Shang Zhitao finally learned how the review results were communicated.

She received an email that read: “Thank you very much for your dedication to your work. We regret to inform you that you were unsuccessful in this promotion. With your abilities, we believe you will succeed next time. Don’t be discouraged!”

Such ordinary phrases.

Shang Zhitao didn’t seem surprised; she was as calm as still water. But she still clicked on the email link. Inside the link were comments and anonymous scores from each reviewer. More than twenty dimensions, with comparisons of each candidate’s scores displayed.

Her scores were good across the board, except for two reviewers who gave her extremely low scores in creative ability and performance contribution.

Grace sent her a message: “Taotao, should I congratulate you! I gave you very high scores! Tracy gave you high scores too! I just asked her!” Grace sent a screenshot of her scores, which matched one of them almost exactly.

Shang Zhitao now knew who one of the low-scoring reviewers was, despite the anonymity of the scoring. Because he had said countless times:

“Creative ability is mostly innate; effort afterwards may not necessarily achieve it.”

“Your strength is in project management, even team management. Being creative requires inspiration; don’t force yourself.”

“Is it so hard to admit you’re worse than others?”

Shang Zhitao thought, I spent six years of my life and couldn’t earn your respect and equal treatment. She hadn’t had this kind of courage before, because back then she loved him so much, loved him enough to bow her head time after time, loved him until she felt humble and ridiculous.

Lumi happened to be working overtime that day, and seeing that Shang Zhitao hadn’t left, asked her: “Are the results out?”

“Yes.”

“Did you succeed?”

Shang Zhitao shook her head and closed her computer: “Want to have a drink?”

“Sure.”

The two of them went to the small bar they used to frequent. Shang Zhitao drank three taels of white liquor and refused to drink more. No matter how Lumi tried to persuade her, she shook her head.

“Have some more?”

“No, I have something important to do.”

When they left the bar, small snowflakes were falling from the sky.

“Fuck. The snow has gotten more and more pathetic these past few years. At least you’re a northern city, can’t you give your mother a bigger snowfall?”

Shang Zhitao giggled: “Why not come to Ice City in the future? I’ll show you the most beautiful snow in the world. The snow in Ice City falls heavily, like goose feathers, turning everything white in an instant.”

“Why the fuck wait for the future? I’m buying tickets now and going tomorrow.”

“Not taking leave?”

“What the fuck leave! Your mother has plenty of money! I’ll do whatever I want! Do I need to ask for leave?”

“Did you fight?”

“No fight. He’s not worth it. Is a divorced old man worth fighting over?”

“He’s not that old. Seems like he’s a year younger than Luke.”

While waiting for the car together, they chatted about what age a man is considered old, without reaching any conclusion. Shang Zhitao got into the car and gave Luan Nian’s address.

The city was so bustling, with glimmering lights outside the car window and hurried pedestrians on the streets, yet she felt she had nowhere to belong. Passing an intersection, seeing children laughing and playing on the roadside after evening self-study, Shang Zhitao’s emotions suddenly collapsed.

She cried hard.

The driver kept looking back at her and finally couldn’t help asking: “Are you alright, miss? What major thing happened? If you can’t handle it, tell Uncle about it. Uncle has experienced all sorts of things.”

Shang Zhitao couldn’t say anything. It was just a failure in competition; it wasn’t like she hadn’t lost before. Such a small matter, yet she couldn’t get past it. She didn’t want to let it go either. As Shang Zhitao cried, she thought that it was because of her countless past concessions that she had become like this today.

She entered Luan Nian’s home. Luke jumped up to greet her. Luan Nian had just taken off his coat and was about to take a sip of water. When he turned around, he saw Shang Zhitao in tears.

She had never cried in front of him, never. No matter how sad she was, she always clenched her teeth and wouldn’t let herself cry. When she cried, she looked disheveled, her eyes swollen, the tip of her nose red. She must have been crying for a long time.

Luan Nian stepped forward. He wanted to hug her, wanted to tell her: It’s alright, it’s just an ordinary competition, you’re so outstanding, you’ll definitely succeed next time. But he heard her say chokingly: “Why did you give me such low scores?”

“The scoring is anonymous. How do you know I gave you low scores?” How ridiculous, Shang Zhitao didn’t even have basic trust in him.

“If not you, who else?”

“Are you sure you’re excellent enough to make everyone give you high scores in every dimension? Are you sure those damn relationships you maintain are reliable?”

Shang Zhitao didn’t want to hear Luan Nian’s preaching. She shook her head: “I just want to ask if it was you?”

“If I say it wasn’t, would you believe me?”

“No.”

“Then isn’t that the end of it?”

“You always have this prejudice against me! Thinking I’m not capable! Thinking I have no talent! You never understand how to respect me! Never know how to see me as an equal! Why have I been with someone like you for six years?”

“What kind of person am I?” Luan Nian retreated to his original position and coldly asked her.

“Arrogant! Conceited! Selfish person!”

Luke was a bit nervous. He sat in front of Shang Zhitao, looking at her and then at Luan Nian, finally lying down dejectedly on the floor.

“Shang Zhitao, I suggest you calm down.”

“I can’t calm down. Why should I calm down? I’ve worked hard in this city for six years, and in the end, I have nothing! You’re not me, how can you tell me to calm down! Why should I calm down?”

“You’re making me think you can’t handle losing.”

Can’t handle losing. Shang Zhitao was hurt by Luan Nian’s unchanged attitude. She didn’t understand why he always had to be so high and mighty, never willing to speak to her as an equal, why he always had to blame her and couldn’t see that she needed his comfort.

Six years. Why had she spent six years waiting for such a person to awaken? He would never awaken. Because he never put her in an equal position.

Shang Zhitao had never cried in front of Luan Nian before, but today her tears wouldn’t stop. Her hands covered her face, but tears still flowed through her fingers. She thought, I’m too sad, Luan Nian. I thought I could do it, but in the end, I have nothing. This city is so, so big, and I have nothing. I lost my best friend, I lost a competition I should have won, I can’t have my own small home before I’m thirty, and I have to continue drifting.

Luan Nian just stood there watching her cry.

Later, he regretted it countless times. That day, he should have hugged her, but he didn’t. Shang Zhitao’s words hurt him because in her eyes, he was arrogant and selfish, and she wasn’t wrong.

After a very long time, Shang Zhitao finally wiped away her tears. She said to Luan Nian: “I want to end our relationship.”

“End what? What relationship?”

“I want to end the dirty, ugly, disgusting relationship between us.”

Shang Zhitao spoke word by word, enunciating clearly.

Dirty, ugly, disgusting.

Luan Nian’s heart was pierced by something, extremely painful. He hadn’t known it was like this before. During those days when they hardly spoke, he had more than once thought that perhaps something was missing between them, but it wouldn’t reach the point of separation. Once some time had passed, when she wasn’t so sad anymore, everything would get better.

“You think your romantic relationship is dirty, ugly, disgusting?” Luan Nian put his hands in his pockets, stepped back, and looked at her coldly.

“No, we’re not in a romantic relationship. I’ve never considered you my boyfriend.” Shang Zhitao thought, even during the time they were dating, she had never felt like she was in love with him. She wasn’t needed by him, wasn’t trusted by him, wasn’t understood by him; he always wanted to be above her.

“So you were with me just to pursue career success, is that it? But today you failed in the competition and feel I have no value to you anymore, is that it? Shang Zhitao, let me tell you, your failure in the competition is your fault. No one should pay for your failure.”

“The reason I failed in the competition is because I slept with you for six years, and in the end, you couldn’t even give a fair judgment!”

“As you said, we just slept together for six years. It could be you, it could be someone else. The score I gave you today is my fair judgment of you.”

Shang Zhitao knew she would never turn back. What she needed seemed to be just such an opportunity, an opportunity to leave him completely and never look back. In the past, whenever she thought of leaving him, her heart would ache terribly. There was a transparent line there, normally invisible, but whenever she was about to take the step to leave him, that line would hold her back.

Today, that line was completely broken.

“Alright, then let’s end it here.” Shang Zhitao said to Luan Nian.

“As you wish.” Luan Nian put on that arrogant coat, unwilling to bow his head.

Shang Zhitao looked at Luke. He seemed very unhappy, lying there. He probably didn’t know he was about to leave this wealthy residence. She turned to find the leash and said to Luke: “Stand up.”

Luke looked at Luan Nian in confusion, then at her, not moving as she put the leash over his shoulders. Shang Zhitao secured it and turned to leave, when she heard Luan Nian say: “Let me reiterate, I don’t eat leftovers. You’re an adult. If you say it’s over, never start again.”

“I will never look back.”

Shang Zhitao pulled Luke toward the door. Luke seemed to suddenly realize something and sat back, unwilling to follow her, whimpering once.

No matter how hard Shang Zhitao pulled, he wouldn’t move.

Her tears suddenly came again. She crouched down and said to Luke: “You can only choose one. Either come with me or stay. If you stay, you’ll never see me again.”

Luan Nian turned his back. He hadn’t even realized how tightly his fist was clenched, as if something sharp was piercing his heart, not heavily, but stab after stab, causing a bit of pain.

“Are you coming, Luke? You want to stay, is that it? Then stay.”

Shang Zhitao released the leash and turned to leave Luan Nian’s home. Outside, the snow was falling a bit harder. She heard the sound of the door, and Luke ran out, ran in front of her, bringing his leash to her in his mouth.

Shang Zhitao crouched down and hugged him. Snow fell on him, making his fur wet. She hugged him tightly: “Luke, will you start a new life with me?”

Luke whimpered once, looking back toward Luan Nian’s house.

Shang Zhitao didn’t look back. She wiped the tears from her face again and led Luke away.

Luan Nian’s complex was quite large. It was snowing, and they walked slowly. During this time, Shang Zhitao seemed to hear footsteps behind her. She looked back, but there was nothing there.

At the entrance was the security guard who knew her well. Seeing her, he greeted her: “Miss Shang, walking the dog?”

Shang Zhitao nodded: “Yes.”

She took Luke away from that complex. The house behind her grew farther and farther away.

Finally becoming a lonely dot in the snow.

So distant she could barely see it.