Let the world say Zhou Shiyu is good for nothing—only in loving Sheng Sui does he insist on taking first place.

The bedroom was spacious, the lights bright, with gentle yellow beams falling softly on the two quietly embracing figures, the glass chandelier reflecting their silhouettes.

Only now did Sheng Sui fully understand that compared to close friends, partners had an additional, more profound way of communicating.

She had first removed the gold-rimmed glasses from Zhou Shiyu’s nose bridge, originally just wanting to see clearly the dark eyes hidden behind the lenses.

But soon she unexpectedly noticed that tonight’s silent, reticent man seemed particularly fierce.

Zhou Shiyu no longer coaxed her as usual, no longer spoke sweet words until Sheng Sui’s ears turned pink. He remained silent throughout, his eyes pitch black.

The man’s thin lips were lightly pressed, sweat beading on his smooth forehead in a restrained, forbidden appearance that only doubled the allure in Sheng Sui’s eyes.

Undeniably, Zhou Shiyu possessed a face that was far too deceptive.

Making everyone, including those around him, feel an urge to admire strength, wanting only to depend on and hide under the protective umbrella Zhou Shiyu held up, seeking shelter.

Zhou Shiyu should always be invincible.

Over time, no one would think: if Zhou Shiyu felt tired, if Zhou Shiyu encountered unbearable pain, who would comfort him, who would tenderly lick his wounds with compassion?

“…Sui Sui, you’ve been looking at me like this lately.”

In the man’s hoarse, low voice, Sheng Sui’s thoughts that had drifted during their kisses were finally pulled back to reality, her head protected by warm, dry hands.

In her daze, she looked up to meet the man’s deep black eyes, hearing him continue:

“Just like now, your eyes always look so sad.”

Sheng Sui thought groggily—she clearly wasn’t the one in pain, just a little dizzy, so how could she feel sad?

Foreheads touching, she raised her arms to circle Zhou Shiyu’s neck, nearly burned by his skin temperature, saying softly:

“…Are you seeing yourself in my eyes, so you think I look sad?”

Another silence fell. After Sheng Sui spoke, she felt the man’s lips press down on the corner of her mouth again, as if trying to futilely make her stop talking through this method.

Closing her eyes, her mouth corner ached slightly, she breathed lightly and called the man’s name: “Zhou Shiyu, you also feel wronged and afraid, don’t you?”

Just as Sheng Sui didn’t want to be born sensible, Zhou Shiyu had also grown from childhood—how could he be born invincible?

All the resilience and strength shown before others were merely built from the whip marks across his back and the overlapping scars on his wrists.

Zhou Shiyu said she looked sad, but Sheng Sui thought the man might unconsciously use her as an emotional outlet, which was why he was willing to reveal a moment of vulnerability.

Her heart ached with dense, needle-like pain. Sheng Sui struggled to lift her head, meeting Zhou Shiyu’s warm lips:

“Zhou Shiyu, if only I could have met you earlier.”

Sheng Sui remembered clearly—these exact words, she had said to her husband before, word for word.

Back then, she was trapped by past suffering, unable to stop thinking how wonderful it would have been to have this person’s company earlier, so those dark days wouldn’t have been so unbearable.

She knew all too well that Zhou Shiyu could never bear to let her suffer even the slightest grievance.

These words applied equally today, just with roles reversed.

If only she could have met Zhou Shiyu earlier, if they hadn’t missed each other thirteen years ago, if she had remembered him firmly—how wonderful that would have been.

At least she could have stayed by his side.

Even if just like tonight, merely her verbal bravado, it would be better than letting Zhou Shiyu endure those dark, chaotic times alone.

Thinking of this, Sheng Sui ached for her previously weak, powerless self.

Zhou Shiyu’s left hand resting against her continued to wear the steel watch as always, the special band made of cold platinum that nearly embedded into Sheng Sui’s skin as the man’s palm pressed harder.

Suddenly, Sheng Sui felt unbearable pain.

Overwhelming pain swept over her like a tidal wave, suffocating, making her almost cry, her already flushed eyes brimming with tears.

Zhou Shiyu could never bear to let her suffer even the slightest grievance.

The next second, the man no longer wanted to possess her even a fraction more, sitting up while holding Sheng Sui, carefully wrapping her in a soft blanket, just to see her face clearly.

“…I’m not wronged.”

The man’s ten fingers were well-defined, gently threading through Sheng Sui’s soft hair, his thin lips kissing her moist eye corners, his hoarse voice mixed with urgent concern:

“Little darling, don’t cry. It breaks my heart.”

Sheng Sui was no longer the obedient, well-behaved girl of the past. Her too-long-suppressed rebellious phase was growing in reverse—she even dared to confront and argue with Yu Xuemei.

Now, the more Zhou Shiyu forbade her to cry, the more she insisted on shedding tears.

Her head pillowed on the man’s broad shoulder, a tear slid down Zhou Shiyu’s scar-covered back as she accused:

“I said so much to you just now, why didn’t you respond to any of it?”

Faced with Sheng Sui’s somewhat petulant attitude, Zhou Shiyu showed infinite patience instead, pulling her into his embrace as he said deeply: “Actually, these years, I often go to temples to pray and make wishes.”

“I repeatedly pray to the gods, hoping this world will be kinder to my girl, kinder still.”

The two embraced face to face, unable to see each other’s expressions. Zhou Shiyu gently patted Sheng Sui’s slender back, taking a deep breath.

His voice trembling slightly at the end, his tone somewhat helpless: “But you, you always want to seek suffering.”

In the past, he always thought Sheng Sui was slow, taking so long to notice his deep affection; now he’d rather she not be so clever and perceptive, able to understand without guidance.

Society is an invisible cage—being within it makes it impossible to remain untainted. Zhou Shiyu knew he could blend in well as a “normal person.”

Actually, as long as Sheng Sui stopped investigating further, even if the illness just stayed within the home, all the words and stares from outside would be blocked by a single door.

But Sheng Sui insisted on pushing that door open.

From then on, what she saw would no longer be hurried passersby, but constant wondering whether others were watching her lover with strange eyes.

Not knowing and pretending not to know were entirely different worlds.

There were clearly easier ways to live, and Zhou Shiyu didn’t want her to bear such heavy burdens.

“…Just like how you’re good to me, all of this is my choice.”

The nasal female voice pulled his thoughts back. Zhou Shiyu heard Sheng Sui, who was lying on his shoulder, sniffling and saying in a muffled voice:

“Aren’t you happy about it?”

“Of course I’m happy, and very grateful.”

Zhou Shiyu had personally witnessed his lover’s growth at a speed that amazed even him. Still deeply moved, he raised his hand to tuck the strands of hair stuck to Sheng Sui’s temples behind her ears, saying gently:

“I just think the process of growing up is too painful.”

“If possible, Sheng Sui, I hope you can just be yourself, can always be a carefree little girl.”

He hoped her eyes would always carry light, her lips always a smile.

Just like that stunning glimpse thirteen years ago in the hospital—from that moment, he was doomed beyond redemption.

“But I don’t want that.”

The gentle female voice’s rebuttal was too firm, making even Zhou Shiyu freeze for a moment. Then he saw Sheng Sui sit up straight, her eyes slightly red but filled with unwavering determination:

“I’d rather suffer with clarity than live in self-deceptive, illusory beauty.”

Recalling tonight’s unprecedented profanity, even Sheng Sui herself was surprised—

Even now, in Sheng Sui’s self-perception, she was still soft, even sometimes cowardly.

Her disadvantaged physical condition and oppressive family background made Sheng Sui always compromise when facing problems. After marriage, Zhou Shiyu protected her so well that whatever she wanted came effortlessly—her lover always made it within easy reach.

Until recent events finally made Sheng Sui suddenly understand.

When you truly want something, relying on avoidance and retreat, or gifts from others, is unacceptable.

Just as she realized when first seeing the diary—she couldn’t and shouldn’t live forever in the ivory tower Zhou Shiyu built for her.

If you want something, face the thorns and pain directly, fight desperately for it.

Bloodied heads and broken bones don’t matter—anything is better than indifference and inaction.

Besides, who said she couldn’t stand in front of Zhou Shiyu? Who decreed she couldn’t be the one holding an umbrella for Zhou Shiyu in the pouring rain?

Sheng Sui’s gaze fixed on Zhou Shiyu, her eyes flowing: “If you always want me to remain the little girl from thirteen years ago, you’ll never be able to possess me completely.”

For the first time, she actively mentioned their true first meeting thirteen years ago.

Keenly catching the flash of astonishment in Zhou Shiyu’s dark eyes, Sheng Sui pushed her hands against the man’s shoulders, easily reversing their positions—she above, he below.

She leaned down, kissing the man’s bobbing Adam’s apple and lower, meaningfully: “…Just like now—”

Before she could finish, Zhou Shiyu raised his hand to touch her lips, his warm fingertip pressing against her sharp teeth.

His nostrils filled with the woman’s unique soft, warm scent, Zhou Shiyu saw Sheng Sui’s black hair scattered beside his face and over his chest, his heart filled with unstoppable pain and longing.

Sheng Sui indeed wasn’t a domesticated, docile cat, but his once-in-a-lifetime white fox, enchanting without knowing it.

But when it came to her, Zhou Shiyu only had stubborn determination left. After thinking for a moment, he still refused to yield: “It doesn’t matter.”

“No matter what, Sheng Sui will possess Zhou Shiyu’s whole heart, until death.”

Let the world say Zhou Shiyu is good for nothing—only in loving Sheng Sui does he insist on taking first place.

“…Never seen anyone as stubborn as you.”

Pressing her lips together, Sheng Sui complained in a low voice, intertwining her fingers with Zhou Shiyu’s, listening to the man’s deep, tense breathing, all her attention concentrated in one place.

She leaned down, biting his lip corner resentfully: “Zhou Shiyu, sometimes you really know how to make people angry.”

Eyes meeting, the man’s impeccable features were deep and refined. Looking at her resentful expression, he suddenly smiled.

Sheng Sui’s eyes filled with tears again, and even while biting her lip, she asked:

“…What are you laughing about now?”

“Nothing.”

Zhou Shiyu raised his hand, his dry, warm palm carefully stroking her cheek, his dark eyes mixed with relief, tenderness, and too many emotions Sheng Sui couldn’t decipher, his low voice echoing in the bedroom:

“Just very happy that my girl is really growing up well.”

Two hours later, Sheng Sui slowly opened her eyes, turned to her side, and carefully got up from the bed.

The person beside her breathed steadily and deeply. Even so, Sheng Sui couldn’t determine whether Zhou Shiyu was truly asleep.

But this didn’t stop her from putting on slippers and quietly pushing the door to leave the bedroom.

Opposite was the study, like a forbidden place, its door tightly closed—Zhou Shiyu had already clearly said she could freely enter and exit here from now on.

At the study door, Sheng Sui’s right hand stopped at the door handle, hesitating to press it, still somewhat fearful of the completely dark interior environment.

Taking a deep breath, she lightly bit her back teeth while pressing her palm down, preparing to step into the darkness. But when she looked up, she was met with warm, cozy pale yellow light.

Looking at the room that had originally been soul-capturing pitch black, now covered entirely with her favorite pale yellow wallpaper with not a trace of black visible, Sheng Sui suddenly held her breath.

She knew all too well what this study meant to Zhou Shiyu.

The man both hated this room that revealed his pathological existence, yet at the same time, this study was his only refuge for survival and escape during episodes.

Yes, how could she forget again—Zhou Shiyu could never bear to let her suffer even the slightest grievance.

Her every word, every character in those words, was carefully placed in Zhou Shiyu’s heart, tremblingly protected in his chest. No matter how much time passed before taking them out again, each word still carried the scorching heat of the man’s precious effort.

But Sheng Sui suddenly hesitated, lingering at the door for a long time, reluctant to enter.

She had come to try the diary’s password, to see if it could open the safe in the study.

She urgently wanted to know what Liang Xubai had mentioned—that will concerning only her, the words her lover wanted to leave for her when saying goodbye to the world before their reunion.

However, at this moment, faced with Zhou Shiyu’s huge compromise for her, Sheng Sui began to hesitate whether she should really hide from him and peek into thoughts he might not want to share.

“……”

After much hesitation, Sheng Sui still slowly took a step forward, supporting herself against the new wood fiber wallpaper as she entered, her gaze turning to the bottom level of the wall-mounted bookshelf.

She was just looking, not planning to open the safe right now—

The latter half of the thought didn’t have time to surface in her mind. When Sheng Sui saw the safe clearly, she first froze, then shook her head with helpless laughter, surprised yet finding it perfectly reasonable.

She didn’t need to try—the safe had already been unlocked and opened by Zhou Shiyu.

Right, returning the diary was such a major matter. It might have been Liang Xubai’s idea, but it definitely required Zhou Shiyu’s permission.

And with Zhou Shiyu’s personality of thinking a hundred steps ahead, how could he not anticipate her reaction after seeing the diary’s will and hint content?

Expecting she would inevitably come out of curiosity, calculating that she would certainly struggle and hesitate, thoughtful as Zhou Shiyu was, he always fulfilled Sheng Sui’s every request, even before she voiced them.

Whatever she wanted, he would always present it first, placing it gently in her palm in the most dignified way.

Faced with such a considerate lover, Sheng Sui could only laugh helplessly through her tears.

Things had come to this point—there was nothing left to struggle with.

Walking to the bookshelf and crouching down, Sheng Sui held her breath and reached out, pulling open the unlocked cabinet door. Just as she thought she’d have to search through a safe full of priceless items for the will, she saw the interior contained only a few sparse items, once again stunned with surprise.

There were very few things in the safe—countable on one hand.

Sheng Sui leaned closer, examining each item carefully, confirming there were only four.

A marriage certificate protected in a special frame, an old protective charm stored in a transparent sealed bag, a poetry collection by Neruda—”Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair”—

And the handwritten will Sheng Sui had come to find.