After slapping Qiao Qingyu’s hand, Qiao Lilong strode away from Chaoyang New Village, ignoring Qiao Lusheng’s pleas. Later, he waited for Qiao Jinrui at the community entrance and returned to Nanqiao Village that night.
Qiao Lusheng, who hadn’t followed them, stumbled home in a daze, clutching a bottle of erguotou liquor. “What a misfortune for our family!” he shouted in the living room. “Qingyu, come drink with your father to drown our sorrows.”
Li Fanghao remained silent. The alarming sound of liquor pouring into a glass prompted Qiao Qingyu to rush out of her room.
“Tomorrow, our whole family will go apologize to Jinrui,” Qiao Lusheng declared.
“Dad,” Qiao Qingyu stared at the glistening glass as if it were a monster, her voice filled with fear, “please don’t drink like this. I’ll take responsibility for my actions. Punish me however you want, but I promise I’ll never hurt our family again…”
“Take responsibility?” Qiao Lusheng scoffed. “You think you can? Who do you think you are? Jinrui’s future is ruined! Our family will never be able to hold our heads high in the village again! If your grandmother wasn’t bedridden, she’d have drowned herself by now! Look at the mess you’ve made! Where did you get the nerve?”
Her ears ringing, and Qiao Qingyu didn’t dare look up. She glimpsed Li Fanghao sitting on the sofa, unpacking the contents of Wang Mumu’s backpack.
Li Fanghao methodically removed a set of thermal underwear, two pairs of socks, slippers, a towel, a toothbrush and toothpaste, tissues, cookies, a water bottle, an umbrella, and a black plastic-wrapped package. She quickly opened the plastic bag, revealing a pack of sanitary napkins. Qingyu couldn’t help but admire Mumu’s thoughtfulness.
“Where’s your notebook?” Li Fanghao suddenly looked up. “The light green one where you write down famous quotes. Where is it?”
Qingyu’s scalp tingled. “Which notebook?”
Li Fanghao walked over, patted the hem of Qingyu’s down jacket, and swiftly unzipped it, extracting the notebook, wallet, and other items from the inner pocket.
“Go shower and change,” Li Fanghao ordered. “We’ll talk after dinner.”
The words “we’ll talk” foreshadowed an unavoidable storm. Dinner proceeded in tense silence as Qingyu’s thoughts raced, searching for a way out. She knew the note from Mingsheng saying “I’ll be right back” was tucked into the last page of her notebook, which Li Fanghao had surely found. How could she explain this note, clearly written by a boy? Would Li Fanghao recognize that the handwriting matched the one from the candy box? How would she interpret the connection between a boy’s note and a girl’s backpack?
Qiao Lusheng, who rarely drank, had consumed half a bottle of erguotou and was visibly drunk. Halfway through the meal, he stumbled to the bedroom. Qiao Jinyu, hoping to ease the tension, offered to clear the table after dinner. Once he entered the kitchen, Li Fanghao pulled Qingyu into Jinyu’s room.
The notebook and Wang Mumu’s backpack sat on the table. Li Fanghao had repacked everything into the bulging bag. After closing the plywood door, she drew the curtains and began the conversation with a heavy sigh.
“Where have you been these past two days?”
It was the same question. Qingyu knew she had to provide a convincing answer, or Li Fanghao, on the verge of breakdown, might lose control over her deception.
“At a classmate’s house.”
“Across the street?” Li Fanghao narrowed her eyes, her tone suggesting she already knew everything.
“Yes,” Qingyu wrung her hands. “My classmate lives opposite us.”
“It’s that boy called Mingsheng, isn’t it?”
Qingyu’s heart leaped to her throat and stopped.
“The newsstand owner’s wife told me yesterday that Mingsheng brought a girl home. I guessed it was you,” Li Fanghao said coldly. “I just learned he lives across from us. His parents don’t care about him; he’s a good-for-nothing. You’re bold and shameless, not coming home and fooling around with him.”
“Mom,” Qingyu began weakly, “I just slept in his bed for a while. We’re only classmates. I had a fever, and he felt sorry for me, that’s all…”
She briefly recounted how she had developed a fever after spending the night at the train station and how she had met Mingsheng at the cemetery. Quickly, she mentioned Wang Mumu, explaining that the backpack was from her.
Li Fanghao nodded. “I know Wang Mumu. She’s the one whose phone you found, living across from Mingsheng. She’s a good student.”
“Yes.”
“Did Mingsheng write the note?”
After a moment’s hesitation, Qingyu admitted, “Yes.”
“He went out of his way to find you, being so kind?” Li Fanghao said sarcastically. “I’ve seen this happen to your sister many times. Either he has ulterior motives and is trying to win you over, or you’re the shameless one, throwing yourself at him. You’ve grown up now, and you’re pretty. What boy wouldn’t enjoy the attention? They’ve got nothing to lose. So tell me, which is it?”
After a long pause, Qingyu spoke, “Neither. It’s not what you think, Mom.”
“It’s you throwing yourself at him, degrading yourself,” Li Fanghao concluded. “Your homeroom teacher, Ms. Sun, and the newsstand owner’s wife both told me the note in the candy box looked like Mingsheng’s handwriting. He wouldn’t know about our family affairs unless you told him.”
“It’s my fault. It has nothing to do with him,” Qingyu felt suffocated. “He just felt sorry for me and helped out.”
“I see. You’re so quick to defend him. Do you care about him that much?”
“I don’t.”
“Then what are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid.”
“Afraid I’ll scold him? Embarrass you?”
“I begged him to help me, Mom,” Qingyu forced herself to look up. “He’s a kind classmate. You can ask any of our classmates if you don’t believe me. If you want to scold someone, scold me. I brought this on myself. I deserve it.”
“If your father hadn’t stopped me, I’d have gone to scold that boy already, regardless of what others might think,” Li Fanghao hissed, her face contorted despite her low voice. “Your useless father backed down as soon as he heard the boy’s father is the director of the provincial hospital. He worried about embarrassing himself if he was wrong, saying he couldn’t face Director Wen. Now I see clearly – your father’s mind is as flawed as your grandparents’. Girls aren’t even considered human to them! I regret not divorcing him when I had the chance. I should have taken Xiaobai and left…”
Her words dissolved into sobs, growing louder until she could barely breathe. Qiao Jinyu rushed in, sitting beside Li Fanghao and gently rubbing her back while whispering comforting words. Gradually, Li Fanghao calmed down, resting her head on Jinyu’s shoulder like a child, whimpering, “Xiaobai…”
Jinyu signaled Qingyu to stop standing and comfort their mother. As Qingyu sat down, she noticed Li Fanghao’s eyes were tightly shut, her mouth twitching in an eerie semblance of a smile. Just as Qingyu reached for her hand, Li Fanghao’s eyes snapped open, vacant and lifeless. Before Qingyu could cry out in fear, Li Fanghao waved her hand and closed her eyes again.
Shortly after, she stood up, refusing her children’s offer to escort her, and returned to her room alone.
The next day, an unprecedented conflict erupted between Qiao Lusheng and Li Fanghao over whether to return to Nanqiao Village to apologize. Whenever Qiao Lusheng started shouting, Li Fanghao would immediately counter with an even louder voice, until Qiao Lusheng violently threw a chair. Qingyu listened in terror, while Jinyu was too frightened to move. When Qiao Lusheng finally stormed out, slamming the door behind him, Qingyu worried he might return with another bottle of erguotou, given Li Fanghao’s continued curses.
She had anticipated her parents’ anger and disappointment, even the possibility of them disowning her, but she hadn’t foreseen them hurting each other and themselves. Above all, she couldn’t bear to see her father drunk again. The fire she had ignited in Nanqiao Village had spread, now mercilessly consuming her home. Qingyu felt she had to do something.
On second thought, she realized she shouldn’t do anything at all.
An obedient daughter would help her devastated parents regain their strength, preventing them from losing their way or falling apart.
Now that she was home, she should accept all the scolding and punishment. From now on, she would obey her parents in everything, allowing them to rebuild their confidence in her.
That afternoon, after her parents’ fierce argument, Qingyu accompanied Qiao Lusheng back to Nanqiao Village. To prevent Li Fanghao from feeling “betrayed” by the entire family, Qingyu persuaded Jinyu to stay in Chaoyang New Village and comfort their mother. She spent two hours in Nanqiao Village, enduring Qiao Lilong’s lecture and, following his instructions, kowtowing three times to her grandparents and aunt and uncle as an apology, all under the watchful eyes of the neighbors. Qiao Jinrui never appeared. Qingyu knelt for a long time in front of his door, exhausting every word of regret and apology she could think of under the judgmental gaze of her elders.
Aunt Liu Yanfen tried to lunge at Qingyu several times, seemingly intent on tearing her apart but was held back by neighbors. When Qingyu was finally allowed to stand, Liu Yanfen spat at her. The spit missed its mark, landing on Jinrui’s door instead, causing Liu Yanfen to lose all self-control.
“You little slut! Even worse than your sister! Shameless! Ungrateful bitch! You’ve ruined this family and you don’t even shed a tear. You’re poison! You dog-born brat!” she screamed at Qingyu. “Your mother didn’t dare come? Both daughters conspiring to ruin my son! You worthless trash!”
Qingyu followed Qiao Lusheng, her face expressionless, moving like a zombie. This afternoon would surely be the most humiliating moment of her life, but perhaps due to the extreme humiliation, her soul had already fled. Before they even reached the first floor, she thought she might lose this memory in the future. Yes, she hadn’t cried, because there was no heart left in this heavy, obedient body.
In contrast, Qiao Lusheng’s eyes were red.
Before they left the courtyard, Qiao Lilong solemnly told Qiao Lusheng in front of everyone that they needn’t return for future New Year celebrations.
“Your grandparents don’t want me as their son anymore,” Qiao Lusheng sighed to Qingyu on their last rural bus ride, wiping his eyes. “You’ve uprooted our family.”
Qingyu did feel uprooted, but beyond the pain, she felt lighter than when she had fled alone on the bus before. She wanted to console Qiao Lusheng, to tell him that Nanqiao Village wasn’t worth missing – evident from Qiao Baiyu’s choice to be buried by Clear Lake rather than in the family plot. But she said nothing. The years of worry etched on Qiao Lusheng’s brow made her realize that leading her family out of this painful situation she had caused would require patience, strength, and selfless sacrifice.
Outside the bus window, dusk fell rapidly. The sky turned grey, then gradually darkened to a deep blue, nearly black. As the bus swayed, Qingyu felt as if they were diving into the deep sea rather than traveling on a mountain road. The suffocating feeling was unbearable, but seeing Qiao Lusheng sink even deeper beside her filled her limbs with an upward force. She thought, “I can’t trample on my parents’ feelings to gain my so-called freedom. I’ve dragged them into these murky waters; before I can breathe freely, I must ensure they can breathe first.”
Beyond this, nothing else mattered.