◎ California Beef Noodles ◎

When Lou Deyu came back with the sweet potato, he heard the sound of water running in the bathroom. Gu Qiao was splashing cold water on her face — the cold water diluting her tears. Several times she thought she could finally come out and face people, but the moment her hand touched the door handle, her eyes would grow wet again.

All those words she had rehearsed in her mind over and over never came out. There was only silence, and Luo Peiyin had not understood the meaning of her silence. Through the phone receiver, he told her what she should be doing right now.

Many times the words came all the way to the edge of her lips. She swallowed them back down each time, prolonging things to keep hearing his voice — until Gu Qiao heard Luo Peiyin say to hang up for a moment and he would call back, as he needed to call the airline first to book a flight. If he could get a ticket for two weeks out, he would come back to see her. The timing would be tight, but he could probably stay with her for close to twenty-four hours.

When something goes wrong, not both people can panic at the same time, or the problem can never be solved — so he said it with a laugh: “I know twenty-four hours might not sound like much to you, but given all the phone calls we’ve racked up between us, we’re still nowhere near twenty-four hours’ worth of things to say. Don’t rush. Wait for me.” Twenty-four hours of international calls — what a staggering phone bill that would run.

The words of separation still squeezed their way out. Gu Qiao knew that if she did not say it now she never would. What she said was a little harsher than what she had prepared — if the earlier version had left herself a small measure of retreat, now she decided to leave herself no retreat at all.

“I’ve never thought about leaving the country. My family and my business are all here. I know it’s a bit much of me to only say this now, which is why I was hesitating just now.” As though that were not enough, she went on: “Older cousin, let’s break up. If we do, we’ll both have it easier.” She would no longer feel guilty for failing to keep her promises, no longer feel anxious about him finding out she was struggling. He would certainly have a much easier time too — worrying from across the Pacific about another person’s happiness and safety was an enormous burden, in every sense: emotionally and financially. After being disappointed in her this time, he surely would not go on being disappointed again and again.

The words came out of Gu Qiao’s mouth one by one, as though if she did not say them now she would never get the chance. She mentioned Luo Peiyin’s investment — the principal and the dividends — and said that by next month, she would transfer everything to his account. She anticipated he would refuse, so she got ahead of him: “Don’t say no. This is what I owe you. I have the ability to pay it now.”

Again silence fell — a long silence — and when it ended, his tone held something faintly unfamiliar to Gu Qiao.

She could not even detect any anger in his voice. The tone was too calm — so calm it reminded her of the first time they had met. He had helped her that time, but it could not by any measure be called warm.

“Consider it payment for the phone bills. If there’s anything left over, and you truly don’t want it, donate it to Project Hope — to help children who’ve had to drop out of school.”

Gu Qiao heard the mockery toward herself in this arrangement, but the mockery stopped there. He had never spoken to her quite like this before.

Gu Qiao’s lips opened and closed, but she did not strike back. At last she managed a small smile in the silence — her voice even carrying an upward lilt: “Older cousin, I wish you happiness, and I hope things keep getting better for you.” The words were full of infinite hope for the future, and her blessing was sincere — even though her face was wet as she said it.

Luo Peiyin did not wish her well. Nor did he hang up the phone. Time passed, little by little, the call charges stacking up, moment by moment.

Silence spread through the air, suffocating Gu Qiao until she could barely breathe. It was Gu Qiao who hung up first — after she said goodbye, she quickly ended the call. Duration: eighteen minutes and two seconds. All of what was said together amounted to less than what the two of them used to say in two minutes. In this call, they had both been extraordinarily extravagant — lavishly silent. This was also the first time she had ever been so generous — in the past she would absolutely have stretched every call to fifty-nine seconds, or she would have been heartbroken at the waste of fifty-seven seconds of airtime.

After washing her face with cold water for the sixth time, Gu Qiao looked at herself in the mirror and smiled — the corners of her mouth pulled wide, showing six teeth.

Maybe she would regret it next year, maybe as soon as next month — but she knew she did not regret it now, and she would not regret it tomorrow. Gu Qiao bit down on her lower lip, leaving a small tooth-mark, and this time the tears did not fall.

Lou Deyu saw that Gu Qiao’s eyes were red. He had wanted to comfort her — even if the business could not keep going right now, there were still goods in the warehouse; at worst, he could make another trip to Erlian Haote, and without waiting for the long court verdict, he could settle the outstanding payments. They had come through harder times than this; at least once the inventory was cleared, there would be no more debts.

But Lou Deyu knew that losing something you once had was entirely different from never having had it at all.

Gu Qiao took the sweet potato, turned her back, and began eating with her head down. Lou Deyu watched as her shoulders shuddered. Then he watched as Gu Qiao sat in the chair with her back to him, her shoulders still trembling. Gu Qiao had probably been choked by the sweet potato and started to cough. Through the coughing, Lou Deyu heard Gu Qiao say: “These sweet potatoes are really good.”

Gu Qiao drove the yellow Dafa to take Lou Deyu to the train station, telling him: “Let the family know I’m doing well. Don’t let it slip — I don’t want Mom to worry.”

Once she had seen Lou Deyu off into the train station, Gu Qiao climbed back into the yellow Dafa and called Peng Zhou: “One week from now, we’re going to Erlian Haote. You find the vehicle — I’ll handle everything else.” The money she had earned, along with Luo Peiyin’s invested shares, had long since been converted into the leather jackets sitting in the warehouse. Under normal circumstances those jackets could quickly be converted back to money. Sitting in the suite waiting for business to come to her — though each jacket earned far less than in Erlian Haote — had the advantage of high volume and safety. But now business had stalled. The foreigners in the hotel and the factory owners had all watched her climb into a police car, and not a single day had been peaceful since.

She had no choice but to take the risk one more time. She had failed to fulfill so many promises to Luo Peiyin — if she also failed to pay the outstanding balances on time and waited for people to come to her door to demand it, then her life truly was a failure. Besides, with so many people looking for trouble, every day the warehouse goods did not sell was another day of risk.

Peng Zhou wisely made no mention of going to America to see the pretty boy, and simply said: fine.

Gu Qiao added: “Also, find out for me how much the yellow Dafa is worth — the newer one.”

“You’re selling the car? If you’re going to sell, at least sell your ’84 model.”

“I’ve got feelings for that one. Oh — and from now on, don’t call me unless it’s urgent. Use the pager.” The mobile phone charges were too expensive.

“…”

“What’s the current exchange rate between yuan and US dollars?”

“US dollars? Why are you asking about that? Don’t tell me — even at a time like this, you’re still going to send money to your American…” Peng Zhou swallowed down the words “pretty boy.” He had gotten used to using that phrase for any man he disapproved of who happened to have decent looks — white or otherwise.

“You really can’t read people, can you? Do I look like the kind of free-spending money-scatterer who gives her wealth away? I’m just returning his investment shares.”

—

The old yellow Dafa was parked outside an export-oriented apartment building going for 2,000 US dollars per square meter. Gu Qiao stood holding the US dollars she had just exchanged, intending to ask her older cousin Xiao Jia to pass them along on her behalf.

She lingered at the entrance for too long. When the security guard asked who she was looking for, Gu Qiao said just one word — “Luo” — then stopped: “Thank you. I’m not looking for anyone.”

—

Gu Qiao fully checked out of the suite. The day she moved out, Peng Zhou helped her pack up.

Peng Zhou had previously had no eyes for books whatsoever — even when they were right in front of him, he would selectively not see them. This time, to his genuine surprise, he found a whole pile of computer-related books in the suite, interspersed with civil law texts and some books on contracts. There was no dedicated legislation on negotiable instruments that year, so Gu Qiao had had to seek help within civil law — not that it stopped her from paging through these books every day even with a lawyer on her side.

“When did you get so interested in computers?” Peng Zhou had no memory of Gu Qiao having this interest, and besides, she had been even busier than him — there was no time to develop an interest in computers. Before the check was frozen, he had only ever seen Gu Qiao subscribed to several newspapers that she flipped through daily no matter how busy she was. He had never seen her turn a single page of a book.

Gu Qiao said nothing, head bowed as she packed the books into a box. They were all gifts from Luo Peiyin — when he had asked her what subject she would study if she went to university, she had said computer science, because she felt it would be a solid way to earn money in the future. He had taken that seriously and sent her a whole pile of books. She even suspected that if he had money at the time, he would have bought her a computer on the spot. Just as when he had thought she was interested in fashion rather than purely in making money, he had sent her many illustrated catalogues — and when he mailed materials to Xiao Jia after going to America, he had also sent along some fashion magazines for her. At the time they had not yet gotten together, and she had been single-mindedly selling leather jackets.

“Why are you not going to America?” Now that the anger had passed, Peng Zhou also came to understand Gu Qiao’s desire to go to America. There were simply too many people wanting to go to the States these days, and though he himself had no such wish, he could understand the longing.

Peng Zhou did not get an answer from Gu Qiao. The troublemakers were back, and this time Gu Qiao ran faster than he did — she charged out like a small leopardess with a chair in hand, looking utterly fearless.

After they had driven the people off, Peng Zhou sat in the room catching his breath: “Damn. Didn’t expect you to be that ferocious. So back when I was about to fight them, why did you stop me?”

“There was no point in fighting. Taking them to court to get the money back is the right thing to do. If it actually comes to blows, things get complicated. You can’t exactly litigate from prison.”

“So what were you just doing?”

“Keep a close eye on the warehouse. Everything else, stay out of it.” Gu Qiao finished speaking and went to take down the advertisement photo hanging on the wall. The person in the advertisement shared maybe five points of resemblance with him — only five points. She still needed to bring this advertisement to Erlian Haote. This was the first time she had experienced the lightness that comes after a breakup — one fewer person to worry about her.

Maybe someday she would feel the loss of him being completely indifferent to her, but that was a problem for the future. Gu Qiao had decided not to think about it now.

—

Chen Qing worked at this hotel, and she came to the suite after finishing her shift: “Now that you’ve moved out, where are you planning to go?” In the past half year she had watched Gu Qiao take one step after another — from an ordinary room to a suite and then back out of the suite again. In that time, Gu Qiao had even taken her to dinner at a Western restaurant. She had witnessed Gu Qiao’s great rises and falls, and could not help feeling a little saddened for her now.

Gu Qiao smiled: “Vast skies and wide earth — plenty of room for great ambitions. Now that I’ve left this little suite, my life suddenly feels much more expansive.”

Peng Zhou broke into a rare smile and said to Chen Qing: “Let me treat you both to dinner tonight, if you have the time.” He had been infected by Gu Qiao’s optimism and felt that at worst, they could start over from scratch.

“No need to treat me — if you want to take Chen Qing out, do that separately.” As for whether Chen Qing would agree, that was beyond her concern.

A small smile bloomed inside Gu Qiao. Peng Zhou had probably once had feelings for her that went beyond friendship, and she had made her feelings clearly known. At the time of drawing that boundary, she had not felt the slightest guilt about it — she knew that when a refusal was clean and decisive, he would quickly come to like someone else. There were so many people in this world — no one fixates on just one person forever.

No one fixates on just one person forever, she told herself.

—

Lou Deyu rushed back before they left for Erlian Haote.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier that you were going to Erlian Haote?” Lou Deyu had come back to check on the warehouse — although Peng Zhou was keeping watch, he was not entirely at ease; there was no guarantee that group of people would not go and cause trouble at the warehouse. When he returned, he found out that Gu Qiao was not going to America after all — she was going to Erlian Haote.

“Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.” Lou Deyu had already been hurt once in Erlian Haote. She had decided not to bring him this time. One person in the family taking risks was enough.

“Even if you need to preserve the revolutionary spark, it should be you — the young one — you preserve. What use is preserving an old man like me?” Lou Deyu immediately spit three times to ward off the bad omen. “We’ll both be perfectly fine.” He did not try to talk Gu Qiao out of going to Erlian Haote, because to resolve the current problem, going to Erlian Haote was the best solution available. No solution could guarantee zero risk. Hiring a few more people to go along would lower the risk considerably.

Lou Deyu very much wanted to ask about Gu Qiao and Luo Peiyin, but he did not. He was afraid of making her sad. Just as well she was not going — he had no passport and no visa, and there was no way he could go to America to look out for his own daughter.

Gu Qiao spoke very rationally: “One of us going is enough. You know I’m better at selling the leather jackets.”

“But you also need to know: if I don’t go this time, I’ll have no face left as your father. And if your mother finds out I let you go alone, I won’t hear the end of it. Just consider it taking pity on your old father.”

Gu Qiao’s short hair — grown out over the past six months — was cut even shorter this time. Her wrist now wore a mechanical men’s watch that she had bought on her last trip to Erlian Haote. She had originally intended to give it to Luo Peiyin, but when she came back that time she had already been renting the hotel rooms, and she had thought she would soon have enough money to buy him something better — so she had never sent it. Now there was no sending it, and there was no point in wasting it, so she put it on her own wrist instead.

This time Gu Qiao brought four extra people along in the vehicle. She could not bear another incident — even if spending a little more money could reduce the risk by one percent, it was worth it.

Erlian Haote in autumn was very different from the last time she had been there, but no one on the vehicle was in any mood to take in the scenery along the road. The shadow of the last unexpected incident hung overhead the whole time. But none of that stopped Gu Qiao from throwing herself into selling leather jackets in Erlian Haote with the same enthusiasm as the very first time she had come.

The journey back to Beijing was tense but uneventful. The moment the vehicle entered the city limits, the driver heard the short-haired girl in the vehicle start to cry.

The crying came suddenly and in floods — there was not even a gap to slip in a word of comfort.

Gu Qiao felt as though she had been reborn. And then came back to life again.

She treated the driver and the escort workers to a meal. Peng Zhou proposed: “Let’s just have noodles — filling. California Beef Noodle, 3.80 yuan a bowl. Treating you all to this shows real generosity.” That year, California Beef Noodle had carved out a respectable place for itself in the fast food world — not much inferior to McDonald’s or KFC.

“What kind of noodles are this expensive?”

The driver explained to his fellow passenger: “American brand. Foreign things always cost more when they first come in.”

Gu Qiao remembered someone once telling her, to save her money, that there were no beef noodles in California — if there were any, it would only be in Chinatown — so she might as well go eat Northwestern hand-pulled noodles instead.

But she did not say a single word of this. She just bowed her head and swallowed the noodles.

—