Ren Yao was bound by imperial command, and having shared a New Year’s Eve dinner with Li Huazhang and Ming Huashang was already at the very limit of what she could do. The next day she returned to the capital to report. Shangzhou was veiled in rain and snow, but Chang’an was a scene of cold severity — the city gates were heavily guarded, and passing through the deep, long towers of the gatehouse, one entered a broad avenue of flat white stretching ahead, with people moving to and fro in hurried steps. Directly ahead, Taiji Palace lay blanketed in snow as white as the heavens themselves — like a palace in the sky.
Ren Yao passed through layer after layer of inspection and at last gained audience with Empress Wei — or rather, as she should now be addressed, Empress Dowager Wei.
Ren Yao stepped across the high threshold, made out the figure seated on the phoenix throne, and bowed low: “Your subject pays respects to the Empress Dowager.”
Empress Dowager Wei was admiring her fingernails. When she heard that Ren Yao had come, she raised her eyes and gave a faint glance, gesturing to an attendant to help Ren Yao up: “Marquis Pingnan need not be so formal. I had expected you to return after the first month — I did not think you would arrive today. The journey was hard, was it not?”
An attendant came up with a fawning expression to help Ren Yao rise. Ren Yao made an imperceptible motion to avoid the eunuch’s hand and kept her gaze lowered: “Your subject bears the Emperor’s grace and did not dare delay. Fortunately the mission has been fulfilled — I have escorted Prince Qiao and his collaborators, who conspired to rebel, back to Chang’an, and await the Empress Dowager’s disposal.”
“All were captured?” Empress Wei seemed somewhat taken aback. “Li Chongfu is still alive?”
“He is.”
The Empress’s face lit up with a smile. She personally descended the steps and drew Ren Yao to sit beside her: “I knew you would not let me down. Tell me quickly — what happened along the way? How did you manage to capture that treasonous Li Chongfu?”
Ren Yao found herself suddenly pulled so close to Empress Wei that every muscle in her body tensed involuntarily. She chose every word with care, omitted the segment involving her correspondence with Li Huazhang, and gave a pruned and edited account.
When Empress Wei heard that Li Huazhang had also been in Junzhou on the day Ren Yao stormed the city, a glimmer passed through her eyes. She asked, as though in passing: “Was the Prince of Yong not in Shangzhou? How did he come to be in Junzhou?”
Ren Yao steadied her heart and trod carefully: “Prince Qiao wished to rebel yet feared a punitive campaign from the court, so he invited the Prince of Yong to Junzhou under the pretext of celebrating the New Year, intending to use the Prince of Yong and his Consort as hostages.”
“Oh?” Empress Wei drew out the sound — impossible to tell whether she believed it. “What a coincidence.”
“Yes.” Ren Yao kept her eyes lowered and said: “Fortunately the advance squad that opened the gates was courageous and resourceful — they gave their lives without fear and opened the gates for the main army in time, enabling me to lead my troops straight in, capture the traitor while Prince Qiao was unprepared, and rescue the Prince of Yong.”
Ren Yao deliberately mentioned the advance squad; if Empress Wei continued to inquire about the details of the assault, she could use the opportunity to request recognition of merit for Jiang Ling and the others. But Empress Wei did not appear to care about the specifics of the assault. She only made a faint sound of acknowledgment, and after a moment’s deliberation she said: “I recall that your father and brothers all died on the battlefield, leaving only a grandmother in your household — is that right?”
Ren Yao did not know why Empress Wei had brought this up, and nodded: “Yes. For as long as I can remember, my father and elder brother were always on the battlefield. I was raised by my grandmother.”
Empress Wei sighed: “It has not been easy. I remember hearing as a child from my family about the first Marquis Pingnan — your grandfather — who held a city with two hundred soldiers for three full months, dying with his spear in his grip, refusing to retreat. Even the Tubo soldiers dared not approach when they saw him. The court, moved by his loyalty and valor, granted a marquisate as an exceptional honor, and the title passed to your father’s generation. Your father brought no dishonor to the Ren family’s name for loyalty and valor, either — he died on the battlefield as well. A great pity for the women of the Ren family. My mother knew the late Marchioness Pingnan — she said her character and appearance were both excellent, but her health was frail, and when she learned that her husband and son had both been killed in battle, she took ill from that point onward and never recovered, passing away young. Your grandmother, a widow alone, raised your father by herself, managed the household inside and out, single-handedly held the Ren family together, and still brought up such outstanding children and grandchildren. For the Marquis Pingnan household to be what it is today, your grandmother deserves credit for at least half of it.”
Ren Yao had not known that Empress Wei was so well acquainted with the Ren family’s affairs, and said sincerely: “My grandmother is the person I respect most in this life.”
Widowed in her youth, bereaved of her son in middle age — watching her son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren leave one by one, yet unable to show the slightest weakness, and alone propping up the marquisate, raising its sole granddaughter to adulthood. The weight of that experience, on a woman, was something the two words “hard times” could not begin to capture.
Empress Wei perhaps thought of herself, and sighed: “I too have experienced the grief of outliving my child — I know it is among the most agonizing of all earthly sufferings. Your grandmother endured most of her life like this — it has truly not been easy. I hold the deepest admiration for women of this indomitable and principled character. She ought to be granted a first-rank court title — to set an example for all under heaven.”
Ren Yao was taken aback, and felt an almost overwhelming gratitude — she immediately rose and sought to decline the honor: “Your subject has no merit to speak of and could not deserve such a distinction — I implore the Empress Dowager to withdraw this grace.”
Empress Wei smiled and drew Ren Yao back up, taking her hand: “Why refuse? This is not for you — it is for your grandmother. Besides, your grandmother endured such hardship and toil to raise you — do you not want to earn her a court title and bring her joy?”
Ren Yao of course wanted nothing more; what she had yearned for most in this life was to repay her grandmother and earn her recognition. Yet she also knew that nothing in the world came free. She said with unease: “Your subject has only just entered official service — I have neither merit nor virtue to speak of, and yet the Empress Dowager would confer such honor upon me. Your subject is truly overwhelmed with gratitude and trepidation.”
Empress Wei smiled. Her slender, long fingernails tapped the table slowly and with deliberate implication: “How can you say you have no merit? If you could resolve the rebellion of a feudal prince and stabilize the court, that would be a great merit indeed — and not only could your grandmother be granted a first-rank court title; even your mother could be named a first-rank lady, with none daring to object.”
Perhaps the incense in the Hall of Receiving Government was too thick; Ren Yao’s mind moved sluggishly and she could not quite follow what Empress Wei meant. Of the late Emperor’s four princes, the first and third had already died; the fourth, Prince Wen, had been made the new emperor; and the second, Prince Qiao, had just been brought back from Junzhou in her own custody. Which feudal prince could possibly want to rebel now?
Junzhou… In Ren Yao’s mind a flash of lightning struck, and for an instant everything went blank. Empress Wei watched her with unhurried calm. Seeing comprehension dawn on her face, the Empress began to speak with persuasive gentleness: “Prince Qiao wanted to rebel, and the Prince of Yong conveniently appeared in Junzhou — who can say for certain what went on between them? You were the one who personally captured Prince Qiao, and you understand the situation at the time better than anyone. Did you have any impression — was there anything unusual about the Prince of Yong’s behavior?”
Ren Yao understood now. Empress Wei was hinting that she should frame Li Huazhang for deliberately plotting rebellion — and in return, Empress Wei would grant the women of Marquis Pingnan’s household court titles. Ren Yao felt a surge of fury rise in an instant, shooting straight to her head, burning through her until she was flushed all over, her vision reddening. She looked at Empress Wei, who reclined with leisurely composure, looking as though she was entirely certain of Ren Yao’s consent — and Ren Yao could barely restrain her own fist.
What did Empress Wei take the Ren family for? The title of Marquis Pingnan was earned by her grandfather, struck through by arrows beyond counting and refusing still to yield. It was preserved by her father and brother, who had shed their blood across the battlefield. Of course the women of the Ren family deserved first-rank court titles — but they must be won openly, with honor, through the Ren family’s spear on the battlefield, not through those mean and despicable stratagems of petty men.
If she were to frame her own friend in exchange for a court title for her grandmother, her grandmother would break relations with her on the spot. There was no way such a title would ever be permitted to enter the Ren family’s gates. Ren Yao exercised every ounce of control to keep her expression in check, so as not to disgrace herself before the sovereign, and replied with cool composure: “Your subject saw no unusual behavior on the Prince of Yong’s part. Moreover, the Prince of Yong is upright and devoted to duty, compassionate toward the people, and has done a great deal of good for Shangzhou — every prefecture and county praises the Prince of Yong as a man of virtue and excellence. The Empress Dowager has a filial new emperor within and loyal ministers without; the realm is stable. There is no need for excessive doubt or suspicion.”
Empress Wei’s expression at once darkened, and her displeasure was visible: “Is Marquis Pingnan speaking up for the Prince of Yong? Every prefecture and county praises the Prince of Yong for his virtue — which would make me, the one who lacks virtue?”
Ren Yao kept her gaze lowered: “Your subject did not mean that.”
“You most clearly did!” Empress Wei swept her sleeve away in fury: “Do not forget — everything the Marquis Pingnan household enjoys today was given by me. If not for me, could you, as a woman, command troops, hold great power?”
“Your subject is grateful for the Empress Dowager’s patronage, and will never forget the Empress Dowager’s grace of recognition.” Ren Yao held her neck straight, unyielding: “But there are things that may be done and things that may not. Your subject is willing to go through fire and water, to give her life in service to the state — but she absolutely cannot frame a righteous man or betray a friend.”
Empress Wei narrowed her eyes: “So, you refuse?”
Ren Yao lowered her head and made a deep, formal bow: “It is not that your subject refuses — it is that this is an act that would anger heaven and men alike, and your subject cannot do it. The Prince of Yong is selfless and impartial, of great virtue and talent — a true gentleman in every sense. I implore the Empress Dowager to reconsider and withdraw this command, lest the hearts of meritorious subjects and loyal generals be chilled.”
Empress Wei gave a cold smile and looked down at her from above: “Very well. Very well. You are quite the loyal, righteous person — in that case, I will oblige you. Effective immediately, I withdraw all the rewards and military authority granted to the Marquis Pingnan household. You are expelled from the Imperial Guard. The entire family is to be exiled to Jiannan and stationed at Jianmen Pass to serve as garrison troops.”
Ren Yao finally raised her head and looked at Empress Wei. Empress Wei gazed at her with cold eyes in which the satisfaction of holding all the winning cards was unmistakable.
She knew what Ren Yao cared about most, and so had deliberately chosen this punishment to strike at the very marrow of Ren Yao’s heart. What Ren Yao wanted was nothing more than to hold up the Marquis Pingnan household and allow her grandmother to spend her remaining years in peace — and yet Empress Wei had decreed exile for the entire family, denying the elderly grandmother any tranquility. She had believed that with this, Ren Yao would yield. She had not expected that Ren Yao would be still for a moment, then silently kneel and kowtow: “Your subject gives thanks for the imperial grace.”
Ren Yao stared at the golden tiles of the Hall of Receiving Government, bright enough to mirror a face, and thought: so it turns out that when opportunity and trap arrive, they often look exactly the same. What had once elevated her could also destroy her.
She had gained power through the Shenlong Coup. When the Chongjun Coup arrived and she did the same thing again, it was she herself who pushed herself into the abyss, sinking ever deeper.
She was only filled with regret — that after such long searching, in the end it was her own hands that had buried everything.
Ren Yao entered the palace as the formidable Marquis Pingnan and came out of it as a criminal. In the past she had always been on tenterhooks, afraid of making the slightest misstep, of offending some female official or eunuch and bringing calamity on the Marquis Pingnan household. But now, watching the attendants whispering and pointing at her openly, she felt nothing but absolute composure.
Let them say what they liked. She had endured enough of this suffocating servility.
Ren Yao left the palace with a blank face and walked straight toward the Marquis Pingnan household. The servants announced to the old madam that their lord had returned, and the old madam thought it strange — Ren Yao had gone into the palace to report on the mission, so why had she come back so soon? She leaned on her walking staff and was just about to ask her maidservant to support her outside when Ren Yao had already come in with great strides into the warm inner room and fell heavily to her knees before her.
When she knelt, the thud was audible, and it clearly hurt. All the maidservants in the room looked startled. Ren Yao’s grandmother had been through storms and trials half her life, and more important than anything else was that she understood her granddaughter — she knew at once that something had gone wrong.
Ren Yao’s grandmother was very composed. She calmly told the maidservants to withdraw. Once the attendants had gone and the door had closed, she trembled slightly as she lowered herself back into her seat, and said: “What happened?”
Ren Yao had not been afraid before Empress Wei, had not been afraid when facing the pointing and whispering of the eunuchs outside the palace, but when she returned home and saw her grandmother, she suddenly could not hold back tears. She felt she had no right to cry, and used the motion of kowtowing to turn her eyes away: “Grandmother, I was wrong. Please beat me.”
When Ren Yao’s grandmother saw the granddaughter she had raised from infancy with eyes reddened like that, how could she not feel the ache of it? But she knew Ren Yao was proud, and so she pretended not to see the tears in her eyes and said steadily: “Tell me clearly — what exactly happened?”
Ren Yao refused to rise, and pressed her forehead to the ground: “I was wrong. You were right — I should not have stubbornly clung to my own path and entered official life. Perhaps if I had followed your advice early on and found someone to marry, at the very least it would not have brought harm to the family. Not like now — all that effort, all that striving, and in the end nothing — and still I have dragged you into this.”
Ren Yao’s grandmother let out a sigh. She had long felt that the Ren family drawing so close to Empress Wei was not a good thing — but as a subject, what power did one have to refuse? Now, at last, the blade had fallen.
“Get up first, then talk,” Ren Yao’s grandmother said.
Ren Yao refused: “I did wrong, and my mistake has implicated the family. If you do not beat me, I have no face to look at you.”
Ren Yao’s grandmother exhaled deeply, reached out, and took hold of Ren Yao’s arm — and physically dragged her upright. Her hands were deeply aged, the veins crossing them like the roots of an old tree, yet the grip was still enormously strong — like an ancient tree, though old, still able to cling fast to the earth in wind and rain. Ren Yao could not resist, and followed the force of her grandmother’s hands to straighten up.
“Grandmother…”
The upbraiding and blistering scold that Ren Yao had expected never came. Instead, an expression of guilt flashed in Ren Yao’s grandmother’s eyes. She gently stroked Ren Yao’s hair and said: “Foolish child — you did not do wrong. I am the one who did wrong. The one who should be beaten is me, not you.”
Ren Yao was startled: “Grandmother!”
Ren Yao’s grandmother’s tears could no longer be held back and fell. Both grandmother and granddaughter were alike in their determination; she did not let Ren Yao comfort her, and wiped her own tears away, saying: “Yao’er, you did very well. It is I who became muddled with age and obstructed you in every way. Relying on my own experience, I knew that a woman’s determination to be strong brings much suffering — I did not want you to suffer, and so wanted you to be like other girls, with nothing to think about but rouge and hairpins, marrying safely and settling down quietly. Yet keeping you from suffering — was that not also stripping away your chance to become something great?”
Because the high winds at altitude are fierce, one breaks her wings and keeps her a ground bird forever — and tells her this way of life is fine, that there is no need to risk the high places, that every day she will have someone to bring her seed and water. But to personally cage one’s own granddaughter, to make her a captive bird for life — was that truly for her good?
Ren Yao’s grandmother was often startled awake in the depth of night, dreaming of Ren Yao having abandoned her martial training, married into a husband’s family, and then been bullied by a mother-in-law and concubines without even the strength to fight back. When she woke she was always shaken and alarmed, unable to sleep again for the rest of the night. She had always, truth be told, been grateful that her granddaughter had persisted in her rebellion and defiance and had not followed the arrangements she had made — had not truly become a captive bird.
Ren Yao’s grandmother drew Ren Yao to sit beside her and asked: “Do you know why your father gave you the name Ren Yao?”
Ren Yao shook her head. Ren Yao’s grandmother said: “When your mother gave birth to you, the name originally prepared for you used the character for the jade pool. But your father wrote back from the front: jade, though a beautiful stone, is fragile and easily broken. Better to use the character for farness and distance — for the road tests a horse’s stamina, and time reveals a person’s heart. The Ren family should fear neither wind nor frost, but be tempered and refined in hardship. You are only twenty-one — your life has barely begun, and there is a long road still ahead. Making mistakes is nothing to fear. Get up, and keep walking. As long as a person refuses to be defeated, no matter how difficult the pass, one will always find a way through.”
The heart that Ren Yao had held clenched and taut since leaving the palace slowly began to ease. Ren Yao’s grandmother asked her what had happened, and Ren Yao relayed to her word for word everything Empress Wei had said. Ren Yao’s grandmother listened, her eyes blazing with fury, and said: “Well done. The Ren family’s spear has always met strength with strength and bent before nothing. What we were taught is the way of going into battle, killing the enemy, and protecting home and country — our spear tip will never be pointed at a meritorious official. If you had dared do harm to the Prince of Yong, I would have been the one to strike your name from the clan record. A quarrel with the Empress Dowager — what is there to be afraid of? This old woman can still walk. If we go to Jianmen Pass together, I feel perfectly free and easy. Ren Yao — remember this: as long as a person is alive, there is no pass that cannot be crossed. As long as one walks an upright road and acts with a clear conscience, the Ren family’s spear will never fall.”
Ren Yao was too moved to speak and bowed her head low: “Grandmother — your granddaughter has been unfilial and has implicated you.”
Ren Yao’s grandmother looked at her granddaughter, prostrated beside her, who was just as she had been as a small child — shouldering every mistake alone and refusing to say a word of it to the family, who would only show vulnerability in her grandmother’s presence and would not be able to hold back tears. In the blink of an eye, Ren Yao had grown this tall, had become a general who could stand independently and face the world alone — even better than her grandmother had imagined. Ren Yao’s grandmother smiled, and gently stroked the top of Ren Yao’s head: “Yao’er — just as I told you before: when the old farmer’s horse bolts, who can say it is not a blessing? The way the world goes, no one can predict it. I had long felt that continuing in the service of the late Emperor’s household was no path to lasting fortune — and now Empress Wei has dealt with you, it is still better than having the Empress Wei’s political enemies make their move. There is always a silver lining.”
·
When the news spread through Chang’an that the entire Marquis Pingnan household had been exiled to Jianmen Pass, the city was shaken. The moment Jiang Ling heard, he immediately wanted to go to Ren Yao — but the Marquis Pingnan residence had already been sealed by the court and was closed to all visitors. Unable to see Ren Yao, he could only think of another way.
As soon as he returned home, Jiang Ling went to find Marquis Jiang’an, wanting to have his father intervene on Ren Yao’s behalf. But Marquis Jiang’an had not even heard Jiang Ling out before he waved his hand impatiently: “The exile was decreed by the Empress Dowager. Whatever she did to fall out of favor, what can I do about it?”
Jiang Ling said urgently: “There is always a way if people think of one. Father — she is not someone capable of doing anything truly wicked or unforgivable. You could go to Princess Taiping and find a way. She can’t really be allowed to go to the frontier pass, can she?”
Marquis Jiang’an’s expression was indifferent: “Princess Taiping is even less able to interfere. Ren Yao was once one of the Empress Dowager’s trusted people — whatever reason they fell out, having one less person in the Wei faction is good news for the Princess and Prince Xiang. The Princess’s residence has been quite hemmed in by suspicion these years; the Princess has kept a low profile and yielded at every turn in order to preserve herself to this day. Why would she diminish her own position for an unrelated person?”
“Unrelated?” Jiang Ling stared at Marquis Jiang’an in disbelief. “You cannot be unaware of the relationship between her and me. In your eyes, is the woman I love unrelated to this household?”
Marquis Jiang’an paused, then said: “She has been too visible in public life and has ties to the Wei faction — she is not a suitable match. Even if her family had no part in this matter, I would not agree to the two of you. Once things have calmed down, meet your mother’s niece — close enough to your age; let us get the marriage settled. And do compose yourself, stop this day-by-day idle wandering and get to something useful. Start early on giving the Jiang family a son and heir — that is what truly matters.”
Jiang Ling was silent for a moment, and then suddenly said: “Father — is it that no matter what I do, you feel certain I will get it wrong, and that I can never measure up to Second Younger Brother in anything?”
Marquis Jiang’an’s brow knitted with impatience: “What are you talking about nonsense? Your younger brother is clever and industrious, and treats you with respect and courtesy. You, his elder brother, and you speak of him this way?”
“I know Second Younger Brother is clever, filial, and good at his studies, and that Father favors him — that is entirely natural.” Jiang Ling looked Marquis Jiang’an directly in the eye and said: “I also know that Stepmother feared I would harm Second Younger Brother, so deliberately never hired a tutor for me — she only had people take me out to play. I used to think there was nothing particularly wrong with that way of life — after all, the Jiang household is large and prosperous enough that I have nothing to strive for. I was content to be as you all wished: an idle, good-for-nothing young nobleman. But now, I no longer wish to go on like that.”
Marquis Jiang’an heard him speaking of his wife in this manner and his brow rose sharply, just on the verge of anger, when Jiang Ling had already swept aside his robes and knelt: “Your son is unfilial, and knows he cannot drag the family into this matter for personal sentiment. But neither can your son stand by without doing anything, watching the woman he loves go to the frontier to suffer. After this, your son will not be able to be by your side to care for you in your old age. I ask Father to take care of himself in health. If your son has not returned within five years, please pass the title of heir to Second Younger Brother — let him inherit the household.”
With that, Jiang Ling pressed his head firmly to the ground, three times rising and three times kneeling. Marquis Jiang’an was stunned by Jiang Ling’s actions. His brow furrowed deeply and he said in fury: “You foolish child — do you know what you are doing?”
Jiang Ling rose to his feet, his heart perfectly clear. He said: “I know — I have never been as clear in my life as I am right now about what I want to do.”
He had always envied Li Huazhang, Xie Jichuan, and Ren Yao, whose goals had always been so sharp, whose capacity for action had always been so strong. Even Ming Huashang knew what she wanted — but he had never known. For the first twenty years, he had followed his father’s arrangements and been nothing but the son of Marquis Jiang’an. But now, for the first time in his life, he had something he wanted to pursue — something he himself, Jiang Ling, wanted to do.
Jiang Ling knew his father would certainly be angry, and knew that after he left, his stepmother would certainly add fuel to the fire. But this time, he would no longer listen to his father.
Jiang Ling bowed one last deep bow, then turned and walked away with great strides — without a backward glance, going after Ren Yao.
He was coming — his general, his little marquis.
·
In the second month, the willow trees of Chang’an had just begun to put out fresh green shoots. The entire Marquis Pingnan household departed the capital. Ren Yao had once been so careful, so painstaking in her efforts to hold on to the marquisate, afraid of the slightest misstep and the criticism of clan members — but now all those clan members kept their distance, afraid of being implicated, and none of them showed the slightest inclination to take any parting blow at Marquis Pingnan.
Ren Yao had been cautious and careful in the Imperial Guard, and though those who suffered together with her never offered help, at least no one came to stamp on her when she was down. She and her grandmother departed Chang’an without much disturbance — but once outside the city, there was a piece of plaster that could not be shaken loose, no matter how hard she tried.
At midday, when the party stopped to rest, Ren Yao was worried about her grandmother sitting too long and carefully helped her up to walk: “Grandmother, would you like some water?”
Ren Yao’s grandmother shook her head. She glanced back and said: “That person is still following?”
Ren Yao was a little embarrassed and pretended to be indifferent: “He is on his way to visit Yi Province for leisure, and just happens to be taking the same road. He will be on his own way tomorrow — don’t pay any attention to him, Grandmother.”
Ren Yao’s grandmother looked at Ren Yao without speaking. When they had finished walking a circle, she sat down on a stone, and Ren Yao hurriedly took out provisions prepared in advance and laid out the meal. Ren Yao’s grandmother tapped her knee and said with a studied casualness: “He has been out in the sun all morning. Call that young gentleman over and let him eat with us.”
Ren Yao was taken aback: “Grandmother…”
“Never mind why he appears here. Since we have noticed him, we cannot be remiss with courtesy. Ask the man over — the road to Jiannan is treacherous, and an extra person means extra safety.”
Ren Yao’s lips moved, and she looked at the mountain road where the last traces of snow were slowly melting. In the end she said nothing more. A little while later, Jiang Ling came over. He was no longer in the dress of a wealthy man of leisure he had worn before, but had changed into a low-profile outfit — though the expression on his face was still as easygoing and bright as ever. Seeing Ren Yao’s grandmother, as solid as a mountain, he felt a twinge of nervousness, and made his greeting properly: “Good health to you, Old Madam of the Marquis Pingnan household. I am Jiang Ling.”
Ren Yao’s grandmother gave a mild nod: “So you are Marquis Jiang’an’s heir. Young Master Jiang is also taking this road?”
Jiang Ling grinned and scratched his head: “Old Madam, just call me Jiang Ling — I’ve had a falling out with the family. As for being heir, that’s done with.”
Ren Yao, who up until this point had had no particular expression, narrowed her eyes when she heard this and looked at Jiang Ling in disbelief: “What did you say?”
Jiang Ling was still the same breezy, casual self: “Being the heir was constraining and dull. I settled things with my father and came out to see the world. Whether Father ends up giving the title to me or to Second Younger Brother — I frankly can’t be bothered to worry about that. Let me have a few good years first and we’ll see.”
Ren Yao’s eyes went wide at the thought of Jiang Ling simply handing over his hereditary title. Nearly acting on instinct, she raised a hand to rap him on the head — then remembered her grandmother was right there, and forced her half-raised hand back down. Ren Yao’s grandmother gave a mild cough. Ren Yao’s grandmother said composedly: “By rights, this is an internal matter of the Marquis Jiang’an household and is not for this old woman to comment on. But I must still remind Young Master Jiang — an hereditary title is no small thing, and the road to Shu is a road of hardship, not somewhere one goes for leisure. I hope Young Master Jiang has considered carefully before speaking.”
“I have thought carefully.” Jiang Ling’s face still bore its light, laughing expression, but his eyes were black and bright, and the look in them was serious: “I could not be more certain. I am genuinely going to Jiannan — though as far as living goes, the road, however difficult, taken leisurely as a sightseeing trip, will bring me there all the same.”
Ren Yao’s grandmother, without betraying anything, studied Jiang Ling. It was plain he had been raised in privilege — everything about him carried that quality of carefree optimism peculiar to wealthy young men of good birth. But there was a real sincerity to him; his eyes were as clear and uncomplicated as a dog’s, incapable of concealing anything. In the end Ren Yao’s grandmother said nothing more: “The road is not our family’s to claim. If Young Master Jiang is also going to Jiannan, then please proceed as you wish.”
Jiang Ling blinked, unsure what to make of the situation, and instinctively looked toward Ren Yao for help. Ren Yao kept her expression cold and said: “Let’s eat first.”
“Oh.” Jiang Ling gave an uncertain nod of something-like-understanding. But when he turned the thought over, he reasoned — no refusal is a yes — and his spirits lifted at once. He volunteered: “There is a stream over there. Hand me your water flasks — all of them — I’ll go fetch water!”
Ren Yao’s grandmother had originally thought that a pampered young nobleman like this was only carried away by a momentary impulse, and that after a day or two his enthusiasm would flag and he would naturally turn back — after all, who in the world would give up a perfectly comfortable life as an heir in Chang’an and go to a frontier garrison to suffer? Yet Jiang Ling kept on following all the same, never once complaining, and was cheerful and lively every day of it — finding a roadside flower in bloom enough to make a commotion about it for half a day.
Gradually, even Ren Yao’s grandmother became accustomed to Jiang Ling’s presence in their party. As the shade of the trees thickened and the weather grew steadily warm and humid, Jianmen Pass was reached at last.
Jianmen Pass, near the borderlands, was in a constant state of military readiness, and living conditions were naturally very harsh. Ren Yao had been a formidable general in the Imperial Guard back in Chang’an — here, she was nothing but a perfectly ordinary junior officer, and she had to do everything herself.
When they arrived, the room assigned to them was still leaking rain. Ren Yao had grown up training hard in martial arts, but in terms of day-to-day living, she had never truly suffered — let alone in a thatched hut like this. Jiang Ling most certainly had never lived in one before either, but he adapted even more readily than Ren Yao. He was housed in the room next to Ren Yao’s family, and on that very first day he volunteered to help them mend the roof — though he almost put his foot through the ceiling in the process. The next day he was up early and bright, cheerfully hunting for materials to patch the walls, as though what he faced was merely a large-scale game, with nothing to feel downcast about.
Ren Yao patrolled Jianmen Pass during the day and came home in the evenings to clean the courtyard, repair the rooms, and cook the meals. Jiang Ling was not on the soldiers’ roster, but he had the nerve to tag along on their patrols anyway, spending his days traversing the steep mountain roads of the Jianmen cliff-passages, never uttering a word of complaint.
The two of them climbed the mountains together, practiced the spear together, watched the sun rise together, and watched the sword crags as the moon sank behind the precipice. Time seemed to roll back to Zhongnan Mountain, where all that mattered was what was right in front of you, and where honest effort was always rewarded — exhausting but full.
Several months passed, and even Ren Yao’s grandmother had changed her view of Jiang Ling. One evening at dusk, when Ren Yao returned from night patrol and was preparing her grandmother’s bed, Ren Yao’s grandmother looked at her profile — tanned darker, yet stronger and more resolute than before — and suddenly said: “I originally thought that Jiang Ling, having been raised in privilege, must be acting on a whim, and that the novelty would fade and he would go home. But having observed him all this time, he is a good young man.”
Ren Yao was taken aback, and kept her eyes down as she tucked the bedding: “Grandmother, why bring this up?”
Ren Yao’s grandmother said coolly: “I have lived this many years — I still have some ability to read people. That young man is fond of you. If not for that, he would never have followed all the way from Chang’an to Jianmen Pass. Easy to find someone to fill your purse — far harder to find someone true. You are no longer young; when you meet someone you like, as for the matter of your lifelong companion, let it be settled.”
Ren Yao did not know why her grandmother was saying these things, and said awkwardly: “There is nothing of the sort — he and I are only friends. Grandmother, what are you talking about?”
Ren Yao’s grandmother gave a cold laugh and said: “Am I so addled that I cannot tell a friend from something more? He cares for you — that is beyond question. And you do not feel nothing for him either. Otherwise, someone with your temper — could you really have the patience to teach him the Ren family spear? A person who can find someone they like, and who happens to like them back — that is already a stroke of luck in ten thousand. Cherish it. That young man may be guileless, but he is genuinely devoted to you. Whatever his family may be like, as long as he is willing to put his whole heart into treating you well, that is enough. While I am still able to manage affairs, someday soon — let us settle your marriage.”
Ren Yao involuntarily tightened her grip on the bedding. After all this time, in truth the bed had not been tidied in the slightest. In the past she had been wholly determined to prove herself no less than any man, and for that purpose had allowed no place in herself for anything she deemed soft — including feeling. But having spent this long at Jianmen Pass, having walked through the mountains, having witnessed life and death, having seen with her own eyes the hardships endured by the soldiers who garrisoned the frontier through frost and snow — only through experiencing the truth of real life had she come to understand how very fortunate she was, having been born into a noble family.
What did it matter to be born a woman? What did it matter that life was precarious? As long as the sun rose every morning, there was nothing that could not be faced. Ren Yao finally acknowledged, too, that the old her — though strong in martial arts — had been timid at heart, and had therefore done all she could to push away everything she associated with weakness. But once she had grown truly strong and confident within herself, she would discover that loving beautiful clothes and being brave and strong had never been contradictory at all.
She was born a woman, yet had been born into a military household — and so she had become the Ren Yao she was today. She had never needed, in truth, to push away the part of herself that belonged to a woman.
At last Ren Yao smiled. She said softly: “All right then.”