HomeFalling In LoveZhui Luo - Chapter 72

Zhui Luo – Chapter 72

B City.

Lu Xixiao had been very busy these past few days. After the incident with Jiang Yan, his company bought the patent technology from Tian Xuanyue and hired him as an engineer to participate in new technology development.

These days had been spent dealing with product launch matters, finally ending on Saturday evening.

When Lu Xixiao left the company it was already very late, though this city never had a concept of “late,” remaining as noisy and bustling as ever.

He drove home, where Zhou Wan wasn’t present, not even a single light was on when he returned at night.

Come to think of it, he had lived like this for most of his twenty-some years and should have been used to it, but after being with Zhou Wan for just a few months, he already felt unaccustomed.

Lu Xixiao came out after showering and sent Zhou Wan a message: [At the airport yet?]

It was morning in California now, Zhou Wan had finished the interview and was supposed to return today.

[Zhou Wan: Yes, about to board.]

[6: I’ll pick you up then.]

[Zhou Wan: Okay.]

[Zhou Wan: You should go to sleep now.]

Lu Xixiao curved his lips and chuckled softly, putting his phone aside.

Although his sleep had improved greatly recently and he no longer needed medication, being used to staying up late made it quite difficult to sleep at this hour.

Lu Xixiao sat at the head of the bed handling new emails, another hour had passed.

He put his computer aside, placed his phone on top of it, and reached to turn off the light.

But just as the light went out, his gaze swept across the instant photo tucked in the back of his phone, the one he had taken from Zhou Wan.

Lu Xixiao had never found anything strange about this photo before, but suddenly something felt odd.

During their first year of high school’s second semester, they had changed school uniform styles. The old uniform had a dark blue collar, while the new uniform’s collar was a brighter blue, much more vibrant in color.

In this photo, Zhou Wan was wearing the old uniform.

Lu Xixiao slightly furrowed his brows, a piece of memory opening like a dusty box from the past.

Yangming Middle School’s sports meet lasted two days, and during their second year, he only went to school on the first day. The second day, some friend had a birthday party, so he didn’t go.

On the first day during the entrance ceremony, Zhou Wan was carrying the entrance placard, wearing a dress, not a school uniform at all.

This wasn’t from the second-year sports meet.

It was a photo taken during their first year sports meet.

*

Lu Xixiao couldn’t figure out what was going on even until he fell asleep.

However, he didn’t take it too seriously, thinking Zhou Wan must have remembered wrong, and after waking up he headed to the airport.

The flight wasn’t delayed, and after waiting half an hour he saw Zhou Wan walking out from afar.

Seeing him, the young woman smiled and waved.

After saying goodbye to her colleagues, Lu Xixiao took her suitcase in one hand and held her hand with the other: “Was it fun?”

“Mm, the scenery was beautiful,” Zhou Wan said, “Too bad you weren’t there.”

“I’ll take you again when we have time,” Lu Xixiao said casually.

Zhou Wan nodded.

Lu Xixiao had noticed something was off about Zhou Wan. Usually, she would interrogate him about how he’d been sleeping and eating these past few days, showing concern, but today she hadn’t at all, only answering when asked, quietly.

Probably hadn’t adjusted to the time difference and was still tired.

Lu Xixiao didn’t rush to take her to eat, instead going straight home to let her sleep first.

Zhou Wan truly hadn’t slept well last night, or more accurately, hadn’t slept at all.

This nap lasted until it was dark outside. Lu Xixiao wasn’t there but had left a note on the living room table saying: Went out for something, the auntie finished cooking and put it in the fridge, heat it in the microwave if you’re hungry, if not hungry wait for me to come back and I’ll take you out to eat.

Zhou Wan wasn’t hungry and didn’t have the energy to heat anything.

This nap had made her feel even more groggy.

She propped her chin on her hand, closed her eyes briefly, and let out a long breath.

Her mind unconsciously returned to that diagnostic record book.

On the last night in California, Zhou Wan had read every single word on it, each character cutting into her heart like a knife, but she still read it all. From November 18, 2014, to March 5, 2018.

For three and a half whole years, Lu Xixiao had been seeing a psychiatrist and had been taking medication.

The diagnostic records were very detailed, recording his symptoms at each stage, recording the process of each episode.

And throughout these processes, no one had been with him.

He didn’t have anyone by his side.

Her young man, that brilliant young man, had been tortured by mania and depression, his emotions alternating, rising and falling.

On the last day he went, the record book documented this conversation—

“Do you know Sie Mu-rong has a poem called ‘Youth,’ with a line that says youth is too hasty a poem? Youth is short compared to an entire life, and it comes too early when we’re too young, so it’s normal to have regrets and impulses. Life comes and goes in a hurry, don’t be too fixated on the people and things you encounter in youth, life needs you to keep moving forward, to become who you want to be.”

“I know, eventually everything will pass, but when I think back on all those years, it seems only those few months with her were when I truly felt alive.”

Zhou Wan pressed hard between her eyebrows, fingers running through her hair as she lowered her head.

She hadn’t eaten anything for a long time, wasn’t hungry, and had no appetite.

After a while, she finally got up and opened the refrigerator, casually taking out a bottle of what she thought was water—

Clear liquid, clean simple packaging, only realizing it was lychee wine after taking a sip, heavy sweet lychee flavor mixed with alcohol.

She licked her lips, pausing.

It tasted quite good.

The alcohol wound through her nerve endings, finally allowing her emotions to relax a bit.

Zhou Wan’s alcohol allergy wasn’t as severe as before. When working at the media company, there were often unavoidable drinking occasions, and after taking allergy medicine beforehand, there were no obvious allergic symptoms.

Zhou Wan paused for a moment and took another sip of wine while pulling out her phone.

It had automatically shut down from a low battery.

She plugged it in to charge, then opened a delivery app to order allergy medicine.

*

When Lu Xixiao returned home after handling emergency work, he opened the door to find Zhou Wan sitting on the fluffy carpet in front of the sofa, two bottles of lychee wine on the coffee table, one empty and the other half drunk.

Her gaze was somewhat blank as she sat there dazedly on the ground, her face very red, clearly drunk.

Hearing movement, she turned to look, her nerves numbed by alcohol, slowly breaking into a smile, her voice soft: “You’re back.”

“…”

Lu Xixiao walked over, getting close enough to see small red spots starting to appear on her skin.

He snatched the wine bottle from her hand and shoved the label in front of her eyes: “Couldn’t see this big word ‘wine’?”

“I saw it later,” she said slowly.

Lu Xixiao: “And you still drank it, don’t you know you’re allergic to alcohol?”

“I ordered allergy medicine,” Zhou Wan sniffled, looking somewhat pitiful, “But the delivery is so slow, I finished the wine before it arrived.”

“…”

Lu Xixiao couldn’t help but laugh in exasperation.

Not bothering with this drunk, he turned and walked to the TV cabinet, dug out a box of allergy medicine they kept on hand from the drawer, twisted out two pills, poured a glass of warm water, and handed it over: “Drink.”

Zhou Wan blinked confusedly at his palm: “It arrived?”

“From home.”

“Why would we have it at home?”

Lu Xixiao directly grabbed her chin to tilt her head back: “Open your mouth.”

Feeding medicine, pouring water, all in one go, only speaking after seeing her swallow: “Bought it before.”

“Why?”

Drunk Zhou Wan turned into a thousand whys.

Lu Xixiao said irritably: “Because there’s a drunk at home who keeps having allergic reactions.”

Zhou Wan slowly, softly: “Oh.”

After a while, she leaned over, softly nestling into Lu Xixiao’s arms, nuzzling her head, “I’m sorry.”

“Now you know to be sorry.” Lu Xixiao snorted, smacking her bottom hard, “Ordering allergy medicine to drink alcohol, you’re something.”

Zhou Wan mumbled another: “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for this time?”

“Can I trouble you,” Zhou Wan hiccupped from the alcohol, arms wrapping around his neck, “to carry me to the bedroom, I kind of, can’t stand up.”

“…”

Lu Xixiao felt both annoyed and amused.

Drunk Zhou Wan had rosy cheeks, moved slowly, and spoke sluggishly like she was acting cute.

After a while, he couldn’t help it and laughed: “Alright.”

He picked up Zhou Wan and walked toward the bedroom.

Zhou Wan couldn’t help but raise her hand, gently touching his left collarbone, and caressing it through his clothes.

“Lu Xixiao.”

“Mm.”

“Did it hurt?”

“What?”

“When you got the tattoo.”

“Not really.” Lu Xixiao tugged at the corner of his mouth, “Don’t remember, probably didn’t hurt.”

“Then, when you were stabbed?”

“That hurt quite a bit.”

Lu Xixiao lowered his gaze to look at her, seeing the young woman’s red-rimmed eyes looking like she was about to cry, he quickly comforted her, “But it’s been so many years, I can’t remember anymore.”

Zhou Wan tightly wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face deep in his chest.

“Lu Xixiao, I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” Lu Xixiao said gently, “It was my choice.”

Zhou Wan shook her head slightly in his arms: “I mean, if I had been more honest from the start, trusted you more, maybe you wouldn’t have suffered so much.”

Lu Xixiao paused, lowering his eyes.

“When I was with you back then, it wasn’t to use you.”

Lu Xixiao gently laid her on the bed, ruffling her hair: “Mm, it’s all in the past.”

Zhou Wan gripped his palm tightly, with great force.

The warm light in the bedroom illuminated her wet eyes, her expression dark and bitter.

Her voice carried an uncontrollable tremor, enunciating each word with particular care: “Really, I was with you because I liked you, and just because of that, I wanted to make you happy… I thought you wouldn’t like me for long, so I just thought, at least for those few months we were together, as long as I could make you happy.”

Lu Xixiao’s eyelashes trembled slightly, his Adam’s apple moving sharply.

His throat felt bitter, he opened his mouth but couldn’t make a sound.

Those secrets buried in the past, unknown to anyone, were all laid bare in this moment, finally seeing the light of day.

“Lu Xixiao, I started liking you very early on.”

At sixteen or seventeen, Lu Xixiao was the most dazzling light, arrogant and unrestrained, and free-spirited.

Young and proud, unbridled, like a tiger with wings soaring in broad daylight.

Young love was like a spring prairie in full bloom, a wildfire that could never be extinguished.

“Before you even knew me, I was already secretly in love with you.”

Hearing this, Lu Xixiao finally froze.

“What?”

“I liked you so much, I always liked you, but I didn’t dare get close to you.”

He was too dazzling.

So dazzling that she had never dared to hope she could one day stand beside Lu Xixiao, had never even thought about it, let alone act on it.

From childhood, she had always been like a burden, a liability, even her mother didn’t love her, how could she dare hope that anyone would love her for no reason?

I don’t even like myself, how could I believe someone as wonderful as you would like me?

The incident with Guo Xiangling was perhaps just a catalyst.

It gave her a reason to get close to Lu Xixiao.

The manipulation and darkness were real, but the secret love and admiration were also real.

Back then, Lu Xixiao was too rebellious, Zhou Wan watched the girls around him change one after another, a playboy who seemed unlikely to settle down.

At first, she indeed wanted to get revenge on Guo Xiangling, and also to fulfill her dream.

A fleeting dream. But when she accepted Lu Xixiao’s confession, it was only because of that bleeding, sincere heart.

By then, she had already decided never to involve herself with Guo Xiangling again, her original plan had already stopped.

In her naive plan at the time, Lu Xixiao would never know about any of it, they would date for a while, maybe a month, maybe two months, and when Lu Xixiao told her they should break up, she would leave, forever sealing away that secret.

But she had underestimated how much Lu Xixiao would come to like her.

And underestimated how evil Guo Xiangling’s heart could be.

Everything was like interlocking gears, one connecting to another, until finally she too was caught up in it, unable to protect herself.

Lu Xixiao said softly: “So, that photo was from the first-year sports meet.”

Zhou Wan froze, looking at the instant photo on the back of his phone.

In the photo, she was smiling at the camera making a peace sign, while Lu Xixiao stood lazily in the background, coincidentally looking up.

She stared at it steadily, as if being pulled back into that blazing summer.

Those few days of the first-year sports meet were particularly hot and dry.

It was just before a typhoon, the air pressure was low, humid, and dry, and even the wind was parching.

Gu Meng had just received the instant camera as a summer vacation gift and brought it to school during the sports meet. Early in the morning, many girls had already gathered around to take numerous photos together.

“Wan Wan.” Gu Meng said, “Let me take one of you too.”

Zhou Wan smiled: “Okay.”

Not far away was the long jump field where competition was ongoing, surrounded by many people.

Zhou Wan caught that familiar figure in her peripheral vision.

He wasn’t wearing the school uniform, just a clean white short-sleeve shirt, pale skin, with veins slightly visible on his arms, hair tousled by the wind, talking to friends nearby, wearing a casual smile, wild and free.

Her heart pounded rapidly.

Gu Meng called to her: “Wan Wan, stand over there, the lighting’s not good here.”

“Here is fine,” Zhou Wan stood on the rubber track behind the long jump field, finding an excuse, “There’s a competition over there, don’t want to disturb them.”

“All right, but don’t blame me if it doesn’t turn out well.”

Zhou Wan smiled: “How could I?”

Gu Meng raised the camera.

Zhou Wan looked at the lens, showing a smile, feeling strangely nervous and awkward, pressing her lips together.

Gu Meng peered out from behind the camera: “Wan Wan, try to relax.”

“Mm.”

Zhou Wan paused, then raised her hand to make a peace sign.

A gust of wind blew past, and Zhou Wan took the chance while fixing her hair to glance back—from this angle… he should be in the frame too, right?

“Click.”

The moment was frozen in time.

This was her first photo with Lu Xixiao.

And it was the only evidence left of her silent play of unrequited love.

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