“People never cherish what they already have, but they constantly think about what they can’t get.

During those eight years in Haitang Courtyard, Father rarely praised me. Even when I did really well, he’d only smile faintly, and at most add a sentence ‘My son has improved.’

So my greatest wish was that one day, Father would look at me the way he looked at Huaiyou—with a kind of pride and satisfaction showing through.

But Father’s strictness and dissatisfaction with me were all on the surface. Setting aside martial arts training and studies, Father loved and cared for me in all other ways. But Mother, she…”

The words he wanted to say next—Xie Zhifei couldn’t continue facing Yan Sanhe’s face because of his guilt. He slowly stood up and walked to the courtyard wall, his back view desolate.

When did he discover Mother’s aversion to Huaiyou?

Yes, not dislike, but aversion.

It should have been that summer when he was six years old. He caught a cicada in the tree. Huaiyou was delighted and begged Father to weave a small bamboo cage, saying she wanted to keep it.

That day Father specially went to the front courtyard to cut a bamboo stalk, used a knife to split the bamboo into thin strips, and busied himself for most of the day. Mother called him several times to come eat, but he only responded without getting up.

Mother’s face turned dark in a flash.

Because of this darkened face, the atmosphere at dinner was very depressing.

He took a bit of hibiscus cake from the dining table and hid it, planning to feed it to the cicada at night.

Huaiyou hung the little cage containing the cicada on a tree in the courtyard. He tiptoed out of his room, peeked out, and discovered Mother standing right beside the tree, holding a kettle and pouring hot water over the little cage.

In that moment, his heart plunged into an icy abyss.

The next day, Huaiyou discovered the cicada had died and cried sadly.

Father kept his eyes down, saying nothing.

Mother offered a few light words of comfort at the side, then smiled at him saying: “Catch another one for your little sister later.”

In that moment, looking at Mother’s smile that couldn’t be more fake, his heart felt terribly heavy. He instantly understood that adults had two faces—one face for the outside shown to others, one face for the inside kept for themselves.

From that day on, he began paying attention to Mother’s attitude toward Huaiyou.

Once he paid attention, he was shocked. Mother really…

Xie Zhifei looked at the wind and rain beyond the high wall, unwilling to think any deeper, only slowly clenching his fists.

“Huaiyou, Mother came from a humble background, studied for a few years, could read some characters, could compose poetry and write essays—she was considered a talented woman.

Humble backgrounds have one problem—their experiences and knowledge are only so much. Deeper, higher things—they can’t think of them, can’t reach them.

Talented women also have a problem—they’re proud. Pride means considering oneself extraordinary. When thinking about matters, they mostly start from their own perspective. Others’ words are rarely listened to.

The Zheng family was a military general’s household. Martial arts training isn’t about fighting and killing. Training in martial arts begins with training the heart. Only when the heart becomes calm can one eliminate all distracting thoughts and reach a state of mental purity.

When people have fewer selfish thoughts and distractions, they naturally become filled with righteous energy and can be brave and fearless. So… many things, from the very source, were already wrong.”

Xie Zhifei closed his eyes.

“Back then, Old General didn’t agree to this marriage. It was Father who insisted on marrying her, which is how Father and Mother became husband and wife.

When Mother married into the Zheng family, it was marrying up. Being loved by Father was good fortune. Giving birth to a pair of twins was fortune upon fortune.

She thought that relying on this bit of good fortune, she could live a life of distinction and comfort. Never did she imagine… your arrival would shatter all her beautiful dreams.

Huaiyou, I’m not trying to speak for her. I just want to break down the truth piece by piece and tell you.

Father sent away his true biological daughter following Grandfather’s orders. Mother had just finished giving birth at that time.

Father definitely wouldn’t say much to her, just did this thing. In other words, Father acted first and reported later.

Huaiyou, can you imagine Mother’s state of mind when she heard this news while still recovering from childbirth? Struck by five thunderbolts or pierced by ten thousand arrows?”

His eyes suddenly reddened.

“You can’t imagine, because you’ve never been a mother. Without that experience, you can’t understand that pain of having your biological daughter sent away, never to see her again in this lifetime.

Because you haven’t been pushed to that point, you also can’t understand that lonely, helpless feeling of a weak woman having to stand against the entire Zheng family.

I think if Mother could have cried out, she would have shouted in fury: The debts the Zheng family owes, the obligations you owe—why should my daughter repay them? Why?”

Tears welled up. Xie Zhifei was too lazy to wipe them away.

“Huaiyou, you don’t know—that child was sent to the nunnery by Father the second day after birth.”

Nunnery?

Several steps away, Pei Xiao, who had just caught his breath, was shocked enough to raise his eyes toward Li Buyan.

She was looking at him.

Even though the lantern light was dim and flickering, the two saw identical shock in each other’s eyes.

They actually sent the little granddaughter to a nunnery?

To repay kindness, Old General Zheng had truly risked everything.

“The child who should have been raised as a precious daughter of the Zheng family, who should have wanted for nothing, instead grew up from childhood accompanying ancient Buddha and dim lamps. Ancient Buddha and dim lamps—what kind of place is that?”

Xie Zhifei shook his head and smiled bitterly. “That’s a place where all the unfortunate people in the mortal world go after seeing through the red dust—no sorrow, no joy, no desire, no demand, no love, no hate.

But how old was that child?

When you slept in a warm bed, too lazy to get up, Mother thought of how her daughter had to rise before dawn for morning prayers.

When you ate fine meals carefully prepared by the small kitchen, Mother thought of how her daughter might be going hungry.

When Father loved you and I as your brother protected you, Mother wondered if there was anyone to love and protect her daughter.

You monopolized everything that should have belonged to her daughter. When Mother saw you, she thought of her daughter. Your face tormented her day and night.

Xie Zhifei turned around, looking at the pitch-black coffin.

“Huaiyou, all human hearts are selfish. Mother not liking you came from her true heart. Not treating you well was because of her daughter. As a mother, in this respect, she was justified.”

As the words fell, a long rumbling sound came from deep within the dark clouds.

The ground in the courtyard suddenly whipped up a fierce wind. The wind circled around Xie Zhifei, lifting up his black hair, his grayish-purple clothing…

Xie Zhifei walked with difficulty through the wind to the coffin’s edge, bowed his head, and a tear fell into the coffin, landing on Yan Sanhe’s clasped hands.

“Huaiyou, Brother’s words aren’t finished yet. Listen to me continue.”

Whether the wind understood human speech or it was because of that tear, the fierce wind suddenly stopped.

“Earlier I mentioned—the Zhao family’s status wasn’t high. Mother’s ability to marry into the Zheng estate was like a carp leaping over the dragon gate, a sparrow flying up to become a phoenix.

Before the grand wedding, Mother must have been full of longing and hope for her future life.

In fact, before Mother gave birth to the twins, the life she lived was exactly as she had imagined.

Father was Grandfather’s most beloved youngest son—not only accomplished in both civil and military arts, but also handsome and distinguished. Even if the Zheng family estate wouldn’t fall to him, just looking at the four older brothers ahead, Father’s prospects wouldn’t be poor.

A man’s prospects are a woman’s prospects. A man’s status is a woman’s status.”

Xie Zhifei spoke slowly:

“Huaiyou, do you know? In the Zheng family, Mother originally held her head high as the Fifth Mistress.”