The day Yan Ci arrived in Nanjing, the temperature was very low.

Fine rain had been drifting in the air since morning. By evening, the rain had grown heavier, with bone-chilling cold wrapped in the wind.

Yan Ci had originally planned to return to China after the New Year, but after hearing about Cheng Wanyue’s relapse, he canceled his unfinished travel plans.

He remembered several years ago, when he and Zhou Yu had hurriedly rushed from home to Nanjing. That day, Cheng Wanyue said she wanted to eat roasted sweet potatoes. He remembered this halfway and found a small stall to buy one. It was freshly roasted and still hot to the touch. By the time they reached the hospital, it had cooled a bit. He asked a nurse to help reheat it in the microwave before bringing it to the ward.

Qing Hang was off today. When Yan Ci knocked and entered, Qing Hang had just finished shaving Cheng Wanyue’s head and was cleaning up.

Cheng Wanyue put on her hat. “Yan Ci, you’re here. Has the rain stopped?”

“No, there will be heavy rain tonight.” Yan Ci sat down in the chair to the left of the hospital bed and took out the roasted sweet potato. “Want a bite?”

Cheng Wanyue’s eyes brightened. “Break off a small half for me.”

She ate slowly, asking Yan Ci about the places he had visited during his trip. He hadn’t posted a single photo.

“You busy person, you’ve been out playing for so long this time. Don’t you plan to rest during the Spring Festival?”

“Qing Hang has to work too, right?” The heating was on in the hospital room, and only now did Yan Ci take off his coat. “Now that I’ve come to Nanjing, it will be more convenient for us to meet in the future.”

Qing Hang asked, “Where are you staying tonight?”

Yan Ci said, “I booked a room at a hotel. I always stay at that hotel. I come to Nanjing often and am familiar with everything.”

“Come to Second Uncle’s house for dinner tonight. I’ll call the housekeeper to prepare more dishes,” Cheng Wanyue liked having everyone gather together merrily. “Qing Hang, I want to go home to stay tonight, since I don’t need an IV in the evening anyway.”

“Let’s go ask the doctor.”

“Mm-hmm, go quickly.”

Qing Hang left first. After a while, Yan Ci also naturally walked out of the hospital room. He waited in the corridor for a few minutes. When Qing Hang came out of the doctor’s office and saw Yan Ci standing by the window, he knew why Yan Ci had stepped out to avoid Cheng Wanyue.

Cheng Wanyue’s condition was difficult to predict. No one could guarantee what would happen in the later stages.

“Feeling bad, aren’t you?” Yan Ci had noticed that Qing Hang’s emotions were off when he was sweeping up the cut hair from the floor. “If you need help, you can contact me anytime. We don’t need to say thank you between us.”

Qing Hang didn’t stand on ceremony with him. “Yes.”

Yan Ci said, “Wanyue didn’t let us tell you. She had her reasons. Don’t overthink it, and don’t always regret past events. What you’re seeing now is what she went through before. In difficult situations, no matter what choice you make, you can’t have it both ways.”

Qing Hang looked at the gloomy sky outside, as if talking to himself. “On New Year’s Day, she suddenly asked me if I wanted to get married. If she hadn’t had a fever, I might have gone to buy an engagement ring immediately. That weekend, I secretly went to the mall without telling her. I looked at many rings and found a style she would like, but I didn’t buy it. I wanted to wait a bit longer, save more money, and buy a better one.”

Yan Ci had no expectations or yearnings for marriage. He had been alone for so many years, and until today, he hadn’t met anyone who made him want to get married.

Qing Hang’s voice grew increasingly softer. “Now I have an engagement ring, but she won’t accept it.”

His right hand had been in his pocket all along, apparently holding the ring.

Yan Ci comforted him, “We should be grateful it was discovered early. Early detection means early treatment.”

A faint smile tugged at the corner of Qing Hang’s mouth. “She doesn’t cry or make a fuss. After eating a barbecue meal, she calmly accepted it. I’ve seen so much life and death in the hospital, yet I’m far from being as composed as she is.”

A few years ago, when Cheng Wanyue’s condition worsened, she wanted to give up treatment. Cheng Yanqing had scolded her to tears many times. Although Yan Ci didn’t visit her often, they kept in frequent contact.

Yan Ci also smiled. “She did cry and make a fuss. She even got beaten. She cried so hard that all the nurses in the ward knew about it. They often teased her afterward.”

Qing Hang lowered his head. “Lately, I’ve been dreaming about that phone call during my first winter in Beijing.”

“What phone call?”

“Wanyue’s phone call. She called Cheng Yanqing, and I happened to be nearby. She said she was sick and asked me to go see her. I thought she was lying to me again. I didn’t say a word to her and held a grudge for eight years.”

Yan Ci had heard about this from Cheng Yanqing. “Those eight years were quite a pity for both of you. In the past, Wanyue would bully you, but she wouldn’t allow others to bully you. Classmates insulting you made her angrier than if they had insulted her. She wrote eight self-criticism reports because of you in the first semester of tenth grade.”

But actually, those self-criticism reports had all been written by Qing Hang for Cheng Wanyue.

Initially, he was unwilling, following the same principle as refusing to do her homework. Later, after her persistent nagging, half-forcing and half-threatening, he had no choice but to make a start.

Once there was a first time, there would be a second.

The teacher asked her to read the self-criticism during a class meeting. Before going on stage, she remembered to ask him for it, gently tugging at his sleeve under the desk. After reading it, she tucked it back into his textbook.

Yan Ci continued, “Wanyue’s feelings for me didn’t count as romantic at all. We grew up together since childhood. She mistakenly thought the tattoo on my body was of her, which is why she tested me. What she likes, she will get no matter what. There’s no such thing as giving up halfway.”

Qing Hang smiled slightly, a much more relaxed smile than before. “All these years of being jealous of you were for nothing.”

Yan Ci feigned grievance. “The last time in Beijing when you two quarreled so fiercely because of me, I wanted to explain to you, but I was afraid you would misunderstand even more. I could only be the scapegoat.”

Qing Hang said, “Let’s have a drink together another day.”

“No problem. I’m waiting for your invitation anytime,” Yan Ci patted his shoulder. “Wanyue must be bored alone. Let’s go back in.”

Qing Hang and Yan Ci returned to the ward one after another. Seeing Qing Hang nod, Cheng Wanyue immediately smiled and called Cheng Yuzhou. She had especially wanted to go home yesterday, but the doctor wouldn’t agree, so she had to stay in the hospital.

With the rainy weather, road conditions were poor. It would take Cheng Yuzhou more time to drive over.

Yan Ci, seeing how happy Cheng Wanyue looked, thought her spirit was quite good. However, she vomited after just a few bites of food and had a nosebleed. Her complexion was also somewhat pale.

He recalled New Year’s Eve when Cheng Wanyue called him to wish him a happy New Year. Hearing her boisterous laughter from a foreign country gave him an illusion of returning to the past.

Back then, Cheng Wanyue had been so vibrant.

Yan Ci had been drinking and left late. Qing Hang carried Cheng Wanyue back to her room. Unable to sleep and uncomfortable lying down, she was cradled in Qing Hang’s arms on the sofa, listlessly nestled against him, using a cat teaser to play with Meiqiu.

The jingling of the bell was crisp.

Cheng Wanyue heard her phone vibrate with a message alert and thought Qing Hang was being called back to the hospital. “Who’s looking for you? Is there something at the hospital?”

“It’s Yan Ci. He’s reached the hotel. He says you should sleep well,” Qing Hang replied to the message and then placed the phone a bit farther away.

With one hand supporting Cheng Wanyue’s face, he lifted her head slightly and checked once more to confirm that the nosebleed had stopped. Only then did he feel relieved. If the bleeding couldn’t be stopped, she would have to return to the hospital, even if she was unwilling.

“Is your stomach still uncomfortable? I’ll make you a bowl of noodles.”

“I don’t want to eat now, but I’ll eat more at breakfast tomorrow. Qing Hang, has Meiqiu lost weight?” Cheng Wanyue touched the cat’s belly.

Qing Hang said, “When you’re not home, it’s picky about food.”

Hearing this, Cheng Wanyue began to seriously educate Meiqiu. It was fine if her appetite was poor, but her cat must eat well.

After a while, Zhou Yu knocked on the door and found an excuse to take Meiqiu away. The doctor had said that it wasn’t suitable for Cheng Wanyue to be with cats and dogs at the moment.

Cheng Yanqing and his family will come to Nanjing tomorrow. Cheng Wanyue chatted with him on and off for nearly an hour, and her spirits improved considerably.

“Qing Hang, why do you have white hair?” She suddenly sat up from the sofa, anxiously holding Qing Hang’s head. “Do you remember Dr. Liu? The male doctor who always spoke in dialect? He said he was like that when he was 35.”

Qing Hang hadn’t looked carefully in the mirror recently. “Is there a lot?”

Cheng Wanyue’s fingers ran through his short hair. “Just one strand.”

“Pull it out then.”

“You can’t pull it out. Pull one, grow ten.”

Qing Hang laughed. “Who told you that?”

“Grandma did. She treasured her hair so much. She used to be distressed when she lost a few strands while combing.” Cheng Wanyue hid that strand of white hair and gently patted it twice, a gesture that seemed more like she was comforting Qing Hang.

She knew he was anxious.

Everyone was anxious; they just didn’t express it. In front of her, they acted the same as before.

The academic conference you were invited to is coming up soon. Are you prepared? Will there be a live broadcast?” She changed topics quickly. “How can I see you?”

This was different from when Qing Hang returned to his alma mater to give a report. Cheng Wanyue couldn’t attend in person.

Qing Hang bent down to kiss her. “Let me think about it.”

…

The two Cheng brothers hadn’t divided the family and always spent the New Year together.

Huo Zhi was at home with her parents and would come to Nanjing on the fourth day of the New Year.

As Cheng Wanyue had predicted, on New Year’s Eve, Qing Hang had to work the night shift at the hospital. There weren’t many patients in the ward. Those who could go home had been picked up days before. Those who couldn’t go home celebrated the New Year by watching the Spring Festival Gala in their hospital rooms.

—

Cheng Yanqing saw Cheng Wanyue looking for food containers in the kitchen and knew what she was planning.

That afternoon, when they were making dumplings, she had enthusiastically participated for a while. The two dumplings she wrapped stood out immediately on the plate.

Cheng Yanqing jingled the car keys in his hand. “Take your time. I’ll drive you.”

Cheng Wanyue told him to stay at home. “No need. You stay and play mahjong with Second Uncle. I’ll go by myself.”

She had prepared several portions and even brought vinegar. Cheng Yanqing followed her out. “Second Uncle is still bragging. Today I’m Cheng Meili’s driver. I’ll drop you off downstairs and come back. I won’t go upstairs and get in the way. After you finish eating, call me again.”

Cheng Wanyue could drive herself. It was just delivering a meal. “The weather is so cold. Why go back and forth?”

“Because I want to,” Cheng Yanqing took off his hat after getting in the car, and put it on her head.

She was already wearing a knit hat, and his baseball cap pressed on top, covering even her eyes.

Cheng Yanqing drove while listening to her take a phone call. It must have been a friend. He heard several sentences before catching the name: Chi Yue.

Chi Yue and Cheng Wanyue didn’t contact each other much, but they weren’t completely out of touch.

“How have you been lately?” Chi Yue’s surroundings were very quiet. He was at the place where he had watched the night view with Cheng Wanyue. “Since you returned to Nanjing, you haven’t updated your Weibo or WeChat Moments.”

“Haven’t I updated? I posted photos.” Cheng Wanyue was referring to her photos with Qing Hang. Her updates had stopped on that day.

Before making this call, Chi Yue had thought a lot. No matter what choices Cheng Wanyue made, it couldn’t erase the traces she had left in his life. Those were all real.

“Maybe I missed it and didn’t see it,” Chi Yue feigned nonchalance. “Happy New Year, Sailor Moon.”

Cheng Wanyue smiled. “Happy New Year.”

“Will you come to Beijing again in the future?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe not, but it’s hard to say.”

“I have a performance at the graduation gala in June. If you come to watch, I’ll save you a ticket.”

Before Cheng Wanyue could refuse, Chi Yue continued, “I hope you’re happy. I hope you both are happy. My friends are calling me for drinks. Talk to you later.”

Chi Yue hurriedly hung up. Cheng Yanqing glanced at Cheng Wanyue, who was only concerned about whether the dumpling soup had spilled.

Cheng Yanqing joked, “You and Qing Hang almost broke up before the New Year because of the person who just called?”

Cheng Wanyue didn’t hide it from him. “Not entirely. We had many problems between us at that time. I also have a bad temper. We started arguing after just a few words. Brother… can my illness still be cured?”

Without even thinking, Cheng Yanqing blurted out, “Yes, it absolutely can be.”

He began to talk about various examples, telling Cheng Wanyue about the current situations of patients he knew about. Then he shifted to discussing the baby in Zhou Yu’s belly, asking her to guess whether it was a boy or a girl. The two made a bet, with the one who guessed wrong being responsible for the baby’s first birthday celebration.

Upon reaching the hospital, Cheng Yanqing stayed in the car to video call Huo Zhi while Cheng Wanyue carried the food containers upstairs.

Only two nurses were at the nursing station. Cheng Wanyue gave them the dumplings she had brought, just in time for their meal break, saving them a trip to the cafeteria.

The office was also empty. Qing Hang sat in front of the computer, deeply focused on something.

Cheng Wanyue sat down beside him, and he still didn’t notice her.

She glanced at the screen and saw that he was looking at her medical records. Next to the keyboard was a notebook filled with many notes.

Qing Hang logged into his email and refreshed it several times.

Cheng Wanyue thought he must be waiting for an email, but couldn’t rush it.

His mouse-clicking suddenly stopped, and only then did he notice her. He slowly turned to look at her, his tired eyes gaining a hint of a smile.

“Cheng Meili’s Delivery Service, delivery to your door. Please give a good review,” Cheng Wanyue opened the food container. “Eat while it’s hot. It would be a waste if it gets cold.”

Her hands were stained with vinegar. Qing Hang took a tissue to help her wipe them. “Have you eaten?”

“I’ll just have some soup with you,” she said, but still ate two dumplings.

The last dumpling wasn’t very pretty, but it looked full of filling, plump and round. Qing Hang tried to feed it to Cheng Wanyue, but she shook her head, so he ate it. Only after biting into it did he discover there was a small kumquat inside.

Seeing him frown at the sourness, Cheng Wanyue couldn’t stop laughing. “Cheng Yanqing ate two plates and didn’t get one. You got it. You’ll have good luck next year.”

She picked up the soup bowl and clinked it against Qing Hang’s teacup. “First, let me wish you a successful trip abroad. Cheers.”

Qing Hang drank half a cup of tea. The taste of kumquat lingered in his mouth—the sourness had faded, replaced by a sweet aftertaste.

Cheng Wanyue couldn’t stay in the office for too long. After Qing Hang packed up the food containers, he prepared to take her downstairs. Instead of going directly to the parking lot, they detoured to the small garden.

There wasn’t a single person in the garden, and there were fewer streetlights than usual.

Cheng Wanyue was surprised to see Qing Hang take out a box of sparklers from behind him. When lit, they flickered with fire, brief but bright.

In the past, during birthdays, she never blew out candles or cut cake with Cheng Yanqing. Qing Hang always arrived late, after everyone else had left, leaving just the two of them. He would light candles for her in the Cheng family courtyard, sing her the birthday song, and wait for her to make a wish. It was the same during the Spring Festival. Back then, the county town still allowed fireworks. He would accompany her to play with sparklers in the square, waiting until midnight. When the night sky was illuminated by fireworks and the entire town was filled with the sound of exploding fireworks, she would shout “Happy New Year” into his ear. He would also say “Happy New Year,” but his voice wasn’t loud enough and was drowned out before she could hear it.

But at this moment, she could hear him.

“Cheng Wanyue, Happy New Year. I love you very much.”

This was the affection he hadn’t expressed even during his flag-raising ceremony confession.

Cheng Wanyue had asked Qing Hang more than once: “Qing Hang, do you like me?”

Whether she was joking or deliberately teasing him to see his ears turn red and his evasive expression, she had asked many times. But he had never answered directly. He either ignored her or pretended not to hear.

Qing Hang thought he had already said it.

“Qing Hang, do you like me?”

— Yes, I like you very much.

Yes, he had answered every time, but only silently in his heart.

Cheng Wanyue never understood how difficult it was for Qing Hang to say it out loud. It was like a surgeon laying down a scalpel, a soldier putting down a weapon, uncertain whether the other person would grasp his hand or thrust a blade at him.