Fu Shize, burning with fever, slept for two days straight upon returning to Jiangnan Garden. In his half-awake state, he kept seeing Yun Li.
He was awakened by pain, his abdomen cramping as if sliced by a knife. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he opened his eyes to the stark white ceiling and fluorescent lights of a hospital room.
Two days of fasting during his unconsciousness, combined with two years of irregular eating habits and alcohol consumption, had taken their toll in a single night.
Fu Dongsheng, noticing he was awake, quickly stood up. “Don’t move. Just lie still.”
Fu Shize furrowed his brow. “What happened?”
“Gastric perforation. It’s not a major issue. Mom and Dad have arranged everything. You’ll have surgery this afternoon,” Fu Dongsheng reassured him. “Don’t worry, son. It’s a minor procedure. You’ll be fine after a short nap.”
Fu Shize’s head felt heavy. “Is the funeral over?”
Fu Dongsheng nodded, comforting him, “It’s normal to feel sad. The elderly have their time. We must accept it. I showed Grandmother the photos you sent me of you and Li Li. She probably left without regrets.”
After a moment of silence, Fu Shize asked, “What time is it now?”
Fu Dongsheng checked his watch. “One in the afternoon.”
Vaguely remembering it was dawn when he collapsed, Fu Shize inquired, “What’s today’s date?”
“The 26th.”
Two days had passed. Two days without contacting Yun Li.
Fu Shize’s lips paled as he asked, “Where’s my phone?”
“Son, can we focus on your treatment first…”
“My phone.”
Fu Dongsheng sighed, rummaging through a nearby bag to retrieve the phone. It took about ten seconds to power on.
During the wait, Fu Shize’s fingers dug into his abdomen.
As soon as it booted up, he immediately opened his chat with Yun Li.
There was a message from yesterday morning:
Yun Li: [My brother is sick. I’m going back to Xifu. Can you come with me?]
No new messages since then.
“Dad, let’s postpone the surgery,” Fu Shize said, pressing his lips together as he tried to sit up.
As he straightened his body, intense pain caused him to curl up again. He toppled to one side, yanking the IV stand, which crashed to the floor and shattered.
For the past two days, Nanwu had been battered by heavy rain. The oppressive dark clouds made it hard to breathe. Yun Li stayed home, struggling with difficult assignments.
Classes at South University of Science and Technology had already begun. This semester’s coursework was heavier and more challenging. She was already falling behind in the first week.
If Fu Shize were here, things would be much better.
Tired from studying, Yun Li stared at the empty seat beside her, lost in thought.
During these two rainy days, she hadn’t received any messages or calls from Fu Shize. She had sent a few messages herself, but he hadn’t replied.
She felt hurt, but also thought it was somewhat expected.
It seemed as if things were meant to unfold this way.
Fu Shize not coming to find her probably meant he wanted to break up.
She didn’t know what the end of a relationship looked like, having never experienced one before.
She hadn’t actively reached out to him either.
She felt somewhat tired as well.
Yun Li sniffled and returned to her studies, trying hard to maintain a sense of normalcy, as if she could fool herself into believing everything was fine.
When Yang Fang called, Yun Li was wrestling with a particularly difficult problem.
Yang Fang’s voice was tinged with worry: “Your brother started running a high fever last night, 39 degrees. The medicine isn’t helping at all.”
Given her mild temperament and inexperience in handling such situations, Yun Li didn’t take it too seriously at first. She would get a fever every year or two: “For him to have such a high fever at his age, you should take him to the hospital for an IV drip to bring it down.”
“He’s delirious with fever, can’t even speak clearly. He just keeps counting, muttering ‘one, one, one’,” Yang Fang’s voice grew more anxious. “I’ve asked your father to come home quickly. I can’t lift your brother on my own.”
Yun Li offered a few words of comfort before Yun Yongchang arrived home.
She hung up the phone and put down her pen. Her thoughts stilled as she recalled previous phone calls when Yun Ye had mentioned feeling unwell, frowning as he spoke.
Not even half an hour later, Yun Yongchang sent a terse text message: [Come home]
Just two simple words, without any explanation, as if there was no time for one.
Yun Li began to tremble involuntarily. She stood up from her chair, held her breath, and with shaking hands opened the ticket booking app. After several misclicks, she managed to book the next available flight.
The loading time crawled by, each step of the booking process seeming to stretch endlessly.
Yun Li grabbed her ID card and rushed out the door without packing anything else. The cold wind did nothing to restore her composure.
Despite any previous conflicts between them, in times like these, Yun Li still wished Fu Shize was by her side.
She called Fu Shize several times in succession, but he didn’t answer. She hurriedly typed out a message and sent it before taking a taxi to Nanwu Airport.
An indescribable fear gripped Yun Li’s heart.
Though she knew she should remain rational, her mind kept conjuring up various terrible possibilities, interspersed with scenes of Yun Ye talking to her.
By the time she boarded the plane, Fu Shize still hadn’t replied to her message.
As soon as the plane landed and Yun Li reconnected to the network, she saw Yun Yongchang’s text message. Her mind went blank.
[Signed the critical condition notice.]
[Come slowly, don’t rush. We’re in the emergency room at People’s Hospital.]
When Yun Li arrived at the hospital, Yun Ye had already been transferred to the inpatient department. The hospital normally only allowed one person to stay with the patient, but they made an exception for Yun Yongchang and Yang Fang due to the latter’s uncontrollable crying.
Yun Yongchang came out to inform Yun Li that it was cholecystitis that had developed into acute pancreatitis. An emergency surgery was scheduled for tomorrow evening. Yang Fang was still unable to accept the reality and refused to leave the room.
Yun Li sat in the hospital corridor, staring blankly at the people walking back and forth, her vision blurred by the constant tears welling up in her eyes. She felt a sense of unreality as if Yun Ye should still be at school rather than lying in the hospital bed inside.
Suddenly, she remembered. Yun Ye had told her.
He had said something was wrong.
She hadn’t paid attention.
She could have noticed earlier.
In the past, whenever she felt even slightly unwell, Yun Ye would drag her to the hospital.
An overwhelming sense of guilt and helplessness washed over her.
At mealtime, Yun Li went downstairs to buy boxed meals for Yun Yongchang and Yang Fang. Yun Yongchang looked like he had aged ten years, his eyes red-rimmed. “Go home and rest. Come back for the surgery tomorrow.”
“Dad, I understand. Call me if anything happens,” Yun Li replied.
“Mm,” Yun Yongchang grunted before returning to the ward.
From the entrance of the inpatient department, Yun Li could see the door to Yun Ye’s room. She imagined him suddenly getting better, walking out on his own, and bluntly criticizing her gloomy face.
But only strangers’ shadows passed by.
Yun Li couldn’t help but search online for information about this disease. When she saw the 10% mortality rate, she collapsed, burying her face in her knees. She dared not imagine the worst-case scenario, nor could she bring herself to go home, fearing that Yun Ye’s condition might worsen during the night and she wouldn’t be able to see him one last time.
She had never imagined that Yun Ye would be associated with the word “death.”
She spent the night curled up in the hospital corridor.
Worried about missing any news, she kept her phone’s sound on.
Xifu wasn’t cold, but the nighttime temperature of around 10 degrees still chilled her to the bone. When Yun Li woke up in the middle of the night, she saw the ever-present lights and not a soul around.
She opened her chat with Fu Shize.
Suddenly, Yun Li felt deeply saddened. They had been giving each other the cold shoulder for so long, their relationship on the brink of collapse. Yet now, she desperately wished Fu Shize could be by her side.
Early the next morning, Yin Yucheng called Yun Li. She didn’t want to answer, but he persisted, calling several times.
When she finally picked up, it was Yin Yunyi speaking: “Sister, Yun Ye used to send me a message every day. He hasn’t sent anything for the past two days, and I can’t reach him. I wanted to ask, has something happened to Yun Ye recently?”
Yun Li remained silent.
Silence usually signifies bad news.
“Can you tell me?” Yin Yunyi’s voice trembled with tears. “Sister, we had promised to meet during the summer break. Has something happened to him…”
As her emotions spiraled out of control, Yin Yucheng took over the phone. “Has something happened?” he asked.
Yun Li briefly explained Yun Ye’s condition.
When she awoke in the hospital corridor, Yun Li realized she had been asleep for some time. Yin Yucheng had sent her a WeChat message saying they would arrive in Xifu on a 2 PM flight.
When they arrived, Yin Yunyi’s eyes were already red and swollen from crying. She kept repeating Yun Ye’s name as Yun Li absent-mindedly patted her head.
Yun Li sat silently in a corner chair.
Yin Yucheng approached and crouched in front of her. “Try not to worry too much. Acute pancreatitis is quite common. With timely medical attention, the surgery should go smoothly.”
Yun Li didn’t register his words. She spoke softly, “You should stay with Yunyi. I want to be alone.”
Yin Yucheng didn’t say anything more. He left a bottle of water for her before returning to Yin Yunyi’s side.
Yun Ye’s surgery proceeded as scheduled. During the operation, Yun Li received a reply from Fu Shize.
[Li Li, I have some matters to attend to. I’ll come see you in a few days.]
Yun Li’s nerves remained taut as she waited for the surgery to end.
The operation was successful. Though Yun Ye hadn’t regained consciousness yet, the doctor said he was out of danger. Yun Li breathed a sigh of relief.
Visitors would only be allowed the next day. Yin Yunyi refused to go to a hotel for the night, insisting on staying at the hospital to wait.
Yun Li sat in a chair.
Looking to the side, she saw Yin Yunyi resting her head on Yin Yucheng’s leg. The young girl, feeling cold, had curled up under Yin Yucheng’s coat.
Yun Li asked hesitantly, “Does Uncle and Auntie know Yunyi came here?”
“Of course not,” Yin Yucheng rubbed his head. “She cried in front of me for a long time. I felt sorry for my sister, so I told our parents we were going to a homestay.”
“Yunyi has always been pampered since childhood. I never thought she’d be willing to endure such hardship for your brother,” Yin Yucheng glanced at the iron chairs.
She and Yun Ye weren’t even a couple, just mutually fond of each other.
The taut string in Yun Li’s heart finally snapped. She stood up and walked to the end of the corridor, where there was a stairwell.
It was dark inside. She entered and noticed that Fu Shize had called her more than a dozen times that night while she was focused on Yun Ye’s surgery.
Yun Li called him back.
The call connected immediately, and she heard his voice – familiar yet strangely distant: “Li Li.”
His voice was soft as if lacking strength.
Why couldn’t he come to her directly, like Yin Yunyi had?
Why couldn’t he have loved her just a little more, all this time?
Her eyes welled up with tears. Long-suppressed grievances sought an outlet. She had a stomach full of dissatisfaction, sadness, and pain she wanted him to know.
But in the end, she said nothing of it.
She didn’t intend to blame him.
She only said one thing—
“Let’s break up.”
“…”
A long silence followed from the other end of the line.
Each word seemed to strike Fu Shize heavily through the phone.
Perhaps it was Yun Li’s imagination, but his voice seemed to tremble almost imperceptibly as he asked, “Is it because I didn’t come to you?”
Yun Li hardened her heart and said, “That’s part of it, but there are other reasons too.”
“…”
Silence again, broken only by occasional wind noise.
Yun Li thought he might press further.
But after a long while, there was only a barely audible—
“Okay.”
Old and new conflicts had piled up, and Yun Li spoke without thinking. But she hadn’t expected Fu Shize to agree so readily.
Yun Li numbly ended the call.
She walked back to the corridor. Yin Yunyi had woken up, sobbing about a nightmare she’d had.
Yun Li felt as if she too had just emerged from a very long nightmare.
Yin Yucheng glanced at Yun Li and offered her his scarf. “You should rest a bit too.”
Yun Li shook her head.
She remained awake all night.
When footsteps in the hallway startled her in the middle of the night, she belatedly realized:
She and Fu Shize had broken up.
…
Yun Ye woke up early. He had almost no recollection of the period from falling ill to the surgery and looked around in confusion at his surroundings.
When Yin Yunyi came to visit, her eyes were still red. Yun Ye tried to lighten the mood, focusing all his attention on the postcard he had received earlier.
Seeing Yun Ye in relatively good spirits, Yun Li relaxed a little.
He still needed to stay in the hospital for a week. Yin Yucheng and Yin Yunyi returned to Nanwu, while Yun Li stayed to look after him.
Yun Ye, being young, recovered quickly. After a couple of days, he asked Yang Fang to bring his practice books from home so he could study. Yun Li was exasperated: “Can’t you just rest properly?”
Yun Ye retorted, “I’m aiming for Xi’an Jiaotong University. Don’t bother me.”
Yun Li looked at him. “Don’t get sick again.”
Yun Ye, having heard about how dangerous his condition had been, lowered his eyes and said, “I know.”
While the young man was studying, Yun Li would rest her chin on her hand, lost in thought, unconsciously thinking about Fu Shize back in Nanwu.
When Yun Li returned with the porridge Yang Fang had sent, Yun Ye was trying to get out of bed.
Yun Li pushed him back onto the bed. “Stay put.”
“Damn, I’m going to get hemorrhoids,” Yun Ye complained. But seeing Yun Li’s haggard appearance, he closed his mouth.
Yun Li opened the food container. It was still steaming hot porridge.
She scooped up a spoonful, blew on it, and held it to Yun Ye’s lips.
“…” Yun Ye recoiled in disgust. “Yun Li, you’re my sister, not my mom. I can feed myself.”
Yun Li had been holding back for days. Seeing that he looked quite well, she gave him an unrestrained knock on the head and started nagging.
“Yun Li,” Yun Ye interrupted her, “When are you going back to Nanwu?”
“Why?”
“It’s too noisy. Go nag your brother-in-law. I need a quiet environment to recover.” As soon as Yun Ye said this, Yun Li’s face fell. He paused, then asked, “What’s wrong?”
Yun Li tried to sound nonchalant: “Your brother-in-law… ex-brother-in-law and I broke up.” She forced a smile. “It’s not a big deal. Just take care of yourself.”
“Oh.” It took Yun Ye a moment to react. “Broke up? Who suggested it?”
Yun Li: “I did…”
“Oh.” Yun Ye’s spoon clinked against the bowl a few times. After a while, he asked incredulously, “Didn’t you chase after him for seven years?”
“That doesn’t count. Pursuing someone and breaking up are two different things.”
“Why break up?” Yun Ye looked perplexed. “Wasn’t brother-in-law good to you?”
He added, “He was good to me too.”
“…”
“Never mind that,” Yun Li said impatiently. “He didn’t like me that much. Our problems didn’t just start yesterday.”
As she spoke, it felt like a heavy punch to her chest. Her voice grew quieter, and her eyes reddened as she tried to convince herself: “It’s normal for relationships to come and go.”
She looked up at Yun Ye, controlling her expression to appear calm while wiping away uncontrollable tears with the back of her hand. “It’s normal, right?”
It had been too short.
So short that she felt she hadn’t even begun to process her emotions. The pain was still vivid as if it had all happened just yesterday.
Yun Ye fell silent too.
Yun Li was his older sister, always strong in front of him, never showing weakness even when protecting him outside. At times like this, he didn’t know how to comfort her.
He held Yun Li’s hand, just as he did when he was little, and comforted her: “Sis, don’t be sad.”
“You still have me. You and Yin Yunyi are tied for first place.”
After being away from Nanwu for so long, the automatic fish feeder had run out of food, and several small goldfish had passed away.
Their chat history stopped at that breakup call.
Yun Li: [I’ll be at Jiangnan Garden tomorrow at 2 PM to collect my things.]
The chat interface showed ‘typing’ for several minutes, but in the end, there was only one word: [Okay.]
At Jiangnan Garden, Yun Li only took things that were completely unrelated to Fu Shize.
As she left, the balcony was clean, with a single chair sitting alone. She left the key on it.
She deleted all contact information related to Fu Shize and erased their photos together.
Her internship at EAW had also ended. Disregarding the deposit, Yun Li moved out of the Seven Mile Fragrance apartment.
There were too many memories in that apartment.
While packing, Yun Li noticed a photo that had been stuffed into the sofa long ago. In the audience seats, he was looking at her, his face full of defiance, while she appeared nervous and ill at ease.
For some reason, she slipped this photo into her notebook.
The rabbit balloon by the bedside had deflated, lying limp on the floor.
Recalling that Halloween, when he pulled her behind him for protection, she seemed to see those eyes again. Yun Li’s nose stung, and after one last look, she closed the door.
Deng Chuqi made it into the last batch of applicants and received a master’s offer from a British university. She left early to work as a research assistant in England.
This opportunity reminded Yun Li of what her advisor had once said.
The overseas exchange procedures went smoothly. Through her advisor Zhang Tianqi’s introduction, she was set to spend a year on exchange at a British university.
As always, Yun Yongchang opposed the idea. After failing to persuade him, she simply ignored his objections.
Yun Li stayed in Nanwu until July.
Occasionally, when a courier knocked on the door, she would have a momentary illusion.
Maybe he had asked someone for her new address.
Maybe he had come to find her.
In mid-July, Yun Li rented a house after arriving in England.
Deng Chuqi was in a different city.
She dealt with various strangers independently in this unfamiliar city. Though still fearful and resistant, she didn’t retreat.
Living in a foreign country wasn’t easy. She often opened her livestream to chat with fans.
Fans came and went in waves.
A few die-hard fans would appear regularly, including the one called Efe she had noticed before.
On a whim, Yun Li opened Efe’s profile page. It was empty and marked as gender-neutral.
As time passed, they slowly became friends. Efe helped her through the toughest period in the foreign country.
A few months later, Efe said they would send her postcards.
She received them one after another. The postcards all came from Xifu, but she could tell at a glance that the handwriting wasn’t Fu Shize’s, and he should be in Nanwu anyway.
Of course.
It had been half a year since they broke up.
Yun Li thought she was being fanciful.
Yun Li was busy from morning to night, focusing all her energy on her studies and updating videos on E-station.
That day, returning home from the lab, Yun Li put her meal in the microwave to heat up.
While waiting, she was still looking at that once-popular post from years ago.
It had recently returned to the hot list.
It was an old post, but new comments kept coming in.
She looked at the young man in the video.
Without realizing it, Yun Li opened the reply box.
After hesitating for a long time, she finally made up her mind and began to carefully type out a line.
As if comforting others, and also herself.
— Fortunately, I was brave enough to at least meet the moon face-to-face.