Year 471 CE
“You’re insane!” Feng Qi pushed open the doors of the administrative hall with one palm, glaring furiously at Tuoba Hong seated behind the desk.
The brush in Tuoba Hong’s hand didn’t tremble in the slightest. He continued writing out the Buddhist sutra in flowing script, only setting down his brush and raising his head when finished, smiling as he looked at the uninvited Feng Qi. He discovered that Buddha was truly a wonderful refuge – since last year when he had decided to abandon worldly affairs and devote himself wholeheartedly to Buddhism, his heart had become much more peaceful. Even seeing her again, his heart’s lake couldn’t stir the slightest ripple. He regarded the woman before him with purely appreciative eyes.
Feng Qi was stunned by his gaze. She had long grown accustomed to this young man looking at her with either adoring or passionate eyes, but had never imagined he would observe her so peacefully and calmly. Only now did Feng Qi realize that Tuoba Hong was already eighteen years old – in two more years he could undergo the capping ceremony according to Han custom. But the man sitting there now was already a graceful and handsome emperor, just like Tuoba Jun who had once stayed by her side many years ago.
Feng Qi tucked back a few loose strands that had fallen from her hurried arrival, trying to calm her voice. She took a deep breath but couldn’t hide the towering anger in her heart: “Your Majesty, you’re only eighteen this year. Why do you want to abdicate?”
Tuoba Hong fingered the freshly dried Buddhist sutra and smiled: “Since you handle state affairs, I’m at ease.”
Feng Qi’s breath caught in her chest. Was he complaining that she hadn’t relinquished power to him? But wasn’t he the one who had unauthorized killed her male favorite? Wasn’t she allowed to vent her anger? She wanted to voice these questions, but meeting Tuoba Hong’s gaze as calm as water, she knew that even if she asked, he definitely wouldn’t answer. Feng Qi gritted her teeth, her voice seeming to squeeze through her teeth as she said word by word: “You’re comfortable passing the throne to Tuoba Hong? He’s only four years old this year!”
Tuoba Hong continued smiling lightly: “Isn’t there still you?” He lowered his eyelids, concealing the expression in his eyes. Was there a difference between four years old and eighteen? He’d rather be a carefree retired emperor, moving away from this palace that had imprisoned the first half of his life. Outside, the sky was high and clouds broad. Why should he be entangled with things that never belonged to him anyway?
The throne had never belonged to him.
Power had never belonged to him.
She… had also never belonged to him.
Feng Qi clenched the purple sandalwood prayer beads in her hand and said coldly: “I’ll ask you one last time – are you determined to abdicate?”
“Yes.” Tuoba Hong raised his head again, smiling as if the wind were light and clouds gentle.
A cold gleam flashed in Feng Qi’s phoenix eyes as she snorted: “Then don’t regret it later.” With that, she turned and swept away.
Tuoba Hong stared blankly at her retreating figure for a long while, then smiled self-mockingly and picked up his brush to continue transcribing Buddhist sutras.
In August, on a day of brilliant sunshine and cloudless skies, at the abdication ceremony Tuoba Hong personally led four-year-old Tuoba Hong up to the great hall, then lifted him onto the dragon throne. Tuoba Hong knew he definitely wasn’t the youngest emperor in history, but was certainly the youngest retired emperor.
Feng Qi stood to one side, wearing deep purple robes with phoenix patterns, watching coldly with her thin lips pressed tightly together.
Tuoba Hong didn’t spare attention for her, but stood beside the dragon throne, stroking his son’s head and asking gently in a low voice: “Hong’er, why are you crying?”
Tuoba Hong was already in tears, clutching at Tuoba Hong’s sleeve corner and sobbing: “Father Emperor doesn’t want me anymore…”
“How could I not want Hong’er? It’s just that Father Emperor is tired. Hong’er can understand Father Emperor, right?” Tuoba Hong’s smile dimmed. He knew how irresponsible this action was, but since he was just a figurehead in the palace anyway, why humiliate himself? It wasn’t that he’d never had need for power – he’d just tried it and wasn’t as good as Feng Qi. With his overly simple personality, he simply couldn’t understand the factional entanglements at court. Though their conflicts these past years hadn’t been major, if this continued, it would inevitably lead to irreparable tragedy. Feng Qi only needed a puppet, so the still-young Tuoba Hong would presumably better suit her intentions.
“Father Emperor…” Tuoba Hong continued crying and wouldn’t let go. He didn’t understand other things, but he knew that from today onward, his father would move out of the palace to live. He had been raised personally by his father since childhood. Even after being given to Feng Qi for education at age two, she wouldn’t let him stay overnight – he still returned to his father’s side at night. But if Father Emperor left the palace, what would he do?
Tuoba Hong used his sleeve to carefully wipe away the tears on Tuoba Hong’s little face, then pried away his small fingers clutching his sleeve one by one. Hardening his heart, he slowly knelt on one knee beside the dragon throne. From this angle, he could see Feng Qi’s blazing phoenix eyes on the other side.
Yes, years ago she had taught him that except for Buddha, he need not kneel to anyone.
But this time was different. He was no longer emperor – what was wrong with kneeling to worship the ruler he had chosen?
Tuoba Hong grasped the corner of Tuoba Hong’s dragon robe and slowly lowered his head, reverently giving a light kiss.
“I pay respects to my sovereign.”
He had entrusted this country to him. Though not now, he believed the Great Wei dynasty would prosper under Tuoba Hong’s hands.
“We pay respects to our sovereign!!!” The court ministers below also prostrated themselves, their voices of worship resounding to the heavens. In the entire great hall, only Feng Qi stood gracefully in place, watching all this with an indecipherable expression.
In her sleeve was a paper that a eunuch had taken from Tuoba Hong’s study, with only one sentence written repeatedly:
“From love and desire comes worry, from worry comes fear. If one separates from love, what worry, what fear?”
If one separates from love, what worry, what fear?!
Feng Qi crumpled the paper in her sleeve, a trace of resentment flashing across her beautiful face.
He would definitely regret this…
Year 472 CE
Tuoba Hong stood with hands behind his back in the courtyard, admiring red plums in the falling snow, completely at ease.
Since moving out of the imperial palace, Tuoba Hong had been in a completely relaxed state, feeling for the first time that his destiny was in his own hands. He closed his doors to visitors, completely detached from court, spending his days only copying Buddhist sutras and admiring garden scenery, living easily and freely. Though he was only nineteen and should by reason be unable to get used to such a life of idle clouds and solitary cranes, he loved this lifestyle immensely.
“Retired Emperor, Eunuch Shang from the palace has come saying he has urgent business to discuss.” A servant reported from the courtyard gate. Though the retired emperor had said he would see no one, they were all old hands who had served by the retired emperor’s side and knew Eunuch Shang couldn’t be neglected.
Tuoba Hong was startled, then immediately turned toward the front hall. He knew if it were ordinary matters, Shang Xie definitely wouldn’t come to disturb him. He walked faster and faster through the corridors, the bad premonition in his heart gradually expanding.
“Retired Emperor!” Seeing Tuoba Hong, Shang Xie, who had been pacing anxiously in the front hall, rushed forward and said urgently: “Retired Emperor, His Majesty was called by the Grand Empress Dowager for instruction. I don’t know what displeased the Grand Empress Dowager, but he’s been locked in the firewood shed for two days and three nights! It’s said the Grand Empress Dowager hasn’t sent any food to His Majesty at all!”
Tuoba Hong was completely stunned. He had never imagined Feng Qi would treat Tuoba Hong so harshly. That child was only five this year, and now in the depths of winter – forget two days and three nights, even half an hour locked in the firewood shed would be unbearable, much less without food…
Tuoba Hong felt all the blood in his body instantly reverse. Not caring that he wore only casual clothes with his hair simply tied behind his ears, without even time to prepare a carriage, he had someone bring a horse and galloped toward the palace.
Shang Xie leaned shakily on his walking stick, looking uneasily at the hoofprints in the snow and sighing deeply.
Tuoba Hong huddled in the low, dark firewood shed, looking disdainfully at the meat pie in his hand but still couldn’t help taking a bite.
Actually, that Feng Qi hadn’t really done anything to him, but Tuoba Hong didn’t like her at all and opposed her in everything. This time he’d been sent to the firewood shed to reflect, but this was actually a good opportunity.
Tuoba Hong puffed his little cheeks, struggling to swallow the meat pie while thinking of using this to get Father Emperor to come see him. He hadn’t seen Father Emperor for a whole month since the New Year’s palace banquet! Moreover, Father Emperor was so devout in worshipping Buddha that he really feared Father Emperor might have a moment of despair and become a monk. Besides, he hadn’t said anything wrong – the Empress Dowager indeed hadn’t sent him food, but she hadn’t prevented his eunuchs from bringing it either. He’d been staying with the empress dowager for two days and three nights, and Eunuch Shang didn’t know the specific situation, so it wasn’t wrong for him to imagine the worst!
Hearing the informing eunuch outside make a cat’s meow, Tuoba Hong quickly stuffed the unfinished meat pie behind a pile of dry firewood in the corner, then forcefully slapped his cheeks with his hands before curling up on the ground hugging his knees.
When Tuoba Hong pushed open the firewood shed door, he saw his son lying pitifully on the cold ground, helplessly curled up, his little face red probably from fever, his small body trembling from cold from time to time. Tuoba Hong’s heart ached greatly. He rushed forward in a few steps to embrace Tuoba Hong, immediately leaving this place with him and returning to the sleeping palace to summon imperial physicians for treatment.
“Father Emperor… You finally came to see me…” Tuoba Hong opened his big eyes, looking lovingly at the Father Emperor he hadn’t seen for so long.
“Yes, Father Emperor has come.” Hearing his hoarse voice, Tuoba Hong felt even more heartbroken, his arms holding him tightening further.
Tuoba Hong nuzzled in his father’s arms – so cool. Only then did he notice with alarm that Tuoba Hong also wasn’t wearing a fur coat, having definitely rushed over immediately upon hearing the news. Tuoba Hong felt both heartache and satisfaction, raising his little face pleadingly: “Father Emperor… it seems I’m not suited to be emperor. This Great Wei dynasty’s throne – give it back to Father Emperor, all right?”
Yes, this had been the little emperor’s wish these days. He hated this cold palace, hated the empty dragon bed, and even more hated seeing that woman every day. He hoped to return to the past when, even though he had to go to Feng Qi daily for instruction, he could still have Father Emperor’s company every day.
Tuoba Hong entered the warm sleeping hall and gently placed Tuoba Hong on the bed. He wiped the coal dust from his face with his hand, suppressing his angry mood and saying gently: “Hong’er, do you think being emperor is playing house? You are already this Great Wei dynasty’s emperor – this cannot be changed.”
Tuoba Hong disappointedly pouted his little mouth.
Tuoba Hong warmed his cold little hands with his own, a gleam flashing in his eyes as he said firmly: “However, this time I will be your blade. Buddha said: ‘Lay down the butcher’s knife and immediately become Buddha.’ For my son, what does it matter if I lay down Buddha and take up the butcher’s knife again?”
Tuoba Hong was speechless. This… was completely different from what he had expected!