Stepping through the courtyard gate, Hua Zhi paused briefly before continuing a few steps forward. She gave a graceful bow before her mother. “Mother, I’m back.”

Zhu Shi hurried to help her up, looking her over from head to toe. “You’ve grown thinner, and your complexion is poorer too.”

“Of course it’s not as good as being at home.” Hua Zhi gave a slight curtsy to the two women standing behind Zhu Shi. “Greetings, He Yiniang, Qin Yiniang.”

Neither of them dared to receive her full bow. Both stepped aside to accept only half a bow before quickly helping her up. The shorter of the two, Qin Yiniang, kept repeating that she had grown thin, pulling her daughter forward from behind her to pay their respects.

Hua Zhi’s impression of this younger half-sister was rather ordinary — in truth, aside from Bailin and Fourth Uncle’s son Bajun, her impression of all her other brothers and sisters in the household was not particularly deep. Seeing the girl smile sweetly, she smiled back at her.

Her father had only these two concubines. He Yiniang had been Father’s chamber concubine, and had borne him a son. She had always been a woman of few words, and after her son was sent into exile, she grew even more silent, barely uttering a few sentences in an entire day.

Qin Yiniang was Grandmother’s distant niece. After Mother gave birth to her, her womb had gone quiet, and Grandmother had taken it upon herself to bring Qin Yiniang into the household as the first branch’s side consort. She was no pushover — within a year of entering the household she had produced a son, and the following year a daughter. At the time, Hua Zhi had thought their branch of the family was going to become rather lively. She hadn’t expected that Father would deliver a straight punch, so to speak: aside from visiting his children, he spent the better part of half a year not staying overnight in Qin Yiniang’s chambers at all. No matter how high her flames burned, they scattered during those months. Later, when Mother gave birth to Bailin, that settled her down completely.

It was not a particularly formidable tactic, yet it had been remarkably effective at quelling what might have become a rising tide of conflict. It was also at that time that Hua Zhi first realized her father was not simply a man buried in the classics, ignorant of worldly affairs. And indeed — when a man kept himself upright, how could the inner quarters breed so many sordid intrigues?

A pair of hands soft as boneless silk took hold of hers. Hua Zhi heard her mother say, “I want to have a talk with Zhi’er. All of you may go — you don’t need to wait on me here.”

“Yes, Madam.”

Mother and daughter returned to the room. Hua Zhi personally ladled a bowl of peach candy soup with meat and set it beside her mother. “It came from the manor. Please try some.”

“Is this the one you made?” As she spoke, Zhu Shi took a sip, and her eyes immediately lit up. “Delicious.”

“That’s the one. I brought some back — I’ll have someone carry a few jars over later.”

“My daughter is truly capable.” Zhu Shi set down the bowl and stirred it idly, then let out a long sigh. “You have no idea how worried I was when you said you were going to take over running the household. I won’t claim I understand you completely, but I do know you have a lazy disposition — you’ve always only been willing to tend your own little patch of ground, and not a fraction more. Running a household is no easy task. You had never touched any of this before, and with the Hua Family in such a state, I was afraid you’d exhaust yourself for nothing in return.”

Zhu Shi smiled and shook her head. “I didn’t expect you to do better than any of us had imagined.”

This was the first time mother and daughter had spoken from the heart since the Hua Family’s misfortune — a truly intimate conversation. Hua Zhi felt surprised once again. She had expected to find a mother in tears…

“I’ve caused you to worry.”

“You two are my only children — if I don’t worry about you, who else would I worry about?” Thinking of her husband, so far away, Zhu Shi tried to hold back but couldn’t quite manage it; her eyes reddened. “Your father never once thought me useless, but now I think — if only he had criticized me a little, at least I’d have had cause to improve. As the eldest daughter-in-law of the Hua Family, to be this useless, to have to rely on a young girl to manage the household — it would be a laughingstock if word got out.”

“What is there to laugh about? Whatever capability I have, was it not you who raised and nurtured it?”

“Stop trying to put gold on my face — you’re making me flush.” Zhu Shi gave a soft laugh, dabbed at her eyes, and said, “I won’t cry. I’m saving these tears for when your father comes home, to drown him in them. Don’t worry yourself over me — with you standing at the front weathering the wind and rain, I dare not be anything but well.”

“Mother…”

Zhu Shi clasped her hand and patted it gently. “Bailin has always listened to you. Raise him well — I won’t interfere. The legitimate son of the first branch cannot be spoiled in my care.”

Hua Zhi understood then that her mother had seen and heard what had happened earlier. This was just as well — Bailin should not spend all his time within this inner courtyard. What he could not see or hear would not occupy his mind.

Zhu Shi suddenly smiled. “That time when Bailin lied, I was truly startled by you. You dote on him more than anyone else ordinarily, yet you were able to steel your heart and discipline him — and he still clings to you just the same, seizing every chance to be by your side. I worried at the time that he would become distant from you.”

Hua Zhi blinked. She had thought that matter had been kept from both her parents.

“Your father doesn’t know — I covered for it.” Recalling the circumstances of that time, and then the present, Zhu Shi’s heart sank, and her smile gradually faded.

“Mother, things will get better. Everything will get better.”

“But what about you? Will you be better?” Zhu Shi gripped her daughter’s hand tightly, her voice trembling in a low murmur. “The engagement with the Shen Family has already been dissolved. What will you do from here on?”

“Mother, you must trust in your daughter’s abilities. I can hold up an entire household as grand as the Hua Family — surely I can manage to live well for myself?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

Hua Zhi knew, of course — but she also understood perfectly well that what she truly thought was not the answer her mother wished to hear. “A boat always finds its way when it reaches the bridge. Who knows what will come in the future, isn’t that so?”

“Tell me the truth. I know what you’re calculating.”

“Mother…”

“Tell me!”

It was rare for Zhu Shi to be so insistent. Hua Zhi looked at her, and then genuinely told the truth. “No husband to attend to, no in-laws to serve, no fighting among wives and concubines — honestly, I’m relieved.”

“Every woman wishes she didn’t have to face such things. But have you thought about what kind of gossip and slander a woman will face if she never marries?”

Zhu Shi trembled as tears streamed down her face, yet she restrained herself and made no sound.

Hua Zhi wiped at the tears that kept coming, more and more, as though they would never stop, and spoke in a gentle yet resolute tone. “You yourself said I’m lazy — in all these years, how many times have you seen me leave the house? Even if they talked themselves hoarse, I wouldn’t hear a word of it. At that point I’ll simply buy myself a small, neat little courtyard, close the gate, and live exactly as I please. Would anyone dare to climb a ladder over the wall just to come and scold me?”

She smiled quietly, then continued. “Had it not been for fear of making you cry, and fear of making it harder for the Hua Family’s girls to find good matches in the future, I would have wanted to refuse when Grandmother arranged my engagement back then. Things turning out this way actually suits me.”

“A lifetime is so long — how will you get through it alone?! Your father and I will inevitably go before you, and when that day comes, there won’t even be anyone left to stand up for you.”

“It’s only a few decades — it passes in the blink of an eye. You say I’m lazy, but in all these years, have you ever seen me live poorly? If anything, I suspect I live better than most. Bailin grew up at my side — even if by then the Hua Family’s men still have not returned and the household falls into his hands, would he ever let me suffer any wrong? And if the Hua Family’s men do return, all the better — I am, after all, someone who kept this family together. I’ve even sacrificed my own marriage for the Hua Family’s sake. When the time comes and I quietly hand the household management back, who would dare make things difficult for me without risking people pointing fingers at them? Mother, I’ve thought this through clearly. No matter how things fall, I won’t be the one who loses. You needn’t worry.”

This was not the kind of thing that could simply be let go of by saying “don’t worry.” A mother’s concern lasts as long as she draws breath. Yet Zhu Shi held back her tears all the same, right up until she had shared lunch with her daughter and sent her off to rest — only then did she pull her quilt over her head and let herself cry, sobbing freely and brokenly, until she had cried herself out.