Neither the impulse for bloodshed nor the desire for a peaceful life was enough to sustain An Jiu’s will to live.
An Jiu had always believed her emotional instability stemmed from mental issues. Only now did she realize that humans, as social creatures, require emotional connections beyond their innate fear of death and love of life. Without even a thread of emotional attachment, nothing else could fill this void.
Once a weapon devoid of feelings, An Jiu’s deeply buried instincts were gradually awakening. The more she experienced emotions, the more acutely she felt the emptiness within.
These feelings couldn’t be forcibly obtained. She didn’t know how to develop emotions towards others, nor how to make others feel for her. Throughout her past and present lives, she had always walked alone, unchanging.
Rather than saying she had lost the ability to interact with others, it was more accurate to say she had closed off her heart, unwilling and afraid to get close to anyone.
A gust of wind swept through, causing snow to fall from the eaves of Qiming Hall onto the snow-covered ground, startling sparrows perched on the branches.
An Jiu raised her hand just as the door opened.
Mo Sigui’s peach blossom eyes widened in surprise. Noticing her unapproachable demeanor, his interest was immediately piqued. “Oh my, Fourteen, you’re back! I heard you returned early. How was it? Any injuries? My cousin has excellent medicine here that won’t leave scars.”
“Is Elder Qi here?” An Jiu asked, automatically ignoring his chatter.
“It’s cold outside. Come in and we’ll talk,” Mo Sigui stepped aside, ushering An Jiu into the pharmacy.
The room was filled with a strong medicinal scent. On the stove, a pot bubbled and sputtered, its lid lifting slightly as the decoction spilled over.
“That rascal! Who knows where he’s gone off to slack again!” Mo Sigui quickly grabbed a clean cloth to wrap around the pot and remove it from the heat.
“Make yourself comfortable,” Mo Sigui said as he wiped up the spilled medicine. He continued, “This is A Yuan’s medicine. I heard she was so frightened that she’s been crying non-stop since she woke up. Poor second cousin, gone so young. The family head and his wife, white-haired parents burying their black-haired child. Sigh!”
“Are you sad?” An Jiu asked.
Mo Sigui, accustomed to rambling on his own, was taken aback by An Jiu’s response.
“Among my peers in the Mei family, I was closest to my first and second cousins,” Mo Sigui sighed. “Though I didn’t particularly enjoy his constant lecturing, I still can’t believe he’s suddenly gone. I keep thinking he’ll come by in a few days to get medicine for the two elderly madames. As for being sad… I suppose as a doctor, one becomes somewhat desensitized to life and death. Surprisingly, I don’t feel that upset.”
Mo Sigui, being quite talkative, especially about topics that interested him, couldn’t resist the opportunity to question An Jiu while she was in a calm mood. “What about my adorable little cousin?” he asked.
“Mei Fourteen?” An Jiu replied.
Mo Sigui rolled his eyes. “Yes! Who else did you think I meant?”
“Do you want to see her?” An Jiu asked, unfazed. “Elder Qi said that with two souls in one body, the stronger the spiritual power, the more easily it can be damaged. Can you suppress spiritual power?”
Mo Sigui’s mouth opened and closed before he finally spoke. “What… what are you planning?”
“Answer me,” An Jiu stared at him.
Mo Sigui coughed and said, “I understand, but I’ve never tried it. After all, cases like yours are extremely rare. I should be thankful to have encountered even one.”
“Here’s your chance to try. Kill me,” An Jiu said.
Seeing her calm demeanor, Mo Sigui grew more curious. “You don’t strike me as a weak person. What’s troubling you so much that you seek death?”
An Jiu replied, “Didn’t you say you wanted to see your adorable little cousin? Just focus on achieving that goal. Why ask so many questions?”
“I’m not that foolish. Whether this succeeds or not, if Elder Zhi finds out, I’ll be the first one he won’t spare!” Mo Sigui glanced at the medicine pot. “The fire was too strong, it’s damaged the efficacy.”
Despite his words, he didn’t discard the decoction but placed it back on the stove to continue simmering.
“Shock isn’t something that can be cured by medicine alone,” Mo Sigui explained. “A little medicinal effect is fine. It’s not like a decoction can heal a broken heart. There’s no such magical cure in this world!”
An Jiu stared at his face, reddened by the stove’s heat, and suddenly felt like talking to him. “What’s it like, living under someone else’s roof?”
Mo Sigui looked up, grinning. “You don’t know how to make conversation, do you? Who starts by poking at someone’s sore spot?”
“What else, then?” An Jiu asked, genuinely curious.
“It’s nothing. If it were anyone else, would they have such a good temper? It’s just me,” Mo Sigui scratched his head and pouted. “You think I attached myself to the Mei family? I was doing just fine on my own in Bianjing, eating well and answering no one. It was the Mei family who insisted on bringing me here.”
He had lived alone, free but lonely. It was Mei Zhengjing who came to fetch Mo Sigui, and they got along well. So Mo Sigui willingly followed him to Meihua Village.
“It’s all because of that irresponsible uncle! He lured me here and then dumped me with Elder Qi,” Mo Sigui leaned closer to An Jiu, lowering his voice. “Come to think of it, I should thank you. If it weren’t for the commotion you caused, I might have ended up like my first cousin by now.”
“But let me clarify,” Mo Sigui quickly added, “I’m not small at all.”
“Do you need the whole world to know you’re not small? Or do you have designs on your cousin?” An Jiu said disdainfully. “Beast.”
“What’s wrong with admiring youthful beauty?” Mo Sigui fanned the stove fire with his “Red Apricot Leaning Over the Wall” fan. “You’re just insensitive.”
Mo Sigui suddenly realized something. “You didn’t come looking for me from the start, did you?”
“Have you always been this lacking in self-awareness?” An Jiu retorted. “I only thought of you when I saw you open the door. I figured it would be easier to talk to you than Elder Qi.”
Mo Sigui snapped his fan shut in indignation. “Is this how you ask someone for help?”
“Aren’t you forgetful? You just said you didn’t want to do it, so why should I beg?” An Jiu replied.
Mo Sigui tapped his forehead with the folded fan. “Even someone as even-tempered as me is annoyed by you. No wonder people don’t like you.”
Seeing An Jiu stand up to leave, he quickly blocked the door, putting on a jovial face. “You’re too impatient. We were just joking around. Why are you leaving so soon?”
An Jiu remained emotionless, seeing no point in staying if he wouldn’t help.
“I promise I’ll try,” Mo Sigui said with a look of steely determination.
An Jiu, however, was certain that he had been eager to try from the beginning and was just playing hard to get earlier. “You don’t need to put on an act for me. If it succeeds, I’ll disappear, and no one will owe you any favors. If it fails, I certainly won’t be indebted to you.”
“You don’t have any sense of humor,” Mo Sigui said, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. He peeked out into the corridor. “There’s a guard with you. How can we talk properly if I don’t deal with him first?”
This explanation was more acceptable.
An Jiu sat down again and explained the current situation. “Mei Jiu is unresponsive now. I can sense she’s still there, but there’s no reaction from her.”