Memories buried deep in her mind came howling, sharp and piercing, tearing open the wounds at the bottom of her heart and exposing the raw and bleeding pain beneath.
Ling Jingshu’s eyes flooded with heavy self-mockery and anguish. Her chest felt crushed beneath a great stone, so stifling it was nearly suffocating.
Bai Yu, always the most perceptive and attentive of souls, had already sensed Ling Jingshu’s distress. She asked with concern: “Young lady, what is wrong? Do you feel unwell somewhere?”
Ling Jingshu reached out a trembling hand. “Bai Yu — let me lean against you for a moment.”
She put her arms around Bai Yu and buried her face in Bai Yu’s warm chest, her shoulders giving a faint, trembling rise and fall.
Her mother had died when she was young. Her twin brother was blind and needed to be looked after. As the elder sibling, she had to protect him, to exert every effort to perform well and compete for their grandmother’s favor, to hold her ground amid the watchful and calculating eyes of her stepmother, her aunts by marriage, and her female cousins.
She had strained every sinew, been endlessly cautious, never daring to make a mistake. When sadness or suffering came upon her, she had no one to whom she could even speak. She could only cry quietly for a while with her face buried in Bai Yu’s arms.
Bai Yu instinctively tightened her embrace around the slight and fragile figure in her arms.
Listening to Ling Jingshu’s muffled and restrained weeping, Bai Yu’s own heart was wrung with anguish. She murmured softly in comfort: “Young lady, what has happened? Whatever it is, why not speak of it and let your servant hear? Your servant may be powerless to ease your worries — but at the very least, she can share some small part of the burden of your heart.”
The gentle words in her ear were as warm as she remembered.
Ling Jingshu’s weeping gradually stilled. She sat upright, wiped her tears with her sleeve, and said slowly: “It is nothing. I simply felt a heaviness in my heart. A good cry, and it passes.”
Bai Yu’s greatest virtue was that she never repeated things unnecessarily or spoke out of turn. Whatever Ling Jingshu chose not to speak of, Bai Yu would never press further. Following Ling Jingshu’s words, she said: “So long as nothing is wrong. Rest well, young lady. Your servant will go to the kitchen and prepare some porridge.”
The meals of the household’s masters were all prepared in the main kitchen and sent over. Each courtyard had its own small kitchen for convenience — to heat water, make small snacks, and the like. Cooking separately was permitted, though any additional provisions would need to be paid from one’s own means.
Ling Jingshu’s constitution was weak; rich and heavy foods were not suitable. A bowl of light, clear porridge was best.
Ling Jingshu, indeed feeling hungry, smiled and nodded.
Once Bai Yu had left, Ling Jingshu’s smile faded. She said quietly to herself: Ling Jingshu — tears serve no purpose beyond making those who care for you anxious and distressed.
From this moment on, she would not weep in helpless weakness again. She would face with strength whatever was about to come.
Ling Jingshu “recuperated” in Qiushui Pavilion, confined to her bed for three days.
The fifth branch was not a small household. Ling Wuye had four children in total. His eldest son, Ling Ting, was born of the concubine Xia Yiniang. Ling Jingshu and her twin brother were the legitimate children of his first wife, Yao Shi. Ling Fou was born of Li Shi and was only six years old this year.
Ling Wuye was a carefree man of culture who spent his days drinking and composing poetry in the company of friends, wandering outside with no care whatsoever for how she was faring. Li Shi, constrained by the appearance of propriety, had come once — but sat for only a brief moment, said a few perfunctory words, and left.
Ling Ting and Ling Fou were occupied with their studies each day and naturally had no time to come and see her.
Only Ling Xiao came to see her three times a day — morning, noon, and evening — more punctual than mealtimes.
The distance between those who were close and those who were not was plain at a glance.
Ling Jingshu felt neither disappointed nor distressed. Those who treated her with sincerity, she would repay with sincerity. As for those who cared nothing for her — why should she give any thought to their words and conduct?
The old madam had also sent Mo Kui twice.
Mo Kui spoke in a rather roundabout way, hinting obliquely that Ling Jingshu should recover quickly.
With honored guests in the residence, it was rather improper for Ling Jingshu to go on hiding away and refusing to appear. The old madam said nothing aloud, but in truth she was already somewhat displeased.
Ling Jingshu did not pretend to misunderstand Mo Kui’s hints. With a smile she replied: “Thank you for the reminder, Mo Kui elder sister. To tell the truth, this constitution of mine has truly been uncooperative these past few days — I have had to lie in bed resting, which has given grandmother cause to worry as well. Please return and convey my words to grandmother on my behalf. Tomorrow morning, I will go and pay my respects.”
As she spoke, she gave Bai Yu a meaningful glance.
Bai Yu immediately pressed a prepared sachet into Mo Kui’s hand and said warmly and quietly: “We must trouble Mo Kui young lady to put in a good word for our young lady in front of the old madam.”
Mo Kui made a show of declining a few times before accepting it.
After Mo Kui had left, Bai Yu let out a worried sigh. “Young lady, Mo Kui’s words just now were already quite plain. You have been staying away and refusing to appear, and the old madam is displeased.”
In this Ling household, the old madam was the sky above everyone’s head. To live well within the residence, one absolutely could not afford to displease her.
This truth, Ling Jingshu understood in her heart without needing Bai Yu to tell her. No matter how deep her resentment of the old madam’s cold and unfeeling nature, she could not let a trace of it show. She had to go on exactly as before, doing everything in her power to keep the old madam pleased.
Otherwise, she would be driven into truly dire straits.
“I know what to do,” Ling Jingshu said to Bai Yu with a smile, an air of quiet certainty rising to her brow. “You need not worry.”
Looking at Ling Jingshu’s composed and confident smile, Bai Yu’s own anxious heart gradually settled.
“Young lady,” Xuan Cao came in to report: “The eighth young lady has come to see you.”
Ling Jingxian walked in with quick and light footsteps, calling out “Shu cousin” with a smile.
Today, Ling Jingxian was dressed in a goose-yellow garment, with a light application of rouge and powder on her face, looking radiant and prettily charming. Her eyes shone with an unusual sparkle.
An expression of mocking amusement swept through Ling Jingshu’s eyes.
When a young girl’s heart first stirs with feeling, she wears her joy almost written on her face… Back in her own day, had she not cut just as foolish a figure?
Ling Jingxian and she had never gotten along. Today, Ling Jingxian had made a special trip to “check on” her — evidently with an ulterior motive.
Just as expected, Ling Jingxian chatted about nothing in particular for a while, then quickly steered the conversation to the topic of the Lu family cousin. “…Shu cousin, you have been keeping to your rooms these past few days and have not yet met Hong cousin, have you?”
Hong cousin… That address was positively warm with familiarity.
Ling Jingshu gave a slight twist of her lips, her eyes betraying nothing by way of amusement. She replied in a tone of careless indifference: “Something that obvious surely needs no asking — of course I have not met him. Why does Xian cousin bring this up so suddenly? Is there something wrong with this cousin of ours?”
Ling Jingxian bit her lip, a flush rising quietly to her face. “Nothing is wrong. It is just… just…”
She went on with “just” for quite some time without managing to say what came next.
Ling Jingshu watched with cold eyes as Ling Jingxian put on her performance.
In her past life, when the Lu family came to the Ling household, she had gone to meet them with everyone else. Then, she and Lu Hong had fallen instantly and mutually in love. In Lu Hong’s eyes, there was only her — no room for anyone else. Though Ling Jingxian had been drawn to Lu Hong, her feelings were unrequited. She could only look on helplessly as the two of them met beneath the flowers in the moonlight and pledged their hearts to each other.
Lu Hong asked the Ling family lady to act as go-between for his marriage proposal. As his stepmother, she had always maintained a cool and distant relationship with Lu Hong. Since Lu Hong was enamored of a girl from her maternal family, she was naturally delighted to facilitate matters and quickly brought the proposal to the old madam.
The old madam agreed with almost no hesitation.
The Lu family was a distinguished and prestigious clan in Dazhou; the Ling family, while also respectable, was clearly not in the same league. When the Ling family lady had married into the Lu household, she had been only a second wife. Now the legitimate eldest son of the Lu family’s main branch wished to take a Ling granddaughter as his wife — how could the Ling family refuse?
Moreover, Lu Hong was young and handsome, graceful in bearing, and broadly learned. Standing beside Ling Jingshu, they looked as if made for each other — a perfect match that would not in the least diminish Ling Jingshu’s worth. Furthermore, with Ling Jingshu wed into the Lu household, her mother-in-law would be her own birth aunt — surely she would never be mistreated.
The old madam also had certain private considerations she would not share with anyone. The Ling family lady had married far away and was merely a second wife; her relationship with her stepson was cold — a hidden vulnerability in her position. If a niece from her own family became her daughter-in-law, she would certainly side with the Ling family lady in future. Managing the household affairs would then be considerably smoother and easier for her.
The old madam settled the marriage, and Ling Wuye, quite satisfied with the Lu family’s standing and greatly admiring Lu Hong’s literary talent and elegant manner, was likewise pleased to see this match made.
Who could have imagined, in those days, that this “perfect pairing” praised by everyone would come to such an end?
Her thoughts had drifted — she had let her mind wander too far.
To speak of the present moment: this lifetime, she had been staying away and refusing to appear. Lu Hong had not yet seen her face, and naturally there was no tale of instant mutual love as there had been before. The first person to see Lu Hong was Ling Jingxian!
She thought she could now guess Ling Jingxian’s purpose in coming…
Ling Jingxian fidgeted for a moment, then finally gathered the courage to speak: “Shu cousin, I have something important I wish to say to you.”
Ling Jingshu cast Ling Jingxian a glance that saw through everything — a look of clear comprehension that made Ling Jingxian feel a sudden pang of self-consciousness, and she lowered her head instinctively.
“Bai Yu, all of you may withdraw for now. Without my instruction, no one is to come in.” Ling Jingshu gave the order in an even tone.
The maidservants quickly withdrew.
Only Ling Jingshu and Ling Jingxian remained in the room.
Ling Jingshu looked at Ling Jingxian and said, without the slightest hurry: “Xian cousin, whatever it is you wish to say — now that there is no one else, you may say it.”
Ling Jingxian’s face was scarlet, and she spoke quietly. “Shu cousin, in the fifth month I shall have my coming-of-age ceremony.”
Once a girl had her coming-of-age ceremony, it was time to speak of marriage.
A subtle glimmer passed through Ling Jingshu’s eyes. And then, quite suddenly, she said: “Xian cousin — have you fallen for that Hong cousin?”
Ling Jingxian: “…”
Struck so unexpectedly at the heart of her secret, Ling Jingxian — however calculating she might be — was still an unmarried girl waiting for her match. Her pretty face flushed crimson in an instant. But she did not deny it.
After a long silence, Ling Jingxian finally said in a low voice: “Shu cousin, I am not afraid of you hearing this and mocking me. These past two years, I have been out and about with mother making social calls, and I have met a number of young men of suitable age. But none of them ever moved my heart. Three days ago, from the very first moment I laid eyes on Hong cousin, I liked him.”
“He is as handsome as flawless jade — like a bright moon shining in the sky. When he smiled at me, my heart nearly leaped from my chest. These past few days, I have been as if bewitched, thinking of him every moment…”
Listening to Ling Jingxian lay bare her feelings so movingly, Ling Jingshu seemed to see that naive and foolish girl she had once been.
Ling Jingshu’s composure wavered slightly. She cut Ling Jingxian off with impatience. “If Xian cousin is fond of Hong cousin, you ought to quietly tell your mother and find a way to bring the match about. What is the point of telling me?”