The men Ning Yi had originally asked Wenren Buer to station nearby, out of concern that the Su family might come after the two of them again, had by now likely been withdrawn. Having packed what needed to be brought along, Yun Zhu and Jin’er climbed into the carriage, with Kou’er driving, and set off slowly toward the outskirts of Jiangning. The carriage passed through the mist, the willows along the banks of the Qinhuai River occasionally coming into view, the boats moored along the water and the occasional passerby soon left behind. Jin’er lifted the curtain to look out. Yesterday, her heart had been in turmoil over the thought of Yun Zhu marrying; when Yun Zhu had proposed leaving instead, she’d been overjoyed beyond words. But now, this morning, with the idea of actually leaving Jiangning finally settling into something real in her heart, watching all these familiar sights fall away behind them, she suddenly felt a strange hollowness settle over her—as though she were saying a final goodbye to something—and a bittersweet ache rose up unbidden.
In truth, on so many mornings like this one, there had been another thing they’d grown just as familiar with: sitting together on the steps in front of that little pavilion, watching that man’s figure appear in the distance through the thick fog, gradually drawing closer as he ran toward them…
“Sister Yun Zhu, why… why exactly is this happening? Has Ning Yi treated you badly?”
Only now could she bring herself to ask this softly. Yun Zhu, who had been sitting there lost in thought, looked up, and Jin’er noticed her eyes glistening, already brimming with tears.
She sniffed.
“I… when I first met Liheng, it was already a bit late—by then he already had a wife, and he was living as her family’s adopted son-in-law. You know all this too, Jin’er.”
Jin’er nodded. “I know.”
Yun Zhu continued, “I already knew all of this when I first got to know him. Later, when I fell for him, I was fully aware of it too. Since I’d already fallen for him, none of it really bothered me. Back then I thought—his family treats him badly, no one else recognizes his talent, I… even if I gave him my body and asked for nothing in return, as long as he kept a place for me in his heart, that would be enough…”
“But Sister Yun Zhu, you still wanted a proper place in his life, deep down…” Jin’er said quietly.
A trace of sorrow crossed Yun Zhu’s face, her eyes looking as though they might spill over with tears, yet she smiled all the same. “Of course I want a proper place. I’m not the kind of woman who doesn’t care about anything at all. I hope… when I’m old, I’ll have someone by my side, a place to call home. I’ve thought about these things for years now…”
As she spoke, her voice grew thick with emotion; after a moment, she made an effort to steady herself. “I used to think I was the only woman in the world who felt this way about him. But not long ago, I went to the Su estate and saw Miss Su crying, and I suddenly realized his wife loves him just as much as I do. She’s given him a child; the way she feels about him is no different from how I feel. Liheng isn’t a cold-hearted man by nature—whoever treats him well, he treats well in return. I’ve told you this before, Jin’er—in his heart, Liheng feels conflicted about all this…”
She paused. “A man like him—if he wanted to be ruthless about it, who could stop him? But it’s precisely because he struggles with these things in his heart that I love him all the more for it. Honestly, I understand what’s going through his mind. Before, he didn’t want me to come into the Su household because he was afraid I’d be bullied by them. After everything that’s happened, he feels he has no choice but to marry me now—but he’ll still worry about how I’ll get along with Miss Su. Jin’er, when has a wife and a concubine ever really gotten along well? And in his heart, he’ll always feel he’s wronged Miss Su too. Honestly, marrying him… I want that too… but once I understood all this, these past few days I made up my mind. I’ll give him my body, and then… I’ll simply have to leave…”
Yuan Jin’er sat frozen for a long moment. “How—how can you do that? Isn’t that terribly selfish? You’ll be miserable, and he won’t feel any better about it either!”
Yun Zhu smiled faintly. “Who isn’t selfish, in the end? But this way, whatever weighs on Liheng’s heart goes away. He won’t have wronged Miss Su. And someday I’ll come back—maybe I’ll already be carrying his child by then, and when I return, my body will still be his. I just… don’t want him to feel conflicted. I don’t want him to feel like… he’s wronged me either…”
“How—how can it be like this…” Jin’er murmured. Only now did she truly understand—Yun Zhu, in her heart, longed for something perfect, and when she realized that Ning Yi would inevitably feel he owed someone something no matter what he did, she chose to remove herself from the equation entirely. Better to make herself suffer than to leave the man she loved carrying guilt. Reasonable as it sounded when put that way, something about it still struck Jin’er as not quite right—but after a moment, she let the thought go. Yun Zhu had already made up her mind, after all, and Jin’er decided she’d rather lighten the mood for their journey instead.
“Well then, let’s hope Sister Yun Zhu is already carrying that Ning Yi’s baby—that way we can raise him together, and later we’ll tell him I’m his father and you’re his mother, hehe…”
Chattering playfully like this, they passed through Jiangning’s city gates, the thick fog rolling in waves around them, the city walls gradually vanishing into the mist behind them, the road unspooling in stretches ahead. Suddenly Kou’er, driving up front, let out a soft gasp. “Miss… miss… that, that…” Jin’er, still in the middle of a joke, lifted the carriage curtain to look outside and cried out, “Ah!” Yun Zhu leaned out too, and then froze.
There, by the roadside in the thick fog, a figure sat on a fallen log, chin propped in one hand, as if he’d been waiting there for quite some time, looking rather bored. Seeing the carriage approach, he rose to his feet and, frowning, began walking toward them. Who else could it be but Ning Liheng?
“…Quick, quick, quick… hurry, drive through!”
Jin’er snapped to her senses at once, urging Kou’er to whip the horses faster. Kou’er gave a startled “Oh!” and cracked the reins, trying to get the horses moving—but the horses pulling their carriage were hardly spirited steeds, and by the time they’d built any speed, Ning Yi had already closed the distance, reaching out to grab the reins. “What exactly is going on here…”
The carriage hadn’t fully stopped, only slowed, when Ning Yi walked around to the side of the cabin, said simply, “Come,” and held out his hand. Yun Zhu, caught off guard, felt tears suddenly welling up as though a dam had broken, and reached out a hand almost without thinking. Ning Yi took hold of it and pulled her forward sharply. With a soft cry, before Jin’er could even react, Yun Zhu had already been lifted out of the carriage by Ning Yi. The carriage rolled past the two of them, and as Jin’er leaned out to look back, she heard two sharp “smack, smack” sounds from that direction—sounds that seemed distinctly like someone being spanked. Ning Yi carried Yun Zhu straight off into the distance, her arms wrapped around his neck, her head bowed, too flustered with embarrassment to move.
“You did that just yesterday, and now you’re leaving today—if word of this got out, it wouldn’t do my reputation any good at all, and it would cause me a great deal of trouble…”
That, at least, was roughly what Ning Yi seemed to be saying. Jin’er’s mind had finally caught up with events, and she shouted furiously, “Ning Liheng, put Sister Yun Zhu down! She’s mine!” before ordering Kou’er to turn the carriage around. Kou’er, not the most skilled driver to begin with, fumbled the reins in a panic; Jin’er snatched the whip from her and, seething with frustration, wheeled the carriage around herself. The two horses stumbled about on the road for a good while before finally facing the right direction, and they raced off after the pair. By the time Jin’er caught sight of them again, Ning Yi was sitting with Yun Zhu in a pavilion further along the misty road, deep in conversation; Yun Zhu appeared to be trying to pull away, but Ning Yi held her fast, keeping her from moving.
In this day and age, even married couples wouldn’t dream of embracing openly in broad daylight. Even with the fog thick and few travelers on the road, there was still a risk of being seen. Ning Yi really had no shame whatsoever. Jin’er climbed down from the carriage and watched from a distance, muttering a few curses under her breath, but in the end she didn’t go over to interrupt their conversation. Yun Zhu’s resolve to leave probably hadn’t been all that firm to begin with, and now that she’d run into Ning Liheng in person, there was even less chance of it holding—she didn’t even dare protest as she was spanked, not that anyone could say by now just how many times she’d already been struck…
Jin’er, still fuming, could nonetheless more or less guess at what the two of them were discussing—no doubt Ning Yi was asking why she wanted to leave, and she was repeating everything she’d said earlier, perhaps even breaking down in tears again as she spoke. Just as she was thinking this, Yun Zhu did indeed appear to be crying—though in truth, what Jin’er knew of Yun Zhu’s reasons for wanting to leave was only part of the picture; she’d found herself puzzled by it earlier too, but hadn’t pressed the matter further. Part of Yun Zhu’s reason for wanting to leave, it turned out, had to do with Jin’er herself.
“…Besides you, there’s Jin’er too. If I got married, what would happen to Jin’er? Liheng, you might see her as carefree and easygoing most of the time, but the truth is, apart from me and the Bamboo Ledger, she has nowhere else in the world to go. She’s not the kind of person who can be content living entirely on her own. She only left the Golden Wind Pavilion because of me in the first place. Liheng, back when I still couldn’t be with you, Jin’er was always by my side, as if it were simply a given—but that day, it struck me: now that I have you, Jin’er matters to me more than ever. I… I can’t just abandon her…”
What she had thought was about to slip away had suddenly reappeared before her eyes, and speaking of it now, Yun Zhu’s tears began to fall. Gentle on the surface but firm underneath by nature, the two people who mattered most in her life were, perhaps, Ning Yi and Jin’er. If it had only been about Ning Yi, she might simply have married him outright—but factoring in her concern for Jin’er was what had truly pushed her toward the decision to leave. Ning Yi held her close. “Then let her come with you to the Su household. What’s the harm in me supporting her too…”
“But she wouldn’t be happy there either…”
Ning Yi frowned. “I’m not letting you leave, one way or another. We can work things out slowly. Worst case, I’ll find some man to marry her off to…”
“I—I’m not leaving anymore…” Yun Zhu said through her tears, forcing a smile. “I never really wanted to leave in the first place—how could I possibly get away now…” She went on, “Liheng, keep me on the outside…”
Ning Yi’s brow furrowed. Yun Zhu held him tightly, letting her tears fall against his neck, her voice breaking. “Liheng, keep me as a woman on the outside… I’ll stay with Jin’er and run the Bamboo Ledger. Maybe someday, once Jin’er’s married and I’ve gotten to know Miss Su and the others better, you can bring me in properly then, all right… you… you can just keep me on the outside for now…”
“You can just keep me on the outside for now…”
Ning Yi lifted his head, understanding full well the weight carried in those words… and yet, in doing so, everything he’d already settled in his mind seemed, all at once, to shift into something else entirely…