◎ “Yunque, you are truly the most tormenting person.” ◎

When that message came through.

Yunque and Ye Tian had already gotten off the Ferris wheel with Zhu Yuxuan.

She stared at her phone screen with wide, still eyes, and the curve of her lips — for once — bent unmistakably and openly into a smile.

It was Zhu Yuxuan who shook her hand and pulled her back to herself, saying, “Jiejie, did something good happen?”

Before Yunque could reply, Ye Tian reached over and ruffled Yuxuan’s hair. “Your jiejie just got married recently, of course she’s happy.”

“Married?”

Zhu Yuxuan scrunched up his little face. “How come I didn’t know?”

Ye Tian said, “You’re a child. It’s completely normal that you didn’t know.”

Zhu Yuxuan looked unhappily at Yunque. “So you got married while I was sick? Jiejie, how could you get married so fast? Did you have a banquet?”

Seeing how anxious he looked.

Yunque couldn’t help but laugh. “Not yet — when we hold it, I’ll definitely invite you.”

Zhu Yuxuan bounced up happily two times. “Then I want to be the flower boy!!!”

Ye Tian immediately frowned and pressed down on him to make him settle. “What did I tell you about jumping around? Have you already forgotten what I said before we left the house?”

Though Zhu Yuxuan had been discharged from the hospital and recovering for a full month already, they still couldn’t afford to let their guard down.

If it weren’t for him crying and pleading with tears streaming down his face to be allowed out to play, Ye Tian would absolutely never have agreed to bring him to the newly opened amusement park.

Even coming here, Ye Tian had only let him wander around and try the gentler rides.

But those kinds of attractions were few and far between.

So Zhu Yuxuan had begged to ride the Ferris wheel one more time.

Ye Tian couldn’t resist his pleading, and then asked Yunque: “Did your brother-in-law just message you? You should call him back if so — I’ll watch over him while you do.”

To Ye Tian’s surprise, Yunque didn’t seem particularly concerned. She tucked her phone away with a small smile. “He didn’t message me. He’s perfectly fine at home by himself.”

Ye Tian: “…”

That wasn’t said out of politeness.

Because across the city, Lu Rangchen really was doing just fine.

After all, what was keeping him company right now was nearly half a diary — the diary a young Yunque had written out word by word with her own hand before she had even entered university.

To Lu Rangchen, it was the best wedding gift she could ever have given him.

Undeniably irresistible.

He genuinely wanted to know what sorts of strange and wonderful things that girl had been thinking about every single day back then.

And so for the entire noon, Lu Rangchen didn’t reply to a single work message from the club. He simply sat quietly at the balcony table and read that diary with his full attention.

Perhaps because they had become acquainted with each other, after the October 25th entry, the frequency of Yunque’s diary writing had visibly picked up.

The next few entries were all written in a good mood — her neat, elegant handwriting grew more patient, more at ease.

The word count was still modest.

But one could feel, in every single entry, how much she had cherished every small closeness, every exchange, every moment spent near Lu Rangchen.

Especially when she wrote about the small bear keychain.

Lu Rangchen was so charmed he couldn’t help but laugh out loud — and finally understood that everything on that day had been thanks to Xu Linda playing the role of an unwitting matchmaker.

Of course, it also surprised him to learn that after they had all parted ways that afternoon, Yunque had quietly watched him — for a long, long time.

That must be the nature of a young girl’s heart — always tender, always delicate, always tinged with something bittersweet.

Lu Rangchen was suddenly struck by regret.

Regret that on that day, he had not turned his head to look at that slender young girl even once. Even more regret that during the best years they could have shared, he had not been clearer — had not let Yunque know what he was thinking.

He had never been indifferent to her.

He had noticed her very early on.

She simply hadn’t known.

But before those emotions had time to fully settle, the next several diary entries tugged at Lu Rangchen’s heart all over again.

— November 10th, 2013. Light rain.

A somewhat low-spirited day.

I’m not sure why.

The sky always likes to play tricks on me — one moment it lifts me to the peak of joy, fills me with hope, and then, before long, it makes me anxious and sends me crashing to the bottom.

In any case, it happened suddenly — he’s gone back to the capital.

He didn’t tell anyone. He just left. Even his important prayer beads were still with me — he didn’t say a word.

Everyone got the same treatment, so I know I have no right to be dramatic about it. But I can’t help being a little dramatic.

There is one thing to be grateful for though.

He told me he was deliberately ignoring Lin Zhinian’s calls.

The way he said it — it sounded like she annoyed him.

Does that mean he doesn’t like her?

Alright, Yunque.

Stop thinking.

Study hard, keep his prayer beads safe, and wait for him to come back.

— November 26th, 2013. Overcast.

The weather hasn’t been great lately. Probably because winter is setting in.

Several days without writing. Not sure what to say.

My life really is dull and uninteresting — studying and nothing but. When he’s not here, there seems to be nothing worth writing down.

Though this diary was written for him to begin with — I don’t know how much longer I’ll keep at it.

But thinking about it, life isn’t completely without its charms.

At the very least, I’ve been secretly collecting a few photos of him lately — from my mother’s friend’s social media.

I have to say, he photographs just as well as he looks in person.

No wonder there are so many girls at school who are head over heels.

But I think I’m worse than them.

…I’m stopping this. I will never do this again. It’s creepy of me. I swear.

Oh right, I’ve also secretly watched him play video games with Xu Linda a few times.

That game — what’s it called, League of Legends — why is it so hard? I’ve tried to learn a few times and still can’t figure out the controls.

Fine. If I can’t play, I won’t play.

I don’t have time anyway.

That’s all for today.

Mostly I just hope he comes back soon — that exams come soon — that we switch classes soon, so I can legitimately be in the same class as him.

— December 29th, 2013. First snow.

He came back.

Without any warning.

He was wearing a white sweater — a rare sight. He looked taller. Thinner. And somehow warmer and cleaner than before.

So handsome. So, so handsome.

Handsome enough that even just thinking about it makes my heart race.

He definitely doesn’t know — that the moment I saw him, even my breath stopped without meaning to.

But I really was spineless.

Standing there in front of him and Lin Zhinian, I didn’t even have the courage to tell him tomorrow was my birthday.

Lin Zhinian said he was going to her house for dinner that evening — and for tutoring… So they had already grown that close.

Then I shouldn’t be the one playing the fool.

I truly, truly do not have the courage to bear the disappointment he might bring me.

Not even a little.

— December 30th, 2013. Heavy snow.

Caught a cold. Running a fever.

Unprecedented in its severity. My hand was still weak when I was writing.

But I still had to write this down.

Because — he came to spend my birthday with me.

He kept me company while I got my injection, put his own scarf on me, and bought me a birthday cake and snacks. The cake wasn’t very good, but I was still so happy. So, so happy.

He had other things to do, though.

The fact that he came at all — that he managed to stop by on his way — was already more than enough. I can’t be greedy.

Sure enough, he left quickly.

But it’s alright.

I’ll see him again tomorrow, won’t I?

…

Turning to that page, his eyes and fingertips seemed suddenly held in place, as if bound by some spell.

Lu Rangchen’s gaze went very still. He stared at those words — unblinking.

He had other things to do. I can’t be greedy.

So that day, it had never been that Yunque didn’t want to stay with him.

It was that she hadn’t wanted to keep him from his business.

But what business?

From beginning to end, he had gone there for no reason other than to be with her for her birthday.

And yet at that time — two young people, both not quite mature enough yet — neither had ever had the courage to be honest with the other.

A sudden surge of absurd, bittersweet desolation rose from somewhere inside him. Lu Rangchen felt the corners of his eyes grow warm, and let out a quiet, mournful laugh.

Laughing at how foolish they had both been.

Laughing at how mercilessly fate had toyed with them.

And yet the most deeply moving entry was still to come.

He turned past the December 30th entry, and there was December 31st — the day he had left Nancheng.

Yunque had written her diary that day too.

It had been a heavy snowfall — the white blanketing all of Nancheng like a coat of silver and ice.

Even now, he could still picture it clearly — that moment he had seen Yunque and Zhao Qijia enter the subway together that night.

He still remembered who he had been at that age — reckless and proud and arrogant, believing himself to be carefree, when in fact he had only been numbing himself by other means. Numbing the fact that he liked Yunque. And numbing the fact that she did not like him back.

Young Lu Rangchen had even wondered: what could possibly be good about someone named Zhao Qijia?

What did Yunque see in him?

But no matter how he turned it over, he couldn’t understand, couldn’t figure out where he had lost.

All he knew was that on that day, Yunque had been resolute and emotionless — and in the end, she hadn’t been willing to come out and see him off. Not even once.

Because of that, for a long stretch of time afterward, Lu Rangchen had forced himself not to think about Yunque — not to think about her at all.

In the end, though, he had lost that battle too.

He still liked Yunque.

Even if she didn’t like him, he would still find his heart moving for her, again and again.

Of course — it was fortunate that he had lost. Otherwise he would never have had a day like this, reading her diary, discovering the truth of her feelings.

He turned the thin page.

Lu Rangchen’s throat moved quietly. His deep, dark eyes swirled with some emotion that couldn’t quite be named — and at last he arrived at this entry.

It may have been his imagination.

But the paper seemed to carry traces of something that had dried there — as if tears had fallen onto it once, and then dried.

And looking more closely, it was not his imagination at all — because certain words in the diary had already blurred beyond clear recognition, their ink diffused and faded.

— December 31st, 2013. Snow.

This is the last diary entry I will write about him. Because he is leaving for good — going back to the capital.

This time, he will never come back. I think whatever story existed between him and me will end right here.

There really should never have been any hope to begin with.

He is the solitary moon hanging high over mountains and rivers. A soaring eagle, ready to take flight from the peaks of great mountains.

He and I have never belonged to the same world.

So there is nothing to regret.

Even though right now I feel so sad — sad as though I cannot breathe — that will pass eventually.

I just want very much to wish him well. Very, very much.

But I don’t have the courage to say those words to him out loud.

Because if I did, I would give myself away.

I would not be able to hide it — my feelings for him.

And I am even more afraid that before I could say a single word, my tears would betray me and make me look pathetic.

Xu Linda also asked me — why won’t I go see him off? She is the only one in front of whom I can show my real self.

I told her: because if I see him again — I will never be able to forget him.

And I don’t want to not be able to forget him.

But what about the future? Will I really be able to forget him?

I don’t know.

I only know this —

Liking him is something I have never once regretted.

The diary ended there, abruptly. Only blank pages followed.

His fingertip traced lightly over those slightly blurred, faded words, and in Lu Rangchen’s mind appeared the image of Yunque — stubborn and fragile all at once, on the verge of tears — as if that girl had truly stepped out from the page and stood before him.

So the one who had made her cry, all those years ago, had always been him. It had never been anyone else.

Lu Rangchen drew in a quiet breath, his eyes faintly burning — and smiled, a smile that was near to tears.

Smiling at his own foolishness. And smiling at this deep, overwhelming ache he felt right now.

Just then his phone rang.

Not from anyone at the club — but from Yunque. The Yunque who had grown into an adult over nine years and become his wife.

The awareness of that seemed to travel through a long tunnel of time. Lu Rangchen came back to himself and pressed the answer key.

His throat shifted. He said hello.

The response was her light, clear voice. She said: “We just came out of the amusement park. We’re going to have lunch now — Xuanxuan and Ye Tian both want to know if you’d like to come and eat together. Xuanxuan really wants to see you too.”

But even as she finished speaking.

Lu Rangchen remained silent for a long time.

Yunque furrowed her brow slightly and spoke into the phone: “Hello? Why aren’t you saying anything?”

As soon as the words left her, that low, husky voice gave a quiet laugh.

Lu Rangchen slowly said: “I’m here. Just — needed a moment.”

Yunque realized, incredulous, and glanced at the time. “Are you still reading the diary?”

Lu Rangchen gave a low sound of affirmation. “Just finished.”

As he spoke, he lowered his eyes and closed that diary with exceptional care — as though it were something to be treasured forever. A languid smile touched his lips, and his voice carried a sweetness tinged with ache. “Yunque, you really are the most tormenting person.”

“…”

That low, warm, husky voice burned against her ear. Every word Lu Rangchen spoke was saturated with a love he couldn’t put down.

His throat moved slowly. He spoke: “What am I going to do with you?”

“How do I make up for the love I owed you back then?”

Author’s note: Happy Winter Solstice, everyone!~~~~ To celebrate my update (not really), let me recommend a book of a similar genre! A story by Mu Yi! When Mu Laos puts out something, it’s solid and worth every word! Dive right in!!! —— 《The Only Wish》 School to adult life / Wealthy young master chasing his wife back / Possessive and devoted

[Summary 1]: Sang Li has a gentle, introverted personality. At seventeen, after her mother passes away, she is taken in by the wealthy Kuang family to study, and meets Kuang Ye for the first time.

The young man is untamed, cold, and aloof — at school, everyone notices him, yet no girl dares approach.

His mother asks him to look after Sang Li. The young man barely glances at the quiet girl and scoffs: “I can’t be bothered.”

He warns her to keep her distance. Sang Li knows better than to provoke him, and avoids him entirely — focusing on her studies.

But then, some time later, she is accosted at the school gate. And out of nowhere, this young man steps in front of her, his cold presence emanating danger as he looks at the aggressors: “If you don’t want to die here today, get lost.”

Rumors spread through school.

Many say Kuang Ye is good to Sang Li only because of his family’s request.

Only Sang Li knows how terrible he really is.

She has seen his many kinds of rebellion. And she has seen that night — the rooftop in the rain, deserted — when he leaned down and fixed his deep eyes on hers: “Sang Li, I like you. Without any doubt.”

On graduation day, he publicly introduced Sang Li to everyone: “My girlfriend.”

The whole school was shocked. She blushed and tried to retreat — he caught her wrist, his voice at her ear: “Now that I’ve caught you, do you think you can take it back?”

[Summary 2]: Everyone at Jiangwang Private School knew about their whirlwind romance back then. Yet not long after, Sang Li resolutely chose to go abroad, leaving Kuang Ye unable to keep her — to everyone’s shock.

Years later, the man makes his name in the business world. Sang Li returns home as the lead dancer of a prestigious dance troupe. Both of them brilliant, both of them strangers again.

When they meet again, his gaze is cold and distant — none of the tenderness from before. Many say Sang Li is ancient history to him.

Then, at a class reunion that night, Sang Li sits alone outside, drunk. Kuang Ye walks over. She looks up at him, eyes reddening, and murmurs: “Kuang Ye…”

Just that one soft sound — and onlookers watch the man’s jaw tighten with suppressed anger. Seconds later, he scoops her up and pulls her close: “Sang Li, I am the one who owes you a debt, in this lifetime.”

A bitter, cold winter night. A deluge of rain.

That night, in the apartment, in the dim light, she kisses him first. His dark eyes burn with heat, as though he wants to absorb her into his very bones. His voice falls low and hoarse against her ear, again and again:

“Tell me — do you love me?” “Tell me — you never forgot me. Tell me everything you once promised me was real.”

In the end, he surrenders.

Even if he were to do it all over again — even if he lost utterly — he still would not let her go.

—— [Rebellious second-generation rogue] × [Gentle, warm, good girl]

“Once, my world had not a drop of water in it. Not a blade of grass. Nothing grew. Until you appeared — the ice thawed, everything revived, and at last the world had colour.”

[Bonus scene]: Later, when their relationship goes public, the usually private Sang Li posts on social media: [My only wish — I can now hold it openly in the light. @Kuang Ye] The internet erupts. She puts her phone down — and is immediately pulled into a one-armed embrace. He kisses away her tears, his voice rough: “You have me now. Don’t you dare let me go ever again.”