The morning sunlight was gentle. Through the half-open screen window came the bustling noise of traffic from the street outside, mixed with street vendors’ calls selling breakfast, carried by the morning breeze across his face.
“Wonton for sale—”
Xie Huai lay on the bed like a dead pig, the noise giving him a headache. He rolled over, using the blanket to cover his ears, his entire face showing irritation.
Xie Huai planned to continue sleeping, but suddenly several scenes from his drunken state flashed through his increasingly clear consciousness. He sat up abruptly.
He wore nothing but pajama pants. Though hungover and dizzy, memories of last night automatically replayed in his mind without much effort.
The only remaining memory fragments were of him holding Xia Xia down and kissing her, passionately and uninhibited.
He couldn’t remember how Xia Xia reacted, nor could he recall if it was mutual or if he had forced himself on her. He only remembered being especially bold while drunk, as if releasing all his pent-up emotions from these days, doing everything he had imagined a thousand times but never dared to do.
Xia Xia was gentle and compliant, quietly accepting his kisses. Later, when his mind wasn’t clear, he seemed to have tried to lift the girl’s clothes hem. He couldn’t remember if he had done anything else—thinking about it made his head hurt—and after that…
Xie Huai grabbed his hair in despair: “Fuck—”
After that, the girl pushed him away, her expression calm: “Stop touching, you’re so drunk, what can you even do?”
“Are you capable?” She looked completely distrustful.
Men really can’t perform when they’re drunk. Xia Xia’s words weren’t baseless—she must have felt something to say that.
Xie Huai wanted to die. Any other time would have been fine, but now he had thoroughly embarrassed himself in front of the girl he liked. He really couldn’t face anyone. However, Xie Huai’s psychological resilience was still strong. After a few minutes of self-reproach, he put on his clothes and went to knock on Xia Xia’s door next door.
“Xia Xia, come out, let’s talk.” He feigned calmness.
“It’s seven-thirty now, I know you’re up. Last night wasn’t intentional, Brother Huai was drunk, don’t be angry.”
“If you’re angry at me, I’ll stand here, and you can come out and beat me up. If beating me up isn’t enough… you can do whatever you want, just don’t stay silent.”
“Xia Xia?”
There was no response from inside, and no one opened the door.
Xie Huai was puzzled. He turned the doorknob—the door wasn’t locked and opened directly. Inside, everything that had belonged to Xia Xia was gone, leaving only a bare bed and wardrobe.
Xie Huai’s first thought was that Xia Xia had moved out and returned to school. He called her, and during those dozen seconds, while the call wasn’t connecting, he kept thinking about what to say and how to say it to best explain away last night’s awkwardness.
The call didn’t go through, so he rolled onto the living room sofa and continued trying.
The sofa sank under his weight. Everything he saw now triggered associations—seeing the lush vegetation downstairs reminded him of the girl’s green nightgown from last night, seeing the sun reminded him of the girl’s bright smile, seeing white flowers reminded him of the girl’s delicate skin, seeing the sofa…
The sofa was soft, reminding him of the sensations from that half-drunk, half-awake state the night before.
Xia Xia looked slender but wasn’t as frail as Xie Huai had imagined. Everything from last night felt like an illusion, reminding him of dreams from his childhood where he had wings and flew into the boundless sky, firmly grasping clouds like cotton in his hands.
—So soft and smooth.
Xie Huai became even more distraught, rolling from the sofa onto the floor.
“Ahhhh—” He clutched his head, “What exactly did I do last night?! Am I even human anymore—”
Xia Xia had moved out without a word; she must have been frightened by him last night.
After cursing himself viciously, Xie Huai still wasn’t satisfied and sat on the floor to slap himself several times.
He ran back to his room, kicked the blanket to the floor, and like a dog neurotically sniffed from the head to the foot of the bed. He also checked his pants and the bathroom trash can several times, only feeling relieved after confirming there were no strange smells or items.
But soon he became neurotic again, crouching at the bathroom door, face red as he muttered to himself: “Will Xia Xia think I’m a pervert?”
Xia Xia wasn’t answering his calls. When Xie Huai got hungry, he went to get instant noodles from the living room corner.
He’s not human, he thought as he walked. After what he did to the girl last night, how could he still think about eating?
The instant noodle box was sealed with yellow tape, with a sticky note attached. Xie Huai picked it up, seeing Xia Xia’s elegant handwriting.
[Stupid Brother Huai, wanting instant noodles again?]
He turned over the note, finding more writing on the back.
[Keep dreaming.]
Xie Huai: “…”
There was an arrow at the bottom of the note with a small line of text: [Check the fridge.]
Xie Huai opened the refrigerator to find it packed with food.
Several bundles of noodles, a jar of braised meat sauce Xia Xia had prepared in advance, several plastic containers with neatly arranged pre-cut ingredients wrapped in plastic wrap, each container lid bearing a small note with basic cooking instructions and measurements.
In front of all these items was a folded white paper. Xie Huai opened it to find more of Xia Xia’s writing.
[Dear Brother Huai, remember to lock the door at night when living alone, drink less at social gatherings, and if you get drunk and lose consciousness and someone takes advantage of you, I’ll be angry. Although I haven’t gotten you yet, it’s only a matter of time, so don’t think about being irresponsible—you’ve already touched and kissed me, only scumbags don’t take responsibility.]
[Try not to eat instant noodles usually, it’s easy to damage your kidneys. When hungry, either mix noodles with the braised meat sauce or cook the dishes—I’ve prepared everything for you.]
Xie Huai ran his fingers over the cool plastic containers, unable to suppress a gentle smile.
At the bottom of the note, Xia Xia had written in tiny letters:
[Stop pretending, I know you like me. You called my name all night while drunk.]
Her writing got smaller and smaller: [Keep pretending if you want, I’ll deal with you when I get back.]
“Who likes you? You’re full of yourself.” Xie Huai, like someone who had done something wrong, crumpled the paper into a ball and stuffed it in his pocket.
After a while, he took out the paper ball, carefully folded it and put it away properly.
“Getting cocky now, thinking you can deal with me?” He read the note’s words carefully again, frowning as he muttered to himself, “Where did she go?”
He called Xia Xia again, but still no answer, so he called the landlord.
“That young lady left,” the landlord said loudly. “Said she was going to Hai City.”
Xie Huai hung up and took a long time to process this. He had been busy running around with Xu Dalong lately and knew nothing about when Xia Xia was leaving.
The scorching sun at the end of August made him dizzy as he sat in the sunlight by the floor-to-ceiling window. He remained silent for a long time.
His phone rang—it was Xia Xia calling.
Xie Huai answered.
“I was going through a tunnel just now, no signal,” Xia Xia asked, “Did you need something?”
All the thoughts Xie Huai had bottled up all morning about apologizing and talking vanished. His throat was dry, as if he hadn’t drunk water for days, leaving him speechless.
“Nothing,” he said. “Be careful on your journey.”
“Nothing else to say?” Xia Xia’s voice was delicate. “About last night.”
Xie Huai fell silent again, and when he spoke, his voice carried a barely noticeable hoarseness: “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about, I wish you’d take more advantage of me.” Xia Xia said carelessly, “Nothing else to say?”
Xie Huai thought seriously: “I’ve noted down that you called me stupid and said you’d deal with me. When you get back, you’re the one who’ll be dealt with.”
“Also,” his voice was calm but couldn’t hide a trace of gritted teeth, “About whether I’m capable or not, come back and find out if you dare.”