Mudan carefully considered the situation. It seemed Jiang Changyang was angry, but she couldn’t recall offending him. Perhaps someone else had upset him. Was he angry with Pan Rong? Or had someone in Fang Garden transgressed and offended him? As Mudan pondered the reasons for Jiang Changyang’s anger, she smiled and said, “Jiang Chengfeng, where are you going? This is the path to the kitchen.” She bent down to examine the two pheasants in his hands and chuckled, “Oh, they’re still alive. Did you catch them with a net? Surely you’re not planning to release them in the kitchen?”
Seeing Mudan’s cheerful demeanor, Jiang Changyang grew even more irritated. He recalled Pan Rong’s words from the previous night: the more polite a woman is to you, the less interested she is in you. After Liu Chang’s mischief yesterday, if Mudan had any feelings for him, she wouldn’t be smiling so happily now. Moreover, with the Liu family bullying her and spreading such malicious rumors that could ruin her reputation, she didn’t seem the least bit concerned. What was she thinking? What did she care about? Perhaps only her family, this Fang Garden, and her beloved peonies?
The more Jiang Changyang thought about it, the more frustrated and disillusioned he became. He had spent a sleepless night pondering whether the rumors about her were true or false, and if true, how to handle the situation. He knew the importance of having children and understood his mother’s desire for grandchildren. He, too, longed for a future with a loving wife and children. But what if he couldn’t have both? What should he do?
He recalled a conversation with his mother years ago when he had asked why she had so resolutely left that person, easily abandoning her past. His mother explained that the decision had been difficult, but she couldn’t deceive herself. She had to leave because only cowards intentionally deceive their hearts. She followed not fate, but her own heart.
One can deceive everything but one’s own heart. If his eyes truly delighted in seeing her, if his heart truly raced only for her, if no one else could give him that feeling, and if he couldn’t live without that feeling, then he must accept reality and follow his heart. So he had taken Wu San’s advice—to go hunting and then come here to see Mudan. He thought that when he saw her again, he would know what his heart truly wanted.
While hunting, he tried to imagine that he and Mudan were merely friends like Yuan Shijiu and that he had a wife waiting for him at home. But every time he envisioned that wife, she had Mudan’s eyes and Mudan’s smile. When he saw Fang Garden’s gate, he hoped Mudan would be the first person he’d see. When he saw the woman file out and she wasn’t among them, realizing she was avoiding him, the anger he felt at that moment made him understand that his heart truly wanted her. He had to try.
He was following his heart, but she didn’t know and probably didn’t care. Jiang Changyang looked sadly at the brightly smiling Mudan, finally understanding Pan Rong’s words. He would have preferred her to be angry. If Mudan were upset about Liu Chang’s words yesterday, it would mean she at least had some feelings for him. If she wasn’t angry or upset, it meant she had no feelings for him at all—she simply didn’t care. His thoughts were in turmoil as he tried to guess her feelings, his mind a jumbled mess, unsure how to respond to Mudan’s words.
The best way to clear this mess would be to ask Mudan directly what he wanted to know, and all his troubles would be resolved. But why was it so difficult to ask her? If he knew she had some feelings for him, it wouldn’t be so hard to speak up… He tightened his grip on the rope binding the pheasants, remembering when he had visited the He family and was about to leave. Mudan had rushed out to tell him to come here and choose flowers. If she were truly so polite to him, she could have sent her father, brothers, or servants to tell him… And before that, she had blushed and been shy around him, though perhaps she hadn’t realized it herself. He had seen it and loved that feeling.
He told himself once again that he must try.
His emotions gradually calmed.
Beside him, Mudan noticed that Jiang Changyang wasn’t answering her and was just staring at her with furrowed brows, seemingly growing angrier. Her smile began to falter. She cleared her throat softly and turned her face slightly away, forcing a smile as she said, “Why aren’t you saying anything? Why are you glaring at me like that?”
“I’m not glaring at you. I was just thinking,” Jiang Changyang finally blinked and raised the pheasants high. “What did you say earlier? That I was going to the kitchen to release them? Is that what you said?”
The pheasants, their wings and feet bound flailed desperately in the air, kicking up a cloud of choking dust. The man holding them had an inscrutable expression, his eyes wide… Mudan quickly smiled and said, “I was just joking with you.”
Jiang Changyang, however, replied seriously, “I wonder if sending them to their next life could be considered another form of release?”
His expression finally seemed more normal. Mudan answered him earnestly, “If they’re tired of being pheasants and want to be reborn as humans, then I suppose it could be.”
Jiang Changyang thrust the pheasants towards Yuhe, saying decisively, “Then you take them to the kitchen for release.”
Yuhe looked at Mudan, hesitating. Mudan gestured for her to do as Jiang Changyang said. By now, she knew that he hadn’t brought these two pheasants just to send them to their next life, but had come specifically to see her.
As Yuhe walked away with the pheasants, Mudan put on a smile and continued walking forward. “I heard from Tao that you and Young Master Pan caught a lot of game today. You even brought a pair of white hawks? They’re very beautiful?”
“Mm,” Jiang Changyang grunted in response, following close behind her and quickly getting to the point. “Yesterday, on my way back, I ran into Liu Chang. I punched him twice.”
Mudan chose her words carefully, “I heard about it earlier from Madam Bai. That man always likes to cause trouble and thinks highly of himself. If you ignore him, he won’t be able to show off.”
Jiang Changyang turned his head to look at Mudan. He saw her thick, curled eyelashes trembling slightly, but her expression remained calm. She showed no particular anger or excitement. She wasn’t surprised that he had hit Liu Chang, nor was she uneasy about him bringing it up. She seemed prepared for this conversation, which wasn’t a good sign. He paused for a moment, then decided to be more direct: “I know everything about what Qiushi did yesterday. What he said…”
*What he said has nothing to do with you.* Mudan couldn’t help but interrupt him, “Actually, Liu Chang is just like that. He loves to make wild guesses and cause trouble. You shouldn’t pay any attention to it…”
“Dan Niang,” Jiang Changyang interrupted her, looking into her eyes seriously. “If someone were spreading malicious rumors about you, trying to ruin you for life, would you care?”
Mudan was silent for a moment, then said softly, “Of course I would care. It would be a lie to say I didn’t. But it also depends on what kind of rumors they are. Some things I can’t forgive and must clarify. But for others, there’s no need to argue. Facts are facts, and nothing can change them. So rumors and slander come in many forms, and we must treat them differently. We should only care about the ones worth caring about.”
“Then what do you care about?” Jiang Changyang didn’t wait for her to answer and continued, “What Liu Chang said is what I care about. Maybe you don’t care, but I care very much.”
Back to that topic again. Mudan felt somewhat annoyed. Looking at his tightly pressed lips, she forced a smile and said, “That statement isn’t anything serious. It’s not like it would ruin your life. You don’t need to care so much. But since you’ve already hit him, you must be careful in the future. He can hold quite a grudge.” She spoke almost pleadingly, “Let’s not talk about this. Tell me about where you went hunting today. Was it fun?”
Jiang Changyang took in all the changes in her expression and noticed how she kept interrupting him. He keenly sensed that she wasn’t truly indifferent; in fact, she cared very much, which was why she didn’t want him to bring it up. This realization made him feel a bit elated. He couldn’t help but call out softly, “Dan Niang.”
Mudan felt a bit uncomfortable and slightly averted her eyes. “Hm?”
Seeing her discomfort, Jiang Changyang became more certain of his guess. He felt more confident and said, “Hunting wasn’t fun, at least not for me. I was thinking about things the whole time and was in a bad mood.”
Mudan remained silent, waiting for him to continue.
Jiang Changyang pursued, “Aren’t you going to ask what I was thinking about?”
Mudan sighed, “What were you thinking about?”
*I was thinking about many things concerning you, but I won’t mention them again in the future. If you’re willing, I’ll act on them.* Jiang Changyang stopped and stood in front of Mudan, speaking slowly and seriously, “Even if some things do happen, I won’t accept them if I don’t want to. No one can force me to do anything I don’t want to do.”
Was this an indirect expression? Mudan was momentarily speechless. His appearance before her, constantly bringing up that matter despite her attempts to deflect, had prepared her mentally. She wasn’t shocked or flustered, but she truly didn’t know how to respond to him. She felt her mind was in a bit of a muddle. After a long while, she managed to produce a smile, “Yes, I’ve heard you’re usually very strong-willed. See, this is what I meant by rumors not worth caring about.”
Her smile was beautiful, but it seemed forced. Jiang Changyang thought about the rumors surrounding her, the things she had been through, and the difficulties she might face in the future. He suddenly felt very distressed, thinking her face must ache from smiling like this all the time. He said gently, “Dan Niang, you’re only seventeen. You don’t need to be so tired. When you’re with me, if you don’t want to smile, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. I can’t do much else for now, but I hope you can be more at ease when you’re with me.”
Mudan was stunned for a moment, and then she felt her nose start to tingle with emotion.