Li Tai and Li Ke didn’t have Li’er’s bad habits. Seeing Zhangsun Chong and Li Huairen charge into the vegetable plot like wild boars, pulling off cucumbers and washing them in the water vat before crunching away, the two brothers also didn’t hold back. They ran in to pick some, learned to rinse them, and without even wiping them, started gnawing away together. Were these still the Great Tang’s highest-ranking nobles? They ate worse than beggars.
“Eat less—eating too much raw food will upset your stomach.” Yun Ye couldn’t persuade them. These four had gone crazy eating.
Li Huairen suddenly cried out, his voice miserable.
Oh no! Had he really gotten a stomachache? Yun Ye hurried over to support him, asking where he felt unwell.
He just opened his mouth and panted heavily, his tongue stuck out far, unable to speak. Looking again, this fellow held half a chili pepper in his hand. Tears and snot flowed down his face—disgusting. After pouring half a ladle of cold water down his throat, Yun Ye tossed him aside and ignored him. This lord planted Gangu thin chili peppers, not sweet peppers—they were for drying into red chilies, fiercely spicy, not something ordinary people could handle. Grandmother feared they wouldn’t be cared for properly in the capital, so she specially used a heated cart to bring them back and personally tend to them. Her grandson valued these chilies most, so Grandmother treated them like treasures. Any servant who dared touch them would have their hands chopped off.
“Ye-zi, how can you grow poison?” Zhangsun Chong asked Yun Ye with lingering fear. The two princes also felt uneasy.
“What poison? You ate plenty of this stuff in Longyou, and it didn’t poison you to death. Now you’re lively enough to wreck havoc in my family’s greenhouse.”
“Longyou? I ate it? Why don’t I remember?” Li Huairen finally recovered. Since Zhangsun Chong had eaten it, he must have too.
“Get lost! You two gluttons, back then you were too busy eating to remember what seasonings were used.”
“Chili pepper? I remember now—you said there was only a little left, that red stuff? Eating it felt like fire in the mouth?” Zhangsun Chong had some memory.
“No wonder my mouth still feels like it’s burning.”
Yun Ye snatched the half chili pepper from his hand, wiped it, and ate it bit by tiny bit. So satisfying!
“Brother Ye, I’d like to send some to Father Emperor and Mother Empress. Would that be alright?” Li Tai was a bit embarrassed. This was the proper imperial demeanor the royal family should have. Li Chengqian was definitely dominated by barbarian genes.
Patting Li Tai’s shoulder, Yun Ye said, “Would that bandit elder brother of yours leave my capital greenhouse alone? That place has probably already become the imperial vegetable garden. Your father emperor has long had his eye on it. The Yun family has many good things—we’re just afraid of being coveted, so we ran to the countryside to hide.”
Li Ke looked at Yun Ye sideways, seemingly disbelieving. Yun Ye had no way to explain Li’er’s true greedy nature to him. Sons don’t speak of fathers’ faults—concealing things for one’s superiors wouldn’t kill anyone.
“What do those classmates eat? Also meals like this?” Li Tai smacked his lips, as if savoring the breakfast’s deliciousness.
Zhangsun Chong and Li Huairen smiled bitterly, sounding quite miserable. Each grabbed a prince and said as they walked, “General Niu’s management method is just one type—he only knows one type, which is military law. As for punishment? He originally only knew one type too, which is the military rod. Now there’s an additional type called solitary confinement. We three, plus Cheng Chumo and your eldest brother, were the first batch of victims. The taste is indescribable, the punishment unforgettable. In short, we’ll tell you two a secret for mixing under the Niu Demon King: better to receive corporal punishment than the military rod, better the military rod than solitary confinement. Remember, remember! This is what cousin summarized with tears. I don’t tell just anyone.”
The five well-fed and satisfied fellows rode leisurely toward the academy. It was now only around ten o’clock in the morning. Looking into the distance, the flat ground seemed to have a hint of green, but walking up close, it was still completely bare. Looking at the distance again, green appeared once more. The horses thought green grass was ahead and couldn’t help quickening their pace.
Walking this way, fast then slow, before they knew it they had arrived at the academy.
Li Gang and three other white-haired and bearded elders were drinking tea under the sun, occasionally chanting aloud, appearing leisurely. Only the pig-slaughtering screams that periodically came from the academy somewhat spoiled the scenery.
Going forward to pay respects to the several old gentlemen, one of them looked at Yun Ye and smiled. “This old fellow doesn’t know what your natural sciences discipline teaches. If it’s mathematics, you can also be called a master of your generation. Old Liu praises you in front of everyone and behind their backs, so it probably can’t be too bad. If every day’s meals are like this morning’s, what does it matter if this old fellow teaches third-rate students at Yushan for a lifetime?”
Li Gang and the others laughed heartily, pointing at the speaking old man and repeatedly saying he had disgraced scholarly dignity.
“Master Yushan is a great scholar that this junior admires. The title of historiography family isn’t gained in vain. The academy is newly established and still needs to rely on Master’s great support. As for meals, this young one is a famous gourmand in Chang’an and definitely won’t disappoint Master.”
Xin Xuanyu, the famous historian with deep family scholarly roots, styled Yushan, open-minded and cheerful in personality, was the main editor of the “Book of Jin.” In recent years he had been cultivating his character and health at home. Who knew how Li Gang had managed to bring him here.
“Today’s delivered meals included five kinds of steamed buns, all made with fresh vegetables, delicious in flavor. This old fellow ate such meals for the first time, causing some indigestion, forcing me to drink tea under the sun to aid digestion. This old fellow knows the Hot Springs Bureau’s melons and vegetables wouldn’t reach you, young fellow. Could it be you can still grow vegetables in winter?” Another old man’s curiosity was piqued. He set down the “Records of the Grand Historian” in his hand and asked Yun Ye.
“When young, this one drifted uncertainly in foreign lands with my teacher. The food there was truly unbearable to look at. Year-round there were only a few vegetables, and in winter there was only meat. My teacher feared this one wouldn’t survive, so he specially devised a method—growing vegetables the way one grows flowers. Unexpectedly it succeeded, so this one learned to grow vegetables in winter. It was all due to greed. I’ve made the elders laugh. Actually, this is just a small branch of natural sciences, called botany. Unfortunately, this one only knows the how but not the why, disappointing my teacher’s kindness.”
“You have a good teacher! In the future you must be diligent daily and not disappoint your teacher’s painstaking efforts.”
Yun Ye nodded in agreement and promised to no longer muddle through his days.
“Master Yuanzhang is very interested in your family’s vegetable garden. May we take a look?”
There was nothing that couldn’t be seen. Even if you saw it, you couldn’t replicate the Yun family’s vegetable garden. It wasn’t just a matter of planting in flower pots—this was his younger sister’s dowry. Yun Ye didn’t plan to make greenhouse vegetables commonplace throughout the world.
The old fellows didn’t need Yun Ye’s company. They called a young boy, had an old servant drive an ox cart, and swayed off toward the Yun residence.
Zhangsun Chong, Li Huairen, and Little Li Three and Little Li Four—all four fellows—pressed against the door crack to peek inside, occasionally trembling. No need to guess, Old Niu’s punishment made them tremble with fear.
A cough from Yun Ye nearly made those four sit on the ground.
“Brother Ye, I saw General Niu using arm-thick clubs to beat their buttocks—blood came out.” Li Ke’s mouth trembled so much he could barely speak clearly.
“Wooden clubs? That’s still good—not using leather whips is for the sake of their fathers.” Li Huairen had, after all, survived under the Niu Demon King’s whip.
“This won’t do. Blindly using force will only ruin things. I’ll go in and persuade him.” Just as Yun Ye finished speaking, those four bastards ran out of sight.
Pushing open the gate, he drew in a sharp breath. He saw people prostrate all over the ground, all exposing pale white buttocks covered with blue and purple welts. His ten personal soldiers held arm-thick clubs in their hands, occasionally striking any buttocks that moved too much. Old Niu sat under the eaves leisurely sipping wine. In his hand was the small wine flask Yun Ye had specially made for him from copper, filled with strong liquor that could be kept in one’s bosom at any time—very convenient.
“Young fellow, you’re back? Everything well at home? Is the old madam still hearty?” Old Niu casually inquired about Old Grandmother.
“Uncle Niu, these students just arrived and don’t know your fearsome reputation. Being somewhat undisciplined is understandable. Now they know their error. Could you be lenient and spare them this once?”
Right at Yun Ye’s feet lay Meng Youtong. This fellow clutched Yun Ye’s leg, tears nearly flowing like a river.
“You bad boys listen to this old fellow! His Majesty handed you over to this old fellow because he doesn’t want you to become wastrels who only know how to eat. This old fellow has traversed the great rivers north and south, with no fewer than a thousand lives on his hands. You worthless wastes—if you don’t want to die, obediently study. Every ten days a small examination, every month a major examination. If anyone slacks off or disrespects their teachers, this old fellow will make you regret coming out of your mother’s womb. Starting tomorrow, rise at the gong, sleep at the drum, no disobedience permitted. This old fellow will eat and live with you. Heh heh, even if you’re a lump of mud, this old fellow will turn you into refined steel.”
Though these words didn’t conform to the law of conservation of matter, from them one could hear Old Niu’s determination to not rest until his goal was achieved. He hoped that among these people, preferably several more like Yun Ye would emerge. First, they could contribute more to the Great Tang. Second, they could share Yun Ye’s burdens. As long as someone else reached Yun Ye’s level, it would prove Yun Ye wasn’t so bizarre—his miraculous methods were due to learning, not some immortal or demon.
Yun Ye had heard Old Niu say these words back in Chang’an, telling him to pretend not to know His Majesty wanted to send all of Chang’an’s troublemakers to him. Pretend to only understand on the road here. This would create opportunities for him to become one with these dandies. Later at the academy, he would play the good cop while Yun Ye played the bad cop to see if they could win these people’s hearts.
Looking at Old Niu standing under the eaves, spittle flying, Yun Ye’s eyes reddened, and in his heart he cried out wildly: What virtue or ability do I possess to make such an old man rush about east and west for my sake?