Lu Xixiao hailed a taxi to go home.
Since that day when Zhou Wan left his house, for exactly half a month—fifteen days—she hadn’t come to see him once.
She certainly had a backbone.
Lu Xixiao’s lips curved into a slight sneer as he scoffed.
The taxi played the usual tacky radio broadcast, with the female host’s affected voice and exaggerated, forced laughter.
Lu Xixiao lowered the window, letting the cold wind tousle his hair as he idly browsed through his phone.
He paused when he opened his photo gallery—there was still a picture of Zhou Wan.
It was taken on his birthday after Zhou Wan had given him a photo frame.
His comment about using the frame for her photo had just been casual teasing at the time; Lu Xixiao hadn’t even printed this picture.
In the photo, the young woman wore a startled expression, her eyes wide.
She usually maintained a calm, plain expression, so this captured moment of surprise was rare—looking at it longer, it was quite endearing.
“Driver,” Lu Xixiao spoke up, “is there a photo studio nearby?”
“Photo studio? There’s one next to Second Middle School, but that’s in the opposite direction from your address.”
“That’s fine, let’s go to the photo studio first,” Lu Xixiao said. “Thank you.”
*
Early morning at school, an incident occurred.
A first-year female student was caught dating, and her parents were called in. While such matters weren’t particularly rare in high school, the girl’s mother’s reaction was extreme—the moment she arrived at school, she immediately slapped her daughter. The words she hurled were especially harsh, creating a loud scene with her abuse that was unbearable to hear, until finally the teachers had to step in to mediate.
At school, news like this spread quickly.
It was said the girl came from a single-parent household, living with her mother but raised by her grandmother.
Her mother was a public elementary school teacher with a fierce temper who placed too many expectations on her daughter, hoping she would achieve great success.
“How awful,” Gu Meng said. “That mother wasn’t even around while her daughter was growing up, yet she puts so much pressure on her. Coming to school just to hit her—if I were that girl, I’d be so embarrassed I’d want to transfer schools.”
Another girl nearby turned to join the conversation: “I was on the third floor at the time and heard her mother’s scolding. I’ve never heard anyone curse so viciously before, as if that wasn’t even her daughter.”
The homeroom teacher rapped sharply on the board, and everyone fell silent.
“You’ve all probably heard about today’s incident,” the homeroom teacher said from the podium. “You’re all at a crucial stage in high school. Dating is something you can do freely in college when no one will interfere, but right now you need to rein in those thoughts and focus on your studies!”
The teacher’s gaze swept from left to right across the room. “Let me be clear—the school is cracking down on student relationships lately. If you’re caught, your parents will be called in.”
Their class had several couples secretly dating, and people’s eyes inadvertently drifted toward them.
Zhou Wan kept her head down when suddenly her phone vibrated in her desk drawer.
She rarely received messages during school hours and had forgotten to set it to silent.
She hurriedly took out her phone to switch it to silent mode.
A message from “6” had arrived.
Zhou Wan paused.
6.
Lu Xixiao?
They hadn’t been in contact for a long time.
She opened it.
[6: Lunch together?]
Zhou Wan’s fingers hesitated, uncertain.
She didn’t know why Lu Xixiao was reaching out to her again. He hadn’t been coming to school these days, and she’d thought he’d already found a girlfriend and had no time for her anymore.
[Zhou Wan: I’m at school, can’t leave at lunch.]
[6: I’m here too.]
“…”
There were already many classmates who misunderstood their relationship, and with the homeroom teacher just warning about the school’s strict policy on this matter, Zhou Wan didn’t want to invite unnecessary trouble.
[Zhou Wan: Would dinner work? After the competition class ends around six o’clock.]
[6: Fine.]
After the fourth period Literature class ended.
Zhou Wan went to the cafeteria with Gu Meng.
Because of Lu Xixiao’s earlier message, Zhou Wan kept an eye on her surroundings. He never wore the school uniform and would stand out in a crowd, but she couldn’t spot him.
After finishing lunch, Gu Meng went to the school store.
“Wan Wan, do you want bubble tea?”
She shook her head.
Gu Meng bought herself a hot pearl milk tea, and they walked back to class together.
As December approached, the early plum blossoms in the school garden had bloomed, red and white intermingled, releasing a faint sweet fragrance into the air.
“Hey, isn’t that Lu Xixiao?” Gu Meng suddenly elbowed Zhou Wan, whispering, “Why did he come to school today?”
Zhou Wan looked up.
Lu Xixiao wore a black jacket, his brows slightly furrowed. The pale winter sunlight fell on his face, making his skin appear even more coldly white. He looked impatient and weary as if he’d just woken up.
As if sensing something, Lu Xixiao raised his head and looked toward Zhou Wan.
He tilted his head slightly toward her, about to walk over, when suddenly a scream erupted from the crowd around them—
“Look at the roof!”
People below raised their heads to see a person standing on the rooftop—a female student in school uniform. Her clothes billowed in the strong wind, making her appear increasingly unsteady and causing people’s hearts to race with anxiety.
“Who is that?!”
“Is she going to jump?!”
“Quick, get a teacher!”
“I think it’s Xue Xi!”
Zhou Wan stood frozen in shock, only hearing the discussions around her saying that Xue Xi was the student who’d been caught dating this morning.
She also heard people in the crowd saying the girl was typically introverted and withdrawn, pessimistic when facing problems, and had depression.
Zhou Wan saw Lu Xixiao suddenly turn and quickly head up the stairs.
She instinctively ran after him.
“Wan Wan!” Gu Meng called after her, but Zhou Wan had no time to respond.
Lu Xixiao’s strides were long and fast; Zhou Wan couldn’t keep up. By the last flight of stairs, she was completely out of breath. The door to the roof platform was open, its security chain broken.
Zhou Wan’s hair whipped wildly in the wind as she struggled to catch her breath and ran forward.
Lu Xixiao stood at the doorway, his face even paler than before, brows tightly knitted, having to brace himself against the wall with his hand to keep from sliding down, the veins standing out clearly on the back of his hand.
Zhou Wan remembered—he was afraid of heights.
But she hadn’t expected Lu Xixiao would be the first to rush to the roof to save someone.
…
The wind howled fiercely on the rooftop, and the sunshine was so bright it was hard to keep one’s eyes open.
Lu Xixiao clenched his jaw, trying his best to stand straight and walk forward, but his mind kept returning to the image of his mother jumping from a rooftop years ago.
It had been a similarly sunny day—looking up into the sun, unable to open his eyes, unable to see faces.
Following a dull “thud,” everything before his eyes had been stained with blood.
The scene in his mind was like a sealing curse, preventing him from moving his feet or lifting his head, even rendering him unable to make a sound.
His whole body was cold, trembling imperceptibly.
At that moment, he heard hurried footsteps behind him.
But Lu Xixiao had no strength to turn and look, his head dizzy, consciousness unclear.
Until the next second, when a warm palm firmly gripped his hand, and someone stood in front of him, blocking out the harsh sunlight.
He caught the distinctive floral scent of laundry detergent that was uniquely Zhou Wan’s.
The young woman’s small frame stood before him, slight yet resolute, her hair tied up, revealing a fair nape.
Zhou Wan gripped his hand tightly.
His unsteady heart gradually returned to its normal rhythm after a moment of trembling.
“Xue Xi,” Zhou Wan called softly, remembering the name she’d heard earlier.
The girl had already climbed over the roof’s railing and was sitting on it. Due to years without maintenance, it creaked ominously, the sound grating, making people fear it might break and fall at any moment.
Hearing Zhou Wan’s voice, the girl turned around.
She knew of Zhou Wan, through the honor roll listings and recent school rumors.
But she and Zhou Wan weren’t acquainted and had never spoken before.
Zhou Wan didn’t dare approach rashly, her heart racing: “You’re still so young, only in your first year. There’s still so much wonderful life ahead waiting for you. Come down first, don’t stay there, it’s dangerous.”
The girl remained unmoved, turning back to look at the crowd gathering below—students and teachers alike.
“I’m not like you. My grades are poor, and I’m not as pretty as you,” Xue Xi laughed self-deprecatingly. “I don’t have the kind of future and life that you have. My mother is overbearing and controlling. She hits and insults me whenever I don’t do what she says. In her eyes, I’m just her possession. I don’t want to live like this anymore.”
Zhou Wan paused briefly.
Then she said quietly: “Do you envy me?”
Xue Xi glanced at Zhou Wan, then at Lu Xixiao behind her—he was the popular figure that all the school’s girls talked about.
“Of course,” Xue Xi said. “I envy everyone.”
When people remain immersed in one emotion for too long, they become unable to escape it, forever lost in that alley.
Zhou Wan said: “My father passed away from illness when I was ten, and my mother abandoned me and left home that same year. All these years, I’ve lived with just my grandmother. She has a serious illness and relies on dialysis to stay alive each month. She’s too old for a transplant, and we don’t know how long she can hold on.”
“All these years, I’ve found ways to earn money and win scholarships by myself, so my grandmother wouldn’t have to work so hard.”
Something was compelling in Zhou Wan’s eyes that made others calm down. Her voice was very soft and mild, not deliberately depicting her hardships, just stating facts plainly.
“Do you think I can see my future and life? I don’t even dare to have dreams, don’t know where I’m heading, and have thought about giving up everything just like you. But I don’t want to disappoint my father and grandmother, so I’ve worked hard to get to where I am now.”
Xue Xi looked at Zhou Wan silently, calming down.
Zhou Wan: “So no matter what, at least you can live beautifully for yourself. The world we see now is too small. In a few years, perhaps we’ll see a broader world, have different perspectives, and futures we can’t even imagine right now.”
Zhou Wan slowly approached her, gradually extending her hand.
“Xue Xi,” she said softly, “hold on a little longer.”
The girl raised her hand halfway, still hesitating.
More people gathered below, and teachers had run up too. Someone shouted, “Her mother’s here!” Xue Xi’s mother and teachers rushed up to the top floor, bursting out onto the roof.
Xue Xi suddenly withdrew her hand, clutching the stainless steel railing. The railing swayed, making a sharp, piercing sound.
“Don’t come any closer!” Xue Xi screamed.
Her mother, face streaked with tears, collapsed to the ground at this movement, begging her not to jump.
Zhou Wan glanced back at her mother.
Next to her mother stood a boy—the one who had been caught dating Xue Xi.
“Xue Xi,” Zhou Wan turned back, “talk things through properly with your mother.”
“It’ll be the same,” Xue Xi shook her head, crying. “It’s always the same. As soon as I come down, she’ll hit and scold me again. She just doesn’t understand!”
“But what about your boyfriend?” Zhou Wan suddenly asked.
Xue Xi fell silent, looking at the panicked young man with reddened eyes.
Zhou Wan: “If you jump from here today, have you thought about him? Whether it was real or not, he’ll become one of the reasons behind your suicide.”
“More importantly, if you jump in front of him like this, he’ll carry that shadow with him for the rest of his life.”
At this point, Zhou Wan suddenly paused, her heart skipping a beat.
Shadow.
She had never thought about why Lu Xixiao had a fear of heights.
He wasn’t afraid of anything else, so why was he specifically afraid of heights? Why had he rushed up to save someone despite this fear? And why had he turned pale and cold, unable to move?
Inadvertently, she seemed to have glimpsed another of Lu Xixiao’s secrets.
Zhou Wan looked back.
Many people had gathered on the rooftop now, with chaos below. The firefighters had arrived, and crying and shouting mixed.
Lu Xixiao stood there, expressionless, his brows still slightly furrowed.
In this situation, no one noticed him in the corner, and no one knew he had been the first to arrive there.
A bitter feeling spread through Zhou Wan’s heart.
She turned back to look at Xue Xi again, carefully observing her expression: “You know some shadows can never be erased. Come back, Xue Xi, everything can start anew.”
The world is vast, and the future is distant.
Xue Xi stared at Zhou Wan with reddened eyes.
Suddenly, she crouched down, standing on that narrow rooftop edge, and began to sob.
Zhou Wan walked to her side, bent down, and finally grasped her cold hand.
At that moment, her mother and the teachers rushed forward together, pulling her back from the railing.
Zhou Wan was pushed aside by the crowd. Cheers erupted from below, and the wind on the roof was so strong, the sunlight so piercing, that everything seemed covered in an unreal layer of light and shadow.
Zhou Wan looked back at Lu Xixiao and slowly walked toward him.
No one noticed them.
“Lu Xixiao.” Zhou Wan took his hand, looking at the sweat on his forehead, and asked softly, “Are you alright?”
His voice was hoarse when he spoke as if exhausted: “Mm.”
Zhou Wan helped him down the stairs. Only after descending two floors did his complexion finally ease somewhat.
“Lu Xixiao.”
Zhou Wan’s mind was a bit confused, not knowing what to say to comfort him. “She didn’t jump.”
“Mm.”
“We saved her together,” Zhou Wan said softly.
Lu Xixiao turned his head, meeting her eyes—clear to the bottom, calm and gentle, like an undisturbed lake.
He silently looked at Zhou Wan for a while, then averted his gaze and said quietly: “Let’s go.”
Zhou Wan paused, watching his retreating figure.
The young man’s frame was tall and straight-backed, returning to that unbreakable appearance, showing no trace of the vulnerability and panic from the rooftop moments ago.
*
Such an incident at school was bound to cause a sensation.
After an all-staff meeting, teachers told students not to spread the news outside school to minimize the incident’s impact, while Zhou Wan was singled out for praise.
If she hadn’t seen Lu Xixiao running up the stairs, Zhou Wan might not have reacted so quickly, and besides, Lu Xixiao had been the first to arrive there.
Zhou Wan had wanted to tell the teachers that Lu Xixiao had gone up with her to save the student.
But she worried some people at school might connect it to his mother’s situation, and Lu Xixiao probably didn’t want to be involved in such an incident, so in the end, Zhou Wan said nothing.
As for the aftermath, it was said that Xue Xi’s mother had hugged her daughter while crying, apologizing repeatedly, and finally began taking her daughter’s psychological issues seriously, deciding to temporarily withdraw her from school for treatment.
Before leaving school with her mother, Xue Xi packed her schoolbag and came to find Zhou Wan to thank her.
“No need to thank me,” Zhou Wan gave her a gentle smile. “Take care of yourself, see you next time.”
“Don’t know if there will be a next time,” Xue Xi said. “After treatment, I might transfer schools, and start fresh in a new environment.”
Zhou Wan nodded in agreement but paused before asking: “What about your boyfriend…”
“I just talked with him, we both decided to separate for now.” Xue Xi shrugged and smiled. “He was born into a very happy family and has a sunny and warm personality, which might be why I liked him. But actually, we weren’t suited for each other, and this incident was too embarrassing. I don’t want to continue like this. If there’s a future, I hope it’ll be after I’ve recovered, meeting again in a more relaxed state.”
Perhaps what had driven Xue Xi into that dead end wasn’t the forbidden romance, but countless straws piled on her back, and today was just the final one that broke it.
Zhou Wan watched her leave through the school gates.
The sunlight was still dazzling.
She wondered aimlessly, if one day she reached that point herself, what would be her final straw?
…
All afternoon, Zhou Wan hadn’t seen Lu Xixiao again.
Passing by Class 7’s door, she secretly glanced at his seat—empty.
He had left again. She wondered if he still remembered their dinner plans.
At five o’clock, the dismissal bell rang, and everyone headed home with their bags full of homework and gossip.
Zhou Wan stayed with Jiang Yan for another hour of physics competition training.
The competition instructor specially hired by the school had also heard about today’s incident and asked Zhou Wan what happened. She explained everything.
The teacher asked: “I heard from your physics teacher that you talked that girl down?”
“Mm.”
“Thank goodness, otherwise such a young life would have been too tragic to lose.”
Jiang Yan interrupted the topic: “Teacher Zhang, how do you solve this problem?”
“Which one?” Teacher Zhang leaned over. “Let me see.”
Since Zhou Wan had quit her job at the game center and devoted more time to studying, her competition scores had improved notably. Yesterday’s test paper was even 8 points higher than Jiang Yan’s.
So Jiang Yan studied even more diligently, staying in his seat and solving problems except for meals and bathroom breaks. Even today’s big incident at school hadn’t affected him at all.
After an hour, Jiang Yan stayed to work on more problems while Zhou Wan left first.
The school was very quiet at 6 PM, with third-year students in evening self-study.
Zhou Wan walked with her head down, out the gate and a few steps further, when she noticed a pair of shoes in her peripheral vision.
She paused and looked up.
Lu Xixiao was leaning lazily against a tree trunk with a cigarette between his lips. Hearing movement, he looked up, his eyelids creating a sharp, narrow crease.
Seeing Zhou Wan, he straightened up slightly, removed the cigarette, and asked quietly: “What do you want to eat?”
Zhou Wan walked up to him: “Anything is fine.”
“Korean BBQ?”
Zhou Wan nodded: “Okay.”
*
A new Korean BBQ restaurant had just opened next to the school.
Lu Xixiao didn’t bother choosing dishes, directly ordering a set meal for two plus two signature dishes. The food came quickly, filling the cart beside them.
The server asked if they needed help grilling, but Zhou Wan didn’t want to trouble others, so she thanked them and declined them, grilling herself.
She rarely ate Korean BBQ, but when she went with classmates, she was always in charge of grilling and was quite skilled at it.
Lu Xixiao sat across from her watching her grill, occasionally sipping his ice water.
The young girl’s face was flushed from the heat, her eyelashes lowered. He just noticed that Zhou Wan had very long eyelashes, casting dense shadows under the overhead light.
After a while, Lu Xixiao spoke: “That’s enough, eat first.”
“You eat first.” Zhou Wan used the tongs to put meat in his bowl. “Let me finish grilling this.”
Lu Xixiao clicked his tongue and took the tongs from her hand.
“Do you know how?” Zhou Wan asked.
“Yeah.” He put all the grilled meat from the plate into Zhou Wan’s bowl.
After that, Lu Xixiao did most of the grilling while Zhou Wan ate, and soon she said she was full.
Lu Xixiao looked up: “Really full?”
“Mm.”
“Then let’s go.”
There was still a lot of meat left ungrilled. It would be a waste to throw it away, so while Lu Xixiao went to pay, Zhou Wan got a takeout box to take it with them.
Walking out of the restaurant, Zhou Wan handed him the box: “You can put this in your fridge. It’s getting cold, you can cook it in a hotpot yourself, but eat it soon.”
Lu Xixiao didn’t take it, glancing at her and laughing softly: “Don’t have a pot.”
“You have one in your kitchen, you can use the induction cooker,” Zhou Wan remembered seeing one before.
Lu Xixiao raised an eyebrow but still didn’t reach for it, his lips curving up slightly, but without humor—more like self-mockery.
Zhou Wan paused, then said: “On the weekend, I can come over and we can eat it together.”
“Oh.” Lu Xixiao took the takeout box and then nodded toward the convenience store across the street. “Buy some water.”
He walked into the store, expertly taking two bottles of mineral water from the shelf and paying.
Zhou Wan didn’t go in, waiting at the store entrance. When he came out, Zhou Wan was sitting on a small swing nearby, swaying gently.
She tilted her head back slightly, hands gripping the swing’s ropes, toes off the ground, her profile fair and soft. Lu Xixiao stood watching her for a while, his Adam’s apple moving slightly.
“Zhou Wan.”
She stood up, returning to his side: “Ready to go?”
Lu Xixiao opened one of the water bottles and handed it to her. Zhou Wan thanked him and took a sip, her pink lips collecting water droplets like a watercolor painting being blurred.
Lu Xixiao looked away, frowning slightly, then looked back at her.
After a while, he said quietly: “Why don’t you ask?”
“Ask what?”
“About today.”
Surprised he would bring it up himself, Zhou Wan paused, looking into his eyes: “About your fear of heights?”
Lu Xixiao looked down at her from his height, his expression indifferent, impossible to read his emotions.
Zhou Wan just quietly looked up at him, her gaze calm yet firm.
After a long moment, Lu Xixiao suddenly turned his head and smiled.
His laugh was low and magnetic, muffled, with a nasal quality, as if resonating from his chest.
“People who know too much might get silenced,” he said with a smile.
Zhou Wan was indeed different from everyone else.
She didn’t talk much, and when they were together, it was mostly silent, each doing their own thing, with barely any communication, but Zhou Wan understood him best. Most times, he didn’t need to say anything—she just understood.
At noon, she had told Xue Xi that if she jumped, her boyfriend would carry an indelible shadow for the rest of his life.
After saying that, she had turned to look at Lu Xixiao, her expression startled, with a hint of disbelief and sudden realization.
At that moment, Lu Xixiao knew she had figured out why he had a fear of heights.
The feeling was strange.
He didn’t like people prying open his wounds, but Zhou Wan didn’t do that—she had only seen the scab.
The dim streetlights overlapped, shadow and light intertwining, slowly shifting with the clouds drifting across the sky, gradually merging, blurring the edges of their shadows until they were indistinguishable.
Lu Xixiao pulled out a cigarette, and lowered his head, shielding it from the wind with one hand as he lit it.
His cheeks hollowed slightly as he took a deep drag, then exhaled, saying quietly: “I developed my fear of heights after my mother jumped to her death.”