“I am not willing!” Shen Xiao cried out.

“You have no choice in this matter, Shen Xiao!”

Li Shu suddenly turned her head back, fixing him with a fierce stare.

“You can only be willing. Do you know what the cost of refusing this marriage is? With Cui Jinzhi’s one memorial, you and I have been bound together inextricably — Imperial Father does not believe there is nothing between us. How far can an official who is not trusted advance in the court? And the Seventh Prince — he has only just begun to establish himself. If his left arm and right arm are severed by Imperial Father now, how much further can he go? I have gone to such painstaking lengths to bring the Eastern Palace down — to stumble over something like this would be unbearable to me!”

Li Shu’s gaze burned with intensity. “If only by marrying can we prove to Imperial Father that there is truly nothing between us, then go and marry — go and marry with joy.”

Shen Xiao slowly released his grip on her arm. Li Shu, however, pressed a step closer toward him. “If you marry Jincheng, the advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages. You become a royal consort — your official position can be elevated at once, and you gain even more of Imperial Father’s trust, allowing you to continue helping the Seventh Prince. And I would be cleared of suspicion as well, maintaining the favor I enjoy today.”

“Shen Xiao, you have no other choice.”

Li Shu fixed her gaze on him, as though nailing him to the spot.

“I have another choice.”

Shen Xiao enunciated each word deliberately. “I can fall under His Majesty’s suspicion, be demoted by His Majesty, give up twenty years of earnest study and effort. I can accept those consequences.”

“Li Shu, ask me once more — whether I am willing to marry Jincheng.”

Li Shu clenched her teeth. “Shen Xiao, do not let emotion dictate your actions.”

“Then I will let emotion dictate them!”

Shen Xiao gave heavy emphasis to the word emotion, staring at Li Shu with intensity. Something long-submerged, something never once spoken of, was on the verge of breaking through.

Emperor Zhengyuan had set them a killing trap: choose feeling, or choose power — there was no middle way. She could sever without hesitation every unspoken sentiment between them. But he could not.

He could sacrifice everything — even if this was the most foolish way.

“Li Shu, I am not willing to marry Princess Jincheng.”

The advantages were ten thousand. The disadvantage was but one. Yet that single disadvantage alone was enough to make him surrender all ten thousand advantages.

“Ask me — why I am not willing to marry Princess Jincheng.”

“I do not care!”

“Li Shu, ask me: why I am not willing to marry anyone else.”

Shen Xiao erupted into sudden fury. The aura of cold severity that radiated from his entire being condensed into a wall, closing in on Li Shu from every direction, until she nearly could not breathe.

Li Shu abruptly turned away from him — she actually could not bring herself to face Shen Xiao. She reached out to open the door, but Shen Xiao saw her intention and lunged forward, pressing her hand against the door. His entire body was pressed close against her spine, his breath enveloping her completely.

Shen Xiao’s voice sounded just above her head, wrapping around and past her ear in the manner of an embrace. “Ask me — why I am not willing to marry anyone else.”

It was not directed at Princess Jincheng, nor at any princess in the inner palace. He did not dislike them — he had simply, long since, fallen in love with someone else.

Li Shu’s spine had gone entirely rigid. She had never before witnessed a Shen Xiao who pursued with such layer upon layer of force. He was pressing upon her in this compelled and compelling way, holding out his true heart.

Look at it whether you wish to or not. There is no escaping.

Li Shu suddenly became, by some strange phenomenon, utterly calm. She said: “Very well. Then I ask you — why are you not willing to marry Jincheng?”

Shen Xiao’s breath sounded against her ear; he parted his lips to answer — but Li Shu suddenly let out a quiet laugh.

“Because you like me.”

The body behind her stiffened visibly. Li Shu slowly turned around, tilted her face up to look at him, her gaze sardonic, her expression cold.

“Did you think I didn’t know? Did you think that if you said it aloud, I would stop pushing you to marry Jincheng?”

Shen Xiao watched as she slowly curved her lips. “Shen Xiao, you’ve been in the court this long — how are you still this naive? You like me — I have always known it. Otherwise, why do you think I specifically chose you as my collaborator? It was because that way, you would throw your full effort into helping me.”

You like me — so what. I do not care in the slightest. What I care about is whether you can bring me the greatest possible advantage.

“There is only one thing this subject has never been able to understand. This subject has humiliated you time and again. Lord Shen is a man of the greatest integrity and dignity — you ought to be the person in the world who hates me most. So why is it that in the end, you have become the person who likes me most?”

Li Shu raised an eyebrow, her entire face a mask of mockery. “Could it be… that Lord Shen is simply born with a taste for punishment?”

As though a bucket of icewater had been dumped over his head, Shen Xiao froze entirely, unable to believe that these were words that had come from Li Shu’s mouth.

Taking advantage of his stunned moment, Li Shu abruptly turned around to open the door. The door was barely cracked open when it was slammed shut with a great crack of force.

“Your Highness, what happened?”

Hong Luo was startled by the sound and called out urgently from beyond the door.

But no one inside the room responded.

Li Shu was forcibly turned back around by Shen Xiao, who had seized her by the shoulder blades, pinning her hard against the door. His pair of eyes were black and bright, and he suddenly leaned toward Li Shu.

Lips met lips; the lips were soft and the teeth were hard — the contact struck Li Shu with a sharp pain, and she sensed a taste of rust in her mouth, not knowing whether it was her own blood or Shen Xiao’s.

The change was so abrupt — it seemed a kiss, yet in truth it was more akin to combat.

Li Shu was momentarily stunned — she had not imagined that Shen Xiao would be so bold!

She instinctively began to resist — but no sooner did her hands begin to move than Shen Xiao seized them; no sooner did her foot begin to kick than Shen Xiao blocked it; she wanted to call for help, to scold him, to rebuke him — yet her lips and mouth were entirely filled with Shen Xiao’s breath, pressing every word back and rendering her speechless.

Li Shu was pressed hard against the door by him, her shoulder blades digging into the elaborate carved designs on the door’s surface, her back in nothing but pain — this was by no means a comfortable position.

But Shen Xiao paid no heed. He went on, wild as a beast, biting and pressing — his kiss followed no method, fierce as a storm, having nothing to do with desire. He was simply using this to vent his fury, or perhaps to conceal a sudden terror.

After some time he finally stopped.

He lowered his eyes, his long lashes like feathers outlining his face — intent and yet fragile. He merely looked at Li Shu’s lips — damp and reddened, bitten open in several places, wound upon wound.

Shen Xiao at last released his grip on her wrists. He raised his right hand and gently brushed the corner of her lips. His forefinger came away with her blood. Shen Xiao slowly raised the forefinger to his own lips, opened his mouth, and drew the blood away.

The blood was rusty and metallic.

“You were right,” Shen Xiao said, eyes downcast, in the manner of one who has conceded defeat. “I am indeed born with a taste for punishment.”

Cast away every scruple, abandon every shred of dignity. He had surrendered — he would never, for the rest of his life, be free of her.

With a resounding crash, Li Shu’s mind went blank. She stared blankly at the person before her.

His face was pale, his brows and eyes dark as ink — only his lips were a deep red. He stood before her — considerably taller and broader than she was — yet his head was bowed and his eyes were lowered, flustered and at a loss.

Li Shu felt herself armored from head to toe, impervious to any wound. But his quiet lowering of his eyes, his manner of accepting in full every bit of her mockery — it struck Li Shu like a blunt club.

She had never felt herself so shameless as she did now. She had taken a heart of the most sincere devotion and ground it into the dust.

“Shen Xiao…”

Li Shu opened her mouth in a daze, and in her voice was a hoarseness and frailty she herself had not noticed. Shen Xiao’s body visibly trembled — he raised his eyes and looked at her.

She had furrowed her brows slightly, and in her gaze was something that resembled pity.

Was she pitying him for having so lowered himself? Or pitying herself for being unable to govern her own fate?

Her lips were covered in wounds he had bitten there — cracked and dry, seeping blood.

Shen Xiao stared at her lips, and stepped toward her. He leaned down gently, and touched them lightly.

This time it was very tender. Shen Xiao did not know how to kiss — he only licked at her lips, drawing all that blood into his mouth, swallowing it down into his lips and tongue, as though this would bind them bone to blood, never to be parted.

Li Shu did not resist. But she did not respond either.

She simply stood there with her eyes open, her gaze directed at nothing.

To resist went against her inner truth; to yield went against reason. She was being torn between two forces, and did not know which side to give way to.

She did not possess Shen Xiao’s all-or-nothing boldness. Shen Xiao could abandon everything — she could not.

How could such a person exist in the world — one who had sacrificed everything in his first half of life for the sake of entering officialdom, yet when truly faced with a choice, could cast aside every last attachment, all for a formless and elusive thing called feeling.

How could such a person exist in the world.

Li Shu could not comprehend it.

Shen Xiao licked clean every trace of blood from her lips, then his long lashes lifted, and his gaze went straight into Li Shu’s eyes.

His meaning was unmistakable.

A kiss taken this far, an intimacy come this far — he had no way back, and no wish to go back.

He reached out his hand to her spine, and pressed against the door behind her, drew the latch firmly closed.

A soft click — the latch fell into place, the room sealed shut.

There was no retreat from facing each other directly.

Outside the door, Hong Luo had already grown anxious. After that thunderous slam, the room had gone half an age without a sound — she had no idea what had happened. Flustered, she came again to knock.

“Your Highness, Your Highness, are you all right? Is everything well?”

Li Shu gripped the carved designs on the door tightly. “Everything is fine.”

She heard herself say: “Have the guards fall back farther — station them at the base of the stairs and seal off the third floor. You keep watch at the door.”

Outside, the measured footsteps of the guards receded. The corridor fell into silence. The room was engulfed in the stillness that precedes a storm.

Shen Xiao’s eyes never left Li Shu — in those two jet-black pupils, not a single emotion could be read. Only an endless, boundless dark.

He raised his arm and lifted Li Shu, carrying her horizontally.

No way back, no way forward — only this moment. Only you and I.

(The green, green gauze curtain)

—

In the deepest throes of his feeling, Shen Xiao suddenly heard Li Shu speak. All of that hoarseness, all of that delirious quality from before — gone entirely. She had withdrawn herself from this union of two, her voice flat and cold.

“You may have me — but you know what my condition is.”

Marry Jincheng. Li Shu’s demand had never changed.

A portion of Shen Xiao’s heated mind was pulled back to some lucidity. His brow furrowed; his eyes held incomprehension as he looked at Li Shu, unable for a moment to grasp her meaning.

But Li Shu had no wish to explain further. She reached out her arms and drew Shen Xiao by the waist. The two of them joined completely.

In a haze, he seemed to hear Li Shu say: “You have promised me… do not go back on your word.”

What had he promised? He no longer remembered. He knew only that in this critical moment, he would agree to whatever Li Shu asked. He could offer up his very life.

When all was done, Li Shu had barely come back to herself before she immediately averted her eyes from Shen Xiao’s gaze, wanting to curl away with the silent language of her spine facing him.

Shen Xiao let her fold herself back into her armor.

No matter, Shen Xiao thought. He at least now knew how to remove her armor.

Li Shu had only intended to turn away and feign sleep, not knowing how to face the lingering aftermath of this intimacy. But unexpectedly, she was genuinely tired. She felt as though she had only closed her eyes for a moment — yet when she opened them again, she found that the sky had already gone dark.

Shen Xiao’s robe had been draped over her body. The daybed was too narrow for two people to lie on properly — Li Shu rolled over, and only then noticed that Shen Xiao was leaning against the edge, his hand hooked around hers, also fast asleep.

Outside the window the lanterns burned brightly, but filtered through the cloth draped over the window, what came through was only a faint and diffuse light — dim and shadowed against his face.

The long lashes cast a ring of shadow beneath his eyes. Li Shu did not know why, but she suddenly reached out and lightly flicked his eyelashes. He was shy in ordinary moments, was he not, Li Shu thought. Why had he not blushed even once during all of this.

This intimacy was utterly unlike that encounter of three years prior. In those days, they were still strangers — beyond the body’s search for pleasure, there had been no exchange of feeling between them.

Physical pleasure could be given by anyone. But the merging of body and spirit existed only with him.

Yet he had already accepted her condition. To have her, the prerequisite was that he agree to marry Jincheng. This intimacy had been her recompense to him for the feeling he bore for her.

That was enough.

Li Shu’s gaze gradually cooled. She moved to withdraw her hand and rise. But at that moment, Shen Xiao caught hold of her.

He had apparently woken at some point. His long lashes lifted, and a pair of smiling eyes looked across at her. Before Li Shu could react, he had leaned forward naturally, pressing a series of unbroken kisses.

But the person in his arms showed no sign of being moved — her very body was cold and rigid.

Li Shu pushed Shen Xiao away and leaned back against one corner of the daybed, pulling his robe over to cover most of herself.

Li Shu leaned back, chin slightly lifted. Shen Xiao was half-kneeling on the floor, looking up at her. A distance began to spread between them. Shen Xiao, tentative, called: “Quebird…”

But Li Shu reacted as though her tail had been stepped on. She leveled a cold and sharp glance at Shen Xiao. “Lord Shen, this subject’s name is not yours to call. It would be best for us to maintain the proper distance between sovereign and subject. After all…”

Li Shu curved her lips into a smile. “You are my fifteenth younger sister’s husband, are you not?”

The lingering tenderness in Shen Xiao’s gaze toward Li Shu rapidly dissolved away. “Li Shu, what do you mean by this?”

“When did I ever say I would marry Princess Jincheng?”

Li Shu, this shameless wretch of a person — or rather, she hadn’t even straightened her garments yet, and she was already disowning him. Shen Xiao seethed inwardly.

Li Shu pulled his robe more closely around herself and stared him down with a cold expression. “Lord Shen, do not go back on your word. You agreed clearly.”

Shen Xiao’s gaze fell, without concealment, across Li Shu’s still-exposed legs. He was always tender with her — even when biting and grasping at her, he had held himself back. Her body was unmarked, without a single trace — as though the intimacy of a moment ago had never existed at all.

It took Shen Xiao some time before he recalled the words Li Shu had spoken at his most lost moment.

“You may have me — but you know what my condition is.”

To have her, the prerequisite was to marry Princess Jincheng.

She had truly thrown everything into this bargain — she had even put herself up as the price of exchange!

Shen Xiao gnashed his teeth and, unusually cutting for him, returned the remark: “First subject has just shared your bed, and the very next moment is to marry your younger sister. Your Highness, you members of the imperial family are truly an eye-opening experience for me.”

Li Shu responded with a careless laugh. “Lord Shen must not have seen much of the world. This subject has opened your eyes for you today — that might be counted a good deed.”

Shen Xiao was completely enraged by Li Shu’s total indifference. Still half-kneeling on the floor, he reached out and gripped one corner of the daybed, the veins rising across his hand. “Yet you said you like me, Quebird…”

Li Shu cut off Shen Xiao’s words in an instant. “Do not call me Quebird! And furthermore — I never said I liked you!”

She gave a cold laugh. “Lord Shen, has your mind gone to ruin?!”

Looking at Li Shu like this, Shen Xiao suddenly grew calm.

“You want me to marry Princess Jincheng. I can accept that — but it is my entire second half of life I am giving as the price…”

Shen Xiao suddenly let out a cold and pitiless laugh, his gaze full of invasion, staring at Li Shu. “So should Your Highness not be raising your terms a little? Giving me a single benefit hardly seems enough.”

Before Li Shu could react, Shen Xiao abruptly rose to his feet. He placed one knee on the daybed and pressed Li Shu down beneath him.

—

Password: Lord Shen’s second time.

By the time their second encounter was over, no one knew what hour it was. The lanterns outside the window had all gradually dimmed; deep into the night and all was quiet. Shen Xiao was unwilling to part — he crowded onto the daybed alongside Li Shu. She had buried her face hard in the pillow, giving him no opening for any further kiss.

Shen Xiao leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the perspiration on her brow.

“I can go back on my word too,” he said in his heart.

Having come this far — how could he possibly give her up and marry someone else?

If His Majesty chose to suspect him — then let him suspect. He could give everything up for her.

—