“Who is He Manzi?” Shen Zaiye frowned.
Taohua explained, “He Manzi was once an emperor’s favored concubine who later fell out of favor and died in the palace. When people tried to carry her coffin, it suddenly became as heavy as a mountain when passing through the palace gates, impossible to lift. Only when the emperor came and called her name while touching the coffin did it return to normal weight and could be carried away?”
After a slight pause, Shen Zaiye glanced at Lan Zhilan and said with a bitter smile, “Don’t tell me I need to resurrect Emperor Mingde to call her name?”
“No,” Taohua shook her head. “I mean that Emperor Mingde was likely her final thought before death. Though this mountaintop is far from the imperial tomb, it offers a view of Chongxian Mountain. She doesn’t want to leave. My lord, perhaps you should order a coffin prepared and bury her here. It’s likely her final wish.”
Shen Zaiye fell silent. After a long while, he nodded and turned to instruct Zhanlu to prepare for Lan Zhilan’s funeral. The mountain wind was strong; he should leave. Yet after glancing at the figure on the ground, he found a place to sit nearby.
“She owed Emperor Mingde a great deal,” he said softly. “And I owe her no small amount either.”
Taohua took his cold hand in hers, warming it with her breath. “You can repay her in the next life.”
“Is there truly a next life?” Shen Zaiye turned to her, asking earnestly.
“Do you want the truth?” Taohua tilted her head. “The truth is, there isn’t. Even if there were, who would remember whom in the next life? Talking about repaying debts in the next life is just a way to comfort oneself when one can’t or won’t take responsibility in this life.”
Shen Zaiye looked at her with a complex expression. “So, are you comforting me or reproaching me?”
“What standing do I have to reproach you, my lord?” Taohua sighed. “You’ve done nothing wrong from start to finish. She chose her path and made her own decisions. How can you be blamed?”
Yet people tend to misplace blame. When someone dies for love and there’s no one to blame, they fault the one who was loved. ‘She loved you so much, why couldn’t you love her back? Perhaps if you had loved her, she wouldn’t have died.’ But this mentality is unfair; the one who was loved is not at fault.
Shen Zaiye grunted in agreement, his mood somber. He remained silent, eyes downcast, waiting for others to handle the aftermath.
A coffin was brought up, but no one could move Lan Zhilan’s body. Left with no choice, they began digging around her, planning to bury her directly.
Shen Zaiye stood up, removed the coffin’s bottom board, and personally dug out the soil beneath Lan Zhilan, letting her lie in the pit. He placed the burial items with her, then covered her with the coffin and filled in the earth, erecting a tombstone.
He carved the epitaph: “Mu Lan Zhilan.” He positioned the stone facing the imperial tomb, offered incense, and paid respects alongside Jiang Taohua.
Taohua asked, “Do you regret it, my lord?”
“I do,” Shen Zaiye replied, looking at the tombstone without asking what she meant. “If I had another chance, I’d break her legs to keep her with the Lan family. I wouldn’t have brought her out.”
But if he hadn’t brought her out, she might have lived her whole life obsessed with him, unable to let go, and never met Emperor Mingde who loved and cherished her.
There are gains and losses in everything.
Taohua sighed silently. After standing on the mountain for a while longer, she finally returned to the mansion with Shen Zaiye.
Just as they reached the gate, Shen Zaiye was called away for an urgent matter at court. Taohua returned to Zhengchun Pavilion alone, intending to sit and have a cup of hot tea. To her surprise, she found her master lounging on the couch, his silver hair disheveled, still flamboyant in his peony robe.
“Little one, I’ve been bullied by your man,” Qian BaiMei immediately complained upon seeing her. “He kicked me out of the mansion!”
Taohua nodded calmly, sitting down nearby. “If he could kick you out, it means you were willing. Otherwise, he couldn’t have done anything to you.”
Is that all the reaction she has? Qian BaiMei frowned, feigning hurt. “You’re taking his side!”
Taohua remained silent.
Sensing something amiss, Qian BaiMei grew serious and asked, “What happened?”
“Lan Zhilan is dead,” Taohua said softly. “She was someone who loved Shen Zaiye deeply. She killed someone who loved her, and now she’s taken her own life for that person who loved her.”
“…Wait,” Qian BaiMei furrowed his brow in confusion. “What’s all this about who loves whom?”
Taohua fell silent, her gaze distant. Qian BaiMei could sense her sadness. He quickly offered her a sip of hot tea and gently patted her back. “If there’s something you can’t figure out, tell your master. Don’t brood alone.”
“There’s nothing I can’t figure out,” Taohua replied. “I know it was her own choice, unrelated to anyone else. I just don’t know if he thinks the same way, or if he’ll live with guilt towards her for the rest of his life.”
Though her words were confusing, Qian BaiMei understood her meaning. His expression turned serious. “Little one, you still don’t understand men well enough.”
“Oh?” Taohua looked up at him, puzzled. “Does Master understand them well?”
Of course he does, he is a man!
Qian BaiMei sighed. “Men have a hero complex. Not just in their actions, but in matters of the heart too. They believe that a devoted man is a good man. So after experiencing a relationship, they’ll always cherish the memory of that woman. Even if they find someone new later, they like to keep the previous person in their hearts, to move themselves. You should believe that his feelings aren’t actually that deep.”
Blinking, Taohua said, “Shen Zaiye doesn’t seem to have romantic feelings for her, just pure guilt.”
“Then there’s even less to worry about,” Qian BaiMei said. “The person is already dead, he can’t make amends. Can’t you allow him to keep her memory? It doesn’t affect your daily life. You’re not going to argue with him about it, are you?”
Taohua frowned, thinking for a moment before saying, “Actually, it doesn’t concern me. I’m not trying to argue about anything. I just feel inexplicably sad.”
“Maybe it’s because Lan Zhilan’s fate was too tragic.”
Staring at her for a few moments, Qian BaiMei’s eyes held a complex expression. After a long pause, he said, “Haven’t you realized that you’re jealous of a dead person?”
“What?” Taohua was startled, frowning as she looked at him. “Master, don’t talk nonsense. Lan Zhilan and I were acquainted. She’s gone now, why would I be jealous?”
“Because with her death, she’ll always have a place in Shen Zaiye’s heart,” Qian BaiMei shrugged. “While you’re still unsure of how much he truly cares for you.”
(End of Chapter)