The group spent five more days in Jinyang. For four of those days, Gu Yanxi spent his time among Zeng Xiangyan and his crowd. He had money, he was generous, and everything these noble sons prided themselves on, he could match — and clearly outmatch — making it evident that his family in the capital was no simple affair. Naturally, they were eager to cultivate his acquaintance.
So on the day of departure, they all came to see them off, hoping to keep that slender thread of goodwill alive. Even Yu Weiwei did not miss it.
“You are really leaving? Will you come back sometime?”
Hua Zhi smiled softly. “The capital is not so far from here. Who knows — I might show up again one of these days.”
Yu Weiwei knew it was a polite deflection, but she could hardly say so. She could only nod. “When you come back, remember to find me. Even after I am married I can still go out — we do not stand on those kinds of formalities here in Jinyang.”
“Married? You are getting married?”
Hua Zhi looked genuinely startled. Over these days she had come to know Yu Weiwei somewhat. The Yu Family had only this one daughter and had long since decided to take in a son-in-law to live in their household. It was not that no men had come calling — even with Yu Weiwei’s sharp temper, the Yu Family’s wealth was enough to spare a man decades of hard work and set several generations up for prosperity. When all was said and done, was this world not still a man’s world? Once married, could a woman truly keep him under her thumb forever?
Likely many men thought along these lines, and indeed suitors had never ceased to come. But Yu Weiwei had not found a single one to her liking, and from the age of twelve or thirteen all the way to now at sixteen, her marriage remained unsettled. The collateral branches of the Yu Family had been making noise about adopting someone into the main line, and for the sake of the family’s stability, Yu Weiwei could no longer afford to be willful indefinitely. That an arrangement had suddenly been made after years of delay was not so strange after all.
“Better that than let those wolves and jackals benefit. Since one has to be chosen, one chosen by my eldest male cousin at least cannot be too terrible. The wedding will probably be after the new year — it will not drag on much longer.” Yu Weiwei’s smile was languid and a little weary. “I will not be inviting you to come drink at my wedding.”
The girl before her spoke of her approaching marriage without a trace of joy. Hua Zhi looked at her, feeling deeply and acutely how unkind this society was to women. In certain ways, a woman existed simply to fulfill the function of continuing the human line. She was fortunate indeed to have found Yanxi.
She said, “Just one moment,” and went back to the carriage to rummage through a bundle. From it she drew out a jade hairpin she had spotted and purchased over these past few days, originally set aside as part of Hua Ling’s trousseau. It would have to be borrowed for now.
“We became acquainted on this journey, and this is just a small token. Please accept it. Wishing you happiness.”
Yu Weiwei stared blankly at the hairpin held out to her — plainly of excellent quality and certainly of no small value — and her eyes suddenly reddened. Happiness. What was happiness? In others’ eyes, her mother was very happy: she had only ever given birth to one daughter, yet she had held her position as lady of the household all along, and her father had not treated her particularly badly. But how many people knew that it was not that her father had not wanted to take a new wife — it was that he knew it would make no difference?
There had been so many women in the household and out of it, yet apart from herself, not a single one of them had ever managed to produce so much as a child. It was simply his fate to have only this one daughter. And with the Zeng Family connection in play, did he dare make a change?
She had never held any expectations for her own husband either. A man with real pride in himself would not become a live-in son-in-law. Even when circumstances forced his hand, a man in that position would chafe at being looked down upon at every turn, and his spirit would sour. That he would treat her well and make her happy? What a luxury to even wish for.
And yet she received this blessing. Yu Weiwei took the hairpin, lifted her head, eyes red, and smiled. “Thank you.”
Seeing that Yanxi had already swung onto his horse and was preparing to escort the carriage, Hua Zhi took a step toward the carriage, then stopped and turned back. Her voice remained as gentle as ever. “Life is yours to live. Do not be too hard on yourself. Force nothing. Someone who values you will value you even if you do nothing at all; someone who does not will still not value you even if you raise him to the heavens and grind yourself into the mud for him.”
Hua Zhi smiled. “Only you know the ache when something hurts, and only you know what it takes to make it stop hurting. Weiwei — use your cleverness to be kind to yourself. If he is not worthy of it, then keep all your softness for yourself.”
Yu Weiwei pressed her hand over her eyes to hide her tears from the others, and only nodded, hard, again and again. She listened to the footsteps grow distant, listened to the wheel of the carriage rolling across the ground, listened as the sounds receded farther and farther until they were gone.
Zeng Xiangyan was standing not far off and had caught every word of what was said. He understood well enough why his female cousin was weeping so uncontrollably — her feelings echoed in his own chest, and he felt unsettled with a diffuse kind of grief. He turned and exchanged a look with the others. They understood. They glanced once at the Yu Family girl — usually sharp and formidable, now reduced to a disheveled, unguarded state — and rode off without a word. They all had sisters. Hearing those words, they too felt a quiet, wrenching ache. How many girls went into marriage carefree and young, and came back no longer able to smile?
“Cousin, let us go.” He helped her into the carriage and rode alongside, and only when her crying had quieted did the tightness in his chest ease.
“Little Cousin.”
“Mm?”
“Is it too late for me to have only now truly considered Hua Ling a friend?”
Yu Weiwei’s voice was hoarse and broken. Zeng Xiangyan looked out toward the direction where the Hua siblings had departed, thinking of that girl — the one who had never once looked at any of them differently, whose gaze had barely lingered on them at all. Then it struck him: though she had lost a fair amount of money, her eyes had remained clear the entire time, without even a flicker of absorption or craving. Perhaps, like her little brother, it had just been curiosity — once the novelty ran its course, that was that. Which was why she left so cleanly.
“She is not the kind of person who speaks intimately to those she barely knows. For her to have said all of that to you means she thought very highly of you.”
Yu Weiwei leaned against the side of the carriage and laughed, then cried again. Right — that person was usually so sparing with words; this was the first time she had said so much at once. She must have considered her a friend too!
The kind of friend you read about in storybooks — the kind you could tell anything to without ever fearing a knife in the back.
Only, would they ever meet again?
On the boat, in the upper-class cabin where they had settled, Gu Yanxi was also asking, “What made you say all of that to her?”
Hua Zhi glanced at the cabin door. Gu Yanxi added, “There is someone keeping watch.”
“Yu Weiwei is actually quite easy to read. She may look proud and contemptuous — as though ordinary people are beneath her notice — but from the moment I met her, she was always protecting me, whether she meant to or not. The others were not without thoughts of joining forces to coax the silver out of me; it was she who stood in the way each time. To her, I was an outsider, true — but I was someone Zeng Xiangyan had specifically told her to look after, so she took me in as one of her own and shielded me. She also dropped me hints, overtly and subtly, quite a few times. When I really think about it, I was the one with impure motives — using her to accomplish the better part of what I came here to do. Those words were my way of making it up to her, I suppose.”
Hua Zhi let out a slow breath. “Throughout history, how many women who married into households as the main wife while their husband lived with them ever truly fared well? If she can make peace with things and stop making it hard on herself, the days will at least be a little more bearable. If she can be the exception and find real happiness — all the better.”
Gu Yanxi took her hand and pressed it to his lips, then continued his recent daily occupation of warming her hands. “You are too softhearted.”
Hua Zhi laughed quietly. If she were the kind of person who softened easily, she would never have had the chance to come into this world in the first place. It was simply guilt — nothing more.
(Author’s Note: As I have said before — any character who appears frequently will have their story continued. Tomorrow, three chapters. If I break my word, I gain ten pounds.)