Mudan turned her face away and took a deep breath, trying her best to ignore the lump in her throat. She understood his implication, but it held no practical meaning. She couldn’t take such a big step just because of his few words, even though her heart wanted to.
Their starting points were different, as were their current positions.
He might think that winning her heart was the most important thing right now, with all other external factors temporarily set aside. Even if he did consider them, he would confidently believe he could resolve them. But Mudan lacked his confidence and ability. She was acutely aware of her position and living environment. How could she be at ease while constantly living in fear? Love was important, but it wasn’t everything in life. An incident similar to Li Xing’s shouldn’t happen again. Even if her heart didn’t listen to her, she could still control her actions.
Mudan turned to look at Jiang Changyang. “Sometimes I do feel a bit tired. But most of the time, I’m much happier than you all think. The Liu incident and the Li family matter are probably the basis for your sympathy, making you think I’m pitiful. But in reality, they’re like yesterday’s rain to me. Maybe they once caused a flood, dirtying and damaging some things, but I’m still here, and my home is still here. More than sympathy, I need respect. Marriage isn’t my only option; I can do many other things.”
Although he didn’t fully understand the specifics of what she meant, Jiang Changyang agreed that she was right. He did sympathize with her, but he admired her more for her efforts in difficult situations. He nodded vigorously in agreement. “You’re right. That’s how it should be. Though getting married can also be good, it depends on who you marry.”
Mudan felt a bit helpless. Did he understand what she was trying to express? Well, she had been even more indirect than him. After a moment of silence, she decided to be more forthright: “Actually, Jiang Changyang, some of your behaviors go far beyond the boundaries of normal friendship, and that’s what makes me uncomfortable. If you truly want me to be at ease, then stop forcing me to say things I don’t want to say or shouldn’t say. You’re not young, and I’m sure you’ve been through a lot. I’ve experienced things too. We’re not naive anymore; we should know what’s appropriate to say and do. I don’t want to keep beating around the bush with so-called friends, nor do I want the same situations to keep happening over and over. That’s what truly makes me tired.”
Jiang Changyang was stunned that his heartfelt confession had elicited such a cold response from her. How could she change her attitude so quickly? It took him a moment to react before he raised his voice, “What are you saying? I make you uncomfortable? I’m forcing you? I, this so-called friend, am pestering you vaguely? I’m making you tired?”
“That’s right,” Mudan nodded without hesitation and turned to leave. “I’m truly grateful for your help before, and I won’t forget it. When we first agreed to be friends, I felt relaxed, but now you’re making me uncomfortable. This isn’t the kind of friendship I want. I can’t play this game.”
Play? What did she take him for? Her words made it sound as if he had been calculating to take advantage of her from the beginning, that he was just a thick-skinned, ill-intentioned scoundrel. And she was walking away so cleanly as if he were something dirty. Watching Mudan walk away quickly, Jiang Changyang felt a rage he had never experienced before. His good intentions had been trampled on mercilessly… Without thinking, he strode forward, catching up to Mudan in two steps and blocking her path. With a gloomy face, he said, “He Mudan! Explain yourself clearly! What have I done to you?”
His expression was terrifyingly dark as if he might devour her. Mudan felt a bit guilty but tried to maintain a strong front, looking up at him defiantly. “Explain what? I’ve already said everything clearly. See? See? You’re forcing me again. Do all you men think you have this right after helping a woman?”
Her sophistry and ingratitude made Jiang Changyang hate someone as he never had before. He pressed his lips tightly together, glaring at Mudan without a word.
Mudan thought she saw a green glint in his eyes. She was so nervous that her teeth chattered slightly. She clenched her jaw and straightened her back, meeting his gaze without backing down. If he wanted an answer from her, if this matter had to be resolved completely today, then it was best to settle it cleanly and decisively. Young and hot-blooded, unable to withstand a blow, he should just turn and leave!
But to her surprise, she found Jiang Changyang’s facial features slowly softening, and a hint of a smile appeared in his eyes. He raised his chin, looking at her challengingly. “He Mudan, you’re just afraid, aren’t you? Why go to such lengths!”
Mudan tilted the corner of her mouth. “What am I afraid of?”
Jiang Changyang said calmly, “You know best what you’re afraid of. I’m not someone who can be provoked into a rage and turn away with just a few words. You might as well try talking to me properly; it might be more effective.” When a person’s behavior shows a serious deviation from their usual temperament, it often means their inner world is in turmoil. If she didn’t care, if she was indifferent, if she had no feelings, why would she suddenly become so disagreeable? She could have rejected him gently and tactfully, but she chose this intense method instead. What did that indicate? Jiang Changyang’s overwhelming self-confidence allowed him to view Mudan’s harsh rejection in an unusual light, seeing what might be hidden behind it.
Mudan was silent for a moment, then said softly, “Of course I’m afraid. Although my reputation has been almost ruined by others, I still think reputation is the most important thing. I can’t afford to offend the powerful, and I don’t have the luxury of following my passion recklessly.”
Jiang Changyang looked at her and nodded. “I understand. I won’t put you in a difficult position.”
Hearing these words, Mudan suddenly felt a sense of loss. She stood there in a daze, reflexively saying, “Thank you. You’re a good person. Don’t take my harsh words to heart.”
A good person? Jiang Changyang glanced at Mudan, then suddenly stepped forward, forcefully squeezing past her. Caught off guard, Mudan stumbled, nearly falling. She grabbed his clothes to steady herself. Jiang Changyang stopped in time and glanced at her hand. “Why are you grabbing me? Aren’t you afraid of ruining your reputation?”
*Forget it, let him vent his anger. I’ll endure it.* Mudan swallowed her pride and withdrew her hand, standing meekly like a submissive wife. “I didn’t mean to. You almost knocked me over just now.”
Jiang Changyang held back a smile and said coolly, “I hadn’t finished speaking. Listen carefully. Actually, from another perspective, your harsh words earlier could be interpreted differently.” He spoke slowly and clearly, “Not wanting to engage in vague entanglements, not wanting the same thing to happen again and again – that means you’re not satisfied with my current behavior. I should change to a way that satisfies you. So, what would satisfy you?”
Mudan frowned as she looked at the man before her, feeling that he was very different from the Jiang Changyang she had known.
Seeing Mudan staring at him blankly, Jiang Changyang grew more pleased. “Never mind, you don’t need to say anything. I know what to do. I’ve written a letter to my mother. Once everything is prepared, I’ll come to propose marriage. Before that, I’ll handle everything properly and won’t cause you any trouble. Are you still afraid?”
This was like Sun Wukong’s cloud somersault, instantly crossing eighty thousand miles. Mudan, who had been a bit dazed earlier, now darkened her face and remained silent.
Seeing her gloomy silence, Jiang Changyang’s strong self-confidence and equally strong self-esteem clashed again. He glanced around, seeing that the area was quiet and empty. He raised his chin and spoke louder, “You still don’t want to? You look down on me? What’s wrong with me?”
Mudan said, “I…”
But Jiang Changyang didn’t want to hear what she had to say next. He waved his hand, “You don’t need to say it. I already know. You just wait and see. That’s how it’ll be.” With that, he strode away, quickly disappearing behind the rocks and trees.
Mudan looked at the sunset on the horizon and let out a long sigh. What kind of person was he? His skin was unbelievably thick, and he was incredibly domineering.
Yuhe jumped out from behind a rock, still holding the two pheasants. She grabbed Mudan’s sleeve, smiling from ear to ear. “Miss Mudan, Miss Mudan. If he can do it, wouldn’t that be wonderful?”
Mudan looked listlessly at the irises by her feet. “You heard everything?”
Yuhe nodded repeatedly, “I was afraid he might have bad intentions. And I was worried that people might suddenly appear around us.”
No wonder no one had come by. Mudan raised her hand, “Alright, your merits and faults cancel each other out. I won’t pursue your eavesdropping. Quickly take the chickens to the kitchen; we’ve delayed too long.”
Yuhe smiled, “They’re not waiting specifically for these two chickens. Someone already sent others to be cooked. Miss Mudan, what do you plan to do now?”
Mudan said gloomily, “What’s meant to be will be, and what’s fated can’t be avoided. Didn’t he tell me to wait and see? What else can I do but wait? You can’t tell anyone about this, including your mother and Mama Lin. In the future, if he comes again, treat him normally. We can’t give people any reason to gossip.” Besides this, she really couldn’t think of any other solution.
Yuhe quickly replied, “I understand. You should go ahead now. I’ll take the chickens to the kitchen.”
Mudan nodded and walked on with heavy steps. She felt conflicted, scared, and tangled, but her heart was also secretly singing.
Jiang Changyang returned to the outside quietly. The crowd of onlookers had dispersed, and Madam Bai and the others were gone. Only Pan Rong remained, playing with the hawks along with a few servants. Seeing Jiang Changyang’s approach, Pan Rong asked, “Where did you go? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
Jiang Changyang replied casually, “I went to relieve myself and got lost.”
Pan Rong looked at him suspiciously, noticing his tightly pressed lips and the same gloomy expression he had worn earlier in the day. He turned away without further questions and instead complained, “When are we going to eat? I’m starving.”