Save me. Don’t abandon me. Please.

“What did they say over there?”

“The legal team provided specific legal basis: [Article 1053 of the Civil Code stipulates that if one party suffers from a major disease, they should truthfully inform the other party before marriage registration; if they fail to inform truthfully, the other party may request the court to annul the marriage.]*”

“……That is to say, bipolar disorder belongs to major mental illness. If Miss Sheng insists, she can request the court to annul the marriage registration.”

In the quiet night, as Sheng Sui clumsily tried to unfasten the wristwatch, Zhou Shiyu lay on his side with his eyes closed, his mind suddenly flooded with the conversation he’d had with Secretary Chen that morning.

She shouldn’t have seen these things, shouldn’t have been deceived by her silver tongue tonight;

He shouldn’t be so selfish, just because of those few cries for help seeping from his heart, those few insignificant sufferings, to burden her entire latter half of life with such weight.

In the darkness ahead with closed eyes that seemed endless, Zhou Shiyu felt the trembling fingertips touching his wrist beneath the covers, broken like the two voices alternately echoing in his left and right brain.

——Zhou Shiyu, this will frighten her.

——Save me.

——Zhou Shiyu, no one will live with a madman.

——Don’t abandon me.

——Zhou Shiyu, if you fail again this time, you’ll truly have nothing left.

——Please.

Save me. Don’t abandon me. Please.

“……”

The woman’s fingers were delicate, soft, and warm, wandering over the ugly scars that had healed and been cut open again.

Zhou Shiyu was all too familiar with this touch——

Every time they kissed, Sheng Sui always liked to wrap her arms around his neck, her fingertips caressing the old wounds on his shoulders and back, her fingertips sometimes pitifully cool.

Actually, in the very beginning during those high school years, he had tried to concentrate all the scars in the same place, then deceive himself with comfort that if they ever met in the future, he could explain to her that they were accidental cuts and get away with it.

Later, as the “accidents” became addictively frequent, Zhou Shiyu also realized that standing openly before her was pure fantasy, so he began to accept that his runaway brain could only be controlled by medication and electroshock, and also accepted that after each journey between heaven and hell, when returning to the mortal world, there would always be some fresh “abstract artwork” added to his wrists.

To make the paintings more aesthetically pleasing, during those years abroad, he became almost obsessively enamored with art and paintings.

So how should he explain to his beloved now? Should he naturally shift the blame to simple depression?

This wouldn’t exactly be lying——

The so-called “bipolar” disorder was precisely about unpredictable, uncontrollable episodes oscillating between two opposite and extreme emotions: mania and depression.

During manic periods, thoughts would soar to infinity; during depressive periods, they would plummet into endless abysses. One second excitedly boasting, the next unknowingly sobbing;

The transformation between seconds was seamlessly smooth, turning one into a complete madman, day after day trapped in frenzy and despair.

In his chaotic thoughts, Zhou Shiyu only heard a suppressed, brief crying sound coming from the bathroom direction, overflowing through the never-quite-closed door crack.

The sound was muffled, clearly from lips pressed tightly against the back of a hand, trying every way not to let the person outside the door hear.

Zhou Shiyu listened silently in the darkness.

If asked what sound in the world has the most power, it would surely be Sheng Sui’s current restrained, intermittent sobbing;

Even separated by a door, it could easily tear him apart completely.

Reason told Zhou Shiyu that Sheng Sui should have long since noticed the signs. Paper cannot wrap fire, and even if he were fortunate enough to escape tonight, the truth being revealed was only a matter of time.

But the wave-like heartache and guilt still instantly devoured him completely, and he could no longer hear half a word of the cries for help born in his heart.

Only two paths lay before him: continue lying and deceiving, or drag her down with him——

Each seemed to be a dead end.

After an unknown amount of time, with the two people separated by a door each suffering their own torment, the door was gently opened as Sheng Sui finally emerged from the bathroom.

Rarely, Zhou Shiyu felt some fear. The person who faced death with equanimity was afraid of seeing his beloved’s tears and the pity, pain, or any emotion in her eyes, never opening his eyes.

In the silent room, weak footsteps sounded. Soon, the bed surface sank slightly as Sheng Sui lay down beside him without a word.

When she came close to embrace him, Zhou Shiyu could still feel the wet heat of undried tears on her face.

Her emotions unsettled, Sheng Sui’s slender shoulders still trembled finely, making Zhou Shiyu think of a rain butterfly with dampened wings in a violent storm.

The woman’s soft body pressed tightly against his chest, only carefully avoiding his scarred left hand, as if one more touch would immediately cause Zhou Shiyu’s left hand to rot into ash.

In the relatively silent, pitch-black long night, everyone was destined to be sleepless all night.

Zhou Shiyu was nearly twenty centimeters taller than Sheng Sui. The woman in his arms was always so small. After being docile for a long time, she suddenly raised her hand, using her right hand to gently but carefully pat his back.

She spoke in a low voice with a lingering crying tone, the grievance in it heartbreakingly soft: “…….It’s alright now. Everything will be alright from now on. I’ll be very good to you…….”

Zhou Shiyu didn’t know if these words were self-talk. He buried his head in Sheng Sui’s neck, his nose filled with her warm, reassuring faint fragrance. After a long time, drowsiness finally gradually came over him.

Rarely sleeping peacefully, in his dreams he returned to that midsummer when he was 19.

Nineteen was still the best age, only diagnosed with depression, not yet crushed by the mountain of bipolar disorder.

Thinking back now, that day’s sudden madness, the inability to wait even a moment longer to see Sheng Sui, was actually a typical bipolar manic episode.

Zhou Shiyu only remembered that he had learned Sheng Sui had been accepted to Magic City University, thinking they could be schoolmates again, thinking he could finally stand before her without any reservations. The nineteen-year-old boy was ecstatic, his chest almost bursting with joy.

In the unbearable heat, Zhou Shiyu was single-mindedly focused on the long-awaited appointment.

He had long forgotten exactly what ungodly hour before dawn he had waited at the school gate, only remembering that at noon, the girl with a high ponytail came out alone from the school gate, holding Magic City University’s acceptance letter.

She wore a thin white shirt and white skirt, the hem passing her knees to reveal a section of lotus-white, slender calves, her high ponytail swaying gently with her light steps.

The scorching sun baked everything around into twisted blurriness. Zhou Shiyu silently followed behind Sheng Sui, his heart and eyes filled only with her pretty, graceful figure.

He had never been able to see the girl’s face directly, but fortunately, if he could just wait patiently for another ten minutes or so, until she walked into the barbecue restaurant she often went to and sat in her usual corner, he could pretend to coincidentally sit at the table across from her, apologize and ask to share a table, then casually ask about the admission results.

It all sounded perfectly natural.

What should the first sentence be, how should he greet her with what expression and tone, how to hide his overflowing affection and speak to her with proper courtesy to make her feel warm.

On that long street with more than a dozen shops, one could see the intersection at the end with a single glance.

Seeing the girl’s gaze turn toward the barbecue restaurant on the left front, Zhou Shiyu felt his steps become as light as if he were about to fly.

He had never been so impatient, hoping time could go faster, even faster.

But accidents never wait for anyone.

Three seconds, just three seconds, and the clear sky could no longer see a trace of sunlight. His world was covered by dark clouds, thick fog pressing against his chest, overwhelming despair and empty numbness sweeping over him.

The feeling of being unable to breathe was like being casually thrown from a thousand meters high, or more like white clouds being swallowed by towering giant waves, instantly devouring an entire city.

Water flooded the golden mountain, not even giving Zhou Shiyu half a breath of respite. Heart palpitations, dizziness, weakness, and other typical somatic symptoms followed one after another.

It shouldn’t be like this.

Above his head was clearly overcast sky, yet the back of his neck felt stabbing pain as if being baked by scorching sun. Zhou Shiyu’s throat couldn’t make a sound, all accompanied by dull thoughts, finally turning into fragmented silent screams.

It shouldn’t be like this. He had waited three years for this day. He had specially dressed properly for this appointment today. It shouldn’t be like this.

Think of a way. Think of a way. Think of a way.

His fingertips trembling, Zhou Shiyu glimpsed from the corner of his eye the grocery store with its open door on the left, the dark, narrow interior with only two rows of rusty shelves, and various fruits scattered outside the door: watermelons, pears, kiwis, bananas——

Yes, bananas, bananas.

The doctor had said bananas could improve patients’ depressive moods.*

In the eyes of the graceful young man who had always been high-spirited at the best age of nineteen, there was no longer any trace of the pleasing girl, only baskets of yellow, shriveled bananas, their peels covered with pitch-black spots, as if they would turn into invincible black holes in the next second and suck Zhou Shiyu in.

The overripe bananas were visibly inferior, having been exposed to the sun, both the peel and the inner flesh were soft and mushy. The bruised areas felt like mud, reminiscent of rotting flesh dead in the wilderness. Only the despised buzzing flies could appreciate them.

In his ears was a buzzing synchronized with his violent heartbeat. Zhou Shiyu mechanically stuffed bananas into his mouth continuously until the finger gaps of both his left and right hands were filled with sticky, diluted yellow fruit pulp.

Regarding the brief memory blank that followed, rather than memory loss, he was more inclined to believe his brain had never stored those images.

The little remaining rationality was all used to give commands, moving his stiff arms mechanically and continuously stuffing bananas into his mouth.

What finally ended it all was the grocery store owner.

“What the hell are you trying to do?! Are you mentally ill?!”

The shop owner had been running the store for over twenty years and had never seen anyone in broad daylight directly grabbing things to eat without paying. He grabbed Zhou Shiyu by the collar and threw him out, cursing fouliy:

“If it weren’t for that little girl with the notice who helped you pay, believe it or not, I’d beat you!”

The young man dully raised his head in the chaos, catching the shop owner’s words about “the little girl with the notice.”

The tinnitus continued incessantly, mixed with the seven or eight people who had somehow surrounded them. Then he heard the shop owner impatiently shooing people away with his palm fan, roughly saying:

“What are you looking at! And you! What are you filming! Didn’t you see the money was already paid! If you’re not buying anything, don’t cause trouble here!”

In that era when mental illness was still difficult to speak about, most people would never see a medically diagnosed “mental patient” in their lifetime——the so-called “madman” that everyone feared but gossiped about at leisure.

Today, having luckily encountered one, people with smartphones hurried to raise their camera heads to record this rare scene;

Those without such conditions couldn’t miss the good show either, instead widening their eyes even more to appreciate the “madman’s” dedicated stage performance, to serve as excellent conversation material for the future.

As the only actor in the scene, Zhou Shiyu was thrown into the old street, feeling burning pain at the back of his neck, his gaze blankly looking at the seemingly endless road ahead.

Among the hurried comings and goings of the crowd, he immediately locked onto the girl walking toward the intersection at the end of the street.

The slender, tall figure, the smooth black hair, the girl holding the acceptance letter in her right hand, her white clothes and white skirt the only remaining color between heaven and earth.

When walking to the barbecue restaurant, the girl’s steps paused again, looking up at the metal plaque above the store door.

Probably the act of helping others had already stretched her finances thin. The girl hesitated for a moment but didn’t linger, walking straight toward the intersection.

Zhou Shiyu understood that from the girl’s perspective, they had never met, and helping him out of his predicament was purely out of kindness.

And not approaching to disturb her was her way of preserving his last shred of dignity in his precarious state.

Suddenly Zhou Shiyu heard a bright, cheerful call from behind him, piercing through his chest and causing the advancing girl to pause.

“——Sheng Sui!”

His body felt like a sponge crushed to the ground, the squeezed cold sweat soaking his back. Zhou Shiyu watched helplessly as the girl turned around, momentarily with nowhere to escape.

Finally the girl turned back, finally he saw Sheng Sui’s face directly, across the hurried passersby coming and going, finally their eyes met in the air.

Finally, Zhou Shiyu saw his disheveled self clearly in Sheng Sui’s eyes.

Weekends didn’t require setting an alarm to wake up early, making it a rare rest day.

Sheng Sui had only fallen into a drowsy sleep around three or four in the morning last night. Naturally waking up and opening her eyes this morning, it was already past nine-thirty.

She had repeatedly dreamed the same dream last night.

In the dream, it was her first contact with special education community activities. After it ended, the person in charge asked them to fill out a survey questionnaire.

One question left a deep impression on her:

[Why did you participate in special education community activities? Please list at least one reason]

Sheng Sui wrote a small paragraph:

“——Because there exists a group of people in this world who have been, are being, and will continue to be forgotten by everyone at all times; so society needs some people to remember their existence.”

She knew her words sounded somewhat high-minded——the real reason was that Sheng Sui also belonged to the “abnormal people” category and wanted to seek even a trace of belonging among child companions.

From the age of 14 when diagnosed, Sheng Sui had clearly realized that when people are labeled with lifelong, difficult-to-remove tags like “diabetes,” “autism,” “depression,” etc., to some extent, they have already been abandoned or marginalized by society.

So she could only do her utmost to integrate into the normal world, only secretly hiding in restrooms before each meal, carefully exposing herself for brief moments, then returning to the real world as if nothing had happened.

“……”

Obviously early morning wasn’t suitable for thinking. Sheng Sui’s head was still in chaos. Only after getting up did she belatedly realize someone was missing beside her.

Her dull nerves instantly tensed. She threw off the covers and was about to get out of bed to look for him.

“Zhou Shiyu——”

Before she finished speaking, her gaze stopped on a square piece of paper placed on the bedside table. Sheng Sui picked it up and read the familiar, strong handwriting on the paper:

[I have urgent business to handle during the day. Breakfast and lunch are in the refrigerator. If I can’t make it back for dinner, Aunt Tian will come home to cook.

Don’t worry about me.

——Wishing you always well, Z]

Staring at the signature for a long time, Sheng Sui’s heart suddenly contracted, unable to tell whether Zhou Shiyu had written unconsciously or if the man was suddenly being honest with her.

She leaned toward the latter——Zhou Shiyu hadn’t reminded her in the note to send him a text or call when she woke up.

He hadn’t even mentioned when he would return.

Getting out of bed uneasily, Sheng Sui felt her eyes were still somewhat swollen. She deliberately avoided recalling what she had seen last night and planned to check the kitchen first.

The moment she stepped out of the room, she saw at the bedroom threshold that the study door that was always tightly closed was now open to her.

Since Sheng Sui had moved in, this study had been designated for important official business and not to be entered casually.

Now it was completely unguarded and wide open——the door obviously wasn’t just poorly closed leaving only a crack, but was half a palm’s width open, clearly showing the interior structure.

Sheng Sui’s sharp eyes discovered a tuft of very familiar white fur outside the door.

She squatted down and pinched it with her fingers, finding it was indeed Ping’An’s fur——could it be that Ping’An had taken advantage of Zhou Shiyu not closing the door tightly once and eagerly rushed inside?

“Ping’An?”

Sheng Sui called out tentatively several times. Instead of waiting for the cat to come running on tiptoes, she heard rustling sounds coming from inside the study.

Worried that Ping’An was making trouble in the study and delaying official business, Sheng Sui’s heart tightened. Without further hesitation, she stood up and pushed the door open.

The next second, she was startled by the dimness of the study before her.

The forbidden study wasn’t the business-cold style she had imagined for elites. Inside were only the most simple wooden desk and chairs, and tall cabinets standing against the walls.

The desktop showed no office documents, only various paintbrushes, paints, different types of canvas, and signature brushes for calligraphy scattered about.

What made Sheng Sui hesitate at the door was the strong sense of déjà vu between this study and the Beijing hotel suite;

And what immediately captured her attention were at least a dozen medicine bottles of various sizes placed scattered behind glass partitions on the bookshelf.

This study had no windows for light, and all four walls were deliberately painted pure black like the night. Only the dim yellow hanging lamp overhead was the sole light source.

Momentarily forgetting about the troublemaking cat, Sheng Sui heard the soft sounds of slippers on the floor. She felt the dozen or so medicine bottles before her seemed to have magic, continuously enticing her toward the wooden cabinet.

Before her fingertips could touch the bottle bodies, Sheng Sui paused, suddenly realizing that the moment she read the text on the bottles clearly, her relationship with Zhou Shiyu would inevitably change again.

She still remembered that for this marriage, she had initially only asked for stability and longevity——obviously, Zhou Shiyu had undoubtedly done very well, without fault.

Now it was she who insisted on breaking their current peace.

So naturally, she would have to bear all the consequences.

“……”

The text printed on each medicine bottle was dense and tiny, and with the poor lighting in the room, Sheng Sui found it quite difficult to read.

Until from the small connected room on the left side of the study came a cat meow that couldn’t be ignored.

Sheng Sui finally remembered why she had entered the study.

Hastily putting down the medicine bottle in her hand, her simple brain was stuffed with the explanatory text printed on the bottle, unable to process any more information.

She only mechanically walked toward the adjacent small room, lifted the curtain and entered, then was again shocked to immobility by the enormous painting before her.

At least a meter in length and width, the huge oil painting created with canvas and paint had her as the only female protagonist, currently standing in a familiar old street alley, with noisy, clamoring small shops beside her.

Sheng Sui’s gaze fell on the red notice in her right hand in the painting, understanding that the scene depicted was from the midsummer after her eighteen-year-old college entrance examination——

She clearly remembered that day was indeed scorching hot, and the painted version of herself was appropriately dressed in white short sleeves and a gauze skirt;

Why then did the painting show dark clouds covering the sky, wet and muddy black ground, and the faces and features of passing people all grotesquely distorted.

In the entire painting, everything was suffocating gray-black tones, with only her as the sole white and brightness.

What truly shocked Sheng Sui to speechlessness, even making her feel momentarily suffocated, wasn’t the eerie surrounding scenery in the painting, nor how Zhou Shiyu had known about her outfit that day.

But rather that in the eyes of the painted version of herself turning back to look, there was clearly reflected the figure of a youth she knew all too well.

Sheng Sui recognized at a glance that it was the youthful Zhou Shiyu.

Also a Zhou Shiyu whose face was written with terror and despair.