Xia Xia had never hated Wei Jinhai.
Even though he was selfish and miserly, showing the petty mindset of a small-town dweller, never giving her a life free from financial worries and dignity, even though her college entrance exam failure was partly due to Wei Jinhai’s poor tutoring methods, she never harbored any hatred toward him.
To Wei Jinhai, she was merely a burden. He let her live in his home, provided food, and allowed her to attend school – for all this, Xia Xia was already grateful.
During those years, Xia Xia never stopped trying to please Wei Jinhai.
After returning from school and finishing homework, she would do housework – cooking, laundry, mopping. As long as Wei Jinhai was awake, she never rested for a moment.
She didn’t mind living a hard life; she only feared that one day Wei Jinhai would throw them out, and Wu Li would have to take her back to the village.
She didn’t want to return there – demons lurked in the village.
When her birth father passed away, Xia Xia was still young. After so many years, her memories had become blurry. She only remembered the house draped in white for a period, with so many mourners visiting that they had worn down the doorstep.
Little Xia Xia didn’t understand what had happened and didn’t feel much grief. She just squatted innocently in a corner of the courtyard, playing with mud. When a rooster flew out of the chicken coop, she chased it with a willow branch. The chicken flapped its wings, covering her face with dust.
She ran to the corner of the side room and heard Wu Li’s sobbing from inside: “Get away! Your brother just passed away, have you no conscience?”
Wu Li struggled beneath Xia Jun, her top pulled up to her chest, pants halfway down to her knees, exposing pale flesh.
Wu Li heard the door creak and turned to see Xia Xia, frantically pushing Xia Jun away.
Xia Xia stood bewildered.
Xia Jun pulled up his pants and walked toward Xia Xia, his covetous gaze examining her soft, white arms.
Wu Li rushed over and grabbed Xia Xia: “Don’t look at her.”
Xia Jun smacked his lips and left without interest.
Xia Jun was her father’s cousin, making him Xia Xia’s uncle by relation.
In his youth, he was idle and shiftless. By middle age, he had no home or career, surviving as a mason in town.
He would return once a week, bypassing his own home to head straight for Wu Li’s bed, leaving early the next morning with his belongings.
Xia Xia slept alone, not daring to make a sound all night as she listened to the noises from the next room.
Before leaving, Xia Jun would always look at her with a meaningful gaze. She couldn’t understand its meaning but felt unsettled by it. After his departure, Wu Li would sit on the bed crying all day.
Xia Xia asked puzzled: “If you hate him, why let him in?”
Wu Li wiped her tears and sobbed, scolding her: “What would a child understand?”
Xia Xia was indeed young and didn’t understand, but the transition from not understanding to understanding wouldn’t take long.
Those two years were peaceful and quiet in her memory. After Xia Jun started visiting regularly, the village ruffians who used to loiter around Wu Li’s door disappeared, and the children who would bully Xia Xia curbed their malice.
A widow’s doorstep attracted much gossip – Wu Li had lost her man, and now she had a new one.
The village whispers could only spread behind their backs, and pointing fingers could be ignored.
When Xia Xia was six, Xia Jun fell from a scaffolding and broke his arm, leaving him unable to do detailed work, and forcing him to return home to farm.
He couldn’t handle the hardship, abandoning farming after a few days, spending his days buying pork and alcohol at the market, and lying in bed in a daze.
In early summer, torrential rain flooded over the bridge.
Xia Jun stood behind Xia Xia, licking his lips: “Come home with uncle, I’ll help you wash.”
Xia Xia dropped her skirt hem and ran toward home: “Mom’s at home, she’ll help me wash.”
Xia Jun: “Your mom is sick, she can’t wash clothes.”
Xia Xia dodged his reaching hands: “I can wash by myself.”
Small as she was, her dark eyes stared steadily at him: “I won’t go home with you.”
Xia Jun smiled: “Yesterday I bought medicine for your mom in town, come with me to get it.”
Xia Xia looked warily: “Bring it to me.”
Xia Jun said: “I can’t carry it alone. If you don’t come, I’ll throw the medicine away and let your mom die.”
Xia Xia had no choice but to follow him, dodging his attempts to hold her hand several times.
Xia Jun had spent all his earnings on drinking and gambling over the years, leaving only two dilapidated rooms with straw mats on the beds.
Xia Xia sat on the doorstep watching ants while Xia Jun searched for Wu Li’s medicine inside.
“Have you found it?” little Xia Xia asked in her childish voice.
Xia Jun: “I put the medicine right here, how can’t I find it? Come help Uncle look.”
Xia Xia entered the room; Xia Jun’s cabinet was empty.
She looked at him puzzled, about to speak when Xia Jun grabbed her waist and lifted her onto the bed mat.
He bared his tobacco-stained yellow teeth: “Xia Xia is six now, let me see how grown up Xia Xia has become.”
Xia Xia was startled, desperately beating his arms and kicking at his pants.
Her strongest resistance was merely ticklish to Xia Jun. He laughed viciously, tearing open her white polka dot dress to reveal light pink underwear beneath.
Xia Xia burst into tears. Though she didn’t understand what Xia Jun intended, her childish instincts sensed his ill intentions. Seeing him removing his pants, she kicked forward, hitting his groin. Xia Jun hissed in pain and slapped her head.
Wu Li rushed in from outside; her heart condition left her breathless from running, face turning purple-red.
She pushed Xia Jun away, howling like a madwoman: “If you want something, come for me! She’s only six, are you even human?”
Xia Xia trembled uncontrollably, her small face pale with tears from fear.
Xia Jun recovered and started cursing, raining blows on Wu Li.
Xia Xia clung tightly to Wu Li’s neck, her terrified pupils reflecting the stubbled face of a man who had lost all reason to pain.
—That was the beginning of her nightmare.
Before turning eight, Xia Xia endured nearly every type of beating in her life – sticks, belts, bottles… Xia Jun’s alcoholism made his temper increasingly violent. Whenever he was drunk, he would grab Xia Xia and beat her mercilessly.
Sometimes on a whim, he would try to lift her clothes to feel the girl’s smooth skin; the slightest resistance would bring a savage beating.
Wu Li didn’t dare protect her; speaking even one word would make Xia Jun beat them more severely.
During those years Xia Xia could remember, her body never healed from the bruises.
She ran to the village committee for help, but the secretary knew about Wu Li and Xia Jun’s relationship and didn’t intervene much, only scolding Xia Jun not to beat the child anymore. Xia Jun agreed submissively, but after the secretary left, he grabbed Xia Xia’s hair and smashed her head against the wall.
Xia Xia had thought about calling the police, but Xia Jun discovered her before she could dial, ripped out the phone line, and smashed a bottle against the back of her head.
That scar remains on Xia Xia’s head to this day, hidden beneath her hair.
Wu Li tried to take her away several times but never succeeded.
Her health was too poor to support a child alone, lacking any survival skills. She could barely walk a few steps without gasping for breath; her life was destined to depend on men.
She had even considered ending both their lives.
That day, Xia Xia had just woken from her afternoon nap and stood at the inner door watching Wu Li close the windows and turn on the gas.
The girl stood quietly holding her dirty toy rabbit.
The afternoon sun was blinding, making her face transparently bright, without color or smile.
Wu Li met her gaze for several seconds and suddenly lost all resolve.
She turned off the gas and hugged Xia Xia, crying: “Mom has no choice, Mom is useless. My illness is a burden, no one wants to marry me. If I take you away we’ll starve to death. At least here you have food to eat. Just endure a little longer, endure for a few years until you grow up, then you can run away.”
Xia Xia remained silent; Wu Li’s talk of growing up seemed too distant. She wasn’t even sure she could survive until then.
She both hated and feared Xia Jun intensely. Whenever he returned home, she breathed as quietly as possible, afraid that any mistake would earn another beating.
She couldn’t sleep peacefully night after night; closing her eyes brought nightmares of Xia Jun’s fierce smile.
His gaze always carried a violent and hungry intensity. Although he hadn’t touched her since that year, Xia Xia remained constantly anxious.
On Xia Xia’s eighth birthday, Wu Li took some eggs and a small bag of flour to the neighboring village’s bakery to make Xia Xia a small cake.
It was Xia Xia’s first time eating cake. The little girl was full of curiosity about new things, poking at the colored candles one moment and touching the fake flowers on the cream the next. After tasting the sweet cream, she couldn’t stop eating, finishing half the cake at once, leaving her mouth corners white with frosting.
Xia Jun returned from gambling, having bought two jin of liquor from the village store.
When he returned home, the bottle was half empty, his body reeking of alcohol.
Outside, torrential rain poured down, large drops crackling against the chicken coop cover in the courtyard, making one’s heart jump.
Xia Jun’s rain hat was soaking wet, dirty water dripping down.
His clouded eyes fixed on the cake on the table.
Xia Xia didn’t dare eat anymore, nervously grabbing Wu Li’s sleeve.
Xia Jun had lost money and was full of rage. He smiled sinisterly: “I work myself to death every day while you enjoy yourselves at home.”
The liquor bottle shattered on the ground, glass shards cutting Wu Li’s neck, drawing blood. Before she could cry out in pain, Xia Jun dragged her by the hair into the courtyard. He grabbed a broom and started beating Wu Li, his eyes blood-red, terrifying to behold.
Xia Xia tried to stop him; Xia Jun’s arm swept her to the ground.
Wu Li lay motionless on the ground, water choking her nose and mouth. Xia Jun suddenly lost interest.
Xia Xia crawled over to shake Wu Li’s shoulder. She wore light blue shorts and a white T-shirt with lace trim, now soaked through in the water, her clothes clinging to her flesh, faintly revealing the white skin beneath.
Though the village sun was fierce, she never tanned.
She was always fair, standing there with exposed pink arms and legs like porcelain, as beautiful as a little actress on TV.
Xia Jun found interest again.
He tucked Xia Xia under his arm and carried her back inside, leaving Wu Li lying in the pouring rain.
Xia Xia hit him with all her might but to no effect. Xia Jun rolled with her onto the bed, one hand holding her down while the other undid his pants.
He sneered: “I’m tired of fucking your mom after all these years. I’ve raised you for so long, now it’s your turn to let me fuck you.”
Xia Xia struggled and screamed, each movement earning slaps from Xia Jun.
Eventually, she was beaten black and blue, lying motionless and barely breathing.
She weakly opened her eyes, looking through the dusty window at the pouring rain and dark sky outside.
Xia Jun removed his pants, exposing that ugly, grotesque thing.
Lightning flashed, the bright light piercing Xia Xia’s eyes. Her fingers twitched as she struggled to sit up.
Xia Jun paid no attention to her: “Still trying to run?”
Xia Xia didn’t run. Her thin arms wrapped around Xia Jun’s neck as she arched slightly toward him.
The girl’s body was light and small, suspended in the air as she hung from his neck.
She moved closer to Xia Jun and bit down on his left ear.
The violent rain struck their faces as thunder crashed from above, drowning out the screams below the sky.
Villagers, worried about further incidents, introduced Wei Jinhai to Wu Li.
The day Wei Jinhai came to take the mother and daughter to the city, he specially bought Xia Xia a new dress.
Xia Xia wore the pink bubble dress and twirled in the courtyard, her laughter clear as silver bells, beautiful as a little angel fallen to earth.
Wei Jinhai stood by the wall smoking, smiling as he watched her.
Xia Xia was well-behaved and understanding, sweetly calling him father several times.
Wei Jinhai chatted with onlookers: “Getting a wife and such a beautiful daughter too, I haven’t lost out.”
A busybody told him: “Wu Li is weak and indecisive. After marrying you, she’ll be obedient, doing your laundry and cooking, maybe even give you a son, but her daughter might not make your life so comfortable.”
Wei Jinhai asked: “Why do you say that? The little girl is so adorable.”
“Adorable?” The person rolled their eyes, “Then you didn’t see her that day when we arrived here. The rain was pouring, she stood in the courtyard covered in blood, soaked like a ghost, and most frightening was… do you know what she had in her mouth?”
They lowered their voice: “Half of her mother’s lover’s ear.”