“Who have you been staying with these past few days?” When Li Fanghao first asked this question, her eyes were filled with fear, as if Qiao Qingyu had just escaped from some terrible bandits’ den. The tears flowing from her mother’s swollen eyes felt like burning coals on Qiao Qingyu’s heart. The reporter beside them immediately adjusted the camera, mercilessly focusing the lens on Li Fanghao’s face. Without thinking, Qiao Qingyu stretched out her arms and stepped forward to block the lens.
The camera had pushed Qiao Lilong and Qiao Lusheng far into the corner, while Qiao Jinyu also did everything possible to avoid the lens—from this, Qiao Qingyu understood that accepting the interview was solely Li Fanghao’s decision, with no one else in the family supporting her.
The female reporter smiled slightly, spoke a few emotional words about how good it was to be home, and then politely reminded Li Fanghao that they would need to use the camera now.
“Could mother and daughter embrace?”
Qiao Qingyu didn’t move, and neither did Li Fanghao. The smile froze on the reporter’s face, and she coughed lightly, “Sister Li, your daughter has finally returned. Those things you wanted to say on TV, you can now tell her directly.”
Her words carried encouragement, suggesting the interview had begun.
Li Fanghao asked extremely uncomfortably for the second time: “Who have you been staying with these past days?”
The camera suddenly turned toward them, its gleaming lens giving Qiao Qingyu a sense of shameful violation as if being held at gunpoint.
Stop filming, Qiao Qingyu said, directly covering the lens with her palms. The reporter grew displeased and fired several questions at Li Fanghao in rapid succession. Seeing Li Fanghao’s lack of response, she began lecturing, repeatedly emphasizing how Qiao Baiyu’s sexual assault by her cousin served as a warning to society. While she tried to persuade Li Fanghao to accept the interview with reason and emotion, Qiao Lilong entered the room, slamming the door with a loud bang, while Qiao Lusheng stood in the corner constantly making eye signals to Li Fanghao.
“I’m sorry,” Qiao Qingyu couldn’t help interrupting the reporter, “My mother doesn’t want to be interviewed anymore.”
“Child, your mother called me voluntarily, that’s why I came. And Sister Li,” the reporter turned to Li Fanghao, “I helped you find your child, surely you can say a few words about how you feel?”
Li Fanghao seemed completely terrified by the camera, not looking at Qiao Qingyu, her gaze blank and helpless. Instinctively, Qiao Qingyu knew Li Fanghao regretted it—perhaps from the moment she saw her daughter enter the door, she regretted agreeing to the interview. After all, appearing on TV was only to find her daughter; now that she was found, continuing with the interview to expose family shame would make her a complete traitor to the clan.
“We’re not doing the interview anymore,” Qiao Qingyu repeated loudly, “No more interviews! Give us some privacy!”
She unceremoniously showed the reporter and cameraman out. As soon as the door closed, Qiao Lilong and Qiao Lusheng, who had been silently glowering, approached like ghosts, making her tremble.
“Who have you been staying with these past days?” Li Fanghao asked for the third time, her eyes full of interrogation, even threat.
Qiao Qingyu couldn’t speak.
“Come here and kneel!” Qiao Lilong shouted.
Qiao Lusheng said nothing, his face showing a mixture of anger and heartbreak that Qiao Qingyu had never seen before. Coming closer, he grabbed her shoulders and marched her before Qiao Lilong.
When her calves were kicked twice and her knees crashed to the ground under pressure, Qiao Qingyu’s tears nearly burst forth.
“Do you admit you’re wrong?” Qiao Lilong’s deep voice came from above.
To hold back her tears, Qiao Qingyu nearly bit her lip bloody.
“Do you admit you’re wrong?”
Qiao Lusheng repeated. His voice seemed to come from the heavens, pressing down on every one of Qiao Qingyu’s nerves.
“No.”
“Lusheng,” Qiao Lilong steadied himself against the dining table, “Get the belt.”
Qiao Qingyu would rather take the whipping than have Li Fanghao sprawled over her crying and screaming. As mother and daughter struggled against each other, Li Fanghao, trying desperately to protect Qiao Qingyu, was like a crazed lioness, her wails echoing throughout the house. It was Qiao Jinyu who ended this tragic scene—failing to persuade Qiao Lilong, he pushed his grandfather to the ground and seized the whistling belt.
Fortunately, her thick clothing blocked half the pain. Li Fanghao’s trembling arm reached under her armpit; looking up, Qiao Qingyu saw two marks struck across her mother’s cheeks that looked painful just to see.
“Get up first.”
Not wanting to drain Li Fanghao’s strength, Qiao Qingyu quickly stood up by herself. Qiao Lilong pointed at Qiao Lusheng and Qiao Jinyu’s noses, cursing their unfilial behavior, while Qiao Lusheng’s face turned red, not daring to make a sound.
“Cursed!” Qiao Lilong roared, his voice like a great bell, “I was cursed the day I let you marry this woman!”
Li Fanghao’s grief caught in her throat, her resentment unbearable, and with a wail, she began beating her chest and stamping her feet.
“This family was ruined by you, you bitch who can neither bear nor raise children properly!” Qiao Lilong gritted his teeth, so angry he could barely stand, raising his palm to strike Li Fanghao’s face. Again it was Qiao Jinyu who caught Qiao Lilong’s hand.
“Stop hitting, Grandfather!”
Li Fanghao began slapping herself, the bang-bang-bang sounds like bayonets stabbing into Qiao Qingyu’s heart. She was terrified, her eyes blurred with tears, but she couldn’t catch Li Fanghao’s hands, so she threw herself forward, holding Li Fanghao tightly, sobbing loudly.
“Stop hitting yourself, Mom, please stop…”
Amidst their tragic sobs, Qiao Lilong walked into the room, slamming the door heavily.
Qiao Lusheng sat down on the sofa, and once mother and daughter had calmed somewhat, he spoke gravely: “Qingqing, go in and admit your guilt to Grandfather.”
Qiao Qingyu released Li Fanghao and turned toward Qiao Lusheng. The outdoor light was bright, and Qiao Qingyu suddenly realized that their living room and balcony had no curtains, meaning Mingsheng might have—very likely had—witnessed her family’s shame and foolishness from across the way, seeing her ugly moment of breakdown.
This hurt more than being beaten by Qiao Lilong.
“Wait until Jinrui and your uncle return, then admit your guilt to them,” Qiao Lusheng continued in an indisputable tone. “Tomorrow, go back to Nanqiao Village and admit your guilt to Grandmother and Aunt. Now go admit your guilt to Grandfather.”
Qiao Qingyu’s neck was stiff, motionless.
“If you have the face to come back, you should have the face to face the family,” Qiao Lusheng scolded. “Who wronged you, huh? Will apologizing and admitting guilt kill you? Jinrui’s marriage fell apart, he got divorced yesterday, and he can’t even keep his job! Your grandmother can barely get up! All because of you! Jinrui was just beginning to support this family, and you ruined everything!”
“I can support this family too.”
Though she spoke these words defiantly, Qiao Qingyu felt somewhat uncertain inside. Qiao Lusheng couldn’t help but curse: “How can you support this family as a girl? Huh? With the family’s reputation ruined, you’ll have trouble getting married! Now that you’re back, you must admit your guilt, otherwise, if you have the ability, don’t come back, live, or die out there, it’s up to you!”
“Sister,” Qiao Jinyu approached sincerely, as if trying to ease the tension in the air, “Don’t be afraid, I’ll go in with you, I promise Grandfather won’t hit you.”
“Who were you staying with these days?”
Li Fanghao suddenly asked again, seeming to care more about Qiao Qingyu’s whereabouts than her admission of guilt. Unexpectedly, Qiao Lusheng completely exploded: “Can you stop interfering?! You can’t tell what’s important! Short-sighted! Both daughters were ruined by your upbringing!”
“I haven’t been ruined.” As she said this, Qiao Qingyu felt indignant on Li Fanghao’s behalf.
“Your sister is cheap, and you’re vicious,” Qiao Lusheng said viciously. “Neither of you sisters is worth anything!”
The father before her seemed to have become a different person, and something collapsed thunderously in Qiao Qingyu’s heart.
“If you come back, you must admit your guilt. If you won’t admit guilt, I’ll throw you out right now,” Qiao Lusheng laid down his threat. “After all, daughters will marry off, sooner or later they belong to others!”
“Qingqing, listen to your father, go admit your guilt to Grandfather, Mom will go with you,” Li Fanghao, tears streaming down her face again, looked intently at Qiao Qingyu with her reddened eyes. “If you don’t like it here, wait until you finish school to leave, otherwise you won’t have a good life, understand?”
Qiao Qingyu was speechless. She stood up, letting the grief-stricken Li Fanghao hold her wrist, and walked into Qiao Lilong’s room.
The large room’s windows had no screen curtains, and the floral curtains left by the previous tenant, or perhaps the tenant before that, were made with extremely economical fabric, barely covering the glass when fully drawn, and when opened would always leave half the sky exposed. This was half of Qiao Jinyu’s room. Qiao Qingyu sat on the edge of the bed, gazing out through the huge gap in the curtains, her eyes fixed blankly on the warmly lit window across the way.
Mingsheng was home. Her thoughts scattered, unable to believe that just last night she had spent such an emotionally turbulent night by a window of the same size, on that comfortable large bed.
The moon was already hanging in the sky, missing a large chunk, its color altered by the window glass, a cool light blue in the deep blue sky. Qiao Qingyu suddenly remembered how the female reporter had described her light blue sweater as “moon white.” So moon white was a pale blue? How beautiful and melancholic. Being sentimental again, Qiao Qingyu thought self-mockingly, so affected. Yet the dense melancholy, like black ink spreading on damp rice paper, couldn’t be contained, as Mingsheng’s eyes flashed in her mind, accompanied by echoes of a departed elegy.
This is the last time I’ll think of him, Qiao Qingyu thought resolutely. Stepping back into this home meant that those twenty-four hours across the way were just an ethereal dream. For her, home and Mingsheng were incompatible. Now she had returned to reality.
What was reality? Reality was the heart-piercing pain of her palms being struck by Qiao Lilong’s long ruler. It was Li Fanghao kneeling beside her, head bowed, desperately taking all the so-called “guilt” upon herself (for not teaching her daughter properly) with a trembling voice and restrained tears. The reality was that though Mom was suspicious and harsh, she was the only one in this family who truly cared for her.
The reality was that she would never intentionally touch her mother’s most sensitive wound by being ambiguous with male classmates.
She must cherish her time at No. 2 Middle School, and study hard, for the sake of spreading her wings and flying high in the future. Only this way would she not let down her mother, nor betray herself for turning back.
The warm yellow window across the way was like a flame, burning an irreparable hole in her heart.
This is the last time I’ll think of him—Qiao Qingyu closed her eyes, feeling Mingsheng’s face turn into flowing pale blue—with the moon as a witness.