Xu Siyu stared at Qin Yiniang, who was overcome with helpless laughter, and felt his heart pounding violently in his chest.

He had heard people sighing over it since he was very small — that if Tong Yiniang’s child had not died, the one born would have been the eldest son… Yet he had never once harbored any suspicion. Qin Yiniang had lit a long-life lamp for Tong Yiniang and held a memorial rite for her every year without fail. He had also asked Qin Yiniang once who Tong Yiniang was. Qin Yiniang had said she was her dearest sister, and went on to describe how beautiful Tong Yiniang had been, how exquisite her needlework, how gentle her temperament, how kind and generous her manner with others… Even now, he could still remember the tender, wistful expression on Qin Yiniang’s face as she spoke.

And yet now…

A chill seized his heart. Without thinking, he grabbed Qin Yiniang by the arm and called out “Yiniang,” wanting to ask something but not knowing how to begin.

Qin Yiniang paid no heed to Xu Siyu’s gesture whatsoever.

She laughed to herself for a while, then her expression abruptly darkened, and she murmured: “How I envied Elder Sister Biyu. Whatever she looked at, she understood at once; whatever she said came out softer than anything I could manage. The Grand Dowager liked her, the Second Madam liked her, the Marquis liked her too. When I heard Madam say her belly was pointed and she was carrying a son, I thought to myself — how is it that some people are so blessed, that they can come first in everything, in every single way?

“When we returned to the room, she said she felt a little unwell and had one of the young maids fetch water so she could soak her feet. Those maids were all newly come to the household — rather dim-witted. Every time you asked them to fetch water, it was either too hot or too cold, and I always had to show them how. They never got it right no matter how many times I taught them. I was very tired that day as well and did not want to fetch water for her, to wait on her foot-soaking like some little maidservant. So I went over to Wen Yiniang’s room instead.”

She leaned back against the bedpost, then rustled about until she found the quilt and pulled it over herself.

“And then…” Qin Yiniang’s voice dropped lower. “When I returned to the room, her lower body was already soaked in blood… That mama Madam had sent over was no nurse for a pregnant woman at all — she was a mama whose specialty was managing household affairs. She had no idea how to save anyone; all she knew was to call all the maids and matrons in the room before her and discuss how to report the matter to Madam afterward so as to deflect any punishment… I had no choice but to go, heavy with my own pregnancy, to the main house…

“Madam paid no attention to me at all; the little maid even pushed me toward Nanny Tao’s quarters… That night, there was no moon — only a few stars in the sky, pitch black all around. I too was carrying a child; I was afraid of the least mishap… So I begged that maid to at least let Madam know… She sneered at me, saying I must have lived too long in the same courtyard as the two Yiniangsor else I would not be putting on such airs, unable to send someone on an errand… I wept with rage… weeping as I made my way to Nanny Tao’s room… feeling deeply aggrieved inside… I could never compare to Wen Yiniang… and I truly was not the equal of Tong Yiniang. But no matter what, I was carrying the Marquis’s heir. Moreover, when the three of us were together in ordinary times, it was always I who was sent to do things — yet somehow I was the one accused of putting on a Yiniang’s airs…

“All I could think at the time was that I absolutely had to give birth to a son. If I gave birth to a son, the Grand Dowager would certainly elevate me to the rank of Yiniang for the sake of her grandson. Then those people would see — I too was a proper Yiniang, not the sort to preen and throw tantrums and lord it over others just because I happened to be carrying a child. Better still if he were the eldest son…”

Here her voice came to a halt.

Xu Siyu felt as though his throat had gone as dry as smoke, his voice lodged in it, unable to produce a single word for a long moment.

“The alleyway leading to Nanny Tao’s quarters was dark and long.” Qin Yiniang murmured haltingly. “I cradled my belly with one hand and steadied myself against the green bricks along the wall with the other, stepping with the utmost care. All around was still and quiet, with only the sound of my own footsteps.” Her agitation began to stir. “The further I walked, the more afraid I became; the more I thought, the angrier I grew. It wasn’t my fault that Tong Yiniang had started bleeding — I had come in good faith to report it, only to be dressed down by a little maid for nothing; she had known full well I was with child and still sent me off to find Nanny Tao. If it had been Wen Yiniang who came to report it, would Madam have ignored her? Would that little maid have dared lecture her? When all is said and done, it was only because I was a mere chamber attendant that they felt free to bully me… Besides, if something happened to Tong Yiniang, it was not my fault alone. As the mistress of the household, surely Madam bore some responsibility too? Those little maids who were on duty — did they bear none either? None of them were in any hurry, so why should I be? Since I had been sent to fetch Nanny Tao, I would fetch Nanny Tao and nothing more…” Qin Yiniang paused again as she said this.

This time, her pause lasted rather long. Her lips pressed into a thin line; her brow carried traces of obstinate resolve.

Looking on, Xu Siyu’s heart trembled. Instinct told him that whatever came next would be nothing good, that he ought to stop here and hear no more. Yet the curiosity welling up from the depths of his heart surged like crashing waves, sweeping his instinct under.

He heard himself say in a hoarse voice: “Then — then what happened afterward?”

“Afterward…” The corners of Qin Yiniang’s mouth curved ever so slightly upward, revealing a pensive smile. “I was a woman heavy with child, in the deep stillness of the night — naturally I could only press my hand to the wall and make my way slowly forward…”

That smile was so glaring. Xu Siyu felt his eyes sting with a sharp pain. He could not help but say sternly: “How could you do such a thing?”

The severity of his tone made Qin Yiniang’s expression shift. She answered entirely beside the point, crying out loudly to defend herself: “I did not — I did not kill Elder Sister Biyu. It was Madam, Madam who killed Biyu. I only did not want her to give birth to the eldest son.” As she spoke, every line of her face betrayed her stubbornness. “Moreover, Madam herself said that even if a physician had been fetched, the child could not have been saved. It was Madam who killed Biyu. When Madam saw Elder Sister Biyu’s blood soaking the entire bed, she did not even summon a single physician. It was only after the Grand Dowager and the Second Madam arrived and sent for the doctor.”

Xu Siyu gazed at the flustered woman before him with a complicated expression and slowly lowered his head.

For a moment, the room fell utterly silent, broken only by Qin Yiniang’s rapid, shallow breathing.

Xiao Luzi and Lian Jiao, hiding behind the curtains of the ornate canopy, trembled where they stood and dared not breathe a sound.

The oppressive silence caused unease to mount in Qin Yiniang’s heart.

“This is fate!” she cried out, outwardly fierce but inwardly fearful. “She only knew to endure in silence when she felt unwell; I saw Madam’s expression turn ashen and feigned feeling faint, collapsing to the floor. So I gave birth to the eldest son safe and sound, while she died — without even a place to seek redress for her grievance!”

Qin Yiniang waved her hands in the air and seized Xu Siyu by the lapels.

She lowered her voice: “This is fate!” There was a note of pleading in her tone, as though she were imploring the ever-so-slightly dismissive Xu Siyu to understand. “I hid in the Second Madam’s room and did not dare to take a single step outside the door; with great difficulty I gave birth to you. Yet the Grand Dowager had the Second Madam relay word to Madam, asking her to take us mother and son back. I was frightened half to death — afraid she would settle scores with me later, afraid too that she would do something to harm you, and could not sleep night after night. Day after day I burned incense to the Bodhisattva, praying for protection, begging that we would not have to return. And then…” She laughed. “Madam said that her health was poor and needed tending to, and that there were many household affairs to attend to, that she was truly too occupied to manage everything, and asked the Second Madam to help by continuing to look after us mother and son for a while.” She searched for Xu Siyu with eyes grown dim and lusterless. “You see — is this not fate?” She did not wait for an answer but went on speaking to herself: “Afterward, the Marquis came home, had a great quarrel with Madam, and also discovered that Wen Yiniang had been doing business with the Wen family behind the Xu family’s back. He was infuriated with Wen Yiniang as well, and simply moved to live at Banyue Pond. I then began fasting on the first and fifteenth of each month, praying to the Bodhisattva that Madam would remain safe and sound and live out her days with the Marquis in harmony…”

Xu Siyu still remembered. At that time, he had been his father’s only son. His official mother had treated him with great coldness. Every time he went to pay his respects, she would merely nod and have his wet nurse take him away. Later, at the Second Aunt’s suggestion, the Grand Dowager had given him a separate courtyard of his own; Yiniang continued to live with the Second Madam in the Grand Dowager’s new residence. Even on the occasions when she wished to come see him, she had to sneak about. And yet even so, every time Yiniang saw him, she had been in high spirits — quite unlike later, when the official mother gave birth to Xu Sizhun, and Yiniang, though she had moved into the courtyard just ahead of his, wore a look of worry more often than joy. It was from around that time that Yiniang began to say the sorts of things the Second Aunt called “overstepping one’s station”; it was from around that time that the Second Aunt began to explain the Book of Rites to him, making him understand just how far he stood from the position of heir…

Lost in thought, he heard Qin Yiniang say with displeasure: “Then, all of a sudden, a Qiu Luo appeared from nowhere.”

Xu Siyu’s heart leapt.

Qiu Luo — much the same as Tong Yiniang. She herself had perished, and so had her child!

He looked at Qin Yiniang, his face like white paper, and saw her brow knit slightly as she said: “I was beside myself with anxiety. Yet there was nothing to be done. And this time, Madam had departed entirely from her usual manner — she not only took great care of Qiu Luo, she also sent Nanny Tao to attend her personally. Neither I nor Wen Yiniang could get so much as a word in. Before long, Qiu Luo was with child.”

Her voice carried the faintest trace of disappointment.

“I counted the days on my fingers toward her confinement and prayed to the gods morning and night, hoping she would give birth to a girl… When the midwife entered the household, I cultivated her acquaintance from every angle, hoping to find some opportunity to see Qiu Luo in person.”

“And — did you manage to see her?” Xu Siyu heard himself ask in a tense voice.

“The midwife said that after the child was born, if it were a girl, Madam would certainly be very disappointed and leave at once; if it were a boy, Madam would surely carry him to show the Marquis and the Grand Dowager. Whichever the case, all those serving at Madam’s side would follow along. That was when I could take advantage of the opportunity to see Qiu Luo.” Qin Yiniang’s expression turned somewhat peculiar. “I gave that midwife fifty taels of silver. But on the very day of the confinement, I was kept in the Second Madam’s room to help her grind ink. From the moment Qiu Luo’s labor pains began that morning until after Qiu Luo had delivered a son — the whole of two days and two nights — I was grinding ink for the Second Madam.”

Xu Siyu was stunned.

After a long moment he said: “Two days and two nights?”

The scene from that day seemed still to linger somewhere in Qin Yiniang’s memory.

Qin Yiniang shook out her arm and said: “The Second Madam even had Jie Xiang stand watch over me. I was allowed to doze or be idle — the one thing I was not allowed to do was leave the study. Even when I needed to use the privy, Jie Xiang followed along.”

* * *