“Here, are you satisfied now?”
Wei Caiwei handed the marriage contract to Wang Daxia.
Wang Daxia took the marriage contract and stared blankly at the red lip print, his gaze unfocused, dreamlike. No, everything happening in reality was more fragrant and alluring than any of his previous spring dreams.
Seeing Wang Daxia’s naive appearance of someone who had never seen the world, Wei Caiwei secretly shook her head. In their previous life, she and Wang Daxia really knew how to have fun. When they were playing wildly, Wang Daxia had once applied her rouge to his lips and stamped like a seal all over her body – even her toes had lip prints.
Moreover, he had acted coquettishly, forbidding her to bathe, and had counted the number of lip prints, saying he would count them again the next night, and if even one was missing, he wouldn’t let it slide.
The next day, she only washed off the lip prints from her hands, face, and neck, put on her female official’s robes and six-winged black gauze hat, and went to Shouchun Palace to serve Noble Consort Shang. Powerful paired food couples in the palace all had residences outside the palace – they served in the palace during duty hours and returned home when off duty, just like the residences of ordinary officials.
It happened that Noble Consort Shang had a sudden whim that day to leave the palace and soak in the hot springs at Changping Palace. She accompanied her, and when Noble Consort Shang got into the hot spring, she insisted on dragging Wei Caiwei in with her. Wei Caiwei’s whole body was covered with red lip prints – if she undressed, it would all be exposed, so she firmly refused.
Noble Consort Shang had a childlike temperament and caught her off guard, dragging her into the water. As soon as she soaked in, the light red color flowed out from her clothes, frightening Noble Consort Shang badly: “Oh no, I’m sorry! If I’d known you were having your monthly cycle, I wouldn’t have teased you.”
Seeing her frightened, Wei Caiwei had to lean over and explain the reason in her ear, making Noble Consort Shang laugh uncontrollably. She even gave her bad advice: “…It doesn’t matter if Eunuch Wang checks when he goes back – I’ll help you kiss them back on. Lip prints all look about the same anyway. He won’t know whether he kissed them or I kissed them.”
Even someone as thick-skinned as Wei Caiwei couldn’t help blushing at these words: “Nonsense! If His Majesty knew that Noble Consort Shang kissed me, wouldn’t we husband and wife be expelled from the palace?”
Noble Consort Shang laughed loudly: “You’re thinking too highly of yourself! I’ll only kiss the places you can’t reach yourself. You can kiss the rest yourself – no one will be able to tell the difference.”
Wei Caiwei firmly refused – the places she couldn’t reach were even more off-limits to Noble Consort Shang!
The matter was dropped.
However, a few days after soaking in the hot springs, when she entered the palace in the morning to serve, Noble Consort Shang, who had attended the emperor the night before, had just awakened and was lying lazily in bed. She called her over, and not knowing what was needed, Wei Caiwei approached. Noble Consort Shang lifted the blanket, revealing a section of her collarbone. On the jade-like skin was stamped a red seal reading “Lingxiao Shangqing Tonglei Yuanyang Miaoyi Feixuan Zhenjun.”
This was the Taoist title Emperor Jiajing had given himself.
Noble Consort Shang whispered: “His Majesty was extremely happy last night and stamped seals all over my body. Playing with the emperor requires some thought – I got the inspiration from you. In the future, whatever new games you and Eunuch Wang play, you must tell me. Don’t keep secrets – thinking up ideas myself is too tiring. I’ll just copy yours…”
Wei Caiwei and Noble Consort Shang were together like sisters, often exchanging private matters that neither the old emperor nor Eunuch Wang knew about.
Now, this favored consort who would later be called the “demon consort” was still waiting for selection at Baoding Prefecture government office.
After writing the marriage contract, Wei Caiwei went out to busy herself looking for her future patron, Miss Shang, leaving behind Wang Daxia hugging the marriage contract with a foolish smile.
When Wang Daxia came to his senses, the room was already empty.
His mischievous heart suddenly arose, and he moved to kiss the crimson lip print. When only a paper’s thickness separated them, he stopped.
No good – if he kissed the lip print, the rouge would stick to his lips and the lip print would become fainter and fainter. A few more kisses and it would be gone.
However, this didn’t stump clever little Wang Daxia. He flipped the marriage contract over and kissed the back of the lip print with a soft smooch.
Rounded off, that counted as kissing! And no matter how much or how often he kissed, it wouldn’t affect the lip print on the front of the marriage contract.
What a wonderfully beautiful morning.
After comforting her future little husband, Wei Caiwei immediately busied herself with career matters, going to the room for preliminary selection of beauties.
The first round was physical examination, eliminating those with uncoordinated features, yellow or irregular teeth, too fat, too thin, obvious body scars, rough skin, obvious or oversized birthmarks, disproportionate figures, extra fingers or attached earlobes, bow legs, dry yellow hair indicating weakness. They even had to lean in close to smell for body odor or other unusual scents, and even used rulers to measure various body parts, recording everything.
After the first round, half the girls were eliminated. Minor fire-tenders from the Ceremonial Directorate gave each eliminated girl some cloth scraps and travel money, having their families take them home so the girls wouldn’t have made the trip for nothing.
The remaining half of the girls, while not great beauties, all had proper features and proportionate figures. Standing together, they created a dazzling sight.
Next, Wei Caiwei led ten local midwives from Baoding Prefecture to verify whether they were virgins.
Ten armchairs were arranged side by side in the room. The armrests of the chairs were two protruding wooden sticks. The midwives required the girls to remove their trousers, lie on the chairs, spread their legs, and rest them on the two wooden sticks of the armrests, making it convenient for the midwives sitting on small stools to examine whether their hymens were intact.
These were all unmarried, shy maidens aged twelve to sixteen. Being asked to undress in front of strangers for the first time, having to raise their legs high and expose women’s most private parts – they were all extremely bashful and hesitant, pushing each other forward and backward, none daring to go undress and lie down first.
But Miss Shang was the exception. She became the first to break the ice, the first to voluntarily go in, untie her trouser belt, pull off her trousers, and lie shamelessly on the chair. Her smooth, well-proportioned legs went up on the armrest sticks, and she even urged the midwife: “Hurry up. It’s already lunchtime and there’s still another examination to pass. I’m hungry and want to eat. If we keep delaying, the food will get cold.”
This made even the midwife laugh: “Miss, you really are someone who adapts to any situation. Anyone can see you’re blessed. What delicacies won’t you be able to eat in the future? Don’t be anxious.”
Miss Shang laughed while lying on the chair: “Meals must be eaten one bowl at a time. You can’t eat the next meal during this meal, and today you can’t eat tomorrow’s food. I don’t care about future delicacies – as long as I can eat well and be full at the next meal.”
“Miss really thinks positively.” The midwife spoke while putting a piece of cleaned and dried sheep intestine on her finger, spreading and examining: “There will be some discomfort. Please bear with it, Miss.”
Because Miss Shang had led the way, the other girls thought that they had to pass this examination anyway, so they steeled themselves and followed Miss Shang’s example, removing their trousers and lying on the chairs for the midwives to examine their chastity.
The midwife wearing sheep intestine on her finger spread and examined carefully, saying to Wei Caiwei who was recording: “Crescent-shaped, intact.”
Wei Caiwei wrote rapidly, thinking that she was indeed the future favored consort – different from others from the very beginning of selection. This optimistically cheerful, live-in-the-moment, carefree personality was like a ray of sunshine for the suspicious, gloomy, lonely, and cold old emperor.
Miss Shang got up from the chair to put on her trousers. The midwife removed the sheep intestine and threw it in a bucket, put on new sheep intestine, and called: “Next one.”
At this time, another midwife examining other selected beauties also had results: “I don’t see it. She is not a virgin.”
The girl was so frightened that her legs resting on the armrest sticks began trembling: “Impossible! You’re talking nonsense. I’ve always stayed in my inner chambers, never seeing men from outside.”
Concerning a woman’s reputation, Wei Caiwei put down her brush, put on sheep intestine, and personally examined – indeed there was nothing there.
The girl shed tears, feeling her life was ruined. Wei Caiwei said: “Don’t worry. Some women are naturally born without it – it doesn’t mean you’re not chaste. I have a method for you to try.”
Wei Caiwei had people carry in a chamber pot with dry, fine incense ash spread underneath.
Wei Caiwei had the girl who was naked from the waist down sit on the chamber pot, took out a snuff bottle, and had the girl take a deep breath of snuff. The girl felt a sharp, spicy sensation rush into her nasal cavity, opening all her body’s orifices, and couldn’t help but sneeze violently, spraying out snot and saliva.
Wei Caiwei had the girl stand up and examined the incense ash at the bottom of the pot, saying: “If she had already engaged in improper relations between men and women, the upper qi would be released and the lower qi would also be released, so the incense ash at the bottom of the pot would definitely be blown and disturbed. If the incense ash doesn’t move at all, she must still have her virtue intact. Look – the incense ash is unmoved. She is chaste.” (Note 1)
Hearing this, the girl wept tears of joy.
Wei Caiwei said: “I can restore your reputation for chastity, but you’ll be examined again upon entering the palace. There will be higher-ranking palace physicians present who may not all agree with my method. So just in case you suffer injustice then, I cannot let you pass this examination. Do you accept this?”
The girl wiped away her tears: “This commoner woman accepts wholeheartedly.” Anyway, I didn’t want to be selected – elimination is fine.
After the girl dressed and went out, Wei Caiwei pulled her aside and whispered instructions: “If you marry in the future, a few days before and on your wedding night, soak plant ash in water, filter it clean, and use this alkaline water to wash there. Even without that thing, you’ll see virgin red on your wedding night. It will just be very painful and you’ll suffer some hardship, but it’s better than being misunderstood as unchaste and having your marriage canceled on the wedding night.”
In this world, if a woman was accused of losing her chastity, it was equivalent to death, so Wei Caiwei would rather guide the girl to fake it. This girl was fortunate to encounter Wei Caiwei, avoiding a tragic life.
The girl nodded in confused agreement: “Thank you for Doctor Wei’s guidance.”
Wei Caiwei went back in to continue recording other girls. Later she examined a girl who had a congenital condition with no opening, so she was also eliminated.
After examining all the girls, it was already afternoon. Wei Caiwei went to eat, and Miss Shang familiarly sidled up to sit beside her: “Doctor Wei, is that method of sitting on a wooden bucket and sneezing really able to verify virginity?”
If it were an ordinary person, Wei Caiwei would have said something random to brush it off, but Wei Caiwei knew Miss Shang’s preferences. Miss Shang liked straightforward people who told the truth, and once she gained Miss Shang’s trust, she would treasure that trust greatly.
Wei Caiwei said: “Of the two openings below a woman, only one can actually move the incense ash at the bottom of the bucket, and that place exists in both men and women – it has nothing to do with whether one is a virgin or not.”
Miss Shang suddenly understood and said directly: “So only flatulence could blow the incense ash.”
Well, that’s you for you. Wei Caiwei nodded: “Don’t tell anyone. This is a little secret between you and me.”
Author’s Note: Although I already gave out 100 red envelopes in the previous chapter, this chapter is the 100th chapter and must be celebrated, so I’m continuing to give out 100 red envelopes in this chapter.
Note 1: The method for verifying virginity comes from the story “Li Xiuqing’s Righteous Bond with Huang Zhennü” in “Stories to Enlighten the World” by Feng Menglong from the Ming Dynasty. The Three Words and Two Beats collections are books I often reference, and I recommend them to readers who enjoy Yuan and Ming dynasty social novels.
In this story, the person who helps the cross-dressing female protagonist and male protagonist achieve their marriage is Eunuch Li, the garrison commander of Nanjing. That’s right, another dead eunuch! And the story even uses a poem to praise Eunuch Li’s actions in helping lovers achieve their happy ending: “Both integrity and kindness fully preserved, which eunuch compares to the worthy Li? Though lacking romantic passion, he planted seeds for karmic connections in the next life.”
“You ask how to test? Use fine dry ash spread in a bucket, then have the woman remove her lower garments and sit on the bucket, use cotton paper strips inserted in her nose to make her sneeze. If she has been deflowered, the upper qi releases and the lower qi also releases, so the dry ash will definitely be blown about; if she is still a virgin, the ash remains as before. The imperial court uses this method when selecting consorts – how could someone raised in the capital not know this? When they tested that sister, she was indeed an intact virgin, so the two sisters embraced and wept.”