Nanny Su accompanied the young miss all the way to the courtyard gate before turning back.
The Old Madam stared up at the canopy overhead, her voice betraying nothing. “What did you make of her?”
Nanny Su went over and tucked a cushion behind the Old Madam’s back to make her more comfortable, then said softly: “There is a very faint smell of medicine about the young miss. At first this servant thought it had merely clung to her from being in this room, but if it were only that, it should have faded once she stepped outside and the wind carried it away. Yet this servant could still detect the medicinal scent on the young miss even then. The attendants around her were also moving with a care that went just a touch too far. This servant is not sure how accurately she has read things — perhaps send someone to the estate to have a look?”
The Old Madam was silent for a moment, then shook her head in refusal. “She has made up her mind to hide it from me and from everyone in this family — that means she does not wish to cause us worry. Let her have her way. Do not go making those little moves. The workshop was built by her hands alone; if we send someone the moment she returns home, what will she think? Tell Steward Xu — without Zhi’er’s instructions, no one is to go to the estate. You keep watch as well. Make sure those with muddled heads do not go and do something that rubs people the wrong way.”
“Understood.”
The Old Madam let out a long sigh. She seemed to look even more worn than before. Nanny Su’s heart tightened, and she quickly brought the ginseng tea to the Old Madam’s lips. “Please drink a little more.”
“I must drink more to keep this body going. The Hua family may not even be able to afford a proper funeral at this point.”
“Old Madam…”
The Old Madam shook her head and said no more. She knew her own body best. Taking medicine as daily meals and yet not seeing much improvement — that was simply what came with age. No matter how sound one’s health in ordinary times, it could not withstand illness. One bout of sickness was like trading blows with the lord of the underworld. She could only hope that the book of life and death had not yet recorded her name.
Hua Zhi had just stepped through the moon gate when a cry of “Elder Sister!” stopped her in her tracks. A smile rose on her face unbidden.
Hua Bailin came running over and grabbed his elder sister’s arm, eyes bright and shining, his delight spilling out from every part of him.
“Elder Sister, you have finally come back.”
“I did not expect to stay at the estate this long when I first left — that was Elder Sister’s fault.”
“Elder Sister has no fault at all. It is just that when you are not here, my heart is never at ease.” Hua Bailin looked at his sister, thinner than before, and felt a gnawing ache inside. It was for the sake of providing for the many people of the Hua family that their elder sister, an unmarried young woman, had to go about working outside — none of it was how things ought to be.
Hua Zhi patted his chest and walked with him. “Is Mother well?”
“She is fine. I have been making sure to spend extra time with her each day.” He glanced around at their surroundings, then lowered his voice: “Second Aunt and Third Aunt have been visiting Mother’s room often. Between the lines, everything they say circles back to the silver they contributed — as if it were something that had been taken from them. They wanted you to come home and say something on the matter. Mother grew annoyed with them and said she would scrape together the money to pay them back. Eventually Grandmother sent Nanny Su to scold them soundly, and only then did they quiet down.”
Hua Zhi found it hard to imagine what her mother looked like when annoyed. She had never, in all her years growing up, seen that woman — made of water as she seemed — lose her temper. And she was also a little surprised that her mother would defend her so.
That woman who had been doted on in her family home and sheltered by her husband after marriage had always been guileless. Though she cried easily, she carried no grief in her expression. Their father had never once allowed a concubine to flaunt herself before his wife — even before Bailin was born, he had not permitted the concubines to bring their two illegitimate sons before the first wife to show off, for he believed he would have a legitimate son and never so much as raised the topic of having the concubines’ sons raised by the first wife.
All these things, great and small, spoke to a father who was glad to protect that woman’s guilelessness. Having had a mother like Ms. Xu in her previous life, she was all the more glad to have a gentle and guileless mother in this one — and fully committed to protecting her.
“Elder Sister, you should not let yourself get worked up over people who do not know how to appreciate—”
Hua Zhi stopped walking and glanced over. Hua Bailin swallowed the rest of the sentence immediately.
“Do you know why women are called sharp-tongued gossips? Because they are always fond of talking about others behind their backs. Someone in the Zhang household broke a single bowl, and by the time it has gone around a few mouths, it becomes that Zhang San smashed his whole house to pieces. A young woman from the Li household shed two happy tears, and by the time others are done with it, it becomes that she was beaten by her husband for sneaking around. It is not only the brush of the scholar — the tongue too can become a weapon.”
Hua Zhi’s gaze swept across the nearby courtyards, where people peering and prying were none too well-hidden. “If your heart holds room for nothing beyond these petty squabbles, how can I still place hope in you to stand tall as a man and shelter the Hua family?”
Elder Sister was truly angry! It had been such a long time since his sister had been angry with him — Hua Bailin felt his heart jump with panic. Instinctively, he gripped his elder sister’s arm tighter, terrified of being pushed away. “Elder Sister, I was wrong — I was wrong. Please do not be angry. I will never do this again, Elder Sister, please forgive me just this once.”
“Whether I forgive you is not what matters.” Hua Zhi raised her hand and pressed it to Hua Bailin’s chest. “What matters is whether there is a grand vision in here. Nian Qiu.”
“Your servant is here.”
“Go and find Steward Xu. Have him rent or borrow a horse however he can manage, and arrange for a few people to accompany Bailin to the estate.”
“Elder Sister!” Hua Bailin grew alarmed. “I truly know I was wrong — please do not send me away. Elder Sister, Elder Sister…”
Hua Zhi of course felt the tenderness in her heart, but her expression remained unmoved. “There are many stretches of open ground at the estate suitable for riding. I am giving you three days to go there and work off whatever has been pent up inside. Three days from now — I want to see a Hua Bailin who is clear-headed and full of spirit.”
Hua Bailin’s face still held a trace of alarm. “Elder Sister is not sending me away?”
“This is your home. As long as Elder Sister lives, no one can send you away.” Hua Zhi’s expression softened slightly. She straightened his collar and said: “Do not put so much pressure on yourself. The Hua family may have fallen a great deal from what it once was, but the sky is not about to fall. And even if it did, there would be someone taller to hold it up. All the matters at home, Elder Sister can resolve them. A man’s world lies out there — in the court and in the wider world. The day you have found your footing in that arena, that will be the day you have truly helped Elder Sister.”
“…Yes, Bailin knows his wrong.”
“Go then.”
Hua Bailin did not dare disobey. He lowered his head and left.
“Do you see words of the sages written on the ground?”
He lifted his head and straightened his back on instinct, and held himself taut all the way to the moon gate before he finally dared to look back. Watching his sister’s slight and slender figure, his nose stung with the threat of tears.
The last time Elder Sister had scolded him was two years ago. He had not wanted to study, and had feigned illness to beg leave from his teacher, then spent a day running wild with the young boy from the Lin family next door. He came home and was escorted back to his room by Elder Sister’s orders, and for five full days he lay there forbidden to move, eating nothing but plain rice porridge and simple side dishes, with a bowl of intensely bitter Chinese goldthread decoction forced into his mouth each day, making him a patient in every sense of the word. It was from that time on that he never dared to tell another lie.
Hua Bailin wiped his eyes, feeling deep regret. How could he have forgotten that Elder Sister never permitted even the maids around her to gossip idly — and yet he had gone and said things that were truly ugly to hear. He had let Elder Sister down.
There would never be a next time. Hua Bailin swore it in his heart. He would grow into the person Elder Sister hoped for, and never disappoint her again.