Not long after, Ning Yi, having gone out to empty the water, came back in through the door carrying another towel, and found Jin’er lying on the edge of the bed, straining to reach one hand toward something in a particular direction. Seeing him come in, she drew her hand back, sitting up on the bed with her knees bent, arms wrapped around them; beneath the hem of her white skirt, a small stretch of her slender bare feet peeked out. Ning Yi kicked her embroidered slippers over toward where she’d been reaching, walked to the bedside, laid the towel over her face, and, cupping the back of her head with his other hand, wiped her face firmly.
Having just cried herself into a mess, her face had looked rather pitiful — but after a good bit of vigorous wiping from Ning Yi, once he let go, her fine, delicate features showed through again, even flushed rosy — only her puffed-out cheeks silently protested that this had hurt a little.
Ning Yi ignored this, went out again, and came back in; the girl had rolled over to the inner side of the bed, her eyes drifting over the wall, then the ceiling, before settling on Ning Yi as he entered, a look of resigned surrender in her gaze, sniffling once.
Ning Yi was still turning over in his mind what to say, when Jin’er spoke up first. “I scattered your draft papers everywhere — is that going to be a problem?”
“Hm?” Ning Yi turned to glance at the things on his desk, then shook his head. “Nothing important — even scattered, it’s easy enough to sort back out.”
“But you’ve been writing these for days, so it must be important…”
“Depends how you look at it.” Ning Yi smiled. “Really, it’s fine. Though it might matter a great deal later on, still…” These things would, of course, matter a great deal down the road, but to him, they could absolutely never outweigh the people around him. Saying this out loud felt a bit cheesy, and he wasn’t quite sure how to put it.
Jin’er, though, seemed to understand well enough. She sat up now, curling her legs and turning slightly to the side. “I’ve heard before, that when you’re really getting things done, what’s written on paper doesn’t count for much…”
“Ha…” Ning Yi laughed. “Some things really do need to be done first before anything else, but if it’s a truly large-scale plan, with some standards to refer back to, then early planning still matters a great deal.”
To be honest, though he’d pushed Jin’er into this conversation with something close to brute force, and she had agreed to it, now that the moment had actually arrived, he still felt a bit awkward, not entirely sure what he could even say. Matters of feeling, of family, were things he genuinely wanted to handle with sincerity — but with Su Tan’er, the bond of husband and wife had come first, and feeling had followed; with Yun Zhu, things had simply developed naturally over time; and with Xiao Chan, there was even less need for any formal discussion at all. Now, faced with Jin’er, what exactly was he supposed to say? If the two of them were going to formally establish a relationship like this, what were the right words? He found himself at a bit of a loss.
He couldn’t very well launch into talk of future plans together, how long he intended to stay devoted to her once things got going — that sort of thing might have made some sense in the modern world, but here, it felt oddly out of place. And he wasn’t even sure that kind of talk would actually resolve anything.
As for Yun Zhu, or Tan’er and Xiao Chan, truthfully, if he really meant to keep Jin’er by his side, none of them would present much of an obstacle. But that they wouldn’t stand in the way was their own grace to extend, their own choice to make — he couldn’t simply treat it as something owed to him, a given. This was a matter of self-awareness on his part, and respect toward them. After all, when others were willing to extend goodwill, that was a kind of grace freely given; gratitude or humility in response was only proper — and if the one receiving such grace came to take it for granted, or even felt entitled to reach out and claim more of it, that kind of person would inevitably come to be resented. For Ning Yi to behave that way would be nearly shameless.
How to properly address this matter — these past few days, he hadn’t even quite managed to bring it up naturally with the ever-gentle Yun Zhu. Perhaps Yun Zhu herself was watching him and Jin’er with a kind of amused, well-meaning patience, waiting to see how it would play out. Jin’er likely felt much the same awkwardness. After exchanging a few more words about the scattered papers, Ning Yi finally said with a smile, “Hey, this matter you’re talking about… let’s settle it once I’m back from Shandong.”
It was nearly midday; cicadas sang in the distance, along with the murmur of voices. He hadn’t spoken loudly, and before Jin’er could reply, Ning Yi looked at her again with a smile. “Either way… you’re not planning on leaving your Sister Yun Zhu’s side, are you.”
“I’m not… asking you to support me with your money, either.” With Ning Yi’s second remark, he had finally, and actively, acknowledged the relationship between the two of them, and Jin’er nodded in response, though what came out of her mouth carried a touch of prideful defiance nonetheless. Ning Yi smiled, and once the room fell quiet, the exchange had come to sound rather like a family discussing some simple household matter.
In their usual dealings, Ning Yi, Yun Zhu, and Jin’er occasionally bickered a little over things involving Yun Zhu, but truthfully, when it came down to it, their day-to-day rapport was really just like this exchange just now. Ning Yi’s thoughts might run complicated underneath, but in front of people like Yun Zhu and Jin’er, he spoke simply and honestly. Because of this, there was no need for either side to overthink or second-guess the other in their dealings.
These past few days, both Ning Yi and Jin’er had felt somewhat awkward with each other, but the awkwardness was mostly rooted in how it affected others — Ning Yi wasn’t sure how to explain things to Xiao Chan and Yun Zhu, and Jin’er, facing Yun Zhu, felt a fair bit of internal conflict of her own too. Unable to resolve what was weighing on her heart, Jin’er had simply taken her frustration out on Ning Yi — though she’d also been more than a little anxious about how he’d respond. But as long as Ning Yi was willing to give her an answer, or take a firmer approach like today — grabbing her and giving her a spanking — she ultimately wasn’t all that resistant to him.
Even before today, if they were going to talk about this, with everyone else in the household around, the two of them had both felt somewhat guilty about it — which was exactly why Jin’er had tended to run off whenever she saw him. Today, with everyone out, they’d finally been able to speak more freely in private. Ning Yi sat in his chair, looking at Jin’er curled up on the bed, and after a quiet moment, felt that the rather noncommittal way he’d just expressed himself hadn’t been quite fair to her.
He took a breath and decided to settle things once more, in the way he was more comfortable with. “Actually… I was a bit embarrassed, which is why I said that about you not planning to leave Yun Zhu. The truth is… I’m genuinely happy with the three of us being together, the way we used to be.”
Their eyes met; Jin’er looked at the slightly serious expression in his gaze, finding it a bit strange, then nodded. “Mm.”
Ning Yi felt he hadn’t quite expressed what he meant. He thought for a moment, then stood up. “What I mean is… it’s not just that I’m used to the three of us being together, that’s not why I’m bringing this up today… Of course, I haven’t said what’s going to happen once I get back from Shandong either, but we’ll definitely find a way to sort things out when the time comes. As for what you said about liking me — I’m not saying all this because of Yun Zhu. What happened today, I don’t want you thinking it has anything to do with her… uh, you don’t understand what I’m saying, do you?”
Jin’er sat there watching him, blinking, and after a long moment, shook her head slowly, hesitantly. “Mm… no… mm, no…” Midway through the shake, her expression grew complicated and she shifted into a nod instead. “I understand… mm, I do.” She confirmed this, then continued looking at Ning Yi.
Ning Yi blinked in surprise.
“…You understand?” he asked, rather puzzled. “What I said… I don’t think I explained it very clearly… you really understood all that?”
“Understand…” Jin’er nodded, her gaze not leaving him. After a moment, her lips moved. “…I think.”
“…” Ning Yi stood there blinking, not sure what to say.
What he’d actually wanted to say was simply, “I like you because I genuinely like you as a person, not for any other reason to keep you around.” As someone from the modern world, he felt this point seemed to matter a great deal to women. Only, saying it out loud like that felt terribly cheesy.
On the other hand, he hadn’t yet secured Tan’er and Yun Zhu’s understanding on this matter, so it wouldn’t do to tell Jin’er outright that he intended to marry her in as a concubine once things settled. So instead, he’d told her they’d resolve this once he returned from Shandong — though the matter shouldn’t pose much difficulty, what state things would actually be in by then was, in the end, a question for that future moment.
Ning Yi had hoped Jin’er would understand his sincerity in wanting to make her this commitment; at the same time, a full-on declaration felt too cheesy, and in his current state of mind, even somewhat frivolous. He’d tried instead to lay things out clearly and methodically, practically turning it into something resembling a business negotiation — and in the end, even he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d managed to express. Fortunately, Jin’er sitting there hadn’t laughed at him. Ning Yi let out a breath, sat back down, and gave her a self-deprecating smile.
“So I’ll… take it you understand?”
“Mm.” Jin’er nodded. In truth, she did understand Ning Yi’s meaning well enough — she just wasn’t entirely sure why he’d gone to such trouble to explain it.
Having grown up in a brothel from childhood, matters between talented scholars and beauties were nothing new to her — even if things started with mutual probing and hesitation, one advancing as the other retreated, once it reached the stage of an actual confession, what followed tended to be quite simple. In this era, once a woman had come to like someone, there weren’t exactly many second chances at choosing again — even for women of the pleasure quarters, this held true. Once it was established that I like you and you like me, the next step was simply to take the person away — there was no real need to spell it all out so clearly once there was action to speak for itself. Jin’er was straightforward by nature, though certainly not careless — when Su Wenyu had shown interest in her, she’d been able to turn him down without hurting his feelings. That she’d let herself be carried off and spanked by Ning Yi today, then submitted to his handling without a real fight, was already, in itself, a clear enough statement. In truth, though Jin’er had started out sulking at Ning Yi, she’d understood all along that the real issue wasn’t really about him — the moment he showed such a firm hand, her resolve to keep sulking simply couldn’t hold. Of course, that he would do such things to her still left her genuinely bashful.
For a woman of this era, the reasons for liking someone didn’t need to be spelled out so clearly — so long as it wasn’t your money she liked. I like your talent, I like your bearing, I like your looks, even I like how you are in bed — all of these were acceptable reasons. As for something like “I like the real you,” steeped in that Western philosophical notion that every person is a unique individual — Jin’er could grasp the sentiment well enough, but she likely wouldn’t fully understand why Ning Yi felt the need to single this point out and explain it so deliberately.
To her mind, once Ning Yi had nodded and said those few things, it already carried several layers of meaning: once he returned from Shandong, there’d be no more tangled uncertainty — she and Sister Yun Zhu would be together, whether as his women or in whatever form that relationship took; and once that bond existed, everything else would become much simpler. She wouldn’t need to hide her closeness with him and Sister Yun Zhu anymore; the three of them could all live happily together. As for smaller matters, like the fact that her body now belonged to him — those, of course, went without saying, not worth dwelling on. Whatever he wanted, she’d simply go along with — no need to discuss it, it was simply how things were.
Once this had all been said, the room fell quiet again — this rather clumsy confession had just concluded, leaving the atmosphere somewhat charged. Jin’er waited a moment, and seeing he had nothing more to say, shifted toward the edge of the bed and began putting on her shoes and stockings under his gaze. Ning Yi, noticing the way she sat sideways, frowned. “Does it still hurt… from earlier?”
Jin’er, head lowered, paused for a moment, then said softly, “Actually… I know I’ve been a real trouble to you these past few days…”
“Huh?”
“…It’s not your fault either, you’ve had so much going on lately, and I kept sulking at you the whole time. When you caught me pretending to be fainted just now, I was embarrassed, so I tried to run — I know it was being unreasonable…”
“Either way, that was still…” Ning Yi shook his head, meaning to apologize — normally an awkward thing to do, but if he could manage it so naturally, that would be a good thing. Only, Jin’er wasn’t finished yet.
“Actually, back at Jinfeng Tower, I knew some guests liked hitting people. Some even liked tying people up. They were usually like that because they had a lot going on, felt frustrated. Liheng, if you… like this sort of thing…” her voice dropped lower, and she bit her lip, “…there’s nothing strange about that…”
“…Huh?” Ning Yi blinked in surprise. “What do you mean, I like this sort of thing… I wasn’t just now…”
Jin’er glanced at him. “But… you’ve had so much going on lately, maybe you’re in a bad mood, and you want to… hit someone…”
Ning Yi’s hand paused in midair. He looked at Jin’er’s flushed face, then looked at his own hand for a moment, recalling what had happened, his expression complicated as he rubbed his chin. “Uh… if that’s the case… I suppose it’s possible…”
Talking about something like this left both of them feeling rather awkward. Jin’er sat at the edge of the bed, leaning forward, head down, fingers working to pull on her embroidered slippers, her hanging hair hiding a face gone red as a tomato.
“I— I know a lot about these things, from my time at Jinfeng Tower…” Her voice, as she spoke with her head lowered, was barely audible, fainter than a mosquito’s hum. As she spoke, she stood up from the bedside, fingers twisting together in front of her, back turned to him. “Liheng, if… if you want to, I’ll bear it, just don’t go hitting Sister Yun Zhu… and I know a lot of positions too… I can… show you… I— I’ll head over there now…”
With that, Jin’er left the room. Ning Yi sat there stunned for a good long while, his expression complicated, before finally bursting out laughing, covering his forehead with one hand as if he’d just experienced the funniest thing in the world, unable to hold back his laughter.
What a truly… clumsy confession. Practically a masterpiece of the genre.
Even many years later, he would still remember this one.