“Hua Yitang, you truly are a jinx.” Lin Sui’an hugged Qian Jing and said.

Hua Yitang covered the lower half of his face with his wide sleeve, shoulders shaking violently, tears pricking the corners of his eyes — clearly doing everything in his power to hold back laughter.

The two stood in the space between the second and third floors of Chongyang Tower. Before them gaped a large hole; half a wooden door hung at an angle, several snapped beams dangled down, and drifting through the air were fragments of wood, the privy’s special fumigation incense, and the stench of waste… the flavor was beyond description.

From the pit came a chorus of overlapping wails: “Aaah aaah aaah aaah — my foot!” “Ohh ohh ohh ohh — my back!” “Help, my neck is twisted!” “Watch out for Prefect Jia’s head — don’t step on it!” Truly, hearing it would break your heart, and seeing it would make you weep.

The location of the pit had originally been a privy. Built in this position, it served two purposes: keeping the smell from drifting and ruining the guests’ dining experience, and allowing the second and third floors to share the same facility, saving space. As it was an add-on structure, its build was not entirely sound. Add to that Prefect Jia’s excessive weight and the crowd of flatterers who had escorted their superior to the privy — the ancient floorboards simply could not bear the load and collapsed.

The one fortunate thing was that this privy was not the common “pig-pit latrine” found throughout the Tang Kingdom — ordinary residential privies were generally built atop a pigpen, using the excretions of humans and pigs together to compost fertilizer, an approach that was green, eco-friendly, and naturally uncontaminated — but Chongyang Tower was an upscale establishment, and the privy only contained several portable chamber pots, each replaced and cleaned by a dedicated attendant after every guest’s use.

Prefect Jia had not yet had a chance to seat himself on a chamber pot before the floor gave way, so the fragments now scattered everywhere were relatively clean, carrying only a faint odor accumulated from years of fumigation. For this, one could truly thank heaven and earth.

Military Advisor Zheng knelt at the edge of the hole, wailing as if his father had just died. “Help — help — someone save the officials — please save them all—”

The innkeeper was screaming himself hoarse. “Prefect Jia! Chief Secretary Liu! All you Advisor gentlemen! I’ll find a way to rescue you right now!”

The servers, waitstaff, porters, and kitchen cooks of Chongyang Tower gathered in a circle, sweating with anxiety.

“This — this can’t be done! That hole is too deep!”

“I remember there’s an abandoned cellar below — it used to have a ventilation shaft!”

“Quick, quick, go find someone to dig it open!”

The innkeeper: “Go!”

Several staff ran off.

The cries from the pit grew louder, mixed with cursing. Prefect Jia’s voice rang out the most fiercely: “A bunch of useless waste! Idiots! Get me out of here at once!”

“Aaah — Prefect Jia, stop kicking — that’s my head!”

“Who is kicking my backside?!”

“I can’t breathe!”

Shortly after, the same staff returned, looking despondent. “Innkeeper, the entrance to the cellar has long been sealed over. To dig a passage wide enough for a person to pass through, we don’t have enough hands!”

“Then go find more people at once!”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

The staff bolted for the exit again but had barely taken a few steps when Mu Xia appeared before them, clasping his fists respectfully. “Fourth Young Master — the people have arrived.”

The innkeeper and Military Advisor Zheng were taken aback. They watched as Hua Yitang cleared his throat. “How many did you bring?”

Mu Xia: “Thirty guards, forty laborers, ten physicians — led by Doctor Fangke. They are already waiting outside Chongyang Tower. Shovels, stretchers, carriages, and medicinal supplies are all ready. The coachmen are all experienced hands.”

Hua Yitang gave a nod. “Mu Xia, take the men to excavate the cellar. Don’t rush to dig the passage right away — first open up the ventilation shaft. An abandoned cellar will be full of stagnant air. We must not let the officials be overcome by it; that would damage their lungs.”

“Yes!”

“Innkeeper, do you have the architectural plans of Chongyang Tower?” Hua Yitang asked.

The innkeeper jolted back to his senses. “This — the building is so old, I’m afraid the plans may no longer exist…”

Hua Yitang crouched down and knelt at the edge of the large hole, scanning it rapidly. The interior was dark — nothing could be made out clearly. The sounds from the officials had gradually grown weaker, mingling with low moans.

Hua Yitang frowned, reached into his robe, and tossed three luminescent night pearls down into the pit. By the light of the night pearls, he could just barely make out the tangled bodies of those inside, dark-red streaks of blood scattered about, along with beams, broken boards, bricks, and other debris.

Lin Sui’an knelt on one knee beside him. “How does it look?”

Hua Yitang: “Not good.”

One of the guards rushed upstairs. “Overseer Mu reports that the ventilation shaft has been opened, but to dig a passage large enough to carry people through will take at least two hours.”

“Two hours is too long. They’ve all been injured — they won’t hold out,” Hua Yitang said.

Military Advisor Zheng: “Wh-what does that mean?!”

Lin Sui’an sighed. “Fine. I’ll handle it.”

Hua Yitang produced a thick, fragrant cloth face covering and handed it to Lin Sui’an. “Be careful.”

The innkeeper: “Wh-what does that mean?!”

Lin Sui’an tucked Qian Jing at her waist, pulled the face covering on, and leapt straight down into the hole. Military Advisor Zheng and the innkeeper simultaneously sucked in a sharp breath of cold air.

Hua Yitang rose to his feet and called out sharply: “Ropes!”

Six powerfully built guards rushed forward and tossed two-finger-thick hemp ropes down into the pit. Shortly afterward, the ropes gave a jolt. The guards all leaned back and pulled as one. The rope went taut, and Lin Sui’an shot up out of the hole, Chief Secretary Liu in hand. Chief Secretary Liu’s eyes were shut tight, his mouth opening and closing — he had fainted.

Two guards swiftly slung Chief Secretary Liu onto their backs and ran downstairs. Military Advisor Zheng leaned over the railing to look down. The guards laid Chief Secretary Liu flat in the main hall on the first floor. A man in red with a medicine chest on his back quickly examined him. “Twisted ankle, excessive shock — he’s fainted. He won’t die. Take him away!”

Two laborers pulled over a stretcher, laid Chief Secretary Liu flat, and carried him out the main door. A physician from the accompanying party followed the carriage.

The entire chain of rescue work was efficient, swift, and orderly — a sight that left all onlookers in awe.

In the time it took Military Advisor Zheng to be distracted for a moment, Lin Sui’an had already rescued three more advisors — one with a broken leg, one with a dislocated shoulder, one with a twisted neck. All were sent out through the same process.

The innkeeper stood there goggle-eyed, watching Lin Sui’an go down into the hole again and again, hauling out one person after another. She was clearly a small and slender young woman, yet she possessed a terrifyingly formidable strength and endurance. After pulling eight people out, she hadn’t shed a single drop of sweat. Even more astonishing was the perfect coordination between her and Hua Yitang — the timing of lowering and raising the ropes was flawlessly judged, while simultaneously managing the progress of the cellar excavation, the rotation of the guards, and so on.

In less than half a double-hour, everyone had been rescued. There was now only one left: Prefect Jia.

Lin Sui’an crouched beside Prefect Jia, looking somewhat troubled.

Prefect Jia had been crushed under everyone else — in theory, his injuries should have been the most severe. Yet paradoxically, it was thanks to this great human cushion of his that the others had all gotten off with only light wounds. Lin Sui’an dared not move rashly for fear that a single misstep might cause irreversible damage.

Prefect Jia’s consciousness was already growing hazy. His eyes rolled back in waves, and his lips moved in a murmur, saying something unintelligible.

Lin Sui’an slid her arms under Prefect Jia’s back and the crooks of his knees and tried lifting him. Good heavens — the weight was staggering. What made it even more vexing was that the man’s body was so obese and so wide that Lin Sui’an’s arms simply weren’t long enough to get a proper grip. Even if she managed to haul him up, she couldn’t hold it for long.

Lin Sui’an was at a loss. She had no choice but to set Prefect Jia down again, circle him twice, and wait. Hua Yitang’s voice came from above: “Lin Sui’an, how does it look?”

Lin Sui’an: “He’s too fat! Can’t manage it!”

“Don’t worry — hold on a moment!”

Lin Sui’an poked at Prefect Jia’s three layers of chin and let out a sigh. “Brother, eat a little less, will you? With a body like yours, you’ve definitely got high blood pressure, high blood sugar, and high cholesterol!”

Prefect Jia’s eyelids fluttered. He mumbled: “…General… I… didn’t overeat…”

Lin Sui’an: “Hm?”

Prefect Jia’s eyes rolled back and he lost consciousness entirely.

“This won’t do, this won’t do, this won’t do!” Lin Sui’an cried out. “Can we first send a physician down here—”

Just then, the left wall gave a dull thud and a hole burst open. Cold air and light poured in. The excavation team led by Mu Xia had finally broken through to the cellar. Shovels swung, dirt flew, and the opening grew wider and wider. Several guards carried stretchers in through the new passage. One look at Prefect Jia’s physique and they drew in sharp whistles of breath, swiftly lashed three stretchers together, and laid them end to end. Lin Sui’an lifted his upper half while four guards took his lower half, and with every ounce of their combined strength they finally managed to load Prefect Jia onto the stretcher. Six more guards arrived, forming a circle of ten around him, barely managing to hoist the stretcher, and they moved unsteadily out.

Lin Sui’an let out a long breath. She swiftly collected the night pearls from the cellar, grabbed the rope, and vaulted herself up. Hua Yitang looked her over from head to toe, top to bottom, left to right, and right to left, and finally released a long sigh of relief as well.

The emergency treatment in the main hall was still ongoing. Fangke finished his initial examinations and wore an expression of profound disdain. “What manner of creature is this fat-headed, pork-eared, grease-oozing thing?”

Military Advisor Zheng said quietly from the side: “He’s the Prefect ofAndu…”

“What?” Fangke’s face fell even longer. “What does he eat every day?”

Military Advisor Zheng: “…That is Prefect Jia’s personal business. I’m only a minor advisor — it isn’t my place to inquire.”

Fangke clicked his tongue. “His body is far too heavy. When he fell, both lower legs were shattered into fragments. Fortunately, there was so much padding of flesh that his internal organs suffered no damage. But because of all that excess flesh, the impact also compressed his heart and lungs, causing some oxygen deficiency. Take him back and let him rest properly. He won’t die.”

Military Advisor Zheng: “Th-thank you, great physician!”

Fangke gave a cold laugh. “I’m a coroner.”

“Oh?”

“Take him away!”

The last carriage bore Prefect Jia away, disappearing into the vast expanse of falling snow.

The Hua Family rescue team collectively heaved a sigh of relief, thinking to themselves: Good heavens, what sort of situation was this!

The innkeeper and all the servers, cooks, and staff knelt before Hua Yitang, knocking their heads against the floor repeatedly. “Thank you, Fourth Young Master, for saving our lives! Fourth Young Master is our reborn mother and father — a debt of grace beyond repayment, and all we can do is—”

“All right, all right!” Hua Yitang waved them off. “Hurry and clean this place up. Tomorrow, find a reliable master craftsman to do a proper repair on this eighty-something-year-old Chongyang Tower. Fortunately, no one lost their life today — a blessing amid misfortune.”

“Yes, yes, yes! Right, right, right — thank you for the reminder, Fourth Young Master!”

“We’re leaving.”

“We respectfully see off Fourth Young Master!”

The Hua Family’s splendid carriage rolled through snow-dressed streets. The guards’ footsteps, crisp and synchronized, matched their rhythm perfectly with the carriage bells: jingle-jingle, clip-clop, jingle-jingle, clip-clop—

Lin Sui’an rubbed her aching shoulders. Hua Yitang wiped his face with a damp fragrant cloth. Fangke leaned against the large wooden chest, his eyes traveling between the two of them.

“You two are really something!”

Hua Yitang raised an eyebrow: “What gives Physician Fang that impression?”

“Before, wherever you went, people would die. Now look at this — go out for a meal and manage to dump an entire room of people into a cesspit.”

Lin Sui’an pressed her lips together, fighting to keep her face straight.

Fangke’s mouth twitched. “And to actually fall into a cesspit — that is truly—”

“Pfft—” Lin Sui’an burst out laughing. “Hahahahahahahahaha!”

Hua Yitang slapped his thigh wildly, tears flying. “Hahahahahahahahaha… I can’t take it anymore — I’ve been holding it in the whole night — I simply could not hold it in any longer — it’s too funny, hahahahahahahahaha…”

With this one outburst, it was all over — Mu Xia driving the carriage, the guards riding alongside, and the laborers walking behind could all no longer contain themselves. Peals of laughter rang out through the night, their shamelessly echoing cheer filling the darkness.

Fangke laughed too.

Jin Ruo had taken Yita and the Four Saints to a gambling den in Pingkang Ward for a night of entertainment, and only heard this enormous piece of gossip when returning to the residence at dawn. He was so full of regret he could have turned his intestines green — desperate to have been there on the front lines to see it for himself. He pestered Hua Yitang for every last detail and wrote it all down in a record. After eating, he ran off again with his notes.

And so, when the snow melted, the scandal of the entire senior staff of the Andu Prefectural Office falling into a cesspit spread with unstoppable momentum across the entire city of Andu, becoming the greatest source of amusement for the citizens over their tea and meals. Whenever it was brought up, a happy air swept through all one hundred and eight wards.

Lin Sui’an guessed at once that it was Jin Ruo’s doing. She hauled him in to ask, and indeed it was.

Jin Ruo was perfectly reasonable about it: “Master, there is something strange about this Andu. I’ve combed through the gambling dens and pleasure houses of Pingkang Ward, and I’ve made the rounds of the teahouses, tea stalls, taverns, and food stalls of every ward — but I haven’t found any news of a branch hall of the Purity Gate here in Andu. Purity Gate disciples love spreading gossip the most, so I thought to use the Chongyang Tower incident as bait to lure them out.”

Lin Sui’an: “So did you find any clues about a Purity Gate branch hall in Andu?”

Jin Ruo: “No. It seems this piece of gossip wasn’t juicy enough.”

In the days that followed, Jin Ruo continued leading Yita and the Four Saints on leisurely strolls through Andu City. Whether they turned up any news of the Purity Gate branch was hard to say, but all six of them had each put on a noticeable amount of weight. Lin Sui’an had good reason to believe that Jin Ruo was simply slacking off — sponging off Hua Yitang, taking a publicly funded holiday, eating and drinking for free.

Hua Yitang had no time at all to deal with Jin Ruo. He was now utterly incapable of smiling. Day after day he trudged to the Andu Prefectural Office looking like he had a blood feud with the world, working from dawn to dusk, having accumulated two great dark circles under his eyes.

There was no helping it. After the Chongyang Tower incident, the Prefect of Andu, the Chief Secretary, and the five advisors were all forced to take to their beds to recover from their injuries — sick leave ranging from ten days to a full month. The entire Andu Prefectural Office had only Hua Yitang, the Judicial Advisor, and the Works Advisor Zheng Yongyuan left to hold things up. Andu was a massive city of a million souls, with all manner of official and miscellaneous business piling up like a mountain. Zheng Yongyuan was furthermore a man of timid disposition — he came to consult Hua Yitang on everything and needed Hua Yitang to make every decision.

Hua Yitang was so busy that the back of his head nearly touched the back of his knees, and he grew more irritable with every passing day. He sent Mu Xia to visit the Prefect’s residence, the Chief Secretary’s residence, and each of the advisors’ residences daily, without exception. Decades-old ginseng, decade-old lingzhi mushrooms, all manner of rare and precious medicinal herbs were sent over as if they cost nothing at all — he prayed to every deity that his colleagues would make a swift recovery and get back to work.

The Hua Family’s such diligent visits and lavish gifts moved Prefect Jia, Chief Secretary Liu, and the various advisors to tears. They offered praise after praise: Hua Yitang of the Hua Family was loyal, approachable, principled in action — truly a pillar of the nation.

The one fortunate thing was that Andu City had been relatively peaceful of late, with no bizarre murder cases. Military Advisor Zheng said that the people of Andu were simple and honest by nature, and serious cases were rare. Fights and brawls did occur from time to time, but since the onset of winter with its frigid cold, the townspeople had all huddled up by their fires, and even the brawling cases had grown fewer.

Ten days later, Chief Secretary Liu — whose injuries were the lightest — was finally able to get out of bed and walk around. The first thing he did was come to visit Hua Yitang at the Hua residence. It happened to be breakfast time, and Hua Yitang warmly invited Chief Secretary Liu to sit down and share the meal.

Chief Secretary Liu was struck speechless by the lavishness of the Hua Family’s breakfast spread. After some time, he remembered the reason he had come and handed Hua Yitang a rolled document.

“This just arrived last night — rather urgent. Given the current state of our Andu Prefectural Office, only Fourth Young Master is up to this task!”

Hua Yitang opened the scroll and froze.

“Sanhe Academy?”

Side Story

On the night of the Chongyang Tower incident, on the rooftop of Dongfeng Tower — which faced Chongyang Tower across the street — there were in fact two onlookers who had never had any intention of minding their own business.

One wore only thin clothes, a silver mask on their face; the other was wrapped in a black fur cloak and wore a black veil hat.

Yun Zhong Yue was laughing so hard they were doubling over. “Hahahahahaha — I knew it! Following those two, there was bound to be a spectacle! This is outrageous — that hugely fat Prefect, and the entire Andu Prefectural Office’s officials… all fell into the cesspit! Just thinking about that smell and Fourth Young Master Hua’s expression — hahahaha, I’m dying of laughter, hahahahahahaha…”

Qi Yuansheng lifted the black veil and couldn’t make sense of it at all. “Isn’t this a bit too much of a coincidence?”

“Not a coincidence at all! That decrepit tower was long overdue for repairs. Plus, just before that, Lin Sui’an drew Qian Jing — hahahahahaha! You have no idea how terrifying Qian Jing’s blade pressure is — this was purely adding frost to snow, hahahahahahahaha!”

Qi Yuansheng let out a low laugh. A touch of vitality appeared in the pale face amid the laughter.

“My goodness — it wasn’t easy. Nearly a month, and we’ve finally seen a smile on our Seventh Master’s face.”

Qi Yuansheng cleared his throat quietly. “You came all this way — surely not just to watch the spectacle?”

Yun Zhong Yue’s laughter gradually died. Snow fell on the silver mask, melting into water — like silent tears.

“Last time I helped you eliminate the Su Clan of Suizhou, you owe me a great big favor, don’t you?”

Qi Yuansheng nodded. “I remember.”

“Now it’s time for you to repay that debt.”

“Agreed.”