HomeSniper ButterflyChapter 74: The Seventy-Fourth Wing Beat

Chapter 74: The Seventy-Fourth Wing Beat

Cen Jin stood in the hallway for a long time, feeling as breathless as if she were standing under a torrential waterfall. The image of the boy’s tearful gaze lingered in her mind, causing her unbearable distress.

Later, when the motion sensor lights went out, Cen Jin remained motionless. Her eyes burned several times, but she refused to let her tears fall. Was it heartbreak? Disappointment? Or resentment? It wasn’t exactly any of these.

It was more like a kind of helplessness that paralyzed her entire body, making it impossible to move forward.

After a long while, the woman finally turned back and returned home.

The apartment was darker than usual, with only the living room light on—the one she had turned on earlier. She walked back to the coffee table and bent down to pick up the coat.

The movement caused another paper-like object to flutter down. Cen Jin caught it and brought it close to her eyes.

It turned out to be another receipt, dated today, showing the fabric types and prices of clothes sent for cleaning earlier.

Cen Jin looked at it for a moment, then placed both the clothes and receipt back where they were, and returned to her bedroom, exhausted in body and spirit.

As soon as she entered, she noticed the bed made with meticulous care, almost wrinkle-free. Her and Li Wu’s pajamas were neatly folded at the foot of the bed, side by side.

Suddenly, Cen Jin’s eyes welled up with tears.

How could human emotions be so fierce yet so fragile?

Last night they had cuddled together in joy, and today they parted ways like enemies, completely at odds.

Cen Jin removed her hair tie and fell back onto the bed, pulling the blanket high, like an oyster or snail stripped of its shell, only able to protect herself in this way.

Early the next morning, Cen Jin went to F University, determined to have a clear conversation with Li Wu.

She disliked being misunderstood and especially despised meaningless cold wars. Even if it meant the end of their relationship, it needed a clear description in words.

Most importantly, she didn’t want to repeat past mistakes.

On the way, she called Li Wu twice, but there was no answer. His phone wasn’t turned off or blocked—the owner simply let it ring without responding.

Trying her best to ignore the frustration welling up in her heart, Cen Jin went directly to Li Wu’s dormitory building.

On Sunday, there weren’t many students on campus, making the trees and paths seem unusually desolate.

Though Cen Jin hadn’t visited many times, she remembered clearly how to get to Li Wu’s dormitory, finding her way with familiar ease.

At the building’s entrance, she called Li Wu once more, as a final ultimatum.

The young man still didn’t answer.

Cen Jin walked straight in, but the dormitory supervisor stopped her in the lobby, asking whom she was looking for.

The woman’s face was pale as she replied, “Li Wu from 302.”

The supervisor asked, “What’s your relationship with him?”

“I’m his—” Cen Jin paused, then stated firmly: “girlfriend.”

The supervisor had a strong impression of Li Wu but found this visitor unfamiliar. Half-believing, she sat back down and reached for the registry book: “You’ll need to sign in.”

Cen Jin frowned, quickly scrawling her name and phone number.

The supervisor glanced down: “Wait, I’ll call the student to come down.”

When she looked up again, the graceful figure that had been standing at the window moments ago was already striding forcefully up the stairs. The supervisor opened her mouth, but it was too late to stop her.

Stopping in front of 302, Cen Jin, worried the male students might still be sleeping, knocked on the door without much gentleness, rap-rap, twice in succession.

After a few seconds, a male voice asked from inside, “Who is it—” but it wasn’t Li Wu.

Cen Jin raised her voice: “I’m here to see my boyfriend, Li Wu.”

There was immediate rustling inside, probably the male students getting dressed and tidying up.

Soon, the door opened, and she was greeted by Xu Shuo, who appeared to have just woken up, still drowsy and dazed as he bowed awkwardly: “Ah, hello, sister.”

Cen Jin smiled faintly: “Hello.” Her gaze then moved past him, searching for her target like a parent bursting into an internet café to catch their child.

Li Wu was sitting at his desk flipping through a book, his gaze cold and seemingly absorbed, as if operating on a different frequency from them.

During this time, as her net-like gaze indirectly swept over his roommates, they all waved in greeting, and Cen Jin nodded slightly to each other.

Xu Shuo had guessed last night that they’d parted on bad terms, otherwise Li Wu wouldn’t have returned in the middle of the night looking deathly pale.

But now that sister had come to offer a way to save face, why not take it? He hurriedly turned to look at the young man stuck to his chair, urging: “Li Wu?”

Li Wu remained silent, his gaze not shifting even slightly.

The roommates looked at each other, the atmosphere becoming extremely awkward.

Cen Jin’s jaw tightened, then she walked straight in, going to the young man’s side, pulling at him: “Come out with me.”

Li Wu finally responded, shaking off her grip and brushing his sleeve, asking coldly: “What for?”

Cen Jin’s chest rose and fell, but her voice remained steady: “Just talk for a while, it won’t take much of your time.”

Li Wu’s eyes grew slightly hot, and fearing she would notice, he stood up abruptly, trying to hide his weakness at a higher vantage point.

After Li Wu put on his toggle coat, they walked out one after the other.

Seeing them go downstairs together, the dormitory supervisor finally felt relieved, muttering a few words as she watched them leave.

They walked side by side, but not close together.

Like two strange whales traveling alone, forced to move parallel in this ocean of humanity only because their swimming speeds matched.

Cen Jin stole several glances at him; the young man’s eyes were somewhat swollen, his expression distant.

She thought again of his tear-stained face from last night, and her heart ached subtly.

As they walked together, she inconspicuously moved closer, reaching for his hand that swung carelessly at his side.

Li Wu startled slightly and tried to avoid her, but she pursued, firmly grasping two of his fingers.

She was like an addiction—once their skin touched, his heart constricted and his mind grew hazy. Li Wu forgot to resist, letting her hold on. His weakness wasn’t only hidden in his eyes.

After a few steps, the wind blew, and Li Wu became slightly more clear-headed. He gripped the woman’s cold hand in return, holding it in his palm, squeezing it viciously as if venting his anger. Each of Cen Jin’s fingernails began to hurt, and though she furrowed her brow, she didn’t pull away. Later, when she couldn’t stand it anymore, she retaliated by digging her nails into him, scratching like an angry cat, the force penetrating his muscles.

They walked in complete silence, their only exchange taking place beneath their sleeves.

Finally, Li Wu surrendered first, releasing his grip and taking her hand properly, their fingers interlacing.

Utterly disappointed in himself, he could only try to regain some dignity through his words: “What did you come to talk about so early in the morning?”

Cen Jin stopped walking but didn’t let go of his hand. She moved in front of him, face to face: “Have you calmed down?”

Li Wu also stopped walking, glancing at her and deliberately contradicting: “No.”

Cen Jin’s lips curved slightly, but she didn’t speak. Instead, she raised their clasped hands, examining and caressing the red marks at the tiger’s mouth of his palm: “Does it hurt?”

Li Wu’s lips pressed tightly together, saying nothing, but he knew in his heart that he submitted to this kind of pain, even finding a hint of pleasure in it.

Cen Jin kissed the marks, sucking gently with a touch of tenderness. Li Wu was caught off guard, his body stiffening, and the next moment he was embraced around the waist, locked back into the cage she had perhaps intentionally or unintentionally designed.

Li Wu’s Adam’s apple bobbed once, his hand hovering behind her back for a moment before finally pulling her closer to himself.

They got a room at a hotel near the school.

Once inside, the woman immediately removed her long coat, revealing only a short-sleeved qipao underneath. Her svelte waist was perfectly outlined, with silver-threaded peonies embroidered down, blooming into large patches of flowers at the hem. Her long, slender legs and arms were flawless, like fine jade.

Li Wu hadn’t expected her to have this ace up her sleeve. With his breathing growing heavier, he asked, “Why are you dressed like this?”

Cen Jin looked up at him, her tone sincere: “You bought it, especially before your college entrance exam. I asked my mother about the customs, and she said wearing a red qipao symbolizes victory from the start. But you wouldn’t let me see you off to the exam, so there was no chance to wear it. It’s been hanging at home all this time, and today I thought, well, I might as well wear it for you to see.”

She stroked his left cheek: “Stop being angry, okay?”

The next moment, Cen Jin was lifted off her feet, carried, and placed on the bed. The pure white sheets and deep red clothing merged like blood and milk; the fierce beast revealed its true nature, biting and crashing. Pleasure and aggression intermingled, his movements showing no restraint. Cen Jin could only remind him between gasps and winces of pain: “Don’t damage it, I didn’t bring any clothes to change into.”

From beginning to end, Li Wu barely made a sound. When they settled down, he turned to his side, facing away from Cen Jin, motionless as if asleep.

Cen Jin propped herself up to check on him, and seeing his eyelashes still fluttering, asked: “Why do I feel like you’re still angry with me?”

Li Wu closed his eyes. “Not angry, just can’t understand.”

Cen Jin asked: “Understand what?”

Li Wu said: “Can’t understand why I have no bottom line.”

Cen Jin rested her chin on his shoulder, sliding back and forth: “I’m the one who came to find you today.”

“But I couldn’t help myself when I heard your voice at the door,” Li Wu’s tone was full of resignation: “No, from the moment you called me, I couldn’t help it, my heart was both happy and hurting.”

Cen Jin felt heavy hearing this. She pressed her hands against his upper arms, forcibly turning him back to face her, wanting their eyes to meet: “You think I wasn’t suffering? I didn’t sleep all night, thinking about how to talk to you, how to make peace, wondering if you were serious, if you’d never speak to me again if you’d break up with me.”

Li Wu lay flat, his black hair pressed into the pillow, his eyes reflecting the ceiling light brilliantly: “The power has always been in your hands.”

Cen Jin had the illusion that he was at her mercy, but she still said: “I don’t think so, at least last night I panicked.”

Li Wu seemed unconvinced, staring at her intently as if looking for flaws.

“Look at how swollen your eyes are, all bloodshot. Who’s the bad person who ruined the world’s most beautiful pair of eyes?” She sat up straight, her fingers gently touching his eyelids.

The young man’s thick black eyelashes fluttered a few times as he caught her hands and held them down, preventing her from continuing her mischief, then said: “It was me, I did it to myself.”

He was still sulking, but Cen Jin smiled: “There’s nothing between Zhou Sui’an and me. He put the clothes on me and then ran off in a taxi. What else could I do besides wash them and mail them back to him? I even got rained on in the parking garage. As for the dinner, he deleted his Weibo post which helped me with work, so naturally, I owed him. Some things you can’t just refuse even if you want to.”

She continued: “I’ll be honest with you, I didn’t bring the coat home because I was considering you. You’re too sensitive and delicate, I was afraid you’d be unhappy.”

“Do I annoy you?” Li Wu suddenly asked.

“Annoy me how?”

“Just me.” Cen Jin thought for a moment: “Do you want the truth or a lie?”

“The truth.”

“Yes!” She gritted her teeth: “You always pick fights when I’m most tired, it’s annoying, you know? Next time you want to argue, please schedule it during holiday time. Besides, haven’t you started getting annoyed with me too, regretting that you like me?”

Li Wu immediately denied it: “I haven’t.”

“Not letting me touch you, not answering my calls—if that’s not being annoyed, what is it?”

Li Wu’s expression gained some bright warmth: “I learned it all from you.”

Now she was getting blamed. Cen Jin bared her teeth and pinched his ear in revenge.

After their playfulness subsided, they both quieted down.

Li Wu became pensive again, rubbing his head in confusion: “Do other people’s relationships work like this?”

“Like what?”

“This difficult.”

Cen Jin smiled and hummed in agreement, smoothing his disheveled hair as if touching a cluster of exquisitely textured innocence.

Li Wu exhaled: “It’s much harder than studying.”

“How could there be easy, effortless love,” she felt cold on her bare upper body and lay back under the covers for warmth, finishing her thought: “If it were easy and effortless, it wouldn’t be love, it wouldn’t be any kind of emotion at all.”

Li Wu immediately pulled her into his arms, covering and warming her: “I didn’t want to speak earlier because I realized only in these moments do I feel equal to you, sometimes even having the upper hand.”

Cen Jin feigned ignorance: “What moments?”

“These kinds.”

He never directly referred to their intimate moments, always quickly reverting to his spiritually virginal state afterward.

Cen Jin laughed: “You mean making love? Is it something shameful or beneath you?”

“No,” Li Wu stammered slightly: “It’s just that I feel…”

“Hmm?”

“This is the only part of me you could like.”

“What nonsense are you talking?” Cen Jin pretended to be furious, examining him: “I clearly like your face too.”

Li Wu was both pleased and dissatisfied: “Is that all?”

“I like you,” she kissed his unconsciously upturned mouth corner: “All of you.”

Li Wu was content: “Me too.”

Cen Jin pinched his jaw: “So can you have some confidence in yourself and me? Stop imagining me as some hypocritical woman who’s always looking for something better, okay? Before you, I only dated one other person, I’m not some experienced love expert or romance con artist.”

Li Wu’s voice darkened a degree: “I’m sorry, what I said last night was all out of anger. I just feel I’m not good enough, that I can’t enter your world, while other men can do it effortlessly after knowing you for just days.”

“How are you not good enough? Are you implying I have poor taste in choosing you?”

“It’s that you’re better than me in every way. You’re starting a business, while I’m still just a worthless student.”

“Don’t compare your 19-year-old self with my 30-year-old self, these aren’t things that can be compared. Wait until you’re 30 to compare yourself with the 30-year-old me.” Cen Jin’s expression was serene, her tone without any superiority: “You need to learn to make peace with yourself and correct your thinking. You’re very outstanding. I still remember that afternoon when I picked you up after your last college entrance exam, you confidently said you’d be very busy after the scores came out. You were radiant at that moment. Why does that self-awareness disappear when you face me? I don’t want to see you like this.”

The young man seemed to have something stuck in his throat: “I don’t know either.”

Cen Jin sighed: “If you insist on comparing yourself with me, you’ll be in this position of being behind for a long time, because those eleven years are there and won’t be compressed. Life is only about a hundred years, and eleven years is a significant portion. There will be many changes, turning points, and accumulations. If you’re always concerned about this, you’ll always be in this state of insecurity.”

Li Wu fell silent, seeming to digest this reality, with a bit of gloom and dejection.

The woman called his name again, the eleven-year gap also meant she needed to adjust her mindset and learn to guide: “Li Wu, you need to learn to reduce the weight of love in your life. It’s just an embellishment, not a guiding light. When you treat love as a lighthouse, you’re trapped in the same dark sea. Dating is a relationship you share with another person, but because of everyone’s personality, environment, and various factors, it’s hard to maintain balance or split equally. If you’re always fixated on this, then with any disturbance, your world will become chaotic and tilted. Only you completely belong to yourself. Don’t pathologically bind yourself to a relationship. Put yourself first, at the center, then you’ll have true direction. Remember in your second year of high school when you chose not to let me drive you and took the subway and bus instead? Have you forgotten that kind of independence?”

“You should also believe that you’ve helped me greatly. You’re not what your roommates described. After my divorce, you helped me rediscover the state of being loved and loving someone and made my emotions vibrant, full, and colorful. Whether good or bad, happy or painful, I have more energy than before and look forward to each day more.”

“I once read a saying that love itself has no measure, there’s only love or not love. It became my view of love, and I hope it can become yours too. I am who I am, you are who you are, we’re just two people attracted to each other and therefore embracing, enjoying each other’s sweetness and bitterness, original taste and texture. Don’t bother with those empty frameworks, insisting on progressing together or matching status. I don’t need these things, I’m not someone who uses love to enhance my status. That’s partly why I don’t like to openly discuss our relationship with others. If I cared about these things…”

Cen Jin raised her hand, touching that wristwatch: “I wouldn’t have taken off my hundred-thousand-yuan watch to wear this one every day. Of course, this only applies to me, the woman you currently like. If there’s a next one, that’s not my responsibility.”

Cen Jin suddenly became emotional, realizing she had stayed up all night just to come early and say these things.

She had planned to write Li Wu a letter, making every sentence and word precise, heartfelt, rational, and impeccable, but she decided to say it in person, as a test for herself.

Fortunately, she had succeeded, able to organize her thoughts well, neither retreating nor speaking carelessly. It seemed her romantic element still had some warmth left, flickering.

Cen Jin applauded herself internally, gazing into the young man’s bright eyes: “Let me tell you what I was doing at 19. I was thinking about drinking milk tea, eating snacks, trying different makeup, and obsessing over shoujo manga. And you? You’ve already achieved something in academics and nobly refused the school’s guaranteed graduate admission. If we were at the same school and the same age, would you still like me, Mr. Popular?”

Her speech and sudden form of address made Li Wu’s world brighten, his heart surging. He was stunned for a moment, then quickly asked: “What?”

“What what?”

“The last four words.”

“You only heard the last four words?” Cen Jin snorted: “I’ve forgotten them.”

After a session of pinching and kneading, Cen Jin surrendered, calling him the same title three times before Li Wu finally stopped, holding her tightly: “I would, I would like you, from the very first sight.”

Whether she believed it or not, loving her was his destiny.

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