away. He then called for the maids to bring water for her to rinse her mouth, and made ready to carry her back to the bedroom to rest.
Eleventh Young Lady was reluctant to leave the warm bedding and the fresh air of this room.
“Let us sleep here tonight.” There was a slightly spoiled lilt to her voice.
Xu Lingyi would naturally not refuse her over so small a matter.
The lamp was blown out. In the darkness of night, he drew her close and talked with her: “I will draw money from the outer courtyard’s accounts to set up a small private kitchen for you. Whatever you would like to eat, just say the word. If we don’t have it at home, tell me — or tell Steward Bai, and he will send someone to see to it.”
“Mm.”
After a while, another thought occurred to him: “And stay on the platform for now — do not come down from it until after the first few months have passed. Be careful not to disturb the fetus.”
“Mm.” Eleventh Young Lady answered half in a drowse.
He thought of something else: “Also, be sure to tell Nan Yong’s wife. Do not let Jie Ge climb all over you. He might bump into you.”
A good while passed, and Xu Lingyi had still not heard Eleventh Young Lady’s reply. He lifted his head a little and looked over at her in the moonlight filtering through the latticed window.
Without knowing when it had happened, she had tilted her head to the side and fallen asleep.
Thinking of how she had been jostled about all day and had barely managed to keep any food down, Xu Lingyi pressed a tender kiss to her temple. Then he lay down and slept.
Over the following few days, whatever Eleventh Young Lady ate, she brought back up again.
She became all the more certain she was carrying a child.
Throwing caution aside, she ate, brought it up, and simply ate again.
She felt terribly wretched. Eating was no longer a pleasure — it had become a formidable undertaking.
Seeing her each time reduced to the pallor and exhaustion of someone just recovered from a grave illness, Xu Lingyi worried terribly. He had Imperial Physician Liu prepare a remedy for Eleventh Young Lady, but she kept in mind that all medicine carried some risk, and refused to drink it no matter what. Xu Lingyi could not compel her. When she felt poorly, he could only hold her in his arms. This seemed to help somewhat — she would sleep peacefully through the night and could manage to eat a little apple or some chilled cucumber salad. He simply resolved to go nowhere and devoted himself entirely to holding Eleventh Young Lady as one would hold a child.
In this way, the matter gradually came to be known throughout the household.
“If Madam is with child,” Qiuhong said, somewhat puzzled, “this is a great and happy occasion. Why do the Marquis and Madam keep so quiet about it?”
“The pregnancy is likely still early.” Wen Yiniang was embroidering a small child’s chest bib — a crimson ground with a plump carp swimming beneath a lotus leaf. “The diagnosis is not yet confirmed, so they can only conceal it for now.”
Qiuhong nodded and drew out a thread of bright green silk for Wen Yiniang.
“For the lotus leaf veining,” she said, pointing to the bib, “it’s this one.”
Wen Yiniang nodded and changed her thread without comment.
“It is fortunate that Fourth Young Master is eight years old this year,” Qiuhong said, keeping her eye on Wen Yiniang to make sure she did not stitch the wrong area, while talking idly. “Whether Madam carries a boy or girl, it will not affect the Fourth Young Master’s standing. That is also a matter of Madam’s good fortune and blessings.”
“You have quite the nerve,” Wen Yiniang said, “speaking behind the backs of both Madam and the Young Heir.” Her expression grew stern and she rebuked Qiuhong sharply. “If I hear another word like that from you, I will send you out of the household.”
It was the first time Wen Yiniang had ever spoken in such sharp terms. Qiuhong went white with fright and quickly knelt on the floor. “Yiniang, I will never dare again.”
Wen Yiniang did not let her off lightly, but added several severe words of rebuke before letting her rise.
Qin Yiniang, having heard of Eleventh Young Lady’s condition, smiled faintly.
“No wonder the morning greetings were suspended — she is with child.” Her round face was full of warm smiles. “This is truly a great joy for our household.” She called to Cui’er: “I must go and light a few sticks of incense before the Bodhisattva.” And with that, she dismissed the Cui’er who had brought her the news and retreated into the warm inner room.
Qiao Lianfang stared at the embroidered beams, and her eyes slowly reddened.
If only… her own child would now be over a year old.
“…From what I can tell, she is certainly with child.” Nanny Yang said in a low voice to Yang Shi, who sat on the platform embroidering a small jacket with the pattern of a hundred boys at play. “Otherwise, why would the Marquis be staying in Madam’s room day and night, going nowhere?”
Yang Shi’s expression shifted. The needle in her hand slipped, and a drop of blood the size of a bean welled up from her finger.
“Oh my!” Nanny Yang quickly pressed a handkerchief over the wound.
Yang Shi gave it no thought, and said urgently: “Open the chest and take out some silver coins. Find a way to look into this matter and confirm it.” She added: “This is a joyous occasion — it stands to reason that even if those in Madam’s household will not make a point of spreading the news, they would not avoid speaking of it either. If you go and ask, you should be able to find out the particulars.”
Nanny Yang agreed and went off to make inquiries.
Yang Shi gripped the handkerchief wrapped around her wound and gazed through the glass window at Nanny Yang’s retreating figure as it disappeared into the distance. She murmured to herself: “When the mistress is with child and a concubine is summoned to wait upon the husband, and that concubine conceives by this arrangement, those outside the household often say it is ‘a double blessing falling upon the house at once…'”
There was a faint tremor of excitement in her voice.
—