Though she had already guessed this, hearing Lu Xixiao say it himself still made Zhou Wan pause.
She hadn’t expected him to be so direct.
Zhou Wan pressed her lips together before asking: “Why?”
The swing swayed gently as Lu Xixiao and Zhou Wan sat side by side—the boy in his black jacket and the girl in her blue and white school uniform, as young and free as the wind.
Zhou Wan felt as if a door was slowly opening before her.
*
Twenty-some years ago, Lu Xixiao’s mother came from one of the most prominent families in Pingchuan City. His maternal grandparents had been influential figures—one in politics, the other in arts and culture—making them a respected family of scholars who could hold their heads high.
Meanwhile, under the old master Lu’s leadership, the Lu family business had become one of the earliest and most prosperous enterprises to establish itself in Pingchuan City.
Lu’s mother, Shen Lan, had once met Lu Zhongyue at an event in her youth.
One had to admit that the young Lu Zhongyue had been handsome and striking, with no shortage of admirers.
Shen Lan fell in love at first sight, harboring secret affection. Her mother soon noticed and, knowing the Lu family’s wealthy background and promising future, and seeing that Lu Zhongyue was indeed talented and accomplished, began deliberately arranging opportunities for them to meet.
Gradually, the two families became acquainted.
The final matchmaking was initiated by old master Lu himself, who said the two young people seemed compatible and suggested arranging their marriage.
In that era, although free love was already common, marriages between great families were still often arranged by elders, with both parties’ consent.
Shen Lan immediately blushed, looking at Lu Zhongyue with a mixture of charm and shyness.
Lu Zhongyue was looking at her too, and when their eyes met, he gave Shen Lan a gentle smile.
Thus, an unprecedented grand wedding was held in Pingchuan City. Old master Lu was particularly pleased with Shen Lan, appreciating her temperament and understanding his son’s personality. He knew Shen Lan was the most suitable match for him, hoping that she could guide his son with occasional suggestions to help him become more accomplished.
In others’ eyes, Lu Zhongyue and Shen Lan were perfectly matched—equal in status, talented and beautiful, a match made in heaven.
Shen Lan saw it the same way.
After marriage, Lu Zhongyue took over the company while Shen Lan stayed at home, occasionally attending art exhibitions to pass the time.
Life was sweet and satisfying.
Within a year, Shen Lan became pregnant.
Old master Lu was overjoyed, personally arranging people to take care of Shen Lan’s daily needs. During that time, Lu Zhongyue was very busy with work, often returning home late, but Shen Lan remained content, marveling at the miracle of nurturing life.
And so, under her anticipation, Lu Xixiao was born.
The following years passed peacefully and elegantly, as Shen Lan was a very refined woman.
Young Lu Xixiao grew up well-mannered and polite under her upbringing, earning praise from relatives and friends. The usually stern old master Lu had absolutely no resistance when it came to his grandson, often grimacing in pain as little Lu Xixiao tugged at his beard and hair.
Everyone said Shen Lan was blessed, everyone envied her happiness.
But turning points always arrive without warning.
Immersed in her happiness, Shen Lan had never doubted Lu Zhongyue, never wondered why he worked increasingly late and came home increasingly late.
Until that day, when a woman unexpectedly shattered her beautiful illusion.
She saw Lu Zhongyue with another woman at a jewelry store while shopping at the mall.
Shen Lan froze in place, countless thoughts flashing through her mind.
Who was this woman? Had Lu Zhongyue been unfaithful? How far had it gone? When had it started? Should she get divorced? What about little Xiao?
But the truth was always worse than her imagined rock bottom.
A small boy suddenly ran over, hugging Lu Zhongyue’s leg, calling him “Dad” in a childish voice.
Judging by his height, he was about the same age as Ah Xiao.
Shen Lan suddenly collapsed to the ground, her mind blank. Mall staff ran over to help her up, but she couldn’t summon any strength.
When she finally managed to stand, Lu Zhongyue and the mother-son pair were gone.
Later, Lu Zhongyue made an excuse about a business trip, saying he’d be away for three days. Shen Lan didn’t confront him.
When Lu Zhongyue returned home three nights later, only Shen Lan sat in the living room. He asked where Ah Xiao was, and she said she’d sent him to his grandmother’s house, as she needed to discuss something with him.
With extreme calmness, she took out divorce papers, and with extreme calmness, said she wanted a divorce.
Even though she had spent those three days crying until her eyes were swollen and red, more disheveled than she’d ever been in her life.
“Divorce?” Lu Zhongyue couldn’t believe it. “What’s wrong?”
“The division of marital assets is written in the agreement. I don’t want to fight with you everything is split equally, with just one condition: Ah Xiao stays with me.”
Only then did Lu Zhongyue believe that Shen Lan was serious.
This woman, who had been so compliant since their marriage, truly wanted to divorce him.
“Why?” Lu Zhongyue asked.
Shen Lan looked up, her eyes red, filled with painful resolution: “Don’t you know what you’ve done?”
Lu Zhongyue’s heart sank, but he still wouldn’t admit it.
Shen Lan’s chest heaved with anger, her whole body trembling as she pulled out a stack of photos from her bag and threw them at Lu Zhongyue.
They were all photos from the past three days of him at the beach with a woman and a child.
Shen Lan had thought Lu Zhongyue was having an affair, but she never imagined everything would be a thousand times worse than she could have imagined—
That woman was named Jiang Wensheng, Lu Zhongyue’s girlfriend from university.
That child was called Jiang Yan, the son she had with Lu Zhongyue.
His birth date was even a few months earlier than Ah Xiao’s.
At that moment, Shen Lan finally understood what had kept Lu Zhongyue so “busy” during her pregnancy.
Old master Lu had disapproved of Jiang Wensheng, but no one knew that Lu Zhongyue had never broken up with her, and had even fathered a child with her.
Shen Lan had thought her perfect marriage was completely shattered at this moment, reduced to its most disgraceful state.
She realized she had been the intruder between Lu Zhongyue and Jiang Wensheng.
Lu Zhongyue stared at those photos for a long time before saying: “I won’t agree to divorce. I can separate from her.”
If Shen Lan had been from an ordinary family, Lu Zhongyue might have agreed to the divorce, but she wasn’t—and Lu Qilan was constantly watching for his mistakes.
Shen Lan was highly valued by old master Lu, and if they really divorced and she took Lu Xixiao away, Lu Qilan would truly have leverage against him.
Shen Lan collapsed onto the floor mat, laughing bitterly: “You can separate from her, but you both have children now.”
“Lan Lan,” Lu Zhongyue said, “She didn’t tell me about the pregnancy, and by the time I knew, it was too late for an abortion, so there was no choice but to have the child. I promise that child will never appear before Ah Xiao.”
Hearing this, Shen Lan wanted to laugh.
She had thought that despite all the obstacles, Lu Zhongyue must have stayed with that woman because he deeply loved her.
Only now did Shen Lan understand what a cold and heartless person Lu Zhongyue was—he didn’t love Jiang Wensheng, and similarly, he didn’t love her either.
“Save these explanations for your father,” Shen Lan wiped away her tears, maintaining her last shred of dignity, left the divorce papers, and left home.
Later, it was said this incident had enraged old master Lu so much that he nearly stripped Lu Zhongyue of his authority.
But considering his grandson, old master Lu still swallowed his pride and brought Lu Zhongyue to visit the Shen family, trying to persuade Shen Lan to stay.
Although Shen’s parents felt sorry for their daughter, in that era, divorce was considered shameful in the older generation’s eyes, and they were inclined to give Lu Zhongyue another chance.
Old master Lu promised that the illegitimate child would never enter the Lu family’s door, and Lu Zhongyue would never see that mother and son again. No matter what happened, Lu Xixiao would forever be his only grandson.
Shen Lan leaned back on the sofa, looking out the window, giving no response, silently refusing.
And what about young Lu Xixiao at that time? He stood outside the door, hearing everything.
At that moment, he understood that Lu Zhongyue had betrayed Shen Lan and had an illegitimate son.
Shen Lan was determined to divorce, but fate had other plans. Half a month later, she suddenly felt nauseous and unwell. A hospital check-up revealed she was pregnant, already three months along.
She had always been physically delicate, and an abortion at three months could easily cause permanent damage.
Her parents opposed the abortion, and the Lu family repeatedly came to beg forgiveness and reconciliation.
Finally, the proud Shen Lan surrendered.
But such submission went against her heart. Throughout the pregnancy, she remained depressed. After ten months of pregnancy, she suffered severe bleeding during delivery, a difficult birth, barely surviving.
Shen Lan had nearly died, and after that brush with death, she became a completely different person from who she’d been ten months before, entirely lifeless.
…
Hearing such a story made Zhou Wan’s heartache.
She was someone who had lived through hardship, with her only happy memories being those childhood moments with her father.
But Shen Lan was different—born privileged, wanting for nothing, with loving parents, cherished by all, someone everyone saw as blessed and fulfilled, yet suddenly found herself in such circumstances. The fall was truly dramatic.
“Then what happened?” Zhou Wan asked softly.
Lu Xixiao took a sip of water: “Though her life was saved, both she and my sister had poor health, and were often sick afterward.”
Zhou Wan paused, hearing for the first time that Lu Xixiao had a sister.
“I was in elementary school then. When my sister was four, she couldn’t attend school due to her health, so grandfather hired a home tutor.”
He held the water bottle with both hands, his tone steady but slightly hoarse, “But my mom became increasingly depressed, sometimes not leaving her bedroom for days. Lu Zhongyue couldn’t stand her being like that, found it oppressive, and gradually stopped coming home. My mom stopped caring too.”
Zhou Wan didn’t know what to say, only feeling how pitiful and tragic it all was.
A tragedy of helplessness.
Fate kept pushing the exhausted Shen Lan forward, step by step toward the abyss.
Lu Xixiao stared at the circles of light cast by the street lamp on the ground: “Until one day when I came home and saw my mother strangling my sister.”
“What?”
Zhou Wan’s heart sank heavily, leaving her almost speechless. “Why?”
“Don’t know, like she was having a fit.”
Lu Xixiao remained very calm, but this calmness made it feel even more abnormal and frightening. “I rushed over to stop her, and she let go quickly, then cried and hit herself, saying she was wrong.”
“Was she… sick?”
“Maybe.”
Lu Xixiao paused, then continued, “But it was only that one time, at least that I discovered.”
“Later, when my sister was five, she developed a high fever, over forty degrees, nearly falling into a coma. She stayed in the hospital for two days, then suddenly passed away.”
Zhou Wan let out a soft breath.
Lu Xixiao’s lips twitched: “My mom couldn’t accept it. She took my sister’s ashes and jumped from a building. She was gone too.”
Dust rose, then settled.
All grievances and entanglements ended with that resolute leap.
“That day, Lu Zhongyue finally came home. I probably hadn’t seen him for months by then, but I didn’t stay. Grandfather wanted me to live in the old mansion, but I refused and went to my maternal grandparents’ house.”
Lu Xixiao looked at a dark cloud in the sky: “But watching their child die before them, my grandparents grew thinner day by day, and within two years, they both passed away too.”
“After that, I moved alone to where I live now—it was where my mom liked to live before she married.”
Zhou Wan could hardly imagine how Lu Xixiao had endured it all at such a young age.
His sister, mother, grandmother, grandfather—they all left one by one.
And he became displaced, never truly settling in one place.
Before these tragedies, he too had been the cherished son of a wealthy family, showered with love and full of promise.
For some reason, at this moment, Zhou Wan thought of the first time she went to his house to find him.
The day before had been the anniversary of his mother’s death, and he had stayed home alone, refusing to see anyone or go out.
Because she mentioned his mother, she had angered him.
He had also seen through her impure motives for approaching him and told her to leave.
At that moment, Zhou Wan had indeed decided to end this misunderstanding, apologized to him, and walked to the door. Just as she pressed the handle, Lu Xixiao suddenly called out to her.
“Zhou Wan.” His voice was deep and hoarse, like the wild weeds in the yard.
He sank into the sofa, looking up at the ceiling, closing his eyes briefly before conceding, “Zhou Wan, I’m hungry.”
He must have been lonely.
And afraid of being left alone again.
That’s why the proud Lu Xixiao would say such words.
Zhou Wan sniffed quietly, casually reaching out to hold his hand, very lightly—a slight movement would break free, but Lu Xixiao didn’t move, letting her hold on.
“Lu Xixiao,” she said softly, “my father once told me that kind people go to heaven when they pass away. Your mother is watching over you, always by your side.”
She mentioned his mother again.
But this time Lu Xixiao didn’t get angry.
Such words might only comfort children, but Zhou Wan truly didn’t know what else could console him.
Lu Xixiao laughed softly: “Forget it, seeing me like this now would only upset her more.”
Zhou Wan remained silent.
She thought, if this were true, her father would probably be heartbroken seeing her too.
She had learned to lie, to manipulate, to pretend.
But after she died, she probably couldn’t go to heaven, wouldn’t see her father—perhaps that was better, to spare him the heartache.
The swing swayed as Lu Xixiao stood up: “Let’s go.”
The night was quiet, the tree branches bare.
Lu Xixiao didn’t call a taxi, so Zhou Wan walked with him, passing a bus stop where she tugged at his sleeve: “Shall we take the bus?”
“No coins.”
Zhou Wan felt her pocket: “I have some.”
Behind them, a training institute’s advertisement board cast blue-white light on Lu Xixiao, surrounding him in a halo that outlined his youthful figure.
After waiting about ten minutes, bus route 52 arrived.
Zhou Wan put two coins in the fare box.
The last bus of the night was nearly empty, and they sat in the second-to-last row, Zhou Wan by the window.
The carriage was quiet as Zhou Wan recalled his words, still feeling that bitter ache.
She remembered seeing Lu Xixiao having that nightmare, his brows tightly furrowed, large beads of sweat on his forehead, face pale, hands clutching the blanket with visible veins, trembling words escaping his lips—
“Mom, don’t.” His voice was fragile. “Please… don’t jump…”
When had he become angry that day? Zhou Wan tried to remember what she’d said.
The last words seemed to be… no matter where she is now, at least she loved you.
When she said those words, Lu Xixiao’s expression had changed.
Zhou Wan paused in thought.
The bus passed four stops before halting.
Lu Xixiao stood first and got off.
Zhou Wan followed behind him, then suddenly called out: “Lu Xixiao.”
He turned, his eyes dark.
“I know it might not be appropriate for me to say this…” Zhou Wan pressed her lips together, “but I still want to ask—you must know your mother was sick then, right?”
He didn’t speak.
“Your mother was just sick, that’s why she lost control and almost hurt your sister, and because she was sick, she was in too much pain and left you alone. None of this changes the fact that she loved you.”
Zhou Wan looked at him earnestly, “She just had a dome over her, one she couldn’t break free from, couldn’t see you outside of it, that’s why she made that decision.”
When she decided to jump, no one appeared behind her like they did for Xue Xi today.
If someone had been there at that moment, calling out Lu Xixiao’s name, Zhou Wan believed she wouldn’t have jumped.
She had just walked into a dead end, everything before her turning black, unable to see anything.
Lu Xixiao stared at her for two seconds, then looked away, saying quietly: “Mm, I know.”
Perhaps she was overthinking it, but Zhou Wan still felt relieved.
Reaching the entrance of the residential complex, Zhou Wan waved to him: “I’ll head in first then.”
“Mm.”
The wind was too cold, and Zhou Wan urged him to get home quickly before jogging inside.
Suddenly, Lu Xixiao called out from behind: “Zhou Wan.”
She stopped and turned, her hair windblown and messy across her face: “What is it?”
“Want to date?”
Lu Xixiao’s eyes were pitch black as he looked directly at her, the dim street lights softening his sharp edges, spreading into a gentle tenderness.
“With me.”
Zhou Wan froze, her expression bewildered.
Not hearing her answer, Lu Xixiao didn’t rush, standing still and quietly watching her.
She never imagined Lu Xixiao would say such things to her.
She’d heard other girls say that Lu Xixiao had never actively confessed to any girl before—his previous girlfriends had all pursued him, and he’d accept if they were pretty, reject if they weren’t.
So Zhou Wan thought they would just continue like this.
Until one day when Lu Xixiao grew tired of her or found a new girlfriend.
Reason told Zhou Wan she should reject Lu Xixiao.
They were from different worlds, worlds apart.
She couldn’t handle Lu Xixiao, couldn’t keep up with him.
She was only 16, had to prepare for the physics competition, had to prepare for college entrance exams, had to earn money, had to take care of her grandmother—she couldn’t afford any mistakes.
Moreover, since her grandmother couldn’t have surgery, she no longer urgently needed that three hundred thousand, no longer needed to use Lu Xixiao to threaten Guo Xiangling.
But Zhou Wan heard herself asking:
“If I date you, will it make you happy?”
Lu Xixiao raised his eyebrows, standing five meters away from her, hands in his pockets, looking casual and relaxed as he smiled lightly: “Probably.”
Zhou Wan could see the bottomless abyss before her eyes.
One nod and she would fall.
Her motives for approaching Lu Xixiao hadn’t been pure—that was something that could never be changed.
Once exposed, she would be beyond redemption.
Lu Xixiao would be furious and would do as he’d said before—if someone betrayed him, he would kill them.
Can’t be with Lu Xixiao.
Can’t be with Lu Xixiao.
Absolutely cannot.
Zhou Wan told herself over and over in her heart.
…
“Okay,” she said softly.
But she still wanted to make Lu Xixiao happy.