In this season when spring had grown full and lush, the sun carried warmth without being oppressively hot. The Hua family estate lay in a kind of quietude, and the maids and older female servants moved about in lighter clothing, their skirts swaying gently as they walked.
Along the covered walkway, sunlight fell upon Hua Ling and her sisters. Their fresh young faces were all alight with easy smiles as they drew together, discussing something in low voices, then linked arms and left together.
In moments like this, the Hua family seemed to have returned to a settled peace from some earlier time — yet compared to that time, something had been added. The most perceptible change was perhaps that the brothers and sisters had shed much of the distance between them and grown genuinely closer.
Without anyone quite noticing, the bonds between the different branches of the family had drawn this tight.
Inside a room, Hua Xian was restless with anxiety, unable to sit, unable to stand, pacing in circles on her own. Third Aunt-Concubine watched her with helpless resignation and did not bother to coax her — it would have done no good.
“Mother, do you think I was too hasty? Should I have waited until Sui’an’s day off?”
“He came to live at the Hua family home with you — that alone is a declaration of where he stands. You mustn’t keep waiting for him to be your backbone and make every decision for you. You are his mother, not his daughter. If word of that got out, people would laugh.”
Hua Xian felt a flush of embarrassment, but in front of her mother she allowed herself a little willfulness and immediately retorted: “Isn’t Elder Sister-in-law just as well looked after by Zhi’er and Bolin? What’s wrong with that?”
Third Aunt-Concubine burst out laughing despite herself. At least she knows which comparison to reach for.
And it was true — it was precisely because the eldest daughter-in-law, Zhu Shi, had such a temperament that everyone else in the household had followed her lead and treated Xian’er well. If she had been a formidable woman who couldn’t tolerate married-out sisters-in-law returning home, the others would have read the room accordingly and been nowhere near as kind to Xian’er.
Xian’er these days seemed to have shed at least some of that timid, shrinking quality. Third Aunt-Concubine had no other wishes for herself — as long as her daughter and grandson could remain at the Hua family home, she would be content. Even if the Hua family never regained its former glory, as long as the capable eldest young lady was here, things wouldn’t go too badly wrong.
And the eldest young lady valued her family deeply. Even if Third Aunt-Concubine herself should one day be gone, she need not worry that her daughter would fare poorly at her maternal family’s home. As for Sui’an, needless to say — whatever Bolin had, he had too. The eldest young lady’s regard for him was plain to see.
This was already more than enough.
“Young lady, the eldest young lady is coming this way.”
Hua Xian, who had just managed to sit down, leapt back to her feet in an instant and instinctively looked to her mother — her face a picture of forlorn helplessness.
Third Aunt-Concubine glared at her. “What are you anxious about? Has the eldest young lady not been good enough to you?”
“It’s not that — I just… I don’t know how to face her.” A junior member of the family going to such lengths on behalf of an elder, planning and scheming for her sake — the embarrassment of it burned.
“Just be yourself. She’s family. There’s nothing to stand on ceremony about, and the eldest young lady wouldn’t appreciate it if you did.” Though she was the one presiding over the household, she had always left all inner-courtyard matters to Zhu Shi and never interfered by so much as half a step. One could say it was trust in Zhu Shi — but more than that, she simply had no patience for the affairs of the inner quarters. Her interests lay elsewhere, in the larger matters of the world.
Xian’er’s situation was, when all was said and done, a matter of the inner quarters. Yet she was willing to take it on — that was her way of protecting her family, and they all needed to receive it with gratitude.
Hua Zhi entered without bringing her maids inside. She stepped over the threshold and offered her respects to both women. “Third Aunt-Concubine, Little Aunt — I’m late.”
Neither of them would accept her bow. Hua Xian quickly stepped forward to take her arm and help her up. “It is Little Aunt who has given you trouble. If I had known the shop was opening today, I would never have dared disturb you.”
Hua Zhi had no remedy for her own mother’s temperament, and by extension she had developed greater patience for Little Aunt, who was cut from the same cloth. She took the hand of this woman whose face was written with guilt and gently guided her back to her seat, speaking in a warm tone. “There’s nothing of the sort. The shop’s opening doesn’t require me to be there in person. Stopping in to look was quite enough.”
Hua Xian smiled shyly — a woman past thirty giving that expression, and yet it suited her perfectly and seemed not the least bit out of place.
Every time Hua Zhi thought of Little Aunt’s past, she couldn’t help but wonder: if her mother had not married her father, what might have become of her? Her father was perhaps a little too idealistic, a little too proud — yet when it came to the affairs of the inner household, he had, rather surprisingly, always had a clear head.
Thinking of her father led inevitably to thoughts of the family far away in the north. It was already the fourth month now. By the seventh month, she would need to set out and make the journey north.
She drew her thoughts back to the present and looked at Little Aunt, who had something she clearly wanted to say but kept holding back. She glanced at Third Aunt-Concubine, who was wearing the expression of someone who had no intention of speaking first, and smiled. “Little Aunt, whatever it is, you can say it. There is nothing in this family that cannot be said aloud.”
Hua Xian looked to her mother for help, saw her mother refuse to give her even a glance, bit her lip, and summoned every last measure of courage to speak aloud words she had been holding inside for a very long time. “I… I want a divorce.”
The moment she said it, afraid of causing Hua Zhi trouble, she immediately added: “If it isn’t possible, it’s all right. As long as I don’t have to go back to the Yang family, that will do.”
“Why should it not be possible? No one would want a divorce if they could still go on living with someone.”
It was as though a flame had suddenly caught in Hua Xian’s chest. She couldn’t help herself — she pressed a hand over her heart and breathed deeply several times, trying to steady the sensation of weightlessness. Hua Zhi poured a cup of tea and brought it to Little Aunt’s lips, guiding her to drink a few sips. The ease with which she did it was that of someone who had done the same thing countless times — and indeed, she had, every time her mother cried and needed water to replenish what she had wept away.
Third Aunt-Concubine watched, her gaze briefly distant, then settling into something like quiet acceptance. Their branch of the family had no one who could stand on their own. Counted head by head, they were three. From now on, whatever the eldest young lady needed to accomplish, they would stand on her side. And when Sui’an came into his own, they would make certain he never forgot how much the eldest young lady had done for him.
“Does Sui’an know?”
“He knows. He even said once that he would ask you to stand up for me. At the time I hadn’t made up my mind yet…” Hua Xian touched her hair with a slightly bashful hand, glanced up at her niece, and looked back down again. “I just don’t want to go back to the Yang family anymore. The Hua family may not have the Yang family’s wealth, but I find everything about the Hua family good. I don’t have to live in constant fear here. And if you’ll forgive me for saying something that might sound terrible — when I was living with the Yang family, I used to hope that Yang Qi would never come to my room. I would have agreed to him taking whoever he wanted, giving anyone a formal position — anything, as long as he didn’t come near me.”
Hua Xian covered her face. “I was afraid of him. So very, very afraid. I hope I never have to see him again for the rest of my life.”
“Then you never will.”
Hua Zhi said it so lightly, as though divorce were simply a thing that could be done. But Hua Xian was timid and soft — she was nonetheless a daughter of the Hua family, and she was not entirely without understanding. She knew how difficult it was to obtain a divorce in the Great Qing. She had wanted one so desperately she felt she was going mad with it, yet she had waited until now to say the words — precisely because she feared it would bring a storm down on them.
But Sui’an had told her that the Hua family was no longer without resources, and that Yang Qi was still trading on his standing as a Hua family son-in-law in his dealings with others. She had grown afraid that Yang Qi might do something to harm the Hua family, and that was finally what had made up her mind to bring it to Zhi’er.
But now that Zhi’er had actually agreed, her emotions were in turmoil again — gladness, relief, and then nothing but unease. She worried this would damage Zhi’er’s reputation.
All of that conflict and hesitation was written plainly on her face. Hua Zhi, of course, could read it clearly. Something soft moved through her gaze. However weak this woman was, however much of a burden she might at times be — she would feel distress at the idea of causing trouble for others. Compared to someone who was overly shrewd, Hua Zhi preferred this kind of person. They may not be capable, they may need you to worry on their behalf, but they would never be stinting with their own concern for you in return.
I really am someone starved for affection, Hua Zhi couldn’t help but think, with a touch of self-mockery.